Gyrator53....never read a truer word on these forums, communication is indeed the key.
hey PoP,
To answer your question what you can do...do you give your bf blowjobs? If so, try to lick him beneath his balls once in a while and look out for his reaction. Don't go straight for the spot (LOL that's what girls used to say to guys. Guess you gals aren't any better :D). If he likes it gradually descend lower (not necessarily on the same occaison. Take your time :) ). Then try to use your tongue and if you encounter no objection you can try a finger. Also, the part between his balls and his asshole is ver sensitive. Most guys like seeing girls licking other girls. Pretend to do so...maybe he gets into it. Maybe he starts to be more open on the subject after a while...
As for PoP's original question I think you need to get to the bottom (no pun intended) of the hang-up. There seem to be two big hang-ups about anal. The one being about it being a 'gay' activity. That sounds unlikely in this case as he is not comfortable with anal sex with you as the recipient. That pretty much leaves the second big hang-up - it's 'dirty'. I guess it comes as a surprise to many that even with quite modest preparation it does not need to be. I guess one approach would be to get him to read some of the info on the web about this which will re-enforce this message and to perhaps look at some of the porn sites where some the videos show pretty heavy anal activity without any 'mess'
There is no way to make him want any kind of anal on him, as for on you... i think the best thing to do is wait till he is really hot for you and slip one of ur own fingers in ur anus and show him how much u like it, or even get ur self a anal prob and do the same thing, in the end he is a sexual being and will get off on you getting off!!
If that doesnt work then you need to tell him its important that you get to do things that are a turn on for you.
The thing I always say is dont feel ashamed by your wants and needs after all what does it for one may not do it for all, but ur partner needs to understand that you have wants too...
As said above anal is not dirty or gay and that is what normally puts men off anal, just dont try to force him do have anal but do let him know you want it in some form.
thier are a lot of people who don,t like anul as they have never tried it , it could be they are scared that it would hurt and you would have to approach it in a way were he will be willing to try it, i would when you having oral sex and your giving him a blow job i would do it slowly and work your way slowly round by lickicg his balls first by then he would already be enjoying what you are doing to him,then i would work my way round to the anul area and lick thier and if enjoys you licking around the anul area then thier is a good chance he will come around to anul sex and be suprise himself he may enjoy it alot , it will take time ,but it will be worth it ,you would be suprised how many men said that wouldn,t even think about anul sex , but now enjoy it espically when having a blow job and having something inside the anul area at the same time.
i forgot to mention if he does come round to the idea and finds out he does enjoy , you will be able to have as much anul sex as you like ,as if he does come round to the idea of trying it and does like it, you will find he will be wanting to give you anul sex,lets hope you don,t go off it ,good luck.also i would like to say i agree with laynie that anul is not dirty or gay which tends to put men off,actally if you were to buy porno and watch that with your partner ,he will realise that thier is lots of anul sex in them ,were years ago you didn,t really see that,so hopefully he will come round ,once again good luck.
Agree with tracey on this, as a "late convert" I tended to think of anal as being a "gay" thing but have been converted to a different way of thinking over the past 9 months or so....plenty of lube and a slowly, slowly approach is I believe vital along with communication and total honesty.....its quite surprising how you just might learn to love something you've never even tried yet.....
thank,s lesleys for you comment,and i hope you carry on enjoying it and any other adventure,s that come your way,like i always say,don,t knock it and till you try it,and i defently agree with lesley ,communication and honesty ,helps.
First off, you can't make someone do what they don't want to do. But, you can try your best to convince him. My guy always said NO WAY, but slowly by slowly he got curious. Every analgasm I ever had made him envious and we started off SMALL and with a LOT of lube. Wine definitely helped him open up and I kept my eyes on his encouraging him but also to make him more comfortable and the experience more intimate.
I don't understand why anyone would want to coerce somebody into doing something they don't want to do. Why not just leave the guy alone? If he doesn't want to do it, either accept that or go and find somebody else who does.
Well, some would call it coercion but others might consider it seduction :-)
Others might consider it rape. It's a fine line ....
Not really - rape involves the failure to acknowledge the word "stop"
How does "He won't even accept a lubed up finger" differ from "Stop"? The guy has made his wishes abundantly clear. What's the point in coercing/forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do?
There is nothing in PoP's statement that says he has made his wishes "abundantly clear" it says nothing about the nature or frequency of his refusal(s). The vital point is that PoP is asking - "Any suggestions to try changing his mind" - clearly a search as to how to gain his consent. A rapist has no desire for consent but would have inflicted the act on him anyway in which case PoP's post would presumably have been an enquiry in the 'bondage' section of this forum :-). Which brings me nicely to an important point - PoP's profile does not specify the nature of this relationship. Perhaps it is a marriage or other long-term stable relationship, in which case your off hand "... or go find somebody else..." is somewhat irresponsible.
That sex must be consential is entirely correct which of course gives the casting vote to the one who says "no". However, this does not in any way negate the right of the other to persist in trying to pursuade the other that what they want is reasonable - if it did almost all relationships would be vastly the worse for it.
"He won't even accept" is abundantly to me!
"In all sexual activities the criterion of what is acceptable has to be that both partners enjoy it and that one partner is not manipulated into unwillingly having to gratify the other's sexual appetities." Dr Thomas Stuttaford
What I think is abundantly clear from the very fact that PoP has found it necessary to post the question here is that her partner has not made the nature of his objections at all clear. If he had she would either have accepted their validity or would be looking for ways of overcoming those specific objections if she felt they were invalid.
That he is restricting their sexual range and in so doing excluding things she wants to do and imposing those restrictions without adequate explanation can be far more a matter of manipulation than her wish to persuade him to explore outside those boundaries.
As you will see the responsible advice given in this thread is overwhelmingly about communication. With communication they will at least properly understand each other's feelings on the matter, and if they can, through this, establish more open communication between them their relationship has a vastly better chance of standing the test of time.
It seems to me that you are advising her to accept his position without that all important communication – a recipe for disaster, if not over this issue then one further down the line.
BTW Stutterford's opinions are, like everyone else's, a matter for debate. It would seem that only this week his opinion about the health benefits of alcohol have been further undermined by the consensus medical opinion. He is a conservative (with both a large and small 'C') and a Brasenose man – not one likely to espouse an enlightened sex-positive view.
"It seems to me that you are advising her to accept his position without that all important communication".
Hardly! Were you there when he COMMUNICATED to her that "He won't even accept a lubed up finger... on himself or me!!"? No, and nor was I. But I can read what PoP wrote!
Face it - if the guy was interested she would have no need to "try changing his mind".
Which clearly indicates they have talked about it (ie he's communicated that he's not interested), but she's not hearing what he is saying. And nor are you, G53!
Why do you find it so difficult to accept that a person may not be interested in something? And that despite making his objections clear, they should be disregarded?
Interesting. Do you always resort to shouting?
Without more input from PoP its hard to say but It seems to me that he has communicated the fact of his refusal and not the reason. I don't believe they really have talked it through fully or she would not be asking questions here. No one is suggesting that his objections should be disregarded - indeed quite the reverse - but for the good of the relationship they should be understood by PoP, which apparently they aren't.
How can the OP's want of her boyfriend to try anal be considered rape? It hasn't happened yet, and clearly to actually rape him she has to physically overtake him and pound his ass while he repeatedly says no. Right now she's trying to communicate with other singles & couples on how to open up to her partner that she's interested in butt pleasures. What she's doing write now, by trying to get some ideas, is incredibly healthy and no one here should discourage her from seeking alternatives to her current sex situation!