Hi everyone,
Female 19 here looking for advice/suggestions
Kind of an embarrassing one! Recently, I’ve been using sex toys and finding no issues with getting full use of them. However, with my OH, I find it causes pain and discomfort where he is too wide. I know I’m naturally quite small down there. Any suggestions or toys that I could use to ease this issue; happy to look into anything.
TIA x
Hello and welcome firstly :)
You don't say what toys you have been using or size. Is your OH really that much bigger than your toys?
Perhaps a kit like this might be useful https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35782
Also are you properly wet when your OH is penetrating you or could you just need some extra lubrication? So many lubes to choose from it could be fun trying some out.
Is it just his girth that is the issue or length too? Trying different positions could also be an option.
We really need a little more info to be able to offer specific advice x
I know the feeling, (and also the thought of ‘what am I meant to do with that!’) we finally managed to get through it with a lot of lube, my hips on a pillow (or several) and generally just lots of foreplay.
I found the lovehoney egg really good, even just putting it in a while before, even sometimes if it wasn’t really doing much for me at the time it seemed to make me use my muscles (if that’s a thing) I would say it sometimes still hurts when he goes in but that quickly goes and I can usually tell when it’s not going to work now.
We also found as well as the angle of my hips how far forward he was leaning made a difference. So him initially leaning halfway towards me, or whatever angle works for you, then meant we could move onto other positions after a minute or so.
Keep trying though, it took us quite a long time to work it all out but we got there in the end!
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=37718
This is the egg I found to work, it’s cheap even when it’s not on offer, the shape also seems to work better, I can’t keep the rounder ones in!
lovingnewtoys wrote:
Hello and welcome firstly :)
You don't say what toys you have been using or size. Is your OH really that much bigger than your toys?
Perhaps a kit like this might be useful https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35782
Also are you properly wet when your OH is penetrating you or could you just need some extra lubrication? So many lubes to choose from it could be fun trying some out.
Is it just his girth that is the issue or length too? Trying different positions could also be an option.
We really need a little more info to be able to offer specific advice
Thank you all for the advice
I’ve currently got this toy (very new to sex toy scene) - https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=319 which is fine when inserted. My issue is girth/how wide my OH is; he is wider than this toy. I have other toys which are clit stim only.
We use plenty of lube on him and me. Pillows have helped immensely with the angles/pain. I’m unsure whether the remaining pain is due to his girth or my sexual infancy; we’ve attempted penetrative sex 6-9 times, with only some of him getting into me.
Any further advice would be great; TIA. x
I could be way off the mark but I would suggest that perhaps it is a combination of size and being a relatively new experience for you. It could be that you are not fully relaxing as you are expecting it to hurt.
Maybe you could agree to him not penetrating you for a while and concentrate on more foreplay - fingers (I am assuming there is no problem with fingers), toys etc. Maybe introduce a more lifelike dildo. So many different shapes, sizes and materials to choose from. You could play together and alone until you can fully relax and then try penetration again.
I am certainly thinking that there is a bit of a mental block going on here. Time and experimenting are going to be your friends I think.
Good luck x
To be honest my first real success was once we'd given in, he just asked for a blow job instead without thinking but last minute we thought we'd try and it worked. That was after over an hour of foreplay though with plenty of different size toys so I probably worked my way up to him, so maybe try getting something slightly bigger and getting him to use a few differet size toys on you for foreplay and just go into it both agreeing that it doesn't matter if it doesn't work and decide what you might get upto instead, that way its not as awkward when it doesn't work which might make you less tense the next time if thats part of the issue
I'm not sure how to start a new thread...related though. I had lots of vaginal sex with my ex husband...but now I'm with a lady and when we have penetrative sex using a strap on its sore. We don't really need lube but use it to attempt to make
Things more comfortable. Any suggestions?!
GirlRainbow I don’t have much experience with sex with men but in my experience of strap on sex it’s all about practice. Take it really slowly.
Even if you feel you don’t need lube use loads! Ask your partner to insert the dildo really gently and slowly. Take time to get used to the feel of it inside you before any thrusting takes place. Then guide your partners hips slowly to start with and see how it goes.
Communication is so key. If you imagine being the wearer because the dildo isn’t actually part of them it can be hard to realise just how hard/gentle they are being with it.
Maybe try a position where you’re on top and you get to be in control of how the penetration occurs. Possibly try a smaller dildo to start off with to get you used to the whole experience. Or get your partner to use the dildo on you using their hands first to get you warmed up and then move on to using the strap on. So many options! Really hope you get something worked out if you’re really into it! If not, don’t feel like it’s the be all and end all. Don’t put pressure on yourself. There are so many other things you can do. Strap on sex isn’t for everyone, but if you want it to be for you I bet you can make it happen!
If there’s anything else you want to know let me know!
I am quite tiny down there to the point smears hurt, etc because I'm just so small down there. I couldn't even give birth naturally!!
Sex can be uncomfortable for me even though my husband is not that big. In fact the other day I bought a new rabbit and the first time I used it I cried because it hurt!!
For me I've found I need to be very very turned on and very relaxed. We play a lot beforehand. It helps me if I come first before he enters me. If I am playing solo I watch porn to help.
Tbh though it's why I got in to anal because I found it easier one we'd worked on it