Is it wrong that I have to ask my partner to collar me?

Thought of the day…is it wrong that I have to ask my partner to collar me?

I always want my partner to do it without me having to ask me. You know, like walk up to me maybe while I’m on the pc and put the collar on me, giving the sign that they want me


No it’s not wrong you have to ask your partner to put a collar on you but if you want them to be more spontaneous with it, just ask them to be. I think the problem here is communication that’s all. A simple conversation could completely change it for the better. Good luck.


That’s what I have always said, that in general I think we need to communicate better. But I think I fear that they will judge me In the fact I want to be collared

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Why would they judge you? Just speak up about what you want.

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Because I think that sort of stuff isn’t their thing

No it’s not wrong to ask, it’s just that he / she isn’t a mind reader. Next time you’re post sex, or talking about sex or anything where it feels appropriate then bring it up.

I absolutely LOVE that kind of thing, though my kink is a gag and / or blindfold. My wife wouldn’t usually just come up and put one on me until we had a chat one day and I slipped into conversation that I’d find it extremely erotic. She was under the impression that I might not be ready and she didn’t want to spring it on me and come across as demanding.
Now she’ll usually come in and be a bit touchy, feely, kissy with me for a few seconds and see how I respond before putting one on me. Sometimes she comes in, kisses and touches me to get me all worked up, then puts a gag on and leaves me for a while while she goes and showers / changes into some lingerie etc. She knows it winds me right up! :stuck_out_tongue:


Not weird in the slightest. Probably my number one kink. Adore the feeling of feeling ‘owned’ and I’m her property whilst it’s on. Feel I’m floating when it’s on and every day concerns are abated. We only use it in the immediate time before and during foreplay (although it stays on until the end) so not used in any other time although I have had it in a few times when cleaning when she’s out (which she knew about).

I’d recommend trying to talk to your partner about it, explain it’s something you want to explore and if you’re too embarrassed (not that you should be) find a good article online about collaring so they can read up on it. I don’t think personally think it’s a huge extreme kink so hopefully they’ll understand and be willing to explore together.

Edit: I think I misread the post. You want them to do it without you asking….not weird at all but probably needs a conversation to get them
To understand why and the practicalities . How about ‘at some point in the next three days it’ll really turn me on if you walked up to me and collared me as long as it wasn’t obviously inappropriate’

I have a similar situation with my wife since we changed to a female led male chastity relationship.

She is slowly learning to be spontaneous (if that’s not a contradiction in terms) but still needs hints and indications at times.

I’m not complaining though as she has made big changes in taking on the responsibility for our sexual activities and I’m very grateful to her.

I’m being patient and it’s slowly paying off.

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If you think its not their thing then you absolutely need to have a conversation about it. If you think that, then being disappointed when they don’t do the thing that you think they don’t like, is setting them up for failure and that is wrong.

Talk about why you want them to do it, but you have to accept that they will have a part in the conversation and their views may not allign with yours.
Be really open and honest with them and allow them to be the same with you.

Im going to just reiterate what everyone else has alreadyvsaid really. Communication is key in any relationship whether its about whats for dinner or what you like in the bedroom. I take it that they do collar you when you ask so you just need to ask that they do it when youre not expecting it and what you expect once its on. You then need to listen to them and find out how they feel about it. You mentioned that you didnt think it was their thing and that maybe something that you need to accept. A lot of people self collar at certain times as it helps them escape and put them in a headspace that they enjoy whether than be sexual or not.
We have collars but they are only used when we have planned an impact scene. Life doesnt allow kink to come out of the bedroom due to kids but i also know that hubby isnt keen on a more DS relationship outside of the bedroom so weve compromised. Just have a chat and see what they say. Good luck!!!

I love wearing a collar but unless i say something at the time or prior to meeting them they wont just put it on me.

On the flipside if i see a partner is acting submissively i will often put their collar on them as i know the desire

Maybe say to them that’s what you envision and then let them do it in their own surprise timing so it don’t seem like it was prodded :grin:

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