No it isn't the end of the world but he was my world. We are so alike and have nearly everything in common and he's the only guy I've ever felt that 'spark' with. It's just really horrible to think he was the one but I was so wrong about that
I've thought for a long time that trust and respect are what a successful relationship needs. As a result I think that a relationship can never be the same again once one person has proved that they can't be trusted. I've never seen a relationship work once trust has been broken, all I've seen is that the person who forgives becomes a doormat for the other one.
I've been beated to it in this thread so I seem to have agreed with the others. With this in mind I think you're right to end the relationship.
Honey I think everyone else has said exactly what I'm going to. It may not have been physical cheating but you'll never know if it would have become that if he hadn't been found out. In my opinion, any breach of trust is unforgivable. My husband and I have been together for 21 years and I have never had a second where I haven't trusted him implicitly, and he has been the same with me. I might admire a good looking man, and I'm certain he appreciates a sexy lady, but it would be very wrong to take it any further.
The same happened to me when I was much younger and I thought I could never get over it, that he was the only one for me. Time is a great healer,and I think you are honestly better off alone than with a man who is stupid enough to betray your trust. Good luck!
He told the other girl he was single and he liked her, that straight away is cheating. Having feelings for someone beyond a friend can happen without intention, but continuing contact and acting on the feelings is betrayal. He coerced this woman into sending him naked photos and videos, he has to have charmed her, possibly even made her feel a relationship was on the cards.
When she found out about you, he told her he was sorry for having a girlfriend and that he really likes her, sounds to me like he wants to keep things going with her, while telling you she was a mistake.
Honestly, now you've left him i wouldn't be surprised if he is messaging her asking her out. He's wanted to have his cake and eat it, and if he was willing to cheat on you once before, he'll be willing to cheat on you again. If he genuinely doesn't see what he did as cheating, then he definitely won't have an issue doing it again.
Trust is one of the most important factors in a healthy relationship, once it's gone, it can be impossible to get back. I personally, couldn't forgive a man for cheating, and I'd end up driving myself crazy if i tried. I'd be second guessing everything he did, everywhere he went, who he was talking to, we'd both be miserable.
I feel a lot boil down to self respect and genuine appreciation towards your self. Obvious your X did not have any for himself or for you, or he would not of shared his enrgy in an intimate fashion with another female.
I agre with what some people have said here. Trust, respect and communication is essential. Regardles of how long you were with them, it still hurts. Personally hope you dont take it to heart. I dont share pictures of my self or show my self on cam, even though I have a huge opportuity to do so.
But then on the other side of the coin it is `my` choice in what I do with my energy and body, but I need to e responsible for the consequences that come from my decisions or lack of them. Apprently your X is not responsible enough.
Warm Hugs
SF
I have been here, we stayed together though. He didnt know any of the skanks he was texting in real life. Have known eachother for 14 years, been together for six. I think this is a really touchy subject and there are many different elements depending on circumstances.
We have been through a lot together, some really horrendous intense shit. But anyway when i found out what he had been upto i chucked him out of our home straight away.. Only to realise, infact i wanted to work through it. I felt like i owed it to myself to know what would happen if i did. If i threw it all away i would always be wondering 'what if'. So i have stuck by my other half. It wasnt easy. Far from it. In the beginning i kept questioning myself, i thought i was pathetic taking him back. Then i was angry. Extremely angry. I questioned everything he did. Every move. Every word he said i analysed! Then came something I didn't expect... Horny! I found myself getting off on reading the things he had written to other people.
The thing is, when you are in a relationship.. In the beginning the sex never ends, there is no 'i'm too tired tinight' no excuses. But life? Well life eventually gets in the way. You are too tired cause of work and kids. You know your oh isnt going anywhere, there is no urgency to be constantly having sex all the bloody time anymore. We never stopped having sex. But we lost who we were. My hubby, is very dominant. Evil some might say. Lol. I am the perfect little sub. Somewhere along the line, we sort of lost that, startrd just to be normal, mr and mrs vanilla sex life. It was during this time he started with the chatting sexually with others, exchanging pics etc. i was devastated, naturally. But actually, his stupid secrets and lies saved our relationship! Through reading his messages to these women/men online subs he had, i remembered who i really am! Suddenly i was that little sub that craved direction an his approval of every single part of me! To tear me apart and reward me later :) assuming i did a good job! I needed my master back! Something that because i was plodding through life i hadnt even noticed we lost. Everything since i had this realisation has been amazing. We now chat/pics with people together! Nothing is secret and if he does chat to others without me he tells me, as do i tell him.
Point is, its make or break. You can either cut all ties, or let this make you both better people. But your circumstances may be different, and you cant help how you feel. There is no right or wrong answer here, if you go back it doesn't make you a weak person. The only thing is though if you do go back to him you have to let go of whats happened becaus i you dont it will tear you apart.
Hopefully is made even a shred of sense its 2.25am i am shattered a half asleep and probably rambling lol:)
Good luck lady x
Kittycat102 wrote:
Am I wrong to have left him?
HELL NO! Absolutly the right decision.
Sorry this has happened but be strong and stick to your guns, I wouldn't trust him if he's done this. He says it was a mistake, erm no sorry not buying that, it went on for a few months and he didn't stop once and think hang on this is wrong?
Move on from this cheat, find someone better and don't worry about if it was you or what you done wrong because it's him. Not you.
Morning hun. First, let me tell you that I have been cheated on, a lot.
If your ex saw he needed to keep these messages from you, and decided you shouldn't be in the loop then he was cheating. I'm not saying he's been physically cheating. But would you want to stay with someone who:
Hides things from you
Hides things from other girls (things that shouldn't be hidden)
Pretends he's single when he's not
Tells other girls the this he tells you.
I'm sorry, but once a cheat always a cheat in my eyes. I stayed with a cheat after he hurt me so much and I promise you, things only get worse... you can't trust them and because of that you continue to bring it up.
Let's be real babe, he's not sorry for what he was doing. Or he wouldn't have been doing it. He's sorry he got caught. I won't stand here saying that all men are the same blah blah, because they're not. All cheats and liars on the other hand are.
You've got to remember he hasnt just ruined you. He's ruined that poor girl, who thought he was genuinely single as well as being a nice guy. Don't be mad with her. Because she could have found our and either carried on or ditched him and not said anything to you which would have meant he would have carried on.
I can tolerate a lot of things. But not cheats. He's a liar and that's all he will be. If you want to continue been with him without trusting him. Then go ahead. From my experience with cheats... things only get worse.
I noticed after I posted too :')MysticalMayhem wrote:
I've noticed this is from January! I would love the op to give us an update on how she is now xxx
I think this is a thread that we just need an update for. Giving any more advise for this isn't going to do anytrhing until we are given an up to date position .
Hi guys lol I didn't even know people were still posting on this. But we still aren't together but we talk, a lot. And sometimes we both act like we're still together (say sweet things,etc) and I've told him I still love him, which I do but I don't think I can get back with him. I know what I'm doing isn't good but I really can't help it