So i found out my girlfriend was chatting to other men through email, I wouldn't mind but she was sending pictures of herself that was done just for me not nudes, but I'm more upset that she was telling people she was single with a child, Has anyone had this kind of a problem and how do i get over it, I know she wouldn't of cheated on me but its the pictures and her saying she was single, this happened a couple of months ago, to show she is committed to me she changed her mobile number and deleted her email.
Honestly if it happened before it kinda sounds like it may happen again, I know how terribly crushing it can be as Iāve been through similar before myself and my ex even went as far to do a webcam show with said female who thought he was single -I was pregnant at the time. But point being it never really changed. One he didnāt stop he did it again but the trust was gone too. I really hope you find a way past it but just know you also deserve better than that! Hugs to you I know what an awful situation this is šŖ x
I'm going to come across a bit harsh but honestly, you need to sit her down and have a good talk about it otherwise it's going to either keep eating at the back of your mind, or it's going to keep happening. Regardless of which of the two it is, neither is good for your relationship.
I had the same thing with my other half, secretive conversations, her getting paranoid that I'd go through her phone (I wouldn't) and a bit of flirting around.
I tried talking it out, but she didn't want to hear any of it, and practically ignored me to go chat (and flirt) with her friends. The problem is with this is I got the silent treatment, along with regular verbal.
I didn't argue, relatiate or get aggressive, but the insults along with other things kept coming.
If you and your partner are still communicating well, then you've got some hope and a chance. If communication is one-way and has already broken down, it's just going to get worse mate.
Hey That must have been bit of a kick in the teeth ! She needs to understand that it's going to take you a while to get over something like that, if you do at all. It's a hard issue to fix as in my mind it seems to break trust and may make you paranoid moving forward. This being said she has made steps to try and reassure that it will not happen again although I must say that she will have new numbers, email, social media ect and you need to be in a position that that isn't a problem. As it would be unfair to expect her not to. We all make silly mistakes and bad judgment calls. o let you can work out how to proceed and judge how you both feel. I hope it works out JoJo XxX
She of course denied she was doing anything wrong, as she said the guys she was talking to wasn't in the uk, Then she has to bring up my ex knowing i will get defensive about her, as she was more than a girfriend i never talk about my ex even when my daughter has asked me questions. Because she upset me about the chatting to other men and bringing up my ex i snapped and said she is better than you, I wasn't meaning in looks i was meaning she would of never done that.
My ex i have not seen for 20 years she just knows she can hurt me by bringing it up.
At the moment our relationship is on the edge she gets angry when i bring up what she has done, its the being single and pictures she just did for me.
This happened to me too. My ex posted photos of her topless and I found out. She was flirting with other men, contemplating sleeping with one of them etc... I ended it straight away as I KNEW that I'd never trust her again. When she went out, I'd always be questioning as to whether or not she was telling the truth. You could talk it through and make things up, but, for me, if she's done it once, you have to ask the question: "What underlying reason has made her do it in the first place?" My feeling is that if a person has done it once, the liklihood is that it'll happen again because of a fundamental underlying problem. Good luck, but whatever you decide, don't forget that you're worth more than someone messing you around.teacake wrote:
So i found out my girlfriend was chatting to other men through email, I wouldn't mind but she was sending pictures of herself that was done just for me not nudes, but I'm more upset that she was telling people she was single with a child, Has anyone had this kind of a problem and how do i get over it, I know she wouldn't of cheated on me but its the pictures and her saying she was single, this happened a couple of months ago, to show she is committed to me she changed her mobile number and deleted her email.
If she brought up your Ex, unprovoked, to hurt you... Not gonna lie that's not great behaviour. Granted you shouldn't have said what you did but at the same time it's somewhat justified (and we're all human!).
But seriously, what she did was low.
If she mentioned something she knew would hurt you, just to hurt you and defended her actions by stating they're in another country (and didn't see the problem with any of this), I'm really sorry but you need to talk to her now otherwise this isn't going anywhere pretty.
Arguments do happen but the main question to ask yourself is this, can you trust her 100% again? Because a relationship is nothing without trust. Putting your own personal happiness is he main thing and if she is going to keep doing that or if you feel like it may happen again letās say as itās already happened twice now, it is going to be hard to get back on track. Kicking someone while there down is really really low and although things get said in anger, it still really isnāt right that she brought up that knowing how much itāll get to you
I am reading all of this thanks.
I could trust her 100% again but she denies she was sending emails or sending pictures, she said she was just chatting to guys in a chatroom, she even denies she was saying she was single, if she just sat down and said yes i did all that then i could move on and try to get things back to normal. The email she was using to chat to these guys is a unusual email address not anything anyone would know unless they knew the email but still she is saying its not true.
