How old are you and is your sex life improving with age? - Part 2

The "Compatibility" thread had me thinking about learning together in the bedroom. I found this old closed thread from before I joined the forum and I thought I'd re-open it here (as Part 2!) so that I can share my experience and invite others to do the same:

I'm 47 and my wife is 43. We've been married for nearly twenty years now, but it's taken us more than ten years of that to discover our respective true selves in the bedroom (or elsewhere!) and start having some real fun. It certainly wasn't the case that what went before was bad -- just that we had no idea what we were missing.

We were both virgins on our wedding night. My wife knew nothing about sexual technique and hadn't even played with herself. She had been brought up to be a "good girl" and had been told that her role as a good wife was to lie on her back, open her legs, and cheerfully accept what I gave her, even though it might be uncomfortable. I knew a bit more, but I hadn't been able to put it into practice. Perhaps surprisingly, our wedding night sex was a great success. The mood and the occasion certainly made it very special.

We carried on for a long time with this simple mode of penetrative sex. I wanted to try other ideas but my wife didn't seem keen and said that what we did was fine for her. A barrier between us was that my wife claimed not to have any fantasies at all, whereas I had lots of them but didn't tell my wife about them because I knew she'd regard them as filthy.

Eventually, things had to change. One evening, in a fit of frustrated horniness, I put on a stern expression and told my wife in a firm tone of voice exactly what I was about to do to her and that, if she didn't want me to do it, then she'd better say right away. My wife's eyes widened but she didn't object.

What followed was the start of a very enjoyable process of peeling away my wife's "good girl" external veneer to expose a very hot and sexy "bad girl" hidden underneath who just needed to be given permission to come out and play. As we did so, I revealed much more of my naughty side to her. Now my wife knows that I have a filthy mind but she can't complain because I know that she enjoys hearing about it and even putting some of it into practice.

So... we've come a very long way together! I'd love to be able to persuade my wife to do more -- hopefully that's just a question of time and confidence. Annoyingly, our greatest difficulty these days is finding the quality time together to enjoy this side of ourselves.

I hope that's of interest! Over to you...

i am 40 and my other isvery nearly 40...we have been together 2 and a half years and I an say 100%my sex life has improved with age...with him I can totally relax...ignore my wobbly bits and enjoy all that we do...

I am more relaxed to as the children are older and don't wake in the night and happier to use baby sittters to go out alone. All of this adds up to a much better sex like

I find mine is improving, when I was 20, I thought BJ's, doggy and riding on top were the 'must haves', now I know there is a lot more and I am fully aware of my sexuality, what I like, what i want etc

Forgot to add, i'm 30 next month

I like older ladies, I tend to find ladies in their 30 to 40s are my kind of girls! I am 21in march, so my sex life is ok better then it was afew years ago!

I do want to find a nice mature lady, that likes cuddles and playful. but kind of shy but the chance of me finding a lady of 30 to 40 going out with me is very unlikely!!

But there are some older ladies that are fully aware I am more attracted to them!!

No, it's heading downhill pretty quickly through lack of use. A friend took me out to dinner for my birthday a while back. We used to be lovers and carried on sporadically for a while after. He needs to do all of the planning and is lousy with communication, so I had no idea if sex was a possibility or where. It was, and at his, but my body just wasn't up to speed. We didn't have any lube there and so on. At 35, it would have worked more or less. At 45, it just hurt.

Trying to date has been a nightmare too. At times it's like the universe is just taking the piss. The nearest thing to success I've had in the last three years was a man who had no sexual response to me whatsoever. Absolutely serious about that. He's a cross dresser who's probably on the autistic spectrum and swears he finds some women attractive. Probably would have helped if I had to tuck and shave. %-)

I try to review a toy a month as a way of not letting things go too long. If it weren't for LH, I'd probably just forget about my sexuality altogether. Glad I found it.

I agree rosehip!!!

LH has made my sexual feels stronger! I didn't even knew lub even existed!

I can't really comment on this myself because my other half is the only sexual partner I've ever had (and i'm not ashamed by that at all) but my other half certainly can and this is what he says (you'll have to forgive him as he's computer illiterate lol!)

I'm 49 years old, lost my virginity in my early 20s to a woman who although she was 15 years older was sexually inexperienced. I then married a woman roughly the same age as me who was not really interested in sex other than to reproduce. After being married for 15 years we seperated and I then spent 5 years on my own (LITERALLY!) I thought I'd never have another woman in my life and was quite happy with that thought until I met my current partner. We were friends for quite a while as we worked together. I didn't know but she had feelings for me since the first time we met. It took me a while to realise that I felt the same way. Part of my reluctance was the age gap of 24 years (why would a young girl want an old man?) But when we did finally get together it was definitely worth the wait. WOW! I never knew relationships like this ever existed. Our sex life is absolutely fantastic. I have experienced things that I never thought were possible and I'm sure some of them are illegal lol. So yes my sex life (and life in general) has definitely improved with age.

awww saj I wish I could jump into bed with a 35 year old!!

If I could get into bed with a mature lady tonight I would!

I'm 45 and the OH 47 and our sex life just keeps getting better and better. I think the secret is being open minded but above all being comfortable with each other. The key is being able to talk openly with each other about your desires/fantasies etc. getting older certainly doesn't mean your sex life has to suffer, it can get better than ever!

For us - we've declined with age.

But we're in unusual circumstances and there are different reasons than age (not least because we're only 21 and 23).

