I’m looking for a bit advice me and my partner have been together nearly 8 year ( we are in our 20’s) and he still isn’t confident about himself and he he’s bj’s but I love to give them and very frustrating as he is always giving but I never get the chance to and I enjoy this, and he has been this way for nearly 8 year but I thought he may have come round the the idea but still no luck Has anyone got any tips?
Have you talked about it seriously, as adults that care for each other's (sexual) happiness?
I'm not sure I have understood your post. We all like to be turned on, but it is give and take between two people, ideally. Can you find time for a chat (away from the bedroom) about what you both enjoy, and what you both like to offer and receive? It needs to be equal. And a joint, mutually pleasurable thing.
Hi Mystery69123,
Some of us guys take issue with ‘disrespecting’ ladies by coming in the mouth or receiving bj’s at all. Your partner may think he’s being polite/ gentlemanly! The answer if this is true is to talk to him and reassure him about what you love, and what turns you on, and find out whether there is something holding him back. If he knows it’s a sure fire turn-on for you and respects that, he may feel less inhibited with receiving.
If he’s lacking body confidence, perhaps you could offer to wear a blindfold?
Oral can also be a bit of an overwhelming feeling for a sensitive guy, so can be a bit too exciting if you’re pretty good at it, and he has concerns about it being over quickly. He may want to take more time than a bj gives to enjoy himself. If this is the case, learning to communicate on this and explore edging play might be a fun way forward.
Many years ago, before my eyes were opened to the (often ironic) fantasy play space of BDSM, and I’d embraced my Dominant desires, I had some problem overcoming my own perceptions of ‘disrespecting’ my beautiful wife or ‘degrading’ her in any way in the bedroom. After many discussions she and I were able to negotiate the boundaries of how she really wants to be dominated, and so essentially express her permissions to indulge in various kinks without fear of me hurting her feelings. For us it was a question of challenging my perceptions, and setting boundaries.
Whatever the reason(s) your partner has for not being confident or not wanting to indulge in receiving oral, open communication is a great way to find out how to resolve your feelings about this. I’d suggest talking about it in a non-judgemental way, being open with him about your desires, and giving space for him to express his (he may not want to receive oral at all, ideally).
Hope this helps...
May sound strange but the best time to talk about anything sexual is either straight after when you are feeling close to each other, or when you are doing nothing remotely sexual because then you can be honest without being horney !!