blackburnmale wrote:
oh, so that isn't you in the pic then External Media External Media
Unless you are 5'10 and a size 8/10 then they wont look as good External Media
No isn't me unfortunatly External Media I wish I looked this good, Well my hubby say I look like her but I think he's just saying that, haha He also say I look like Kim Kardashian, Bless him.
It is the gorgeous Kristen Stewart External Media
CullensNaughtyLamb wrote:
HAHAHAHA, just talking about sex i think has done it!
I am abit of a madam,the thing is they always look so gorgeous on the model but not so great on me. So i always feel abit uncomfortable but i soon get over it External Media
Thank's for the help External Media
I bet your OH would beg to differ! I bet you look amazing!
I don't know what i was watching on TV a few nights ago, but i remember someone saying "no one looks at the mantelpiece while they're poking the fire anyway" External Media Made me chuckle! hehe
YoungEssexCouple wrote:
CNL - I had this problem with an ex of mine, she was very inexperienced and therefore very very tight. We got around it by using a few toys every now and again (every other day or so) nothing intimidating, just a little more than fingers. Worked a treat :)
Hope all goes well for you :)
Thanks but I don't think it's because im too tight because ive had two kids, I always do my kegal but surely i can't be tight. I thought it was because i was too loose, haha External Media
bumble wrote:
It sounds like you used to have a fantastic sex-life, and as this problem seems to be a new development, can you link it to anything that has happened in his/your life?
We really did! I can't really maybe once he turned 30 things changed but he didn't act like he cared External Media, We'll get there External Media
bumble wrote:
CullensNaughtyLamb wrote:
HAHAHAHA, just talking about sex i think has done it!
I am abit of a madam,the thing is they always look so gorgeous on the model but not so great on me. So i always feel abit uncomfortable but i soon get over it External Media
Thank's for the help External Media
I bet your OH would beg to differ! I bet you look amazing!
I don't know what i was watching on TV a few nights ago, but i remember someone saying "no one looks at the mantelpiece while they're poking the fire anyway" External Media Made me chuckle! hehe
haha, i like that External Media
CullensNaughtyLamb wrote:
Do you have an opinon on the fact that he doesn't make noise? Do you think it's because he is shy or maybe sex was seen as a sin or something growing up. I think that it's because he's not enjoying it and i'm ugly and stuff but i know i'm being silly because he must be enjoying it to cum right?
My Hubs doesn't make a lot of noise, never has done. Just the way some men are! I think you are reading too much into his lack of vocals. Please try not to panic about it! I would like my Hubs to be more vocal, but I accept that he's always been quiet, so I don't worry about it.
The only thing I can suggest in terms of the experience lasting longer is to draw out foreplay for longer - maybe go solo for a bit and let him watch or if he's anything like my Husband he'll love to hear that I've been 'playing' because I couldn't wait for him to get home. If you like to come, say 3 times in a sesh, see to yourself for the first two times and then go for it for the third without any pressure of 'wanting more' at the end.
If there's any chance of a break away, that could be good for a change - even just a night away in a B&B, go out for a meal and see what follows. New place, new experience?
Just make sure it's not all about the sex - make the focus about spending time together just having fun and see what happens.
There's also a thread on here about 'Edging' - delaying an orgasm - which might be useful... If you're indulging in foreplay, allow yourself to orgasm, but stop him from doing so til you're both ready to go for the grand finale.
I'm sure that if you can both relax about how long things are lasting/noises etc, then good times will follow.
MrsPx
Do you have an opinon on the fact that he doesn't make noise? Do you think it's because he is shy or maybe sex was seen as a sin or something growing up. I think that it's because he's not enjoying it and i'm ugly and stuff but i know i'm being silly because he must be enjoying it to cum right?
Any ideas on how I can get him making noise without him feeling on show or whatever? I like knowing that i'm pleasing him but i never do know Oh god what a sad sex life i have, haha
Hi, i don't make noises or talk while having sex, i'm not shy in the bedroom we have toys,butt plugs,strapon, dress to please each other. We have a good sex life,we talk to each other about what we like/dislike. Ive never thought about it until i read this thread so next time im going to try it and see what affect it has on my oh. I think its as simple as " some people do/some dont. or can i not multitask lol
Thanks for pointing it out and good luck
s n s
I think the only reason I thought that it was strange was because we are so used to seeing men on tv porn etc making noise. It's good to know that my OH isn't the only one, comforting. I'd just like to know when I'm doing something he like that's all :)
Hi, CNL
I'd find it pretty strange if he was cumming quickly because there was too little stimulation, or he wasn't enjoying himself. In those cases I'd expect him to lose interest or be unable to cum.
