Hi Everyone I'm new to Lovehoney and havent quite settled in so give me a break if I sound a little clueless.
Basically what I want to ask is How can I work around that fact the my partner cums too soon?
We have actually tried a few things, the stop start technique, using condoms, controlled breathing but nothing has worked as of yet. We did have a little luck with stop start but only a matter of maybe a minute or two!
Dont get me wrong I'm not upset about this and it doesnt actually bother me too much! It bothers him more than it does me, but thats the problem, sex isnt good for either of us because there's so much pressure on the whole thing lasting more than 2 minutes!
Was wondering if anyone has any tips or advice they could share that's going through the same thing and if they found anything else that worked for them?
Thanks!!!!! :)
Try a delay spray/cream, I've not used them myself but I've heard they can be good.
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/better-sex-for-him/delay-spray-cream/?w=delay
You could also try a cock ring too, I've used them and they do make him last longer
take it from a real 1 minute man aint nothing going to help it dont matter if jacking or banging all ends the same way 1 or 2 min over
Sometimes my OH only lasts a couple of minutes during penetrative sex, but that's usually after plenty of foreplay for both of us. Of course, I'd love him to last a llittle longer, but it shows how turned on he gets by me. :)
Just make sure you're enjoying everything and tell him the penetrative bit isn't the be all and end all, and you're flattered you turn him on that much.
Hi Lightedges
I have always cum too quickly. Some guys will masturbate prior to sex because you will last much longer. If he can get it up again after he cums, go for round 2!. He could focus more on foreplay with you and give the illusion of performing longer. I have done that in the past and despite cuming quickly after penetration, i felt like i had given my girlfriend a good time. Also he could finish you off with more play or a toy afterwards if that is an issue.
I have noticed in the past that with a girlfriend on top, if she rocks forward and back as supposed to up and down, it isn't very stimulating for me but feels good for her so might be worth trying. I did start to loose my erection whilst she was doing that though.
Flesh light do a stamina training unit that helps guys inprove sexual endurance which might also help.
I have just read online that 'some men find that cock rings help them control premature ejaculation'
Hope that helps a little
This is also worth a read
http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/having-sex/premature-ejaculation-3953.html
Not all of us men are sex legends in our own bedrooms. My wife doesnt like too long banging away at her and she turns me on so much that I cant resist her. I'm not premature as I know when I'm going to cum and I let it happen as my wife and I prefer it that way. As others have said just increase the foreplay to make it feel like its longer.
I find that if I come too fast it's usaully because we have done it in a few days or I'm just uber horny.... Never let it bother him because it will become more of an issue. When it happens us, usually I take a 10 minute break and go again. We've had plenty of times where my wife has come and come and I don't and we end up having to stop.... or she'll die.
There's no harm in trying some of the delay creams and sprays, most are good, I've tried the Sliquid cream and spray and are good in the heat of passion, or if you've a bit more planning then try the Chinese Brush Oil... This is the best out there but be careful as too much and it gets hot hot hot
Hi
There was a thread about this from a few weeks ago and there are some really good suggestions and advice.
Here's the link: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/836352-prem-pop-advive/
Might give you some ideas.
if it's not an issue for either of you, you can work around it by using toys to help you after he has come. it's a way a lot of couples - including myself manage it,
as you have said, its a case of relaxing and taking the pressure off both of you!
Lets try that again !!!!!!!!!!
Well I am no expert! But I like a lot of men struggle sometimes especially if it been a while between encounters!
My advice would be to let him know what you’re planning! And have fast frantic sex as quick as possible, maybe use a condom as well
Let him know that what you want! If you don’t talk to him and tell him how’s he going to know!
But, after let him know you want to go again get cleaned up/freshen up
And then see if you can raise him again, it might take a while, but once ready for action slip on a cock ring or a vibrating cock ring and away you both go!
If you have fast sex first it will be easier to get going the second time , if you have long drawn out foreplay and he tries to last as long as possible the first time , one he'll be tired, two it will knock his confidence, and three , you may not want to try again either .
But as I have said before let him know what you’re planning, and even more importantly get him to agree!
If you do this a few times or after a long time away from the play ground, it will only help his confidence and hopefully give him more control
But I am no expert and it’s all guess work, a bit like life in general really,
I personally just accepted that I'm only going to last 1-2 minutes first time round so when we're both up for more than just a quickie I take half a viagra. That way I'm hard again with a couple of minutes and we can go again before the moment has passed and I last a hell of a lot longer second time round.