We've only been with each other. We started having sex when I was 16. We're both very open minded and always did a lot of reading around so we had an adventurous sex life. It took a little bit of time to work through the vanilla beginnings but we worked through those stages quicker than most. Though that's not to say vanilla sex isn't fabulous - just everything in moderation right ;)

But right from early on sex has been painful and with time (and stress) I've deterioration. I have a joint condition with chronic pain, fatigue and susceptability to injury so that has its difficulties. But I also have nerve damage which has lead to really severe hypersensitivity in reaction to any kind of pressure on the skin of my vagina making sex impossible for the last year and it's increased in difficulty leading up to that. Of course sex isn't just about penetration but the sensitivity is also around my clitoris and the joint issues mean orgasm can be painful due to muscle contractions and rushes of hormones loosening my joints. Then there's the fatigue which has worsened over the last few years too - I've fallen asleep with cock in my mouth more times than I'd care to mention!

But we're working through it and trying to get things under control so they're bound to improve :)

I'm happy with our sex life - especially that we still have one with all the above :).


My sex life improved in the first year of my partner and I getting together. I was 18 and he was 30. After the first year however I havent noticed that we've improved in the bedroom department.

The sex has always been amazing and mind blowing. 99.9% of the time I orgasm and he always cums whatever i do :) Now 22 and he is 34 i dont know how our sex life could improve any more, I'm happy with how things are.

Fab thread Cuddly x

I would say our sex life has improved in that we are experimenting more but there is something still missing and i am not sure what!

When single i enjoyed the buzz of meeting a partner and having sex for the first time.

I just cant seem to find a `buzz' with my husband and we have been together 7 years. I am 42 he is 38. Sex is good when it happens and i am fulfilled and I believe he is too! In the early days the buzz was there. When we have sex now its kind of .. clinical .. almost like we have planned it because `its been a while' kind of thing.

I think it may be how i feel about my weight gain over the last 4/5 years. My husband has lost over a stone and a half and looks fanatastic and loves to show me his ass and legs and i love his body.. loads!!

Sometimes I just dont have any interest in sex at all, neither has he and prior to getting married I was always up for it probably more than him.

I hope things improve and i am optimistic after reading Cuddly Hubby experience! I suppose there is hope for us all!!

Dee_licious333 wrote:

I hope things improve and i am optimistic after reading Cuddly Hubby experience! I suppose there is hope for us all!!

Aww... thanks! I'm sure there's plenty of hope for you!

Dee_licious333 wrote:

I just cant seem to find a `buzz' with my husband and we have been together 7 years. I am 42 he is 38. Sex is good when it happens and i am fulfilled and I believe he is too! In the early days the buzz was there. When we have sex now its kind of .. clinical .. almost like we have planned it because `its been a while' kind of thing.

I know that feeling! As I mentioned earlier, I wish very much that my wife and I could find the quality time and space to express ourselves spontaneously. Instead, we often end up having sex just because there's an opportunity and we feel we shouldn't squander it. Sometimes, I've spent days having enjoyable thoughts about what we're going to do and how we're going to do it when we get the chance, but then it just feels wrong when the time comes.

Dee_licious333 wrote:

I think it may be how i feel about my weight gain over the last 4/5 years. My husband has lost over a stone and a half and looks fanatastic and loves to show me his ass and legs and i love his body.. loads!!

I can only speculate here, but I bet that your husband feels just the same way about you. For what it's worth, my wife has also gained a bit of weight over the last few years, but I can honestly say that it only bothers her (except that it bothers me that it bothers her, if you see what I mean!).

Maybe others from this lovely supportive community will be able to offer us both some further inspiration!

I have found it has and is hasn't, I'm much more comfortable in my self and knowing what I want as I get older, so when it works its great, but also because of this I have become much harder for a man to please lol.

I think for us, it's got better. I say I think because we had our first child a couple of years ago which is kind of draining but despite not quite getting frisky enough, when it happens, it's better than a few years ago.

Part of it could be our tentative steps into the land of toys and lube really does make things so much better. We've been together over a decade and I want this trend to continue. That's kind of why I'm mooching around on the LH site so much I guess.

Being only 22 I'm sure my sex life will improve... In comparison to vanilla folk I'm pretty adventurous and definitely play in the darker shadows but in comparison to some kinksters - I have much to learn. And I can't wait. As the years go by and I find more opportunities opening up to me I find things get better and better.

hi! im 48 and my OH is 47. we met via the internet about 18 months ago. the first night we met was a meeting of two people wanting amazing fun and exploration and i have to say thats what we have had!!

we have both brought ideas to the friendship and have both loved experimenting on one another. we both love our time together and always look forward to our next meeting, especially if one of us has visited LH for something new to play with.

sex for me when i was younger was boring and tedious and done because i felt i had to- now i jump on him as soon as he gets through the door!!

I'm 30 and my OH is 45 we have been together for 2 and half years now and our sex life has just got better and better, we have both had a lot of partners in the past but from the start our relationship was different we dated didn't jump straight into bed with each other which was nice and now our sex life is getting even better with time, we are both so at ease with each other we love trying new things and are happy to talk about anything and everything.

Well I'm only 22, and my current boyfriend is 22 as well (both of us are 23 soon), but my sex life is better than it's ever been. I feel a lot more comfortable with my boyfriend than I did with any of my exes. I feel we have greater trust and greater love for one another which translates into the bedroom. With every sexual experience I have had in the past it has helped me gain more insight into what my preferences are and what works for me. But I also think that a large part of it may be to do with the fact that all of my exes were virgins when we started dating whereas my current boyfriend wasn't, so we came into the relationship with a fairly equal skill set.