kelly_michelle wrote:
This is an area I don't know much about so please excuse a little ignorance here, but are there any website/forums/blogs about this or at least have some detailed information about it? If there is, maybe you could show her them (with or without you there) so she can have a look herself and maybe it will answer some if her questions or fears?
You said she has become more open minded, well helping her explore that and her sexuality in general may help. I'm not saying throw as much "kink" at her as you can, but if she explores new things, it can change her feelings about other things (I hope that makes sense). Maybe try looking for new things that turn her on?
Other than that, just keep being honest with her and don't push too hard. Good luck
We have already started to go along that way....and it is goood! 
the problem that I have is I get to many ideas and dont know when to stop talking about it... 
bit off topic really.... but at least I am not argueing!
Theolain wrote:
Firstly I am not offended by either gunther or naughtybutnice
however I feel we have missed the point.... It is not about pursuadeing her as it is something that she has 'opened her mind to' but more about makeing her aware that I will never be interested in taking it further.
Time will do that, in my experience words mean little with women she will watch and take note and then when if you are as you say you are she will,in time become more comfortable with it. (my experience of ladies anyway)
Gunther - a fair view of women in my opinion, actions do speak louder than words after all!
Theolain - I hope you didn't view my post as advice on 'convincing' her to accept the underwear, I was trying to get across the possible thought processes on her being concerned about it progressing. I apologise if that wasn't clear. I don't think you can convince your partner to do anything they aren't truly comfortable with which is why I would never advocate it and see these (I don't know if anyone has seen them) 'how do I convince my girlfriend to do anal etc' type websites etc quite disdainful because you simply can't of she's not not into the idea. I digress however....
Naughtybutnice12 wrote:
Gunther - a fair view of women in my opinion, actions do speak louder than words after all!
NBN I think women from an early age learn men are not only in some cases full of doo dah but also dont really know themselves.
not directed at you Theolain...just what I have learned
Why not, instead of wearing her underwear, by the male made ladies underwear and see how she feels?
Something like this;
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22962
As for gunther, your comment was not kind, it seemed pretty straight to the point, not helpful. Think you need to reread a thread that LH posted about commenting ;)
Basically, a man wearing female undies can have 2 theorized categories 1)They are turned on by the feminity of it or 2) They are aroused by the visual appearance of women's underwear.
There is no 'homosexual' reasoning for it, I think more hetro men do this than gay/bi men. Many straight men like to wear tights, panties and heels, pretty common really. But it's not a fetish that you can simply stop doing just to please a partner. You have to stop because YOU want to stop.
Why not come to an even level, agree to wear the panties (not hers, get your own cus you'll stretch hers lol) in your own time i.e. under clothes, to work etc but when you are together sexually, not to wear them. Pretty sure you can work out a balance.
The psychopathology term (diff from psychologically), which might help your GF understand, is Paraphilia. Don't get freaked out by the term, just means an attraction to a sexual arousal. Just skip out anything that doesn't involve the panty wearing though, as it gets pretty deep.
I think perhaps Gunther misread or misinterpreted the initial post - the way I read the first post was that the OP's partner is perfectly happy with the activity the OP wants to engage in. But she is concerned it would eventually develop into something she's not happy with. The OP doesn't want to convince her in to liking it. He merely wants to put her mind at rest that it's not going to cross the line she has set in her mind. Is my understanding correct?
If that is the case, then Gunther, your post did read a little harsh. However perhaps the OP's choice of words like "convince" and "prove" set a little bell ringing that made you concerned for his partner. If the OP were trying to convinve his partner to partake in something she didn't want to then the post would, perhaps, have been fair comment but I personally think that the OP put enough information into his post to make it unnecessary (hence people getting upset at it being a little harsh to a poster needing advice).
Maybe you were jumped on a little quickly but I also think perhaps it could have been worded better - you say:
but was being positive about the relationship as a whole, the important thing is to stay together and work it out.
but in your one sentence post that didn't come across. As has been mentioned lately, it's important to add enough information to your post if you want the best chance of not being misunderstood.
