Hi there, I need some advice about Oral sex.
i love recieving it but my husband isnt very good at it. Hes told me that he has only ever been with 3 people in his lifetime and im wondering if this is contributing to it?
Basically whenever he attempts to do oral on me he draws blood and other times it just doesnt feel right and he presses down way to hard on my clit. I have talked to him about it but he doesnt seem to take notice or if i try to direct him, he does it well but then goes back to his usuall technique, sometimes he does it right but the majority of the time he doesnt.
i am at a loss and not sure what to do about it....can anyone help?
Communication is key.. Whilst he's doing the act- tell him exactly there and then what feels good and what doesn't. Also, one can usually tell by the response in either moans or body movements if they're doing something right.
I think his enthusiasm in his attempts sounds great but I guess you need to be persistent in "directing" him. Also, how about making it interesting with flavoured lube and or different positions like 69?
By the way.. How does he end up drawing blood via oral?? >.<
Ouch! Drawing blood?!
If he's not taking the hint when you guide him you need to tell him what you would like him to do, moan louder at the parts you do like and then he should get the hint?
im not really sure how hes drawing blood :-/ is he biting, i know its only the same advice as above but you need to tell him exactly when it feels good and when it hurts and reward him when he gets it right!
im not really sure how hes drawing blood :-/ is he biting, i know its only the same advice as above but you need to tell him exactly when it feels good and when it hurts and reward him when he gets it right!
He must be giving you a love bit or similar ?!
When I started dating my current OH, I found that as she was so different to my ex that I had to ask her and get her to control the action for the first few times. Woman on top is a good way to go about starting it, that way you can control the pressure/he can't press down to hard on your clit.
Communication is important, tell him where he is going wrong and praise/reward when he does it exactly right. Maybe turn it into role play, tie him down, you get on his face and tell him what to do, take a leaf out of Mistress D's book and tease, when he goes it wrong and when he gets it right give him his reward. He'll soon learn ! I certainly did
I'm rather freaked out by the thought of blood being drawn during oral sex. Am I showing my lack of experience in thinking that he should only be using his tongue?
Speaking of my lack of experience, I could do with some advice as well. The few times that I've persuaded my wife to receive it, she's clearly enjoyed the experience: moaning loudly, rocking her hips and giving every appearance of having orgasms. She almost always turns me down when I offer it, though. I think it may be the thought of it that doesn't float her boat. I'm not too bothered, but it seems a shame if she likes the feeling. I hope that I'm not doing anything that puts her off. (It is supposed to be hard work to keep my tongue moving after a while, isn't it?)
In terms of guiding your Hubby in the right direction, could you send a text or say to him at a non-sexual time "I've been fantasising about you doing... X, Y, Z to me" and hint at the technique you enjoy? Any form of communicating is great, but I tend to find my Hubby's ears prick up if I tell him that I've been masterbating and thinking about a certain thing he's done/would like him to do. He may be more inclined to take notice if you mention the way you like oral in a sexy way...?
Cuddly Hubby: I am very open minded and enjoy allsorts sexually, but I really do not enjoy receiving oral. This stems from an experience in my teens, and whilst I tried to learn to enjoy it when I started dating my now-Hubby, I just couldn't get into it. However, there's a gazillion other fantastic things I can enjoy with my Husband and well, I guess what I am trying to say is that some women like it more than others and it's not necessarily a reflection on you if she doesn't ask for it or enjoy it. You use the word 'persuaded' - maybe she just isn't into it that much?
You could maybe incorporate some licking and kissing as part of sex and let her enjoy that without feeling like there has to be an end result... I don't like receiving oral, but I do like Hubby to nibble, pull and suck my outter labia during other types of foreplay, but without the assumption I have to do anything else or orgasm from the experience.
From what you're saying, the only real way to know is to ask her what she likes and what she doesn't... I know people laugh about the 'Sex Tips' books, but you could always look through them together (as you say you are inexperienced) and they may throw up some new ideas and tips for oral and you can learn together what you like and/or dislike.
