I have enjoyed anal stimulation for a while, having fantasized about it for longer, and recently purchased my first sex toy - the 7" Extra Girthy Realistic dildo. After a few attempts I am able to insert it fully and I love everything about it, from the stretch as the tip enters fully, to the full feeling as it's inside me, to the tingling, bruised sensation for hours after I have used it. I love it so much that it was the first thing I did when I woke this morning.
My girlfriend and I are planning to buy a place together later this year. We've been together for 6 years (I've been divorced for 7) and this part of my appetite is unknown to her. I know I'll be able to survive without the dildo after we move in, but not sure I want to. On the other hand, I don't want surprise/shock/disgust her with the news causing her to leave me.
Any experience you can offer would be greatly appreciated. How have you broached the subject with your other halves?
Do you already use toys together? Perhaps mention to her you want to try a butt plug. Buy a less intimidating beginners plug and use it with her. Then work your way up to larger toys when she gets used to it. Perhaps see if she wants to try a plug too?
I admit when I first got with my partner and before I had used lovehoney I would have freaked out if he had told me that he used a large dildo. Luckily I'm a bit more open minded now and can't understand why he isn't making the most of that pleasure zone.
Honestly if you have been together 6 years it may shock her but she will accept it as it is part of who you are.
We don't use toys together. She implied that she used to own a rabbit vibrator, I think some time ago. We have a good, active, but conventional sex life.
She has massaged my perineum before, and that was amazing, but has never strayed further back. Maybe I should guide her that way and see what happens?
Any relationship that can't handle the truth about its members is doomed. If you feel like you can't tell her ANYTHING about yourself, or that she won't accept it, so you basically think you need to keep things from her or give up things you want because of her, well, sorry, but it doesn't sound like the type of relationship that is worth moving along with.
I know I might sound harsh, but I've seen so many very good relationships go bad or very bad because of lack of comunication or because of too many compromises from one party and too little from the other....
If you browse around the various topics on this forum, you'll see that 99,99% of the members' advice on pretty much any problem is comunication. Speaking also from own experience (known each other for 10, been married for more than 9 years, still very much in love), brutal honesty and deep comunication is the only solid base for a lasting (happy!) relationship.
Unfortunately I can't give you spot-on advice on how to go about it, not knowing neither of you, but you could either just sit down in a quiet evening and speak openly, or try to speak with her about "fantasies and desires" after a lovemaking, or try one of those online (or app-based) sex questionnaires that cover various topics and let one of those answers speak for you.
Wow I think this is a tough y .
I am being honest here , I think you should have talked to her about it some time ago .
Never mind yiu can try backtracking a bit.
When you both have had a few drinks and she is perhaps a bit giggly , why not both talk about your darkest fantasies and see what comes up. You could include yours to include Anal play in the hope you can cover your arse a little ( no pun intended) ..
Vanilla_Kink wrote:
Do you already use toys together? Perhaps mention to her you want to try a butt plug. Buy a less intimidating beginners plug and use it with her. Then work your way up to larger toys when she gets used to it. Perhaps see if she wants to try a plug too?
I admit when I first got with my partner and before I had used lovehoney I would have freaked out if he had told me that he used a large dildo. Luckily I'm a bit more open minded now and can't understand why he isn't making the most of that pleasure zone.
Honestly if you have been together 6 years it may shock her but she will accept it as it is part of who you are.
I agree, I'm not into anal and neither is my OH, but I have several larger dildos for viginal use. My OH doesn't know about all of them, but knows I have some. I usually use them alone, but we have had fun together with the toys.
Personally with any new toy I leave it on the pillow in the morning when I go out and return in the evening excited to be pleasures by it and my OH.
If you take it slowly, starting with something small like a but plug she should be ok with it. Maybe try slipping a finger in her bottom while giving her oral, afterwards ask her to do the same to you. Worth a try, I don't think you should have to give up something you enjoy.
Even if she is dead against participation, maybe she can agree to let you indulge yourself when she is not home.
