dont force him what ever you do, it is a sensative issue and you should respect his believes, you wouldt like it if he forced you ionto doing something that you didntwant to do, dont hassel him about it either coz it can put strain on the relationship
Hi Lolly6
I'd certainly agree that you should never force someone into anything sexual (or most things non-sexual for that matter). However, one of the really fantastic things about a truly loving relationship is that you have someone from whom you need no secrets. If you do it in the right way you can broach any subject. You can, without fear be open about your desires including the ones you would not want any other person to know about and they, in turn, can be completely honest in their response. My wife and I have been together for over 30 years and we know a great deal (never say all) about what the other likes and dislikes and the reasons behind them. We still make love a lot and with lots of hot anticipation. I think that comes from countless hours of talking things through (not hassle but considered discussion).
I think this openness is the cornerstone of a long-term relationship and so I think it is healthy to exercise the communication skills that these issues require. Whatever the outcome i.e. whether or not you add something new to your sexual repertoire is less important than the building of the understanding.
Of course, in such a relationship ones likes and dislikes become blurred. For me its hard to divorce my wife's pleasure from my own. If I find something that really turns her on I really want to do it, and in doing so will get very turned on myself. And I know that feeling is mutual.
Hi Gyator53
i was certainly focusing on a negative light when i wrote that message and prahaps didnt explain myself crearly.
The idea that i was getting at was not so say dont discuss it, because i was infact trying to say that lol, what i ment was be tactfull dont pester and pester, discuss and talk about it like you said and i have to say WOW 30 years i hope that when i get mariied me and my partne will be like you and yours
sorry for the badly wrote message lol
Hi Lolly
Yes, hitting a happy medium with these things is tricky. You need to have your desires thought through clearly and have done your homework but not make it look like you have made the decision for the pair of you without even talking to your partner. I must confess that, even though we are a very open couple it took me a while to pluck up the courage to suggest she use a strap-on on me as it was still quite an edgy thing a decade ago.
Some would say it's still an edgy thing now! Not us, of course...
Some things are best left as a surprise. Mrs TLS surprised me early in our time together with a little rimming action as a sort of side dish to a really quite fantastic blow job. After I had peeled myself off the ceiling, I discovered that it really feels rather good. From there to the strap on was a shhort journey!
The way pegging is viewed is interesting. I came across a thread on the womens-health.com website entitled (strangely) "the down low" in which amongst other things the person was trying to put women off pegging by saying it would lead to their partner becoming gay. I pointed out that this was about as logical as saying oral sex would make your girlfriend a lesbian and got a load of abuse for my trouble. So there are some that still seem to have an agenda against pegging but I just can't figure out their motive - perhaps it's ignorance.
Playing devil's advocate for a moment I wonder, for example, how many women are aware where the 'engine room' of a man's orgasm, the place where the spasm that drive the ejaculation, is located? These days a man that does not know his way about a woman's anatomy is, rightly, considered ignorant. Perhaps it's time to make sure all women as as well versed in the male anatomy?
Oh my god. I have just had a look at that website discussion, Gyrator. It really does worry me that people will spend SO LONG defending a completely ignorant point of view based on nothing more than possibly an unfortunate personal experience.
As a trained and experienced sex educator, it's clear to me that the theory that "man who enjoys anal sex = gay" is complete rubbish, but some people lack wider experience in such matters and are therefore more than happy to generalise based on their own experience or even based on pure prejudice and stupidity.
I am just resisting the urge to go and join the fray, but I think your arguments were very well made. However, unfortunately you're casting your pearls before swine there, darling. You have to hope there are more lurkers than posters on that thread who can see the sense in your arguments.
I think you may well be right to stay out of it though your authority as a trained sex educator would be good to see on there (though you would no doubt have it disbelieved). I must confess that the stupidity of it just got under my skin rather but I have decided that I can't begin to fight all the nutters out there so probably won't bother going back on.
I felt some of the postings on that site were far too racist and homophobic. I'm sure it would not be able to allow that if it were a European based site.
My word - this is all getting a bit heavy isn't it - can't we all play nicely together? On a lighter note, Mrs TLS and I often ignore the words 'no' and 'stop', but never the word 'orange'.
The good news is that I have today learned a new term - pegging! Little did I realise that it had a name, and such a sweet little one at that. They say that a day is never wasted if you learn a new thing...
No *we're* playing nicely, it's just some people on an American women's forum somewhere who are obsessed with gay men dating women and forcing them into anal sex.
Anyway. I want a new anal strap-on dildo (for pegging). My most successful one to date has been the Sh! Wirly Girly 6, as it has fab ridges and is a great size. (http://preview.tinyurl.com/2suff9).
I am looking at Babes-n-Horny. I have been looking at Cristo, (you can't link to it from their website, but it's part of their 'kinky' range. It looks a bit more extreme in terms of its texture, (it's like a more extreme version of the Sh! Cupid 6, which is also my next-best dildo: http://preview.tinyurl.com/2qr5kj) so I think this might work well.
Does anyone else have any faves or suggestions?
Well, our favourite toy at the moment is a bit of a combo! We use one of the old (soft silicone) feeldoes but extend the dildo with the "Lidl Extra" sleeve. This makes up for the dildo being a bit short for pegging in our favourite face-to-face positions. We have also tried using some studded sleeves on the bulb end and this does help increase the sensations for the wearer. We use a harness (a stockroom 'Ultimate' and a home made one based on the same idea)as the feeldoe does not always stay put when things get vigorous! We also have a Feeldoe stout which has more girth at the receiving end but we don't like the new firmer silicone it is made from. The sleeve on the original brings the girth up to much the same anyway and the studding of the surface certainly adds to the sensation at the receiving end.
