Need advice on how to ensure OH is comfortable with sex toys? HELP.

Hi! I'm new to both the forum and website, so bear with me.

After bringing it up a few times over the past few months my OH has agreed to trying sex toys. Last night I shown him various toys and he says he feels he would be less threatened by a butt plug which is what we have gone for as this morning I have ordered the Marc Dorcel Geisha Black Silicone Butt Plug - and I am thoroughly excited but yet nervous.

Neither of us have ever used toys before and the reason I want to is as I feel so comfortable with my OH than I thought was even possible with another person and I want to add that extra something and feel like we can explore each other even more and create more of a bond and connection between us and I love the idea of us doing something new that neither of us have had experience with. He feels that he will be intimated and threatened by a toy and wonders where I will stop wanting more. I would totally respect his boundries at all times and I may not even enjoy it myself. He's agreed to trying and says if we both like it we can always invest in more butt plugs and maybe different toys altogether.

I think a plug would get him used to the idea of something other than him being inside of me and also the shape doesn't resemble a penis so I believe that would help and hopefully if we were to have sex with it in, he may feel a bit of pleasure? I've said I would want it to be a joint decision on if we were to ever use toys (unless he really enjoyed it in the future and I could surprise him from time to time..) and I'd respect him at all times.

Personally I feel I'd rather him be with me when it's to go inside of me if not him to put it in himself. But I understand he would have to feel comfortable with that. He's expressed that he feels he would prefer it if I were to put it in whilst he is not home and possibly send a picture with a good view of what it looks like ;) so he can get used to the idea of it aswell as getting to see it before actually coming home. He may enjoy it or he may not I don't know, I'm hoping he will though.

I'd just like any help you could give on how to make him feel ok about everything as I would ultimately love to try much more than a butt plug so if you any advice or views from both male or female perspective that would be brilliant. I want this first time to be comfortable for him and not intimidating as it's always him I want and any toy would be to express how at ease we are with each others bodies and feel that extra something.

Thanks guys. x

Just a thought on the plug - It's not what I'd call beginners!

That is definitely not a beginners plug, I have it myself and it is definitely somewhere you shouldn't be starting!! I had to work through three different sized butt plugs to work up to that one. If you are going to use it, you're going to need a lot of good quality anal lubricant, normal lubricant won't do, and no lubricant at all is a massive no-no. You may also struggle to keep it in for a long period of time because it's your first and it may become uncomfortable. I wouldn't reccomend wearing it for more than 20 minutes in my opinion unless you're more of an intermediate anal player.

Can I ask why you've decided to start with a butt plug and not something else?

Usually for beginner couples I would advise one of the following bundles. The first is a basic set which is how me and my husband started off using sex toys, and the second is a more quality set that unfortunately wasn't available when we got our first set. Both are filled with toys for both couples which makes the introduction more pleasing for both parties and it's not just for one person.

These sets have toys for males too, which I think helps them be more open about it. But the best thing that you can do is communicate. If he doesn't want to involve sex toys in your sex life you'll need to respect that and not put any pressure on him.

I must say, I don't meant to be harsh, but I an really concerned with the choice that you have made. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful plug, and has a free roaming weight inside, but I would never ever reccomend it for someone's first butt plug, never mind their first sex toy. Please, please, please ensure you have a good quality anal lubricant to use with it. Another aspect with this plug is that it's tapered so it goes in quite easy if you're used to anal play, but it's not tapered for getting it out, and this can be a bit uncomfortable. It's really worth starting with a beginners butt plug and working your way up so you know what your body can take and you can get used to how much lubricant you need to use. Too much and it will constantly slide out, but too little and it would be painful. This plug specifically would be very painful removing if you didn't have enough anal lubricant applied to begin with.

Welcome to the forums, and good luck! :)

Hi pigeon, I am sorry that all the comments are a little negative. My wife and I are not new to toys but we are new to butt plugs. We chose together the one above a great starter not intimidating at all and we have both enjoyed it. My advice put your choice away and keep it as a dream , something to build up to. Good luck.

