I love my boyfriend, he is my best friend and after some dry spells we're really getting back in track in the bedroom. He is the only partner to consistently give me orgasms, the majority from finger action on my clit. I am lucky to have had three or four penetrative orgasms with him too. The problem I have though is clearing my head. I find that as soon as things heat up everything and anything comes into my head from paying the bills to something random at work. It's not that I'm bored, it's not that I'm not turned on. Does this happen to anyone else as I expect this is one of my main reasons for lack of penetrative orgasms
It's really difficult for most women to achieve penetrative orgasm anyways so I wouldn't be too worried about it.
How about trying some G-vibes?
And make sure you're extremely turned on before the action, try erotic fiction, erotic massage, candles, teasing toys like feathers ect.
You could try meditation before having sex - just some simple breathing excersies ight help you clear your mind
extended foreplay may also be a way to clear your head
the main thing though is to not put pressure on yourself - very few women have orgasms from penetration alone, and the more pressure you put on yourself the less likley it is for you to orgasm.
"You could try meditation before having sex"
Second that, I have been fortunate to be trained in various relaxation tehcnques.
Try this. Its very simple....
Lie down somewhere quiet, and comfy (or sit whaever you prefer)
Then will all your brain, focus on your toes, (big ones at first) and try as hard as you can to 'fel' them, and the sensations which are upon them (your socks, the air, the temperature) for a good 20-30 seconds. Then all your toes, really think about it.
Then imagine them getting really heavy while still thinking about them.
They should feel almost numb heavily and relaxed, if not image them sinking into the bed (or whatever).
Then continue that for the item part of your body. (ankles, calfs, knees, thighs etc etc) Spend a good time on each.
When at head, just stay relaxed for a while. All the time focusing on that part of the body (spend alot longer on head)
Then engage with your OH. your mind will be clearer - and the mind like to absort information around it. If its just him, you will absorb 'him' - so much sure there is no other distractions (evelopes around, TVs on, etc etc).
Give it a go, you might be suprised.
This is quite common, and studies show it is more common for women than for men. It really doesn't matter what magic he is conjuring down below; if you are thinking about something else, the actions don't matter.
Having your mind wander during sex will certainly diminish your sex drive, and the examples you gave were of things that will make you worry. Never have I been worried and fully aroused at the same time.
I find that before sex, if I have a lot on my mind, it helps to write these down first. Then I put the book on the other side of the room, in a drawer, where I know it is safe until I am ready to go back to it.
It is great that you recognise that your mind wanders during sex. As soon as you realise this is happening, think of one word, such as 'Focus'. Focus on where your partner's hands are, touch a part of him and focus on how sexy that part is, what it feels like, what he smells like. Look in to his eyes and kiss him, think of what he tastes like. These should all be appealing thoughts and should heighten your arousal.
Please don't think that emptying your mind will lead to multiple penetrative orgasms. I have had a few, but even the best mind-blowing sex sometimes can't bring them about. Around 25% of women can orgasm from penetrative sex. Just relax, and focus.
Sorry, this post was much longer than originally planned. Best of luck lovely!
Great advice Jessy
I don't think what's in your head has anything to do with the ability or inability to have penatrative orgasms. Everybody's different ard prefer different forms of stimulation to reach orgasm. Stress and having a lot on your mind, however can affect your lidido full-stop. We both have very hectic work schedules and sometimes find it hard getting to sleep. We've found a bit of sexy time is the best sleeping drug.
Clitoral stimulation along with penetration is my prefered thing. You may fancy trying this product:
The Lelo Mia 2 clitoral vibrator - it's amazing. Small, quiet & discrete but with super power. Fingers are redundant since I got mine. You or your partner can use it without it getting in the way of penetration, unlike big vibes.
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26487
If you need to have something else in your head, imagine a fantasy man - just don't tell your real man. Some things are best kept secret. Obvioulsy it doesn't mean you love him any less. George Clooney is much better to imagine than the latest leccy bill.
Wine always helps me relax lol.
My kind wanders too and stresses like bills and money have been known to pop into my head mid nookie!
It's definitely normal and definitely more common on women
If you find a way to stop it happening apart from developing liver failure from knocking back bottles of hardys , please let me know x