I realise that this isn't the answer for everyone, but if you did want to try it you can get it very easily. Some major high street pharmacies deliver it after an online assessment.
All the advise above is great to many people watch porn films and think that they should last as they do but that is not everyday real life just enjoy being naked together and enjoying each other's body plenty of fore play toys and then enjoy as long as he lasts you can always go again in a while remember its fun
Hey, I think the answer in your statement..pressure.
Tell your OH to relax and not think about how long it will last, but to enjoy it and if its over
too soon to do what Snapper said and go again after getting cleaned.
Give him an orgasm during foreplay , not through intercourse though, either a hand job or bj , then carry on playing , take a phallus toy and play with yourself exaggerate your pleasure sounds , kiss , insert the toy an moan more , if he's anything like me he will be raring to ravage you and the ensuing batting will last a lot longer when he's back at the crease xx
I am under the impression, from reading stuff online eytc, that the 'average' guy lasts between 2 to 5 minutes (With no control techniques) It is possible to raise that time by continually practising the stop start technique, both alone and together. Practicing this will give him more awareness of when he should stop stimulation. It may also be worth suggesting to him that he does some pelvic floor exercises, as he will have more control if he has stronger PC muscles. All of this takes consistant effort and time. Sporadic implimentation won't work as well. My guy uses the stop-start method and being a huge fan of edging and power dynamics, our bedroom encounters mainly involve lots of teasing and edging before we even get to penetration, but he can now be edged 20 or 30 times and still go on to have sex and last as long as needed. 20 or 30 minutes etc. Of course, he can't pound away. He has to go slower and keep stopping. I just find that a huge turn on. This was not always the case though. When we first met, he had much less control...which I actually found hot as hell. Tell your guy you find it a huge turn on that he cums quickly, because it shows how much he is turned on by you. Sex does not have to be over, after he orgasms. He has fingers, tongue, toys (possibly?) and his words etc, to continue to take you to orgasm.
Despite all the techniques he can use to slow himself down, there really is nothing abnormal about the guy, by the sounds of it. I mean, he says he is too fast...maybe you are too slow? This is the way I look at it, because generally, men are on the edge within 2 to 5 minutes of constant stimulation and while some women can be just as quick, a larger majority of us take about 20 minutes of constant stimulation.
Knowing this, it is easier to change what you do. For example, is it possible for him (Or you) to stimulate you first, build up your arousal and get you closer to orgasm BEFORE you start stimulating him or having intercourse? In my sex life, I often orgasm before we get to penetration, because I have him give me oral or play with me first. Other times it's all about him first and I will cum later. Now that my partner has mastered edging and stopping and starting, we can have sex and cum together, but this was not easy at all, at the begining, because, just like you, we are mismatched in our times taken to get to orgasm. I think most couples are.
Good luck xx
Me and the OH are the same as most, she can take 20 mins to orgasm so we bought a little clitoral vibe and I use the stop start technique, but when I've stopped I keep stimulating her orally until I've got it back under control. We find this is good for both of us, may be worth a try
Thanks for all the ace advice!!! I will be trying out the tips with my OH asap! I think going more than once could really help and maybe even introduce a few toys into the boudoir. It's great to know there are lots of helpful people out their to share the wisdom.
Also I didnt want it to sound like I'm unimpressed with my mans stamina, we've been together 4 years now and I've always been very suppostive and understanding of this situation. I just want us both to be happier and more carefree in the bedroom.
x
Hope you've found the advice you needed :-)
Don't let it get him down though, you just have to tell him what you want - and well sometimes it's not about both of you.
I enjoy the experience more than the orgasm itself so if I want him to do me from behind, I don't care that it makes my guy cum in 60 seconds - I just enjoy it and make sure he knows how good it felt and that if rather have an enjoyable quickie with no happy ending than a happy ending that wasn't what I was in the mood for ;-)
I don't think anyone mentioned but different positions can help. Kinda depends on the stimulation really. When I was a wee bit younger I couldn't look at my gf's face when we were having sex because I got too turned on when she was biting her lip etc. therefore we found that doing it doggy and reverse helped me last much longer! Not exactly the most intimate but when we were in the mood for a bit of face to face we could do the lotus etc and slow the whole thing down so less sexually stimulating.