So I went to the doctors and told them the hospital have put my family down for counselling but I was told through the doctors I could tell them and they've put me through for that too and it's basically see which comes faster as hospital want to wait until my brother is fully settled in his counselling first and I've been a 3 month wait. My mate suggested 7 cups of tea for help when I need talk but the most I got was "if you want my advice don't take my advice" yeah because that's helpful.
The guy I was seeing and I are friends and it's much better than not having him in my life at all (we stopped speaking for a fortnight it made no difference except I was miserable) then out of no where he messages one weekend needing to know if I'm ok and I told him truthfully I wasn't and the weekend after my brother ended up in hospital after ODing and we were scared he was going to die. He was there for me that weekend too and he's been there for me all the time ever since. It was entirely his choice to get back in contact because he was supposed to have blocked me on Facebook so we couldn't contact each other then he messaged one day and we still talk so much now. I still have feelings for him though. I'm sure he can probably guess this as feelings don't just die in two weeks. I love having him here for me, really there's only him and his sister I can talk to (my family have enough on without me adding to it) and he still knows how to make me laugh. His sister knows and understands I still have feelings for him but she doesn't know what I should do. I'm worried if I tell him I'll lose him (his sister said she doubts it but I always worry and someone on 7 cups said he won't because he loves me.. I think love is a bit strong) please don't say just leave and get rid of him he's one of the few people keeping my head above the water right now.
Also my family luck was getting better then my brother (same one that OD'd.. Oh he has PTSD and depression) went for a walk last night and came in to announce he'd been hit by a car, driver gave him a lift and stunk of booze and didn't tell us so we've reported him and my brother now has a broken arm. Things keep piling up.
All of this stuff I could cope with if it was one at a time in fact if the guy I was seeing left me any other time I'd have cried but then moved on but I need him and don't want to lose him he's helping me so much. Even gave him a way out the other night because I was scared my moaning would make him unhappy and he said he's not going to do that. He said it's not upsetting or depressing him and he still wants to talk. I still don't know why he wanted to get back in touch in the first place but I'm glad he did. He didn't know the troubles I was goin through but said he needed to know if I was ok and he was sorry and obviously at first I was off with him didn't want to be seen as a push over but the weekend after with my brother in hospital I knew I needed to snap out of my mood. My brother actually said "if he makes you half as happy as I think he does you need to talk to him and it may take time but you'll work something out if you're meant to be" that was the words from my 17 year old brother doped up on pain killers thinking he was going to die.
Id just talk to him be honest with him an say you still have feelings for him I know you said you don't want to lose him to surely it would be better to know if he feels the same than not. Even if he doesn't feel exactly the same he obviously does care for you to be there when you need him the most
Sorry to learn of your troubles Kirsty.
By all means talk to this other guy if it make you feel better but you are going to have to learn to keep your feelings in check and treat this guy as a friend and not as part of a relationship .
It can be done because in my previous employment I had a lot of female colleagues and one or two really close female mates who I could talk to for advice and support on various issues including home life without them feeling I was coming onto them . They would also turn to me for advice if they were having a problem with their hubby etc. That is were it stopped , they were just good mates as if they were guys and nothing more.and no Christmas staff party shananagins either .
I think you need to do the same if you wish to carry on talking to this guy but don't put your life on hold for him .
yummy mummy91 wrote:
Id just talk to him be honest with him an say you still have feelings for him I know you said you don't want to lose him to surely it would be better to know if he feels the same than not. Even if he doesn't feel exactly the same he obviously does care for you to be there when you need him the most
I agree , talk to him . Honesty is the best policy . I'm sure he cares for you just the same or he wouldn't have contacted you.
You have been through so much ans deserve to be happy . big hugs x
Thank you guys and I would keep my feelings in check if we were just friends (I've done it before and no ones been none the wiser) but we've admitted feelings for each other in the past... Not love as it hasn't been long enough for us to be in love (not like planning weddings or having kids stage lol) but I do feel for him a lot and I feel he does too surely?
I'm just worried he'll think I'm being too much or anything because my friends gettin involved is exactly what they made him think. They acted like he was going to break my heart and acted like I wanted more and because they made me ask if we were dating he thought they were right (they told me he obviously saw me as a girlfriend and I needed to know if I was or not because I was being a "bad girlfriend" and I "was going to lose him" and because j thought I could trust them I went and asked even though we had previously spoken about it... It was just us involved and we were seeing each other but we weren't labelling it official even though he had told everyone about me we never labelled it)
Thing is his sister says she thinks he's with an on and off again girl but she says this whenever I say I want to go back to things and she didn't even know that her brother was faking dating her best friend for a few weeks because they were never dating.
She's also told me he never tells her about relationships and it's just what she thinks is happening. I'm battling with myself whether or not to write a message to him explaining stuff that's on my head
Kristy I am sending positive vibes that they call soon with a counseling opening. You just seem to be dealing so so much for a young woman.
Write the letter but don't send it right off. Sometimes when I'm trying to sort something out I will write a letter that never gets sent but the process if writing helps me release and process my thoughts.
Thank you because all of this and my grandparents have recently been ill and my dad may end up in a wheelchair by the time he's 60 max if he makes it that far (that's what he says) and everything else is just proving a bit much
I did write it all out straight off my head I don't even know if it makes sense but I sent to his sister because she gets how I feel and I was talkin to her about it said I just needed to get it off my chest and hope that that would sway me not to send it or send it. Worried I'll lose him but surely he does care? If he didn't care he wouldn't have come back and he would've left given the chance surely?
Thing is a I put into my letter thing I feel like I'd just be able to call it quits and walk away normally but idk of I'm finding it harder because of me never having anyone like him in my life before or if it's because of everything else I'm going through making it harder to leave behind my feelings because he makes everything better, makes me laugh even if I'm screaming the house down with anger or sobbing in tears he ALWAYS makes it better and I guess when you're going through so much hard stuff you just want to cling to the one thing that never failed to make you feel amazing and like the light was shining in the dark
It gets so confusing because I do want him to be my friend but I also want what we had and my feelings for him won't go. He's on my mind 24/7 and I'm scared he genuinely doesn't like me that way anymore but I don't know if he'd lie to stop me getting hurt anyway. I don't see how we can go from him sending me a playlist "a bit like a mixtape from years ago" to not talking to just friends in a few weeks. I honestly don't know what's going on but I can't stop these feelings