My girlfriend is not keen on the idea but I really want to try it and I want her to enjoy it. I have heard loads of people on here say its great but we have never done it.
I just ordered some of the beads to get it started but I was wondering if anyone has any tips on how I can get her to try it?
Sorry if this has been asked a hundred times but I could see any threads that specificaly asked this.
Thanks
Oh, also, googling articles on anal play for beginner's might be somewhere to start, and give you better advice than I can.
Hey, thanks for the advice.
Any tips on how to make it more enjoyable for her?
It depends on why she is against it. If she is convinced it'll hurt, or thinks it's dirty, that's something else than if she thinks it's degrading. You might want to figure that out first, in a way that doesn't feel like nagging for it. If she just absolutely refuses to consider it, I'd leave it for now. If she's mostly unsure about enjoying it, you could try some very slow exploring over multiple sessions.
For instance when you're going down on her rub your finger around her anus (there are a lot of nerve endings there). Do NOT push it in during this session. Just let her relax into being touched there first. Then maybe next week or something you can try a vibrator against her anus (don't turn it too high, it's kind of a crazy feeling). If she's used to that and enjoys it, try to slip just your fingertip in while she's coming. (make sure your nails are short and smooth first & use lube of course).
The important part is to take this in very small steps over multiple sex sessions, and also to not do this every time you have sex, or she'll feel like you're pushing her and might start to resent it. The goal is to get her to associate the feeling of her ass being touched with pleasant sensations instead of pain or 'dirty'.
Depending on why she refuses, it might also help to show her that you're willing to have the same done to you - that you don't think it's degrading and that it feels good to you. So try out those beads on yourself ;)
There's been a couple of threads about this sort of thing before. They're worth a read and contain all the wisdom the OA has to offer.
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/orgasm-army/anal-sex-toys/13104-how-to-start/
I think the most important point is that if she doesn't want to do it, SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DO IT!!! And nagging won't help. I'd tread softly and respect her boundaries or she'll never get into it.
skilgannon wrote:
Hey, thanks for the advice.
Any tips on how to make it more enjoyable for her?
Well, try and make sure you combine it with other stimulation for her, depending on what she finds most arousing. For example, the first guy I tried it with just...shoved it in there, came 30 seconds later and was done with it. It hurt like fuck, and I cried later because I couldn't sit down. But my current boyfriend got my little slimline vibe and used it on my clit. Just take your time with it, don't force her into it, make sure she's comfortable and ready for you to do it, because it's going to hurt her and be a lot more difficult to manage if she's tensed up for it. When you've worked past the toys and she's ready to actually let you fuck her ass (I can't give much advice about the toys as I never tried them) just make it about her, don't rush to do anal. Maybe give her a full body massage, do a couple of things that really turn her on first, and make sure you're keeping her happy before you suggest it. If she says yes, make sure you use plenty of lube, maybe try using a finger first, or warm her up with the toys you've been using, and make sure she's relaxed before you push in. Heh.
A steak dinner, a new pair of earings & a back massage would go a long way....
Seriously, talk about it before you attempt it. NEVER be tempted to 'oohh I just popped in by accident' it's a mental barrier as much as a physical one. Go shove the biggest carrot up your wahzoo straight from the fridge..... no,don't fancy it? See preperation is the key! You both have to learn, she has to trust you with her ass (quite literally!)
Start small with tinkling with tongues, fingers, when she doesn't flinch move onto fingers or really small butt plugs/vibes. Don't even attempt anal unless she is comfortable with a comparable butt plug to your cock. The other threads will lad you the rest of the way,
Good luck, be patient & well done for asking advice rather than hassling the lady!
I believe all guys are somehow anal-curious. In our relationship, he was anal-curious and by time I let him try.
