So I've just woke up to a Facebook message on my phone from some girl I don't know.
There's Whatsapp screenshots of her and my BOYFRIEND talking and she thought he was single and she sent him pics and videos of herself (of the explicit nature) and saying she liked him and he was saying he liked her too. It's been going on for a few months.
In some of the last screenshots she was really upset because she found out he has a girlfriend and he's said yeah I have a girlfriend and I'm sorry but I really like you.
I talked to my boyfriend (now ex) about it and he said he's really sorry and he made a big mistake but he loves me and he's sorry for what he did.
Am I wrong to have left him? I just can't be with him after this because it hurts a lot and he's destroyed all the trust I had for him.
I think if I stayed with him, it wouldn't be the same anymore, there'd always be this wall between us and I wouldn't be able to do it.
Really sorry to hear of this happening to you, Kittycat; what an awful thing to wake up to.
Personally, I think you've answered your own question; once they've been broken, those bonds of trust are difficult to rebuild, especially after such a transgression. Trying to rebuild then maintain the relationship with that simmering underneath will always be a source of tension between you both. If you really find you can't live like that, then best to get out when you can.
That might sound harsh, but personally, I really don't think that I could forgive such a breach of trust. Even though he says he still loves you, how can you trust anything he says again? Perhaps in time, you could give him an opportunity to redeem himself, but that depends on if you even want him back. For now at least, you need to be out of it to recover from the shock of it and get your thoughts in order.
I don't know if that's of any help to you - I'm sure there are others on the forum who could advise you better - but I hope that at least we can all help put your mind at ease.
Really sorry to hear of this happening to you, Kittycat; what an awful thing to wake up to.
Personally, I think you've answered your own question; once they've been broken, those bonds of trust are difficult to rebuild, especially after such a transgression. Trying to rebuild then maintain the relationship with that simmering underneath will always be a source of tension between you both. If you really find you can't live like that, then best to get out when you can.
That might sound harsh, but personally, I really don't think that I could forgive such a breach of trust. Even though he says he still loves you, how can you trust anything he says again? Perhaps in time, you could give him an opportunity to redeem himself, but that depends on if you even want him back. For now at least, you need to be out of it to recover from the shock of it and get your thoughts in order.
I don't know if that's of any help to you - I'm sure there are others on the forum who could advise you better - but I hope that at least we can all help put your mind at ease.
Good luck.
Well thank you. it's actually really good advice and I agree with what you've said. I don't even believe that he loves me, if he did then how could he do that? That's the thing I dont understand at all
I'm sorry to hear that happening to you Kittykat but magicnumber69 has the right advice. Trust has definitely gone now and I would not want to be with anyone who did not give me 100% of them, You were right to have left him and as painful and upsetting as it is now you will bounce back eventually knowing you made the right choice. Keep talking through the forums and have some fun with LH toys for a while, you deserve it.
There are three main things that are required for a successful relationship - honesty, trust and respect. Without one, you can't have the others. It seems that he was just a fool to break that.
I've never cheated. My wife is my absolute goddess. Although she is my submissive in the bedroom, I worship her within that and would never betray her by speaking with other women or going behind her back.
You shouldn't settle for any less. Find someone who really does love you, who always wants the best and will do anything for you.
Don't go running back to him because it feels different without him. Remember that he was essentially cheating by doing what he was doing as you hadn't agreed to it.
Be strong and find someone else. He obviously doesn't deserve you.
There are three main things that are required for a successful relationship - honesty, trust and respect. Without one, you can't have the others. It seems that he was just a fool to break that.
I've never cheated. My wife is my absolute goddess. Although she is my submissive in the bedroom, I worship her within that and would never betray her by speaking with other women or going behind her back.
You shouldn't settle for any less. Find someone who really does love you, who always wants the best and will do anything for you.
Don't go running back to him because it feels different without him. Remember that he was essentially cheating by doing what he was doing as you hadn't agreed to it.
Be strong and find someone else. He obviously doesn't deserve you.
I really am jealous of the great relationship you and your wife have, congrats :)
I actually thought cheating was never cheating unless it involves sex or a sexual act with somene else
I actually thought cheating was never cheating unless it involves sex or a sexual act with somene else
This is just my view, but I think most people would define cheating as any emotional or sexual involvement with somene else, including flirting and kissing and the sort of things one would do within a relationship.
Basically, if you're doing something that you'd normally do with your partner/spouse with somene who isn't, then I'd define that as cheating.
There are three main things that are required for a successful relationship - honesty, trust and respect. Without one, you can't have the others. It seems that he was just a fool to break that.
I've never cheated. My wife is my absolute goddess. Although she is my submissive in the bedroom, I worship her within that and would never betray her by speaking with other women or going behind her back.
You shouldn't settle for any less. Find someone who really does love you, who always wants the best and will do anything for you.
Don't go running back to him because it feels different without him. Remember that he was essentially cheating by doing what he was doing as you hadn't agreed to it.
Be strong and find someone else. He obviously doesn't deserve you.
I really am jealous of the great relationship you and your wife have, congrats :)
I actually thought cheating was never cheating unless it involves sex or a sexual act with somene else
I'm sorry. I never meant to make you jealous. I was just trying to demonstrate that not all guys are like your ex.