Noone should have to tiptoe around one another, but at the same time, this does need to be a weloming place and I do think your post could have been misread by a newer member. Remember this is a public forum :)
Adx
Alicia I read specifications for a living, I didnt miss understand anything. I merely pointed out that if Theos oh did not become comfortable with the idea then for the good of their overall life together consider giving it up.
Ok as the person who jumped on the comment straight away, i suggest that we stop nit-picking at who ment what, and get bk to helping the OP out. We are all trying to be helpful even if meanings are getting lost in transaltion.
So Your trying to confince yur OH tht ur not interested in full cross dress, rather than convincing them yo let you wear the underwear?
I agree with Blueeyes. Try the male lace panties. they look mighty comfy!
Alicia D'amore wrote:
I think perhaps Gunther misread or misinterpreted the initial post - the way I read the first post was that the OP's partner is perfectly happy with the activity the OP wants to engage in. But she is concerned it would eventually develop into something she's not happy with. The OP doesn't want to convince her in to liking it. He merely wants to put her mind at rest that it's not going to cross the line she has set in her mind. Is my understanding correct?
If that is the case, then Gunther, your post did read a little harsh. However perhaps the OP's choice of words like "convince" and "prove" set a little bell ringing that made you concerned for his partner. If the OP were trying to convinve his partner to partake in something she didn't want to then the post would, perhaps, have been fair comment but I personally think that the OP put enough information into his post to make it unnecessary (hence people getting upset at it being a little harsh to a poster needing advice).
Maybe you were jumped on a little quickly but I also think perhaps it could have been worded better - you say:
but was being positive about the relationship as a whole, the important thing is to stay together and work it out.
but in your one sentence post that didn't come across. As has been mentioned lately, it's important to add enough information to your post if you want the best chance of not being misunderstood.
Noone should have to tiptoe around one another, but at the same time, this does need to be a weloming place and I do think your post could have been misread by a newer member. Remember this is a public forum :)
Adx
I am posting not writing a thesis, I am sorry but I will not be held guilty of "omission" If you want to see something in a post that ist there but maybe could be there then that is up to you. I personally wouldnt change one word of my first post on this thread, it made people think.
WeeSteve wrote:
Ok as the person who jumped on the comment straight away, i
you didnt jump you reported, do it again and i will complain about malicious reporting, I think we both know what this is about
I reported as i felt, and others seem to agree, that it was a bit harsh for the 3rd post!
If you feel i was being unfair then report me.
And if your trying to make a refrence to our previous conversations i dont work like that on forums. I stay in thread. Other discussions / arguments we have had are not part of this thread and thus shouldnt effect my atitude towards it.
I said before, im not trying to start arugments im trying to help someone out with a problem. But if you insist on trying to start one i shall stop helping
gunther wrote:
I am posting not writing a thesis, I am sorry but I will not be held guilty of "omission" If you want to see something in a post that ist there but maybe could be there then that is up to you. I personally wouldnt change one word of my first post on this thread, it made people think.
Is there a reason for your aggression towards me? I responded politely to try and help you see how another poster may have misunderstood your post.
Noone saw something that wasn't in your post - they saw exactly what was there. No more, no less. That's part of the problem because you missed out the part of your post that you later clarified was what you did, in fact, mean.