Lastly, I find, with most things in life, if my Hubby offers me something, I'll automatically say "Nah, I'm okay" but if we're talking in terms of sex, if Hubs says "I'm going to..." or "I want to..." rather than "Would you like...?", it's much sexier!
MrsPx
@ Mrs P: Thanks -- that's really helpful. When I've asked my wife about this, she doesn't give a clear-cut answer. She just seems indifferent whenever I offer, saying that there's no need for me to bother or that she doesn't feel "clean" down there. If I go ahead anyway, then she doesn't usually stop me and, as I said, seems to enjoy it, then afterwards makes a jokey comment about me being "naughty". I wonder whether my wife secretly knows that she likes it but feels guilty about this, so that it's convenient for her to be able to "blame" me for doing it to her. I'm not sure that she'd admit this to me even if it's true. The alternative, as you say, is that she simply isn't into it. It only bothers me because I get my kicks out of being a "pleaser".
Cuddly Hubby wrote:
@ Mrs P: Thanks -- that's really helpful. When I've asked my wife about this, she doesn't give a clear-cut answer. She just seems indifferent whenever I offer, saying that there's no need for me to bother or that she doesn't feel "clean" down there. If I go ahead anyway, then she doesn't usually stop me and, as I said, seems to enjoy it, then afterwards makes a jokey comment about me being "naughty". I wonder whether my wife secretly knows that she likes it but feels guilty about this, so that it's convenient for her to be able to "blame" me for doing it to her. I'm not sure that she'd admit this to me even if it's true. The alternative, as you say, is that she simply isn't into it. It only bothers me because I get my kicks out of being a "pleaser".
Glad my post was helpful to you... If cleanliness is an issue, may I suggest sharing a shower and incorporating a little bit of a oral teasing...? Or nipping into the bathroom as she's getting out of the bath and offering to 'dry her'...? I've made no secret of my love of bathtime fun on this forum! Plus, you can get some awesome waterproof toys to encorporate into oral in the shower!
The other thing I thought about after my last post was this: I like things 'rough', but if I have to ask for it rough or get asked if it's 'rough enough' then that somehow lessens the effect of the roughness, so there's an understanding we have that enables consenting roughness without any mood-killing... If she see's oral as being 'naughty' then part of the fun *may* be in you just doing it without any narrative or questioning, almost like a guilty pleasure. Of course, this relies on trust and an awareness of each other boundaries and comfort zones, but she may enjoy the dominance you show in just getting on with it... Just be careful not to push her too far...
@ Mrs P: Thanks again! I've been with my wife for long enough that I can usually sense quickly if I'm going too far. I'm thinking, though, that it might be a good idea for us to agree a "safe word/phrase" that we can both remember so that I can push things without having to stop and check (which, as you say, does kill the mood). I might start a new thread about this as I'm starting to wander off the specific topic of oral sex in this thread.
@ GothicKitty: I don't wish to take over the thread that you started... please have it back! What are your thoughts about the responses that you've had so far to your question re. oral sex?
MrsP wrote:
Cuddly Hubby wrote:
@ Mrs P: Thanks -- that's really helpful. When I've asked my wife about this, she doesn't give a clear-cut answer. She just seems indifferent whenever I offer, saying that there's no need for me to bother or that she doesn't feel "clean" down there. If I go ahead anyway, then she doesn't usually stop me and, as I said, seems to enjoy it, then afterwards makes a jokey comment about me being "naughty". I wonder whether my wife secretly knows that she likes it but feels guilty about this, so that it's convenient for her to be able to "blame" me for doing it to her. I'm not sure that she'd admit this to me even if it's true. The alternative, as you say, is that she simply isn't into it. It only bothers me because I get my kicks out of being a "pleaser".
Glad my post was helpful to you... If cleanliness is an issue, may I suggest sharing a shower and incorporating a little bit of a oral teasing...? Or nipping into the bathroom as she's getting out of the bath and offering to 'dry her'...? I've made no secret of my love of bathtime fun on this forum! Plus, you can get some awesome waterproof toys to encorporate into oral in the shower!
