I’m really interested in BDSM, it’s a fantasy of mine to be dominated and I’d really like to be spanked. My OH isn’t at all interested and I don’t want to push it with him, I totally understand why he’s not interested and I don’t want him to do anything he doesn’t enjoy (if he isn’t into it then I wouldn’t enjoy it anyway). We are quite vanilla - still working on getting to know what each other likes. We’re not at a point where I think we would be ready for any BDSM play at the moment anyway - it would involve a lot more trust to give up control in that way.
I have started to play around with nipple clamps on my own since I have really sensitive nipples and I love the pain / pleasure I get from them. I wondered if anyone had any ideas of other things I could try that would satisfy this other side of me? Obviously I can’t spank myself but I’m sure there must be some other things that I can try during solo play time. I have a really sensitive clit so clit clamps definitely wouldn’t be an option
I’m love to incorporate BDSM in solo play so I normally handcuff myself and I’m the same love to play with my nipples. I know you can get nipple and clit clamps that are all connected.
You could spank yourself but I’m thinking more of you lay on your front with your bum in the air perhaps? That’s how I normally spank myself
I haven’t worked anything out yet, just a beginner. I don’t want to do anything that would be dangerous / cause lasting pain. I would only want to try things that I knew I could stop immediately if it got too painful. I’m not looking for anything particularly extreme, just something to put me in the right frame of mind.
My suggestion then is make sure you know you are going to be home alone for a length of time and slowly start exploring yourself see what feels right or exciting and then slowly introduce it
A flogger might be a good way to start. You can learn what you do and don’t like. You can use it to run gently over your body for sensation play and also experiment with flogging yourself gently and building up the strength if you choose to.
It’s also not restricted to where on the body you can use it.
I have this one and even thinking about it has just given me goosebumps! It is quite big though!
Something like a pinwheel could also add a different kind of sensation
There will always be a difference in sensation between someone else doing something to you and you doing it yourself (your brain knows exactly what’s coming and can prepare) as well as not getting the submission aspect if that’s something you are into. That being said…
You can also use a paddle on yourself reasonably easy, either on your butt or thighs.
Wax play can be a lot of fun. Annoyingly Lovehoney don’t seem to have any hot wax candles at the moment, but they are available elsewhere just make sure they are specifically made for kinky play. You can drip the wax anywhere externally (just be careful of body hair).
Just wearing wrist and ankles and/or a collar during any play/masturbation can help get you into a more submissive mindset.
No massage candles are just warm oil. Wax play candles look more like standard candles but don’t burn as hot. You light them and drip them on your (or your partner’s) skin. They give you a little pop of heat but it’s over very quickly. They come in a range of colours so you can either just have little droplets or you can make patterns/pictures
I’ve been stuck with solo play since my OH died, and although, as @Calie says, it isn’t the same as being dominated, it IS possible to give yourself a pretty hard time if you want to. Although the “submission to another’s will” thing isn’t there, pain-wise it kinda becomes more about challenging yourself to see what you can endure. You have to become your own dom - or maybe introduce a random factor like dice-throwing or random playing cards etc., to determinehow many strokes you’re going to have to give yourself.
Self-spanking is possible - it’s all about practice and getting your aim in - and to help remove the “self-moderation” barrier, you can set yourself arbitrary targets such as “I’m going to keep on thrashing my butt with this thing until the marks don’t fade”…etc. With nipple clamps, there’s always the challenge of seeing how much heavy stuff you can hang off 'em and for how long you can tolerate it. Get it to the edge-of-unbearable limit, then try walking around the room and swinging those babies. Owwwwww!
A note about pinwheels: most of the ones you can buy from sex toy companies are (IMHO) not exactly much of a challenge. If you want a bit of tingly skin sensation they’re fine, but if it’s the “OUCH!” factor you’re into, well… put simply, they’re not sharp enough. The one I use is a REAL leather-worker’s stitchwheel - designed to punch holes in leather for stitching. Yep - it’s THAT sharp. You can buy them on eBay and Amazon etc. I would provide a link to an image of the kind of thing I’m describing, but it might break forum rules.
