Sorry guys, but I may need an ear and maybe someones thoughts about this.
I am no longer with my partner, I just could not take it anymore. Part of this is because I fell for someone else. Someone I never expected to fall for. Actually someone whom I did not like in the beginning.
At first it was going all right. We chatted happily. But then it started to go wrong about 4 days ago. He said he would never push me into anything, because I am much younger (by age I could be his daughter, its over 20 years) than he is and he would never expect me to be willing and interested in being with someone of his age, but I am. I know he is busy watching the football matches, but I seem like he is ignoring me. And he did not reply to my message about something that happened (a mutual friend was trying to flirt with me, basically). And our chats are now very sparse.
In the past conversations, we were actually discussing our future and how to deal with the possible reaction of our friends and families and how to deal with distance relationship, so I assume he was serious?
Am I overreacting by thinking something is wrong, or... Should I get ready for a broken heart?
Sorry for this, but I may need to get this out of me
It does not sound like he is being very attentive :(
If the football is an excuse are you always going to happy with being a lower priority than his leisure time? Long distance relationships are hard enough, they need lots of love and devotion from both ends if they have any chance of working.
Unless you're sending him a constant stream of messages, I don't think you're over-reacting.
If a girl was interested in me and I saw her flirting with someone else then it would make me feel a little crushed inside and if we'd had a big chat about our future, it would make me start questioning if the relationship could work given the age difference etc.
Text is an appalling way to try and resolve these kind of issues, if you can, go meet him and talk to him face to face, ask him if he was upset and what can you do to make him feel like the only guy for you. Remember, us men are all extremely insecure, so some kind of acknowledgement that you understand my pain would help me enormously. If he then wants all kinds of guarantee's that you'll behave in the future or starts talking about places where you can and can't hang out then, sadly, I would walk away.
My instinct is telling me that he hopes you'll lose interest. You mention a distance relationship? How far away is he? Who is he with? How have you validated that? Who else knows about your relationship? Is it common knowledge or something he keeps secret? Bottom line... You've left a partner and this new guy is busy watching the footie? What do your instincts tell you?
i think there is a text drive like a sex drive, my daughter is texting morning noon and night i find it a pain in the derriere, maybe he doesnt like text as a medium, my texts amount to "at airport" " arrived" "in taxi" ...hers are "safe trip" "good" "see u soon" lol
I am often in meetings have no reception or driving .....text is a crap way to communicate whoever sends the text doesnt know if ive got it or ignoring it
Well... This is really new, so its not a common knowledge for people round us. I dont like to make things public until I have more security, really.
Funnily enough his lack of time does correspond with the football matches now. And to be honest, I can sometimes step back for his interests. He would have to step back at times too and let me do my job. its possible that I will be going for research project out for a month or 2. And considering the football started few days ago, I do not know if I will be the lower preference for him...
the drew: I did not flirt! Our friend did with me. I did stop it, but... could do a harm, for sure. But this is not my fault, I did not start it.
So you're happy that he's not married/engaged/with someone. However, you believe that you have a 'relationship' with this person and have just exited another to be with him. The intensity and interest level should be quite high? Even out of simple concern for your welfare I have to say that we're showing more concern than he is! Is this what love is?
Well... I left another relationship, because that one was pretty much dead and we just kept it going, but as some people here may confirm, I was considering quiting it anyway, for about 2 months now.
By the way. I believe we are not yet in relationship fully. I believe that we are somewhere in the trying phase. For me really being in relationship comes with time, when it is established. Thats why I do not tell people round me like mad immediately.
And the intensity was high, until I went home for couple of days and before the football started. Then it went down, but it could be because he is working and because he is watching football.
Lavelia i do think ladies think more about relationships than men. I remember when I was seventeen a girl i had been flirting with asked me what sort of relationship I was looking for I hadn't a clue what she was on about lol
I don't want to sound patronising so slap me if you're offended.... You seem to have concerns. Having read your post, I have concerns. If it was me and you, I'd be there. If it was me and anybody else, I'd be there. Having said all that, have I totally misunderstood? You've discussed your future together and the reaction of friends and family. But you're not in a relationship? Who's trying? He's watching football. Did you find the clip on 'YouTube'? What time does the match start....?