I guess everyone has different thoughts on cheating. However, nude photos are almost a prerequisite for cheating as they show willingness to share something only meant for your other half, unless prior consent was given. I guess it's what is in your mind that is the most important. However, no-one should have a relationship without trust. It's not healthy and barely ever works.
Sorry to hear this, it's not a nice experience, so big hugs x
TBH I highly doubt he would have taken it from texting to in person, sounds like he was getting his kicks from 'free porn'. I know a fair few guys who do this but it doesn't make it right.
Cheating can come in all forms, emotional is one of them.
But once trust has gone from a relationship, it is really hard to get that back unless the one breaking the trust can show they really can change.
Trust is probably the most important thing in a relationship,once it`s gone,things will never be the same,there will always be that little doubt in the back of your mind.
Just keep walking, don't even look back, you made the right decision. Once a person shows that they, man or woman, are capable of cheating then it is easy for them to do it again. Sorry that you had to go through this. Even though I love someone, it would be very difficult for me to ever trust someone or even stay with them in the same situation. I would always wonder what they were doing or where they were and even if they were behaving, you can never truelly believe it and stop questioning them. I have seen it happen several times where someone stayed together and even though they stayed faithful, the relationships all ended because the thought that it could happen again never really left and ultimately ruined the relationship later.
Ahh I see. Well if I said to him that he cheated, he'd be like well I didn't have sex with her or even have any physical contact with her
You're entirely right to have left him, he cheated on you and if he won't class it as cheating then not only is he a cheater, he's a damn immature person! It doesn't matter if he didn't do anything physically, or even if he never intended to, this is still cheating.
Really sorry this happened to you but you are 100% in the right here. He damaged your trust. he hurt you. Saying he made a mistake just because he got caught doesn't change what he was doing, and what he would probably have continued doing had he not been found out. If he truly thought it was a mistake he would have stopped talking to her, not continued to take her pictures and tell her how much he liked her!
Don't back down on this. No doubt he will pester you with excuses and try to wheedle his way back in. It'll hurt like a bugger to stand your ground and say NO but it'll hurt more if he did this to you again! You deserve so much better than this in a relationship. He needs to wake up and realise his actions have consequences, and this time it was that he lost you.
I think that cheating is anything that you wouldn't feel comfortable telling my SO about. If I am behaving a certain way and I think "I can't tell my SO about this because they would be angry/hurt/upset with me" then I shouldn't be doing it. Anything that you feel you have to keep secret, is a form of infidelity to me.
He didn't tell you what he was doing on Whatsapp with this other girl, because he knew you would feel betrayed by it. He can argue semantics by saying that he didn't have physical sex with her, but the fact that he kept his behaviour from you and is now apologizing for it, shows that he knows it is wrong and he shouldn't have done it.
Every couple needs to decide for themselves how to handle cheating - some end the relationship immediately, some want to try to repair what was broken. If I was in your shoes, I would have made the same choice and ended the relationship. By making excuses for his behaviour through technicalities like "I didn't have sex with her", and by not telling you himself and letting you find out through someone else, he is showing that he isn't trustworthy. I don't think it's possible to rebuild a relationship with someone like that.
Really sorry to hear you're having a tough time and that your ex broke your trust like that. I think you've done absolutely the right thing in leaving him and deciding that you can't trust him. I think another thing to ask yourself is whether he would have ever told you if you hadn't found the messages, because he didn't willingly own up to it, he was caught out. It must have been really hard to find out like that and to walk away from him, but if he treats you in that way then he's not right for you.
Don't do anything too quickly, have a cooling off period to see how your emotions go, although I think you've already made your decision. Whilst Facebook etc. gave you the information, sometimes a bit of time away from social media can be helpfull ?
So I've just woke up to a Facebook message on my phone from some girl I don't know.
There's Whatsapp screenshots of her and my BOYFRIEND talking and she thought he was single and she sent him pics and videos of herself (of the explicit nature) and saying she liked him and he was saying he liked her too. It's been going on for a few months.
In some of the last screenshots she was really upset because she found out he has a girlfriend and he's said yeah I have a girlfriend and I'm sorry but I really like you.
I talked to my boyfriend (now ex) about it and he said he's really sorry and he made a big mistake but he loves me and he's sorry for what he did.
Am I wrong to have left him? I just can't be with him after this because it hurts a lot and he's destroyed all the trust I had for him.
I think if I stayed with him, it wouldn't be the same anymore, there'd always be this wall between us and I wouldn't be able to do it.
You pPoor thing hugs don't ever go back to him years ago before I met hubby I found out about now thank God ex useless in eveyway was seeing his own exes while still with me. I found out after He'd had the cheek to want a holiday away then chuck me I wanted to come home straight away I can tell you. Treat yourself get your head past the hurt stage it will pass I promise take care there are better people out there.
Aww thank you all so much. It's really all helpful advice and I appreciate it a lot. I think you're right that if she hadn't of found out about me, he'd of just continued it. He was talking to me earlier saying please don't leave me and please don't throw this away because of her, etc.
I still said I've already left you, it's too late.
Like everyone else, I would class what he did as cheating.
As for YOU throwing this away because of her! HE is the one who has thrown the relationship away because of her because HE is the one who betrayed YOUR trust by doing what he has done and not the other way around.
Be strong. I feel it's better to be single rather than in a relationship with someone you cannot trust or be happy with. Being single isn't the end of the world!