Finally, on a serious note… if you really have a need for submission/pain play and your partner can’t bring himself to go near it, flat refuses to even try to play the dom …well, I hate to say this, but do you want to spend the rest of your life not having your basic needs met? No matter how lovely he may be in other ways, if this is important to you, eventually his unwillingness to get involved is going to really get to you. Sorry if that’s a downer, but these things matter.
That’s how I’m feeling at the moment, it’s a mental and physical challenge. I like the dice / cards idea, it would set more of a structure to the challenge rather than it being arbitrary, and less easy to stop.
ooww indeed! I’m sure that shouldn’t appeal to me but for some reason I’m not discounting it! I’m just getting used to the fact that it’s OK to be excited by these things and that people here accept it as normal and not weird at all.
I was wondering if they would give any pain, the reviews all sound like they give a tingling sensation rather than pain. I think I’ll try them anyway since they aren’t expensive and would be a good way to see what they were like. Your other suggestion sounds a little terrifying, I’d like something in the middle of the two! If they aren’t scary it might be something that my OH would use on me. He doesn’t want to hurt me but would use something that isn’t painful. I have 2 sets of nipple clamps, one cute set with butterflies on them which I can use with him, and another, more intimidating looking set which I only use alone. The cute ones have as much bite as the other set really, they just look cuter!
Thanks for your last comment, it is something that I’m aware of but we’re married and happy in every other way. We’ve been together since we were 18 (1st partners) and he’s supported me through physical and mental health struggles. I had a traumatic experience with another man and he supported me after that too. I think that is why he worries so much about hurting me and I totally understand. We are only just starting to build confidence sexually as it is something we avoided for long periods. It’s a long story and I won’t bore you with the details but I’m hoping our relationship will continue to grow and you never know what the future holds!
Thanks @titania, I was wondering what position would work best! I think it might take a bit of practice. I’ll have to wait until I have the house to myself. There’s one thing my OH walking in on me masturbating, quite another to walk in on me spanking myself!
@MsSubExperimenter, I’m just looking at pinwheels, would you suggest a single wheel or one with multiple wheels? I’m thinking single might be best for pain?
Pinwheels aren’t really designed with a whole lot of pain in mind. It’s more of a prickle sensation. Obviously the sharper the pin, the more intense. On the whole, the more pins the less intense generally. You can, of course, control how hard you press and the speed you roll it across your skin. I’d also suggest getting a little creative with where you use the pinwheel (I find the backs of my knees really sensitive for some reason)
I would suggest going for a metal, single wheel one to see how it feels to start with.
@Kitty-Cat01 - regarding the scary, sharp pinwheel: don’t worry. You could only cause injury with a leatherworker’s wheel if you pressed really hard. Because of its sharpness, just rolling it across your skin under its own weight is a thrillingly “ooch-ouch” experience. Because the example item I’m linking to isn’t strictly being sold as a sex toy, I’m going to risk it. Here you go:
Thank you for explaining about your bad experience with a previous partner and about your husband’s reservations, which are quite understandable. Obviously I don’t know the grim details of what you went through - nor do I want to - but what your hubby needs to get his head around is that there’s a world of difference between the kind of ritualised consensual pain-play/domination that would satisfy your needs, and anything to do with bullying, abuse or domestic violence. He needs to understand that helping you to explore the dominance play you crave could in fact be the most profound and sincere expression of love. I hope you can convince him of this truth.
Thanks, we’re working on it but it’s going to take time and I’m happy with it being a fantasy/ solo thing for now. Once we are more confident with sex as a couple I’ll bring up the subject again and we’ll see what happens
@Kitty-Cat01 I’d agree with @Calie and try a single wheel. As already said you can vary the pressure and try using it on places you wouldn’t normally consider.
I find the insides of my arms quite sensitive and responsive.
Maybe even using a blindfold and easily removed gag would add to the feeling of submission.
but I’m sure there must be some other things that I can try during solo play time. I have a really sensitive clit so clit clamps definitely wouldn’t be an option 
I’m just getting used to the fact that it’s OK to be excited by these things and that people here accept it as normal and not weird at all.
Because the example item I’m linking to isn’t strictly being sold as a sex toy, I’m going to risk it. Here you go: