my last post seems inaccessible so here goes again!
in short (ish) my boyfriend of 5months was aware when he met me that I'd been through a major trauma a year ago and helped me get through a rough time on the anniversary of that trauma, which was just after I met him.
5 months on and I'm going through the lowest time yet and was pretty close to suicidal earlier this week. Coincidentally he has a 4 day weekend right now although he normally works really long hours, and has chosen to go fishing. He hasn't dropped in to see how I am, hasn't offers to give up one of those days /nights to stay with me. His fishing spot isn't far from where I live so it wouldn't be difficult.
am I being completely unreasonable in expecting him to take time out from his hobby when I have been feeling that awful? Am I just expecting too much? Am I overreacting? I'm not in a great place emotionally right now so it's hard to tell but I just don't feel it's acceptable or caring At All.
Hi Hun - sending you lots of hugs - so sorry to hear you have been through such a terrible time. You must be very honest with how you feel to your partner and let him know how much you need him right now.
You say he has already supported and helped you in the past - so I am sure he will be there for you again once he realises how you are feeling right now - but you must speak to him. Don't forget we are all here for you.... xxx
I think the best thing you should do is talk to him. You won't know exactly what's going on unless you communcate with each other.
Another point, from my experience, is sometimes men just don't know what to do, and it's very difficult for them to see someone they care about going through such a hard time, and it can make them feel helpless. It might just be the case that seeing you in such a bad way has a negative effect on him, he cares for you, and doesn't want to see you that way. Men can also blame themselves for it, and feel like they're not enough for you because you're feeling so down.
Have you seen a doctor recently? I know it's a big step to take, and your mind plays tricks on you making you think it will be worse than you think. But you'll find a lot of relief from seeing a doctor, it's like a weight being lifted off your shoulders x
Firstly, so sorry to hear you're having a bad time *big hugs*
Secondly, like the others have said, you need to talk to him and explain to him how you feel and that you really need him right now.
I have a long term mental health condition and suffer excrutiating lows, sometimes for months on end. My OH who I've been with for nearly 5 years has to put up with all sorts of crazy shit that I get up to and sometimes feels he 'needs a break' - not from the relationship but from seeing me suffer, but usually that's the point I need him the most. We've had rows over it, the only way we get through it is by communicating (which can be hard as I sometimes go into lockdown mode and just lie there unable to move or speak). It's been hard and I've said on countless occasions that I understand if he wants to be with someone 'normal' but he says he wouldn't trade me in for the world.
Your OH might not realise the severity of how bad you're feeling, hence he's toddled off fishing. I don't think if he knew the details he would come off as so uncaring. Talk to him and take care sweetie x
I'm reallysorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. Have you told him how bad your feeling right now? Men are notoriously bad at reading women's emotions and unless we spell it out for them they never really get it.
I am really concerned you say you where close to suicide. Are you receiving any sort of support in the form of CBT, or on anti depressive medication? If you are that's great but I would suggest you return to your dr to talk to him as I think your tablets may need adjusted slightly if you are atill feeling that low.
Now you have found us on hear please don't be afraid to come on and ask for support of you are feeling low. There is always one of us around day or night who will be happy to listen and chat x x
I'm reallysorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. Have you told him how bad your feeling right now? Men are notoriously bad at reading women's emotions and unless we spell it out for them they never really get it.
I am really concerned you say you where close to suicide. Are you receiving any sort of support in the form of CBT, or on anti depressive medication? If you are that's great but I would suggest you return to your dr to talk to him as I think your tablets may need adjusted slightly if you are atill feeling that low.
Now you have found us on hear please don't be afraid to come on and ask for support of you are feeling low. There is always one of us around day or night who will be happy to listen and chat x x
Fantastic advice, can't highlight how important it is to speak to anybody, if you can't feel you can speak to your OH, or someone from the medical profession, please speak to someone, even if it is the samaritans on the phone: 08457 90 90 90, any suicidal feelings is a plea for support. And even though feedback on here may help, hearing it for yourself, vocally can be life changing.
Don't ever think you are alone. One of the worst things with this type of things is failing to tell people how you feel. Call a mate and talk, listen to the people here and use their advice.
I can assure you there will be close friends of yours who will be shocked you are feeling like this. Sometimes people just don't feel they can ask.........you must find the strength to talk to them.......and your partner.
Bless you all! I've been on some new medication which seems to have been causing the problem rather than making it better? I stopped taking them 48 hours ago and after seeing my gp again today I realise that they were taking my medium ups and downs and turning them in to great big suicidal thoughts. I feel a whole lot more human now. Yes I see my gp, and have been having counseling for a while too. Yesterday my counsellor actually called my GP out of concern! I hVe some new medication to try but am going to give it a few days for my body and brain to stabilise a bit first.
ok, back to the original.... I told him that I was very very low. The next morning he asked how I was and I told him I'd been sitting tracing lines up the length of my arms with the blunt side of a knife for hours the night before. He says he didn't realise it was that bad and to see my GP again. (This is all yesterday morning) then yesterday evening he texts to say he's set up his fishing gear etc etc etc (fishing outs me to sleep! Zzzzzzz....) and all I could think was: I wanted to die, and he goes fishing.
thats pretty much still what I think. I'm not suicidal, just 'regular' depressed. And still incredulous that I wanted to die, and he goes fishing.
today I asked him if he would like to come over in the morning- he replied to say he was fishing til Sunday. This is just 15 minutes Away from me.....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
part of me want to tel him to just go and keep fishing If you see what I mean!
now he texts and asks if he can make me a nice meal next Friday if I'm free.
is he just totally thick? Am I? Is he really THAT callous and stupid?
I am seriously confused. I'm perfectly capable of feeling like crap on my own... I don't need feelings of worthlessness to be emphasised by him.
Glad you have seen the doctor and they are adjusting your meds. If your feeling low right now you don't need to play games with your bf. if you want to see him and feel it will help your mood then phone him and tell him that. If he decides to turn his back in you when you new him then he is an idiot x
Just told him I need to see him soon, as in tomorrow... He says he will come over Sunday after fishing. I need to sleep on it, but I think that's it to be honest. And I never intended to play any games...