Apologies in advance should anyone find any of the content in this post offensive, or causing of discomfort, it is certainly not intended. So i'm new the the whole exploring my sexual identity, up until a week and a half ago, i'd only ever tried masturbation twice, back in my mid teens, and it was not eventful (was purely a finger internally, didn't feel any kind of "pleasure" feeling so stopped). For medical/personal reasons, ever since then i was actually pretty genophobic and it was only so recently that i felt comfortable enough to try to explore my own body. I'd never actually even tried to find my clitoris before, but had a general idea what goes where, and on my second day of "exploring" found it was really quite pleasureable to touch. Now this iswhere i'm wondering if i'm not "normal", as in all things i've ever seen, or read, as in porn, toy reviews etc it always sounds like the pleasure feelings from clitoral stimulation is constant, however i myself find that it is more like a static charge almost. By which i mean that it takes 10-15 seconds of no touching, then contact creates a second, or two at most, of a pleasurable, vaginal opening contractiong type feeling. The feeling is really good, and i can completely understand unlike before why people engage in masturbation for such feelings, but it is incredibly frustrating that it needs build up and is then over almost as soon as it starts, and no matter how long i go on for it never builds to anything more. It just, doesn't seem like that is how it is supposed to be. I also find afterwards i get the feelings similar to menstrual cramps in my stomach and it is really uncomfortable?
I don't think there is anything wrong with you, it can howeer take time, to really understand your body and exactly what is going to push your buttons in the right way to make masturbation really pleasurable.
I have been with the same partner for 10 years, been masturbating for maybe 15 years I reckon. But it has only been since christmas that I have achieved any sort of orgasm from sex (either clitoral or vaginal). I had always used a vibrator for masturbation and it was only ever clitoral stimulation that gave me any sort of enjoyable sensation. But it was short lived and never really seemed to get me anything other than frustrated, If I persevered with the stimulation it would just get uncomfy and hard to take. I always kept doing it in the hope that one day I would get the feelings I was aiming for.
Just recently I decided to change my approach. I like to read a little erotic story before hand, I enjoy watching a little bit of porn, and now I use my fingers a lot more now, gradually I have realised if I get my mind turned on my body is more willing to follow. The orgasms I have during masturbation are no where near as good as the ones I have with my husband, but they are certainly better than nothing.
Not sure if any of this helps in the slightest, just thought it might help to know we don't all get the hang of it straight away. I think the biggest things that helped me were finding the things that helped get me more turned on and really relaxing into it. It's is definitely worth persevering and trying new things to see what feels best for you, I may have waited a long time for things to finally feel great, but it was worth the wait as it's a lot of fun know I know what I'm doing :)
Thankyou, you've certainly helped put my mind at ease x
I have talked to my wife we have been married for 25 years , have good sex life , she is 48 and until we met and about 3 or 4 years after we were married she had never masturbated. In fact the first time was I asked her to for me to watch.When she became sexually active at 19 she had always had a sexual partner and never felt she needed too.
It's totally normal , just take your time and enjoy . All the lovely ladies on here will help to find yourself. Please keep posting
Hi VirginAngel,
There is a similarish thread here http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/875063-am-i-close/ that I think you would find a good read.
Clitoral stimulation for the most part is a build up of pleasure, sometimes it can take some coaxing to get to beginning to feel pleasurable. Once you find certains rythym, movements, patterns, pressure that feel good to you the more you do the more likely you are to climax to orgasm. To me it sounds like you are just hitting orgasm but due to not being used to the feeling you are stopping yourself just at the point where you should be continuing the stimulation. By continuing through this charge you will elongate the feeling.
Also from what you've said I think if you watch porn you'll find a lot of moaning in pleasure as soon as anyone touches a clitoris, this simply isn't true unless the person is already extremely turned on. The best way to increase the pleasure is to very slowly build up the feeling, find something that feels good but when you think it's heading to the charge feeling, change what you're doing or slow it down, prolonging it enhances the orgasm.
The stomach cramps afterwards is normal too for some people, I've had it a few times where I've been tensing my stomach without realising it when getting closer to orgasm. Just try to remember to relax and it shouldn't happen often.
Thankyou purring tiger, that really helps :)
and thankyou gentle giant of course :)
VirginAngel wrote:
and thankyou gentle giant of course :)
You are most welcome, we are both up late/ early, I have eaten to much birthday cake and have indigestion. How about you?
I just have a very off sleeping pattern and got up at quater past midnight, again :/
VirginAngel wrote:
I just have a very off sleeping pattern and got up at quater past midnight, again :/
Sorry to hear that, at least we have LH forum to distract us from the lack of sleep
Indeed we do. I seeem to have gotten signed out between postinmg and buying an item though, oh well was only 100 points
Indeed they did, thankyou :)
Short Answer: Absolutly normal
Long answer: I think that this is perfecly normal! when I started masterbating it really was an exploration, tried doing what popular media tells you to do (ie. slowly in an area no where near the clitoris 😉)
After that thoigh you will find what is best for you. I found that I stimulate my clitoris best with hand power but that internal stimulation is best left up to the toys, (I can never seem to get the angle right!)
Just take some time to find what you and your body love, I would spend hours in the bath (easiest clean up, again porn lies) with a mirror just working it out.
I think it really helped with my body confidence (14 was such a dificult age) to get so much pleasure from it.
Losing your solo virgintiy is alot like losing your duo virginity, its no fireworks but gives you a solid base to build from! I still haven't met someone I wish to share sex with so I am planning on going through the whole process again, only with someone else, no bath and no mirror
Sorry if this was plainly stated in the other thread referenced but MRS will have bursts of those "mini orgasms" and as we keep going, they build into what you might consider a larger "explosion". We have been sexually active, open, and exploring with each other for 15 years and really just now are starting to take the time to truly understand each others bodies and responses beyond the immediate stimulation. To that end, she never has great one's solo. It just isn't her thing. She just doesn't mentally get into it when solo. She will have a small one to "take the edge off". I can use the same toys and get her there, so it is a mental thing for her.
So, perfectly normal.. just take your time and see what you enjoy.
Hello and I am wondering, are you close to menstruation or ovulation? Because i am like that. If I play just before menstruation, I can get period like cramps during play or after I orgasm. This can vary how many days before menstruation it shows up. It can be sometimes up to a week, sometimes it does not show at all.
It could be you are tensing your stomach muscles too. So maybe try to relax a bit.
You're not abnormal! I find it really hard to come from masturbation with my fingers. And if I play with my clit I can only bear it for a couple of seconds then I have to stop because it feels like it's too much and I have to keep touching on and off before it builds up to orgasm. Then the orgasm is over very quickly.
I find gentle sex toys like rabbits help because they give a light ticking sensation to the clitoris and some vaginal/g spot stimulation too.
It may well have been ovulation/menstruation related, i'm much more comfortable now, found myself nearly falling asleep lay inn the bath last time :P