The other thing I thought about after my last post was this: I like things 'rough', but if I have to ask for it rough or get asked if it's 'rough enough' then that somehow lessens the effect of the roughness, so there's an understanding we have that enables consenting roughness without any mood-killing... If she see's oral as being 'naughty' then part of the fun *may* be in you just doing it without any narrative or questioning, almost like a guilty pleasure. Of course, this relies on trust and an awareness of each other boundaries and comfort zones, but she may enjoy the dominance you show in just getting on with it... Just be careful not to push her too far...
Bath time fun is indeed really good. I grabbed my gf in the bathroom just as we went to shower one night and as we were distracted, never noticed the water was on so hard it was splashing out the other end of the bath onto the floor. This isn't ideal when you live in an upstairs flat. It's amazing how fast a hard-on dies when you're mopping water off the floor with a towel :P
Think its true that communication is key .The women i have been with all have liked different things. I love giving oral, but the best for the woman is always, I think, when she nudges you the right way, because men can't read minds. It's the same the other way. I like getting a bj really smooth and slowly, so if she starts going porno star-style, I tell her, or don't bother at all. But there is no reason you should not be able to enjoy oral - it's one of the best parts :)
Communication as the others have said.... also I show my OH on his bottom lip sometimes how I want him to lick me... its more a play game but it may work in giving him a few hints :D
occhiverdi wrote:
Communication as the others have said.... also I show my OH on his bottom lip sometimes how I want him to lick me... its more a play game but it may work in giving him a few hints :D
I like this a lot - I will ask her to do this next time - it does make a lot of sense!! Thanx xx
Hi there, sorry i havent been online have been away. I have tried doing that but he usually goes back to how he does it, no matter how much i talk to him about it.
I think your right about the persisting part although its going to take a while..... It certainly does make it more intersting i agree but hes not over keen on 69, he doesnt really like it.
Your guess is as good as mine to be honest :(
Communication is key.. Whilst he's doing the act- tell him exactly there and then what feels good and what doesn't. Also, one can usually tell by the response in either moans or body movements if they're doing something right.
I think his enthusiasm in his attempts sounds great but I guess you need to be persistent in "directing" him. Also, how about making it interesting with flavoured lube and or different positions like 69?
By the way.. How does he end up drawing blood via oral?? >.<
BlueStar wrote:
Ouch! Drawing blood?!
If he's not taking the hint when you guide him you need to tell him what you would like him to do, moan louder at the parts you do like and then he should get the hint?
I can but try....it hasnt worked so far
x X x wrote:
Communication is key.. Whilst he's doing the act- tell him exactly there and then what feels good and what doesn't. Also, one can usually tell by the response in either moans or body movements if they're doing something right.
I think his enthusiasm in his attempts sounds great but I guess you need to be persistent in "directing" him. Also, how about making it interesting with flavoured lube and or different positions like 69?
By the way.. How does he end up drawing blood via oral?? >.<
Hi there, sorry i havent been online have been away. I have tried doing that but he usually goes back to how he does it, no matter how much i talk to him about it.
I think your right about the persisting part although its going to take a while..... It certainly does make it more intersting i agree but hes not over keen on 69, he doesnt really like it.
Your guess is as good as mine to be honest :(
JustGuy wrote:
im not really sure how hes drawing blood :-/ is he biting, i know its only the same advice as above but you need to tell him exactly when it feels good and when it hurts and reward him when he gets it right!
I think he must be, i cant quite make it out to be honest...
YoungEssexCouple wrote:
He must be giving you a love bit or similar ?!
When I started dating my current OH, I found that as she was so different to my ex that I had to ask her and get her to control the action for the first few times. Woman on top is a good way to go about starting it, that way you can control the pressure/he can't press down to hard on your clit.
Communication is important, tell him where he is going wrong and praise/reward when he does it exactly right. Maybe turn it into role play, tie him down, you get on his face and tell him what to do, take a leaf out of Mistress D's book and tease, when he goes it wrong and when he gets it right give him his reward. He'll soon learn ! I certainly did
Im unsure to be honest. Sorry i know thats not helpful. That sounds quite interesting, its definately something to try....i really hope he does learn and soon.