Ass is a quite secret place for everyone, especially women. Most feel it really personal, much more personal than vaginal sex. As someone said before, nagging and putting pressure on her won't help. Of course I can only speak on my own behalf, but basically women don't feel no. 2 as a very sexy place at all and don't even connect the idea of it to sex. This might be because the vagina is naturally moist and anus is not. Try talking to your girl that you're curious and would like to try but don't force her. Tell her you'd do it very gently and let her get used to it first and not just shove yourself in. Think, what do YOU really think of anal sex yourself, if you were the bottom? How far would you let the top go? I bet you are a bit scared of it unless you've had gay relationships. So is she. Let her know that you're curious but it's not a necessity - regular sex with her is great anyway.
If you get to try this, start with caressing her buttocks, (not the vagina, that will only get her wet and want you to come inside her the regular way). For starters, use fingers or very small dildos and don't forget to use LOTS of lube.
And addition about my experience;
I let him try, he was really excited at first but he doesn't really ask for anal sex anymore. Now that he's satisfied his curiosity, he realizes that he likes regular sex much more and wanted to try anal sex because its slightly bizarre nature.
I don't enjoy anal sex much, I don't even think it's sex, but sometimes if he wants I might just give it to him if I'm not in a bad mood or want sex myself. It's more like a jerk-off thing for the guy, which isn't a bad thing. It's just got nothing to do with physical pleasure for the woman. I get only mental pleasure about getting to satisfy him.
Couple No. 7 wrote:
It's just got nothing to do with physical pleasure for the woman.
Whoa!
For you maybe. My experience is different.
Darth wrote:
Couple No. 7 wrote:
It's just got nothing to do with physical pleasure for the woman.
Whoa!
For you maybe. My experience is different.
Seconded. I LOVE anal sex and get a lot of pleasure from it - and last time I checked I was a woman...
bigbrownblowjobeyes wrote:
Darth wrote:
Couple No. 7 wrote:
It's just got nothing to do with physical pleasure for the woman.
Whoa!
For you maybe. My experience is different.
Seconded. I LOVE anal sex and get a lot of pleasure from it - and last time I checked I was a woman...
If you need a second opinion on whether your a woman I am happy to check the vitals for you External Media
Darth wrote:
Couple No. 7 wrote:
It's just got nothing to do with physical pleasure for the woman.
Whoa!
For you maybe. My experience is different.
Have to agree with Darth here too! Mrs Strapon has orgasmed from anal with no other stimulation. I guess just boils down to the fact that everyone is different! x
See I"m quite up for trying anal but Mr HP is not sure as he think he'll hurt me. If however he was asking me to give it a go when I wasn't sure then I'd want him to take a dildo, of equivalent size to his dick or bigger as he is twice my size, up his ass before he had a go on me! (hmmmm you know I think he'd probably love it!)
Andserkiel wrote: A lot bigger & thicker than you would expect, kinda like an anal bible lol
Haha I love that sentence!
I've only ever experienced giving anal play, a well lubed finger slowly being taken into her ass by her own pre-orgasm muscle contractions has always gone down well. I've been very very naughty and done it cheekily out of the blue before (not discussing it etc etc, I know, bad Jake!) but it's always been well accepted, with descriptions ranging from 'weird, but good weird' to nothing how I thought it would be sort of sentiments. Everytime I get to the point where I'm having really good, open sex with someone my fingers always strays and I have to remind myself to behave!
Well if you read my introduction... I am not really saying that I am a woman. It's complicated.
We're all talking on our own behalf here, right? It varies a lot what people like and don't like.
I prefer double penetration over anal sex, for example.
I did read it. We were not disputing what may or may not work for you, nor your gender. your statement was cearly;
"It's just got nothing to do with physical pleasure for THE WOMAN."
Thereby you are stating that you are in fact refering to women, and it is a general statement, you did not say, for example;
"It's just got nothing to do with physical pleasure FOR ME."
Whether intended or not, your comment was a rather sweeping generalisation and we were simply pointing out that it was an innacturate one - as most generalisations are.
That's all.
