i should have added that whilst he enjoyed doingthe sensate thing for me, and was totally into what he was doing, he kinda for get that i was there and ingonored the fact that i was starting to hyperventilate etc til it got really bad, then it cam eto my turn to do him, he laid on the bed and i was totally blank in my head i really didnt have a clue what i was to do, i just put my hands on him on his back and that was it, i froze, this happened repeatedly for months and we never got past that point ever, so we never progress ed from the first stage which was meant to take 2 sessions and for us it went on for months 3-4 times a week.
i quote the last para graph from that site, Both the anxiety that is aroused and the defenses this anxiety elicits become important avenues for psychotherapeutic exploration, and can be very important in understanding and improving a couple's relationship in general, which most likely will have a significant influence on their sexual functioning.
this is the exact opposite of what we experienced with that woman, to the extent that perhaps she has made things even more difficult now as the options for us arent there anymore
private health care isnt an option and seeing as i have been took of my doctors list i hope i dont get ill in the near future or i will have to go to hospital to be treated.
oh they can do what they like if they can justify it!! and they can turn around and say that they havent go the resourses to treat me on the grounds of cost and that makes these things happen!! yeah im paying through working for a nhs service that i dont even have the right to use via my gp anymore unbelievable but so true
I think the main thing is - don't give up! I didn't have my first orgasm until I was 35...by which time I'd got three kids and was divorced from a husband I now realise was actually totally selfish in bed and not remotely interested in pleasing me. I met a man who made me feel like the most desirable woman in the world...and who managed to overcome my years and years of Catholic guilt about sexual pleasure. The female orgasm really does start in the head...and if you are anything like me...your upbringing may well have had a lot to do with your current situation.
I really feel for you...because I remember I used to suffer from the most horrendous pelvic pain for years which was misdiagnosed..and eventually resulted in a hysterectomy. I'm now under a fantastic GP who has me on HRT and following a loss of libido over the last 12 months has recently has also put me on Intrinsa (testosterone patches) these have been absolutely fantastic and have completely turned my life around.
I watched the programme about Dr Betty and really hoped you'd managed to sort your problem out...obviously this wasn't the case.. ..let's hope you get the help and lovemaking you really deserve.
i had high hopes at the start of the filming, and even when i arrived in new york although i will admit being terrified of what i was about to do, after seeing betty and that particular day i was, well what can only be called distraught, i spent that night on the internet getting a flight home myself to find that they also had been doing research and then getting arrangement made for asap to get me to see that doctor in london, point being that was the only time my gp actually took any notice of me, but even then she still didnt believe in what i was telling her, and i had to go through it all again at a nhs hospital locally, yet more time on waiting lists, to see a dermotologist that gave me excema cream for fanny pain!!! the cream didnt even go anywhere near my fanny, so the result was that it was a total set up for the tv and then any follow ups just havent materialised since i have had no contact from film makers or doctors and have been left like this on our own hence why i have ended up on here
ever y way i turn every door closes on me , and i feel like im now where any closer now than the day i first made love with my hubby, then boyfriend, all those years ago.
i give up i realy do its pointless to go any further with this.
all i can say is a big thank you to all that have read this and especially those that have responded i do appreciate your help but there has to be a time when a person says enoughs enough! once again many thanks to everyone.
Thanks to "Schnux1995" I'm glad you saw this programme. Also you are the only person who as tried to help who as been in a similar situation.It's something the majority of us just can't understand or even begin to fathom out. But for this lady it's a problem she's got to live with. I know she is feeling very low at this moment I only hope she can find a solution from somewhere. Despite the fact that none of us have found the solution to this, the response from you guys on OA and Ruth and her team as been fantastic...thank you.
Please don't give up my Hubby is trained in all of this and I hope you don't mind but I asked him what to do he says make a self referral to your local Community Mental Health Team (CMHT)in your phone book and ask to be put in touch with their Adult Team and he says you'll be picked up in their next team meeting to see a Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) for assesment with a view to working with you and your Hubby with a 95% success rate go for it girl!!
after our experiences before with the sex therapist i will admit to being reluctant in going back to see any from that team, can you explain to me how and what at the cmht they could do any differently and just how they get their claim of 95% success rate then i may consider it again. seeling that idea to my hubby is going to be very hard though and i need to have as much info as possible for that to be considered
I realise that by the sound of it you have tried everything, wdigms, and all credit to you for that. And, you say that nothing has (so far) apparently worked, but you have such an air of pessimism and defeatism about you that I wonder if you actually believe anything COULD work?
al im going to say to that is i really really hope that one day we find some sort of ray of hope!! anything!!! but so far its proving near im possible and ever try that ends in dissapointment just pushes that goal further and further out of reach.
As long as its legal try anything. I'm convinced there is something out there to turn you on,try doing something you like on your own.You have become extremly negative in your outlook but given the lengths you've gone to and the lack of success that is more than understandable but like everything in life if you are convinced it won't happen then it will never improve.Try to think positive and keep on experimenting. Notice you keep on using the term "we" and whislt I appriciate you love your spouse and want this to improve your sex life together I feel that you will eventually find the satisfaction you need from some activity you find yourself.Hopefully if you do this will then translate into your relationship at some stage but in the meantime concentrate on looking after yourself. If they sold what you need at "Lovehoney" I'd send you a parcel of it now ! Give the "Bubblemagic" suggestion a go even if you have to attend on your own, try to be positive ( I know thats easy to say but so hard to be when you've feel you've been so let down)and hopefully this time nexy year..........