Sounds to me (layman's opinion only) that there's something else going on underneath, and the sex life is just the symptom. Now you could treat the symptom, but it might be worth checking with him that the rest of his life is going the way he wants. It's about this age (I'm 31) that some people feel they've got stuck in a rut and start worrying about the future and all those unfulfilled plans and dreams.
Although I'd totally work on having better sex anyway. I mean, why wouldn't you?
Hi CNL.
You've had some great advice already but one thing I thought of as I was reading was 'Are there kids at home?' You then said you'd had two I think so I wonder if your hubby is quiet cos he's paranoid bout waking them up?
I only say this as I once had sex with the most quiet guy ever & it freaked me out cos as you say you've no idea if it's good or bad, so I spoke to him & it was cos he was so used to having to be silent cos of his kids and he hadn't got used to them not being there. Could be something as simple as that?
Could you perhaps go away for a 'dirty weekend' somewhere nice & indulge yourselves, however it may take him a while to feel able to be 'vocal' so patience is key...
Good luck x
Hey CNL, just thought I'd add my perspective on this as I have experience in this situation. For years my OH and I could have sex lasting anywhere up to 9 hours, but over the last few years I'm lucky if I can manage to last more then a couple minutes. I myself very rarely wank, maybe once or twice a month, and make almost no noise at all when having sex, which is a by product of having a sex life and hideing the noises from family, even after moving out I still couldn't get out of the habit!
One thing I noticed is the closer I feel to my OH emotionaly I quicker I cum, we had a rocky patch where we were on the verge of divorce and still had sex now and then and I could last for an hour, as soon as things got better and we were happy together again it was back to minutes, so it could be a similar situation with your OH!
I've been using this: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1190 and it does work wonders, takes a bit of practice to get the amount of cream to use as too much numbs you completely and not enough doesn;t work, but now I can last for 30 minutes or so using this cream. Might be worth a shot for you? If you do go for it, then I'd reccomend applying it to his penis while giving him a wank and then have him go down on you or do anything that isn't using his cock for a little while as it takes 15-25 minutes for the cream to soak in and do it's job. Lucky for me and the OH I'm oraly fixated! =p
Sorry this post is so long, hope it is helpful in some way!
Heya Belle ( hehe )
*Coughs*
Anyway.....
First, Dont blame yourself or him sweetie, Its neither of yours fault! Thats the first most important step.
Now, I don't usually talk about this side of me but this thread demands my attention lol.
I am/was a premature ejaculator !
I'll give you my personal experience but this can differ from case to case ok.
Before I met Lady-J I had no problems with pe.
But for a reason totally unknown to me, Since Me and J became intimate,I've been dogged by PE from the beginning of our relationship.
I wont go into too much of this as we're now making progress, But we were'nt intimate with eachother for a very long time, And not her fault, But I developed a Masterbation/porn problem where I was at it solo like a drugged up rabbit on heat! I already masterbated a lot before I met her and with previous OH's even when things were great - I later discovered I suffer from Hypersexuality due to bi-polar disorder.
Anyway, When I masterbate, Even now, I can last for hours! If she masterbates me, I last for ages, But As soon as my cock gets near her lady bits, Thats it... I can feel it building up straight away! Its very VERY frustrating!
It's got slightly better recently as we now use lubes a lot of the time ( regular ones ) But I get the feeling that they slightly desensitize things for me ( I know that I have a very sensitive penis ) so I do last longer.....
The issue for me is we only do it in missionary :( And I know from years of practice that that's the position that I cum quickest with. If she does something like bringing her legs up half way through, That sends me over the brink too.
Now, I would hazard a guess and say that he actually sounds like a sexual person. When he uses toys on you or performs oral on you, Is he enthusiastic about it? If so then my theory I would think is right!