Now because what i have said about my ex she is now turning it all around on me saying i have feelings for her, I don't not in that way but she was my best friend and my first etc.. We split up so many years ago.
I have been with my girlfriend for 18 years and its not been easy but this is the worse, i have no one to talk to about this.
Its not been a easy relationship because when i met her within a month i got her pregnant but i wanted to be with her and i thought she wanted to be with me, it now feels like i was being used my daughter will be 18 this year and i feel its been a waste of time being with my girlfriend she didn't want to be a single parent, I don't know if she would just say what she done i would go forward with our relationship.
@ Bunnybomb i can't believe your Ex did that while you were pregnant bad enough any other time but while you were pregnant 
If she's made the changes you said then it sounds to me like you've chatted about it. You either have to trust that she's not going to do it again or you live your life in permanent doubt. If latter I would question if the relationship has longevity. That aside, have you tried to understand what she was getting from it, and seeing if there's another way you can fill that void?
She has only upgraded her phone with a new number and new email, There hasn't really been any talking about it as she refuses to say she was doing anything wrong and denies she was chatting saying she was single.
I have asked her is this it between us and she just won't give me a straight answer she just goes off on me saying i have feelings for my ex. I don't want it to be it but it takes two to make a relationship work.
I tried for 5 years to get over my ex cheating, even when it wasn't physical as he never met up with the woman, but he also always denied it despite accidentally sending me a screenshot of a message to her saying he loved her. Within 5 minutes he changed from "shes my cousin" to "i didn't mean it like that" to "i meant to say it to you not her".
I made him delete her as a friend but then he decided to make a new email, added me to the new one and deleted me straight away off the old one, and i always suspected he added her right back, as his new email/messenger he only accessed on his phone, before that it had always been laptop, and i honestly think he did it to keep us separate so he could carry on with her. A few years later he also accidentally send me a nude of himself out of th blue mid chat that clearly wasn't meant for me as he wouldn't even discuss sex or physical affection with me.
It all ended new years day this year, i tried to discuss something with him he didn't want to discuss so i got the silent treatment, and instead of chasing him for contact i waited for him to make the first move and he never did. Not heard from him since, like he fell off the face of the earth.
I was angry and upset for a few days as i genuinely believed i was going to marry that man, but then i just felt a rush of relief it was finally over, i'd been holding on loving him despite everything and it had taken so much out of me, i realised i hadn't trusted him or been truly happy since that first time he'd cheated, and while i tried to firgive and forget, nothing was ever the same after that point.
My new partner has shown me what real love feels like, and he doesn't even live in the same country but being able to trust someone again, it feels incredible.
When our eldest was under a year old my husband used loads of chat sites. I found out when I had a look through his phone. I know it breaches his privacy but something just felt off. I saw tons of emails and photos on the computer. It takes so long to get the trust back. A month on and it will still be raw. You will have a lot of stuff to go through. What concerns me is the denial. I have little respect for those who, when caught, still deny it. If you want to make it work suggest counselling, there are several places that can help. It's great having that impartial person who can help. I still have issues of trust but my husband know that.
This is the problem she just doesn't see it as a problem, I knew she was in a chatroom i'm fine with that i'm not fine with her saying she was single and chatting through her own email, I even found out that it was some kind of online relationship because the man told her things and he thought she was single, when he found out the truth he blocked her.
I don't know how many times i can try to talk to her about it as she gets very argumentative about it, saying its not true then turning it back on me. I like the idea of counselling but she would never do this.
Thank you all for your advice i am taking it onboard, I just feel so let down and depressed about it all as it seems 18 years with her has meant nothing, I have stuck with her when most men would of said bye, Why did i because i loved her then like i do now, and i'm not the sort of person to run away from hard situations when it comes to relationships.
The thing is if i try to tell her something she gets argumentative then she starts on at me saying no one tells me what to do, Thats all down to her parents as she never got on with her dad and moved out at a early age, So she still carries that with her. When everything is going smooth with us its great but when something goes wrong its really hard to say anything because she see's me as her dad i guess, I don't think she realizes she is in a relationship and arguments happen she doesn't need to think i'm telling her what to do like her dad use to.
That's so awful teacake. If someone doesn't want to talk, that's hard enough. If someone tries to blame you for their behaviour, that is a whole other problem.