This will be another attention seeker then. How sad we seem to attract them like flies.
i was invited here by one of your members, im certainly not an attn seeker, it was just that the person had heard what i was talking to her about and tried to help me out with things and suggested that after a while of us talking that perhaps those on here would be able to help. a few have made some good comments etc etc, but i certainly dont like being called an attn seeker just for having the guts to ask for help. thanks.
after reading these comments i feel i have to have my say .can't believe how brave you are to ask for help this way i was ill for about 10 yrs with gynie probems so i can understand your frustration.the gp you've got needs his/her ass kicked for not helping you in a positive way.what you have is a phsyical and mental block and the pressure to have an orgasm only makes it worse.firstly you need to take away the mental pressure and introduce fun and laughter into the bedroom this is where forplay without sex is a must!set the scene
with a nice warm room [not too hot so you both fall a sleep but comfy] maybe a shower or bath together with him washing you and you returning the favour ,scented candles ,feathers to stroke
and tiggle other with ,a soft silk scarf used as a blindfold so that you both don't know what the other is about to do [antisapation can be a turn on]your favourite tipple to relax you ,massage oil for the slow senual feel of your hands on his skin and his on yours [the lightest of touch of gives the best results.from the base of the neck to the tips of your toes there are millions of nerve ends just waiting to help release endorphines into your blood stream].you can use food in forplay to things you can feed each other are a must.do this a few times before you even think of taking it any farther. when you can be sensative to the slightest touch then u'll be ready for his more intermate of touches.
Sexybeast that's NOT at all helpful sweetheart!!! Even if you feel the lady is not entirely genuine please keep your opinions to yourself, I'm trying to get her to the best possible medical care and if she was treated so badly before she will take a lot of persuading to try again. Not everyone can enjoy the sex life you (claim to) have. So be a good boy and listen don't speak for a change.
Agreed "Bubbles",nasty comments are totally uncalled for and well out of order.The lady in question was featured on a recent Channel 4 programme,I can tell you her name and can assure you she is totally genuine."Schnux1995" saw the programme and will vouch for this.I fully agree her attitude is now totally negative but after so many let downs is that surprising ?? Glad to see "Bubblemagic" back after her recent illness, back to your brilliant best and as ever trying to HELP ,a concept that seemingly does'nt figure in the lives of some people !
Yes Ladies your quite right I shouldn't have said anything sorry about that but I have to say that when I've given help to others on here I just got kicked in the teeth for my trouble. I guess I just got that oh no here we go again feeling, sorry about that. Rest assured Bubblemagic its no claim, its a fact. We are like a couple of teenagers but with the skill and caring of experience.
OK so Mrs sexybeast and I have just read through ALL of the above in great detail and firstly find that you seem to have a negative answer for everything anyone has suggested to help you. We shall try to cover things we did not notice or were not there and do our best for you. This will involve questions which you must answer for yourself not us.
1 Your views on sex including your upbringing?
2 Were you raised in a convent or catholic school some of which I know are not kind or have any idea of what the real world is all about?
3 Have you tried aprima? It is supposed to be able to cause desire/arousal in a woman even where natural desire for her husband no longer exists.
4 This is a toughy from Mrs s/b have you ever been abused as a child/young person we BOTH have been so we feel free to ask. Sorry if it is uncomfortable to answer but you have to for your own sake.
5 What did those in control of your childhood teach you about sex? Was it portrayed as dirty? A duty to provide offspring? Something only men enjoy? Nice girls don't do that kind of thing?
That's basic stuff but we have to ask, please don't be offended.
Lastly and this is personal to s/beast. Before we were a couple we were wife swappers and one of the couples s/beast swapped with were friends as they very often are. The wife had never had an orgasm with her husband (his dear friend) in 15 ish years of marriage despite him doing ALL manner of loving things for her (He confirmed all this as true)
They swapped with s/beast and his ex wife. The woman who had nothing from her husband had orgasm's with s/beast during foreplay let alone later as things got warmed up.
Why? Its in the mind! She had children by him and was a faithful lover for years but HE DIDN'T TURN HER ON. It just didn't happen between them. Did s/beast do things his dear friend didn't do? Not at all. She just didn't have the chemistry with the man she married.
WE NEVER EVER TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED WITH US. Because she laid it down as a challenge. MAKE ME COME.
So I did.
Couldn't turn a lady down now could I Bubblemagic.
But WE NEVER EVER TOLD HIM. He was my friend.
thanks for reading this better sexy beast , no i wasnt brought up in a convent or catholic school, i have never heardof aprima but in looking for it in google i find that its a "viagra" type pill, i have tried viagra from my gp before, my face got hot and that was it!!! no abuse, yes sex was a total no conversation in our house apart from the time when at 11 i brought the papers home from school and was told ok this is going to happen every month and dont let any one touch you there!! that was the best i got from mum and dad. lastly i dont think i could ever cheat on my hubby for any reason its just not in me to do that.
Just hang in there my friend it's a very difficult thing to get right,I can vouch for that and even now we have our moments when things don't go quite right. PLEASE though never give up on the medical profession there will always be someone out there willing to listen, I'm just sorry you don't live in my area as Hubby's a great listener and I think that could be more than half of your trouble. You need someone to listen and someone to lead that's all. If I can help by getting in touch with your nearest CMHT just shout.