It came across as a little abbrasive and I think it's important to be understanding and kind to other members as Alice so warmly reminded us all this morning. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/513102-reminder/
Theolain, I think you've responded very well, I hope the thread doesn't get derailed. I think I understood your post and you've been offered good advice :)
adx
I am sorry but in the post you quoted I said sorry if you take the word sorry as being aggressive then I am sorry, Councilling someone to possibly give up a fantasy for the long term good of a relationship is not being abbrasive it is being realistic. Sorry if you find sorry aggressive, any word you would choose in preference
I still think Gunther made a valid point with his original comment and I think maybe because of the recent tensions it may of been viewed badly. The problem with putting your words in writing is you can't convey the emotion behind them and they are, once written, completely subjective - the way you read it perhaps depends on your mood/views/preconceived opinions of that person. I don't want to get anyone's back up but I think we may be missing the point that the OP had no problem with his comment x
Naughtybutnice12 wrote:
I still think Gunther made a valid point with his original comment and I think maybe because of the recent tensions it may of been viewed badly. The problem with putting your words in writing is you can't convey the emotion behind them and they are, once written, completely subjective - the way you read it perhaps depends on your mood/views/preconceived opinions of that person. I don't want to get anyone's back up but I think we may be missing the point that the OP had no problem with his comment x
NBN
Thanks still water run deep
Naughtybutnice12 wrote:
I still think Gunther made a valid point with his original comment and I think maybe because of the recent tensions it may of been viewed badly. The problem with putting your words in writing is you can't convey the emotion behind them and they are, once written, completely subjective - the way you read it perhaps depends on your mood/views/preconceived opinions of that person. I don't want to get anyone's back up but I think we may be missing the point that the OP had no problem with his comment x
I have no preconceived opinions as I've missed all of the accussed behaviour and only really skimmed over that thread yesterday. This is actually why I decided to post, because I thought I had a little more clarity on the situation having no previous feelings on anyone's posting :)
But I don't think I was particularly rude in posting. Merely trying to help. Not to worry if it's not wanted.
Gunther, as an aside, you can be aggressive and use nice words. I don't think you're being naive though, I think you're perfectly aware of that. You said you were sorry, then clarified that with the statement that you wouldn't admit guilt for someone not knowing what you meant to say when you didn't say it *shrugs*.
Sorry mods, that could have been put more nicely *now* my mood *is* affecting my posting.
Adx
Alicia - I'm really not trying to 'loose friends and alienate people' here and I only felt comfortable to mention recent tensions as they seemed to surface on a thread I has already posted on - otherwise I wouldn't have got involved. I just see both WeeSteve's and Gunther's point of view and wanted to express this - I certainly didn't want anyone to take it personally, it was just an observation. I have been told by my OH that I can be so blunt sometimes it comes across as rude so am trying desperately not to do this - my apologies if I am failing miserably.
Naughtybutnice12 wrote:
Alicia - I'm really not trying to 'loose friends and alienate people' here and I only felt comfortable to mention recent tensions as they seemed to surface on a thread I has already posted on - otherwise I wouldn't have got involved. I just see both WeeSteve's and Gunther's point of view and wanted to express this - I certainly didn't want anyone to take it personally, it was just an observation. I have been told by my OH that I can be so blunt sometimes it comes across as rude so am trying desperately not to do this - my apologies if I am failing miserably.
No no no, your post was fine :) hence my smilies. I was only speaking for my own posts in relation to your observation but I was aware you weren't talking specifically about me (or even about me at all, I don't know). As I said, I'm not really "invested" in the forums anymore so my posts have been as objective as a person's opinions can be (not very). T
hat said, I do still feel that this place should be welcoming and people should learn from their mistakes. It is difficult to get your point of view across online but if you recurrantly fail to do so you have to question if you could modify your language a little to make life a little easier for everyone involved (not targeted at you in the slightest, merely a musing on the whole topic, I haven't seen you personally fail to express your point at all).
I would always hope people would point out to me if I had said something that could be misinterpreted and would hopefully (as I have done plenty of times in the past) express what I *meant* to say and apologise for any misunderstandings. Hence my posting here, I assumed the intentions were good, just misunderstood.
I treat people as I expect to be treated - with the benefit of the doubt that their intentions are good but with the expectation that they would want to do their best to be welcoming even if it means admitting something could have been worded better!
Adx
I completely agree Alicia, I'm just concerned about people taking things I say the wrong way as I try really hard not to say anything that could be misread
hey if people areb ig enough to apologize publicy on here isn't that enough and should be accepted and end the problems
it seems certain persons are not getting on,a few of us have had personnel warnings this morning enough is enough
ok lets get back on track peoples