Hi, I've posted a few threads on here before but never done one this sad and personal.
I am an aspergers syndrome sufferer which means I'm autistic but only mildly apparantly, I have always found it hard to talk with people and make friends and to this day suffer with frequent episodes of deppresion sometimes feelings of suicide, today I have hit rock bottom I nearly had a meltdown in work but kept it hidden even reading the forums on the sex related topics make me feel really sad/suicidal and want to cry/breakdown because I can't be happy often because of the disability and i have been single for 6 years only 1 gf for 2 months, i feel because I'm so ill mentally it's impossible to find anyone and meet more people meaning I can't be truly happy.
I will try and remember to see a doctor as I feel I must but going to doctors fills me with anxiety and has caused near anxiety attacks just been in a doctors room.
I try and be a good person I'm not a bad guy my aspergers is just sending me into a downward spiral and worst thing is I can't get my parents to understand how bad I've been feeling they don't understand I might kill myself someday soon if my aspergers doesn't keep attacking me like a terminal cancer.
Anyway sorry for such a deppresing thread if anyone wants to talk further let me know, I can leave my email address but for obvious reasons can't put anythinglikr my mobile no on here.
I have a friend with AS, and I've come close to the pill bottle a few too many times (as well as drinking sessions where I honestly didn't care if I drank myself into an alcoholic coma), so I can at the very least try to understand where your head is at right now.
All I can suggest is that you sit your parents down and explain just how bad things have got. Don't try to hide suicidal thoughts away, they just fester. At the very least call up the samaritans (they're seen as a cliche, I know, but they got that way for a reason) if you don't feel your parents would understand.
I truly believe I am only alive today due to the understanding, and love, I have from my wife. I can tell her just how bad I'm feeling and I know she'll get it as she's been close too. Talking to the people who mean the most to you is the best advice a doctor ever gave to me, so that's the advice I'll pass on to you too.
I wish you all the best will in the world.
Gary
Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad at the moment. My daughter has Aspergers, so I know what she goes through. You do need to get some help as quickly as possible. As you find it distressing going to the doctors, I would suggest writing your current situation and needs down in a letter. Hand it in so that the doctor can read it before your appointment. This should make the appointment easier for you to get to and easier for the doctor to help you.
Do you have any links with anyone else. My daughter talks to me a lot, but she also talks to her dad's cousin who is an adult with Aspergers. He helps a lot because he has been through similar situations.
Whatever you do, don't give up.
Thank you all so much for your support, always thought you people on love honey were very kind and understanding unlike a lot of other forums where you just get abuse from trolls.
I have had a long chat with my mum and told her exactly how I've felt, she's knows i really want a gf and she thinks there are a lot of girls who would love someone like me, she said I should join a support group for people with aspergers along with a doctors visit and that way I might be able to meet new people and feel better as I don't exactly have many friends and only one of them knows about my aspergers. I feel like my mum understands exactly how I've been feeling and I'm really glad I got it all off my chest and was honest.
I will update you when I've had my doctors visit depends how long I have to wait for one, if I join a support group as well that should really help.
Thank you all for your kind words I really appreciate it thank you, right think ongoing to watch a DVD and have a pizza.
Honesytongue hit the nail on the head. I have some mental health issues myself and felt so ridiculous going to the doctor that I did exactly what she suggested. I wrote it down and went into the appointment and said. I know this sounds silly but I wrote you a note to explain things. She read it and the rest is history I now am getting help.
I know what you mean about loneliness. I have a partner so I am not alone but I have physical and mental illnesses that make it pretty difficult for me to cope on my own. I am terrified of how I would cope on my own now. Even though I have a partner and others around who are god sends, it can still feel lonely because often they do not truly understand what it is like. Just like with your family, I had similar from mine. "Oh stop whinging we all have problems" "You just need to get out more and get some fresh air" "Stop being lazy" "Well blah blah blah has issues but they can do it why cant you"
Yup iI can see it from both points because I got iller (Especially physically) Gradually over the last 5 years but I used to be reasonaly healthy. I couldnt quite understand why people who said "I am depressed" or "I am in pain" were so negative with it to the point it effected their ability to do anything. I mean, I had been depressed before, I had had pain before too but its not that bad......wrong! lol It can be utterly utterly debilitating. I now know.
I think you are really struggling at the moment, and ironically it is when you feel your worst that you are least likely to be pro-active and ask/get help. You feel like "Whats the point" or that it wont help. But if you had a friend who was feeling the way you feel right now, what would you do? I think you would recommend that trip to the doctors and to find a way to ease the anxiety of that visit somehow. Write that note maybe, or go with a friend (One who supports you and isnt so negative) Maybe ask for a phone appointment. Some doctors will do this if you explain to reception you feel really poorly and really need to speak to a doctor over the phone. As someone else suggested if it is still too much, try a helpline or NHS 24. There is nothing wrong with you, I hope you know that. It is an illness and something you cannot help feeling and you deserve to get the help you need xx
Please write back and let us all know how you are getting on xx
I'm going*
We have 'Aspies' in the family, my Dad, younger brother & a nephew. At the moment we are fighting to get my eldest assessed but as it is rarely diagnosed in girls it is very difficult.
I have been dealing with mental health issues for the past couple of years and hit rock bottom in November when I was caught lining up pills ready to take them all. I kind of understand how you are feeling but the best thing you can do is talk to your dr.
The support group sounds like a great idea and there should be something in your area, if not have you tried online support. I found wrong planet.com a few days ago and it seems like a supportive community although I haven't spent much time on there.
There are always people here who will listen and support you through the dark times
xGGx
As I just mentioned thank you all for your kind words, i really hope things get better glad I mentioned it all on here now, honeytongue thanks I thinks writing it down will help.
Right I'm off for the night just hope I can sleep and don't have any nightmares.
Night all
Don't know if it is the thought of the Dr himself or the surgey, hard to tell from your post - but if it is the Dr him/herself have you thought about asking to speak to a Nurse Practitioner at the surgery?
They tend to have two advantages the first is easier to get an appt (usually) and the 2nd is they do tend to be less formal and more easily approachable / talkable to than a Dr.
Has your surgery got an MH outreach team attached? If they have then those guys will be truly wonderful. Very approachable and extremely understanding and unlike the Dr / NP they will be fully aware of all MH issues and how concerning it can be just getting to the surgery and talking in the 1st place.
Suicidal thoiughts are never pleasant and the fact you can admit to having them is a huge brave step, you've hit rock bottom but you've had the courage to reach out for help (even here where we are strangers asking for help is a huge thing) and you should recognise in yourself how much courage that takes and how much you have. Just got to have the courage to reach out for a tad more help and get to see someone in the MH field where you can safely talk about you feel and how it is affecting you and get the help your courage deserves to help you keep safe.
Hope the nightmares stay away tonight for you.
all the best
Capps