Honestly I think you should just bring it up. Maybe when your just about to get into some play time. Thats what DH did. He asked me to play with his ass in the moment. I did and didnt really think much of it. Later now that we have talked about his wants etc we placed an order from Lovehoney and starting more anal play, pegging etc.
At the end of the day communication is key. You need to be honest about your wants/needs. Open and honest convorsation is the only way you will know her feelings for sure. So just go for it!
Anal play isn't for everyone. If you discuss it with her and she is dead against you two enjoying this together, that's her prerogative and I'd respect that. But I'd personally explain that it's a part of me I needed to explore and would like to do so when you enjoy some self-love. She can't deny you and shouldn't try to deny you anything you enjoy in your own time with your own body. Good luck
Maybe with valentines day coming up why not buy a little box of treats from lovehoney, thinks intended for both couples play and solo play for each of you.
Take it from the beginning with her, as it's a new journey - maybe not for each of you individually but for you both as a couple.
Take your time and don't rush it, this way you can gauge her reaction and participation before you drop a bombshell. And hopefully then you can get her to indulge in the play with you.
If anything I'd be more upset that you'd hidden somethjng from me for that amount of time. I would like to add, I hate anal play no matter how many times I try it however, I love using the toys and pegging him - I. Want to enjoy it on myself but I just don't find it enjoyable, however it makes me happy seeing how much he enjoys what I do to him lol.>
WinoSaur wrote:
Honestly I think you should just bring it up. Maybe when your just about to get into some play time. Thats what DH did. He asked me to play with his ass in the moment. I did and didnt really think much of it. Later now that we have talked about his wants etc we placed an order from Lovehoney and starting more anal play, pegging etc.
At the end of the day communication is key. You need to be honest about your wants/needs. Open and honest convorsation is the only way you will know her feelings for sure. So just go for it!
That's exactly what I did and OMG I am so happy. She was massaging my perineum and I got her to work backwards a bit, an as she got to my anus, I had a had a huge physical orgasmic reaction.
She was unbelievably happy to have found my spot, so to speak. She couldn't stop smiling. We are going to look online for toys today to enhance the experience. Thanks so much for the encouragement.
Nice one. Glad it worked out for you. Enjoy.
Great posts and advice from everyone. Communication is definitely the key. Both before and after! Is she familiar with the concept of the p-spot and how it can be just as stimulating for men as the g spot is for women? How about when you are both in a fun mood (perhaps couple of glasses of wine etc), you mention an interesting article you came across online (there's plenty out there). Bring one up that you have read yourself, and go through it together. See where that leads and judge how open she is to trying it. If she seems open to the idea then take slow and steady paces. Talk about how you're intrigued to know how that feels, and wonder if you can ever be brought to orgasm that way. Making sure she always knows it's something you want to explore together with her.
Best of luck! I know it's not an easy thing to bring up. Good to know how you get on.
Ignore my message above... Sorry, I just read your last post Backdoordog. Thought I had submitted my last comment earlier but guess I didn't! Glad it all worked out for you. Enjoy!
BackdoorDog wrote:
WinoSaur wrote:
Honestly I think you should just bring it up. Maybe when your just about to get into some play time. Thats what DH did. He asked me to play with his ass in the moment. I did and didnt really think much of it. Later now that we have talked about his wants etc we placed an order from Lovehoney and starting more anal play, pegging etc.
At the end of the day communication is key. You need to be honest about your wants/needs. Open and honest convorsation is the only way you will know her feelings for sure. So just go for it!
That's exactly what I did and OMG I am so happy. She was massaging my perineum and I got her to work backwards a bit, an as she got to my anus, I had a had a huge physical orgasmic reaction.
She was unbelievably happy to have found my spot, so to speak. She couldn't stop smiling. We are going to look online for toys today to enhance the experience. Thanks so much for the encouragement.
That's brilliant :) glad it has worked out so well!
Yay!!! Im so happy this worked out well for you guys!!! :)