Thanks for your replies everyone.

MrsMcX, the reason we chose to start with a butt plug was a joint decision, I was happy with anything and my partner said he felt most comfortable with one. Also, I'm new to toys but definitely not anal play or sex. We both felt the beginner plugs looked tiny if I'm honest and didn't seem at all satisfying. My OH is on the bigger side and the thought of anything less just doesn't seem all that appealing. Saying that, I'd happily down size and progress up to this plug if it came to it and thanks for your advice on the lube. Never really took into account that too much could alter things.

I do respect him and I always will, on this subject though he has never said no. He's always been unsure as it's something new I think. He's said he'd like to give it a try and yesterday he said he hopes he likes it and can't wait to see it in. So fingers crossed!

As for the toy bundles, he's made it clear up to now that he does not want any toy to be used on him. Although he did ask a few nights ago if I could imagine a butt plug in him.

Gentle giant, I know it was a bit disheartening if anything but I understand their concern. I'd rather people express their opinion than lie and just say oh yeah that's great, go for it! If that makes sense.

As for that butt plug, I bet the vibrations are amazing! I'm glad you both are enjoying it.

To let you know also, the plug came this morning and if anything it was smaller than I pictured and I knew the dimensions. I've popped it in with no problems at all, if anything it felt really nice going in and it feels comfortable. I think this is as I'm using to things in and around my bum and that's why I possibly felt confident enough to go for this one? The decoration is lovely and I quite like my sparkly bum if i'm honest. Going to send a snap to him and wait for the reaction!

Pigeon x

Well that sounds like a positive start pigeon, so that is good.

We are new to using toys in the bedroom. Hubby never really saw the pleasure in it before, I don't think he understood why he would want to use something other than himself on me. He has been asking for ages to try anal, but it has always ended dismally, so I decided to get some toys to get used to play in that area.

Started with some anal beads, once he knew I had them curiosity got the better of him and he wanted to try it. I really enjoyed it and it really added something different to sex, once he saw how much fun it was he seemed to really get more interested in other things. I then got a butt plug, tiny compared to yours though, lol, and again once he knew it was here he was really into seeing it in.

We are still learning and exploring, but I have two glass dildos and I actually think if I handed them to him now and said use these on me, he would and I think he'd get pleasure from it and not be all 'what's the point'.

So in short, I think the more you use things the more into they get. My hubby still won't entertain me using things on him, but I am hoping he will change his mind one day, as I think he might really enjoy it.

good luck and enjoy :)

Thanks LadyS, I'm really pleased. As this butt plug has a ball inside I can feel it rolling around and it just makes me want to wriggle my butt around constantly!

I think my OH is exactly the same as your husband. He doesn't quite get why I'd want to use anything other than him. I really do feel that it will bring another level of intimacy and trust during any sort of sexual activity.

Have you tried anal before? Before my OH, I had some pretty rough experiences with anal and I hated it. He counts himself lucky that I let him do it and love it so much. The first time we tried I was asbolutely petrified and was shaking from head to toe if I'm honest but he put me at ease and once he was in it was sensational. I hope you enjoy using all your toys and anal when you try it, I think I prefer it to vaginal sex now. The butt plug I've got I really don't get what the fuss was about with other people saying it's too big I really like it, I can't tell you how pretty it is also. I want to get the £70 stainless steel one someday..

Oh gosh, I'm glad he's changed his view on it all then! Was it just over time as he got used to the different toys? As for my partner I genuinely believe once he realises it's to add to not replace anything and if he enjoys it he'll be happy for more toys. (fingers crossed) But if not, it's not a problem as our sex life is amazing anyway.

I believe he'll really enjoy it to. Do you ever play with his bum at all now? If not, might be worth a try to get him used to the idea. My OH lets me lick/kiss and rub with my fingers and also let one in slightly or all the way sometimes and he absolutely loves it. I can make him cum just from a prostate massage and he loves it. My ultimate fantasy is for me to have a toy in him or a strap on that could cater for the both of us at the same time but I never expect that to happen.