Ah, that's cunning: I hadn't thought of using additional sleeves for extra texture. Where is this sleeve of which you speak?
I do have a feeldoe, it's quite slim but has been successful, not least as I get more sensation from it (I have the vibe model). I have the Sh! super strapless, which is similar, but made from much softer silicone. I like it, but find it slightly too short for us to use successfully for anal.
Have you seen the new FunFactory strapless? I was intrigued, and I saw a model in a shop: it's very big! Also it widens considerably towards the base and is kind of curved so as to hug a woman's contours, which looks like it should give additional pleasure for the woman without being uncomfortable (I find the feeldoe can be quite painful if my partner makes any sudden movements and it gets pressed too hard against my pubic bone, ouch!)
The extension we use on the dildo end is:-
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=61
The 75mm extension is not solid but has a 16mm diameter hollow centre. This makes it very soft and since the material is very soft already we firmed it up by filling the hollow core with a suitable bit of hard plastic (actually part of a 10ml syringe cut down to suit). I must confess I really like this as the nubs are soft but give a definite sensation. Also, the head of the dildo now forms a ridge about 3 inches back from the tip and this applies good pressure to the prostate.
The sleeve we are currently using over the bulb end is:-
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=8486
We remove all the little beads and this leaves very soft hollow nubs over the surface of the bulb and fine nubs over the neck of the feeldoe which add sensation at the vaginal entrance.
We have treated ourselves to a "Share" and it is quite good. We really like the grade of silicone - much softer than the current feeldoes. We have not used it enough to judge it properly yet. As with the feeldoe it needs the help of the extension which works fine for me as the head is more pronounced than on the feeldoe so I get somewhat more prostate stimulation. The 'girl's end' is somewhat bigger than the feeldoe bulb and we have not yet tried it with any sleeves at that end. Compared to the feeldoe the clitoral stimulation comes from a rather wide flat area with no ribs - good for pushing but not so much stimulating - could be just right for overcoming the problem with too much pressure on the pubic bone.
Ah very good. I notice it says those are silicone, but I doubt they are 'pure' (ie 100%) silicone, surely they are more like jelly? Are they easy to keep clean?
I shall take the other half to view the Share and see what he thinks...
I did wonder about there not being 100% silicone but having looked up the price of medical grade silicone (I may have a go at designing my own toys sometime) its not all that expensive so it might just be the genuine article. There is certainly no sign of any plasticiser coming out of them (as some of the jelly toys do) and there is no hint of a chemical smell to them so I'm quite happy with them. They do clean up fine as well.
As for the share I'm glad we got one as it offers a bit of a change if nothing else.
eurrghh..i dont like the plasticy smell some toys have!!
my husband of 13 yrs took my A cherry and i have never looked back.i really wanted to do him but he was'nt having it,it was gay,he didnt like to watch films where men got stuffed by men or women.once i explained how much it turned me on to see m+m,m+w,tv/ts all being banged he said when he's ready.later when i came back from the loo he had a small vibe in his ahole for me.i told him how wet it made me.it took a long time after that to do what we now do,he tried to take too much too soon.he now loves me to pound deep hard,stretch him wide and use him.i like to fist him because i like it.we now watch gay,strap on,a fisting,tv/ts a dildos bigger the better. it is the ultimate power trip fucking him how i want
my other half was dead set against it, was being the right word now anything goes, thats part of the fun
slowly slowly is the key, get him in to doing it to you first say how much you love it, how its the best orgasm ever...
work on sucking his cock and placing you finger between his balls and hole get him to start trusting you over time.then work to just weting you finger and rubbing round the hole gently while sucking his cock promise not to put it in. then over time he becomes more relaxed about it people chance there minds and well use your imagination
to me it turned me on just the idea of winning him round, each step turned me on as well as him, let him know how excited you get when you doing it. but slowly slowly
Hate to bring it up again....but the comments made by Teddy Bear are absolutely pathetic and illogical.
To even compare the request made by PoP to find "Any suggestions to try changing his mind" to be in any way similar to rape is absolutely ridiculous.
How many rapists do you think come on the internet and try and obtain advice from other members of a community or forum to find out how to make the other party want it? I'm pretty sure the answer to that is 0.
I personally think you need to re-evaluate the comment that you have made as it is quite a serious accusation whether it was said directly or indirectly. Not only can what you have said hurt and offend PoP, but you are taking an issue that is extremely serious and in cases can ruin people lives, and applying it to a woman who is seeking advice from other like minded people as to their experiences and ideas on a subject. In my opinion, you're belittling a serious crime by making reference to it so freely and loosely.
Teddy Bear, I don't think there is a single person in the world that hasn't tried to change someones mind regarding a subject once in their life. The next time a parking attendent gives you a ticket, by your logic, if you try and change his mind and convince him to remove the ticket by explaining to him your point of view, this can be regarded as what....assualt?!
On these forums, generally people are very constructive and supportive. We don't throw accusations around and always try and offer advice rather than point fingers at people. I personally think an apology to PoP is in order, but obviously that will be left to your good nature.
that was nearly a year ago !! do really think he's gonna come back to say sorry !!