Well... the thing is that there are lot of definitions of relationship and for me that starts bit later. I may be discussing some plans with the person, but it is only after a while when I can say I am in relationship. Right now I would think of myself as in possible relationship stage, which basically means it can end up in one or it may not. Very hard to explain. But I dont consider this being a relationship yet.
And I am not sure what you mean by the last 2 lines.
And not sure what that has to do with that. Old enough to go through several relationships and admit, some were tricky in the past too.
My apologies if I'm confusing you. The reference to 'YouTube' is because there is an advert for Foster's lager. It shows a girl talking on the telephone to two men. She doesn't realise but all the time she talks, they are playing volleyball and doing other things right up until she finishes talking at which point she thanks them for listening.... Unaware that they never were. My remark about the match starting was sarcastic, in direct comparison to your man doing the same. Should I be doing something else instead of telling you something you already suspect. If you are not in a relationship with him, leave him alone. You never expected to fall for him and didn't even like him. It sounds like a power-play. He's had his fun. Quite why you are certain that he is unattached I don't know but if he had ANY feelings for you, he'd be there for you when you need him, like now! No offence meant by querying your age. You are obviously old enough to know better.
Well. we just had a quick chat. After I woke up - I had headache and he would let me lay my head into his lap and fall asleep again, if I was there with him. So maybe its not that bad between us.
AA, yes, there are different relationships, for sure. But I was thinking about relationship as with a partner, lover. And I am just getting into that stage. I dont usually go into it immediately. Last time it took me about 2 months to really consider it being partners.
And thanks for the hug. one for you back, for your health issues. I am sorry I was not round much, but now you know why
Grimm: I got to know him better and I had fallen for the person.
Hello Laveila, sorry I couldn't respond last night. My job involves information and analysis so I've reproduced below some of what you've said.......
"In the past conversations, we were actually discussing our future and how to deal with the possible reaction of our friends and families and how to deal with distance relationship, so I assume he was serious?"
"...he told me he loves me, and we were making plans together, so its not only about flirting? But I may be wrong."
"But I dont consider this being a relationship yet."
"I dont usually go into it immediately. Last time it took me about 2 months to really consider it being partners."
"Am I overreacting by thinking something is wrong, or... Should I get ready for a broken heart?"
You have discussed your future together, he said he loves you, your reference to a broken heart, all show that you have been involved in a relationship and it's clearly something that you want. Unfortunately, the other information or lack thereof creates a gloomy picture. The distance you mention. How far away does he live? How do you know he isn't already in a relationship? You have not answered that question. You said "...the intensity was high, until I went home for couple of days and before the football started. Then it went down, but it could be because he is working and because he is watching football....." I am repeating myself but you've just gone through the stress of leaving your old partner and this new man says he loves you but he's busy watching football.... I note that you've managed a 'quick chat'? Wow! Arielle_Aniko observed that you have a relationship. Her remarks about him making an effort were also particularly relevant... I think your heart is telling you one thing but your instinct is telling you something else. Any relationship requires commitment from both parties. Where's his? You referred to your several previous relationships. How did you resolve your problems there? Forum vote? If you want to know what your prospects are with this bloke, try asking him the direct questions. Sorry to be blunt, but you asked, x
Grimm, firstly, we have known each other for some time before this happened. Yes, there is always the risk he has someone somewhere, but that risk is actually most of the time there. It actually happened to me before. And I seriously did not ask about these deep analyses and actually it is making me rather uncomfortable. As it just adds what if and what if this and what if that etc. There are always similar risks to this when starting something. And actually I had a close relationship in the past when he managed to sneak a second partner in. Distance does not mean that much.
And to be honest, I just wanted an opinion, and I did not ask the forum to resolve this problem for me. I will do it the way I will decide to. I am old enough for that. Just wondered what others would say.
Btw. He is busy football, yes, but you know, in the near future I will be busy for week too and I will not be able to talk to him, almost at all. Simple as that.
We talked last night for a bit after football.
and my instincts are not always right. I can take things the wrong way at times. I did do that in the past. I think it may be some of my deeper insecurities sometimes which are making me this way. But dont know.
You invited thoughts. Preparing for a broken heart is a pretty big deal. If you're going to make a big decision, make sure you've got the facts. All of them. Not just the ones you want. My remarks are not flippant. I have considered your situation, given my thoughts and hopefully my rational is clear. I am sorry if you are offended. Please accept my apology.