Thank you I will, you too. x

No we've never managed it yet, but we are getting closer. for a long time I wouldn't even try. I really enjoy the beads and the plug and have even used a small vibrator on my own, so I think it his just the girth of him that is too much for me at the minute, so we are hopefully on our way to building up to it. I think I will enjoy it once I get the hang of it.

Yeah, I think once he saw that using toys actually led to me wanting him more and him getting better sex he got the idea and realised like you say they are in addition to not in replacement of.

I am still a bit nervous about playing in that area on him, I know I should give it a go though. I think this might be our next phase of new things to try. Might need a bit of Dutch courage first though.

Well good luck to you, i'm sure after progressing enough and enjoying it all you'll thoroughly enjoy him inside.

That's good, I hope my partner feels the same.

Have you asked him? If he's open to it could always be something to try one night. x

He said yes, but just make sure I give him plenty of wanring so that he can prepare. So it's definitely out there as something we will try :)

Hi Pigeongeon and LadyS, . Pigeon I am thrilled that your choice is to your liking, I think we were unaware that you had already had things in there. We all so thought you might be trying it on your OH's.

LadyS. We got into bum play whilst I was giving my Wife oral in the normal position .afer a while ,when she was relaxed and with a little lube I started to tickle her bum. With relaxation and arousal we were both astonished how easily I slipped in to the first knuckle. I took my lead from my wife. Eventually I had my hole finger in and she was able to orgasm. Like most things sexually you do for the first time she was very surprised at how enjoyable it was.

Sorry I thought I had mentioned it in my original post. I typed it out several times as I tried posting when the forum had a bug and wouldn't let people post all the time so I must've just missed it out by accident.

He loved the pictures so positive reaction and it turned him on so much that not too long after getting home, he was itching for anal. And he's not even seen it in, in person yet. So hoping that goes well too.

Gentle giant, that sounded lovely as to how you started off with your wife. It's amazing how many things we can actually like once tried. It's a shame anal play/sex is such a taboo subject.

I don't know if you would both be comfortable with this, but you should try sharing a double dildo. I have this one and sharing it with your partner is one of the most amazing feelings ever. Plus it's just awesome to think that you are giving and receiving at the same time.

Might be a stupid question but have u talked about him using a sex toy? Maybe a tenga egg? Or something along the lines. Maybe he might find it easier that he's also getting something new to try and can see for himself that there is nothing like the real thing?

Hopefully it might help. X

Thanks for your input guys, and I agree.

I would love to share something like that and us both to be enjoying it.

But as of yet no toys are to be used on him. He ended up putting the butt plug in me himself yesterday and I think it really turned him on as he was rock hard and all the way to St Helens for the rugby game he was saying how horny he was. When they scored and when they won at the end, he played with it by pushing on it fast. I was a happy bunny. I think he likes it if I'm honest and he says he doesn't feel threatened by it which I'm glad.

I've just ordered a feather, blindfold and hot massage rocks and hopefully that's something he can enjoy. He was saying how he wishes whilst he's taking me from behind (not done with plug yet) he'd like me to be pushing the plug in and taking it out - which I told him it's not really functional for that, so dildos etc are typically used if that's what he'd like.

He's taken to it all so well and I'm really pleased. But I do agree that if he was to experience something for himself he'd realise it's definitely not like the real thing.

I put the plug in the morning it arrived and later that day when the plug was out we ended up having anal as soon as he got home (after seeing pictures) and it felt so much nicer, couldn't put it into words how amazing it was especially compared to a toy.

My OH keeps saying that she wants to try anal on me,and i would really like to try it, BUT my problem is FLASHBACKS to when i was in hospital a few years ago

Nurse "on your side please"

Then i saw her put the glove on,lube it up(beads of sweat starting to appear on my forehead)

"Nurse" Relax" (i expected to hear the sounds of Frankie goes to Hollywood)

And then Jeeeesus Christ DID I JUMP.

So lookin back that is what puts me off.

I totally understand that, I think it's just learning to relax and trust your partner and to knowing that she doesn't want to hurt you.

Communication is key. x