Her behaviour shows a total lack of respect for you. I have to admit if I was in your shoes, I'd be off. Even after 18 years. You're better than being treated ike that. Sorry :-(
I just read a few of the replies and yes he did that while I was pregnant, then after said it was just because I āused him for a baby and only had myself to blameā I really didnāt lol. Heās a nobody only good thing he ever did was give me my daughter. He walked out of mine and her life and only hear off him when heās writing abusive things to and about us online. But finish enough when you said sheās trying to turn it around on you and saying about your ex and that.. thatās exactly what my stupid ass ex did to me, itās called gasslighting. Just projecting everything back to you and trying to blame you even though you didnāt do anything wrong. Honestly it seems to me like it may be a blessing.. people who do that are not good people trust me Iāve had a fair few! Hopefully she will own up to what sheās done so you can move forward but if she isnāt going to be 100% honest with you then maybe your trust is misplaced. Itās the hardest thing in the world having your relationship fall apart especially that long after being with someone but your happiness should always always come first! Just remember that. Donāt let her shift the blame onto you, you are the innocent party in all of this, stand your ground and unless she is willing to be 100% honest with you, dont move forward with her. Honesty is the basic when it comes to having a solid relationship no matter how hard the truth is to say. I really hope you feel better soon, I canāt imagine how hard this is for you but just remember like Iāve said, your happiness must come first so do what you know in your heart is right for you x
@ KinkyMiria @Bunnybomb I know in my heart i should walk away now, It is hard to do i'm just one of these people who can't let go untill i really know for sure, So i'm telling myself if nothing changes a week today then we are going to have to sit down and talk what happens next, seems my daughter has heard something as she isn't speaking to me now, last night my ?girlfriend? said she knows i'm seeing my Ex so i guess thats what my daughter heard. All i said last night was to tell the truth why did you say you were single thats when she turned it around on me saying i'm in contact with my Ex
I know why she was on the chatrooms its because she has pain in her shoulder so she was on there talking about it with other people, I'm fine with that but she crossed the line when she said she was single and then started to send pictures and emails of her, If it was nudes then Yes i would be out of this straight away, Its still hurts me because she had sent the pictures that was done just for me.
I'm so thick/stupid i knew she was hiding something from me as she was always on her phone and when i would get near her she would close her phone or quickly put it in her pocket, I even said you are talking to guys she said no you can check if you want to saying it really strong, knowing i wouldn't check her phone. She was even taking her phone into the bathroom when i asked her why are you doing that she said she was listening to music.
All i want is her to admit it instead of now turning it around on me, She keeps saying why do i have to keep bringing it up, I don't know what she is thinking its like she didn't think saying she was single was wrong. She has started to make me feel i'm making a issue out of nothing.
Do not feel like that!! You are not making an issue out of nothing and to make out your seeing your ex to try and get the focus off you is just a way to get out of facing up to what she did! There is no reason why your daughter should know about this and her not speaking to you now over something that isnāt even happening is really not ok. I agree with the week today thing because atleast you are giving her chance but donāt back down the fact she is trying to turn it round into you is another issue in itself which she needs to own up to and explain why sheās doing it because that is not ok and extremely manipulative! She has broke your trust at the end of the day. You seem as though you are very lenient and let her do whatever and speak to whoever she wants so long as sheās reasonable with it (doesnāt disrespect you or your relationship) her lying and saying she was single is doing exactly that. There is no reason to say you are single unless itās to seek more than a friendship with someone. Otherwise you just wouldnāt do it youād not have any reason to, I know people who would flip their s**** just over the fact their partner is on chatrooms etc let alone saying they are single and sending pictures of themselves to others. You are not making a deal out of nothing, you have every right to be hurt over this and what she has done and is still doing really is not ok, donāt drop it because otherwise itāll just keep happening - iām speaking from personal experience which is why I am so strongly just angrily writing comments lol! Itās not at you Iām angry for you because Iāve been there myself and I hate seeing others go through it š©
@bunnybomb Yes when it comes to our relationship i'm pretty lenient easy going i don't mind her chatting to other men, I see it as at the end of the day she is with me so as long as she doesn't cross the line then i don't mind, but now she has crossed the line and not thought about me or our relationship, Its nice to hear from you as you seem to have gone through it and it least survived through it. When i split with my Ex i hit rock bottom and i never want to go there again. She is kind of flirty when she is out, again i don't mind as she is coming home with me and i love it. People have said to her what would i say but i am fine, why because i always thought we had a understanding she is not the sort of person to cheat but here we are her saying she is single.
Bunnybomb thank you for your kind words. I just don't know how to get it though to her how i'm feeling when i bring it up she is saying i'm silly its not true and gets angry with me, I guess in a way being so relaxed with our relationship has made this happen maybe she wouldn't of done this if i was more of a jealous person.