We/You dont know but maybe a previous oh gave him a hard time over his pe and its stuck with him and created a problem?
pe can be caused by a plethora of things, Medical, Mental, Physical, Education, Upbringing, Religion etc etc.....
Mine is a combo of mental & physical( my being over sensitive ) I've got over the psycological side, And now have to work with Lady-J on the physical aspect.
I know this sounds difficult, But if you both try to stop thinking/worrying about it, This will remove a huge amount of mental pressure from the problem, But dont ignore it as you obviously want to work on it.
If he has a sensitive manhood like me, Then a cock ring will only highten the sensitivity! Probably why it didnt make an improvement ;)
Anyway, i hope this helps for now? I'll have a think on it some more......
Is it frequency related? what I mean is if your doing it more frequently does he last longer?
Reflecting on my own habits when we were younger we might be having sex 3-5 times a week sometimes more. Then I rarely if at all masturbated. Just no 'need' or desire to. So if your regularly having sex every week he may just feel no desire to at all. These days its much less so I tend to need to masturbate more often. I also find if I do I'm much less desperate and it allows me to take my time and not just want to rush to orgasm.
Lets face it ladies bits are designed to make us come. So if he comes quickly inside you thats likely because it is giving me the ideal sensations and feels bloody amazing. I can go for ages with oral but sometimes once I get inside my missus its a fight not to come very very quickly because its just amazing.
So I certainly don't feel like there is something wrong with you. Its probably totally the opposite! Perhaps he doesn't make any noises because it feels so good and he's concentrating hard not to come?
Do you think it's because he is shy or maybe sex was seen as a sin or something growing up.
I was wondering this as well. I guess the only way you'll ever know is to talk. It may take a lot of trust to get to something as deep as this for him or he may not even be aware were this has come from it may be so deep seated. It took years for BigMomma ( I love this nickname - thanks to whoever came up with it! ) to tell me how she felt without hours or days of beating around the bush and from there we slowly became able to talk more explicitly about sex and desires etc. I didn't see anything about how long you've been together but I'm bloody tired so may have missed it.
I sorry I meant to say ' I certaintly don't THINK there is something wrong with you ' Tiredness again.
BigPoppa wrote:
I sorry I meant to say ' I certaintly don't THINK there is something wrong with you ' Tiredness again. External Media
Indeed, I'd say quite the opposite. If he's coming very quickly, then something is evidently VERY RIGHT with you!
Seriously though, as others have suggested there are some things to try to delay his release such as:
different positions;
getting him to cum before sex, the second time will probably last longer;
using a toy eg a fleshlight STU do get him more used to the sensations of being inside.
BigPoppa wrote:
BigMomma ( I love this nickname - thanks to whoever came up with it! )
You're welcome. External Media Actually reading it back, I worry that it's a little disrespectful, given that I don't know the lady in question.... but if you like it that's OK I guess.
8 or 9 hours? Wow, you can tell this guy doesn't wank very often. He seems very sexually shy. IMHO he might well have thoughts about sex being something naughty and wrong? Maybe not conscious thoughts, but at least enough to make him think it's bad to masturbate. There's muscles down there that need excersising! And masturbation is a good way to do it ( at least for me! ), and proof for me is managing to get those 8 or 9 hours down to a couple of mins the other night.
It's not your fault at all CNL, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, and there's really nothing much wrong with him either. I take ages to cum from oral or her masturbating me, but cum very quickly from sex. The feeling of being inside a woman is so different from anything else, there's a lot more sensation from it, especially if she's turned on; feeling her cum can often push me over the edge.
Um, so i reckon rather than keeping trying to persuade him to masturbate, as he clearly knows already that you'd like that, maybe try and change his thinking so he sees self pleasure as a good thing? Ok, so I've no idea how, and it'd have to be done in a subtle way as not to offend him, so I apologise for not really being much help there. Uh, probably he needs to just be more relaxed about it all. Personally, masturbating doesn't make my sex drive wain at all, it just makes me want it more. Another thing, how long have you been together? I've been with Boobaloo more than 12 years, and we're totally relaxed around each other. I take a lot longer to cum now than I used to, and have a lot more control over it. We talk a lot more about sex, and know what turns each other on and can push each other over the edge, or stop if need be. The biggest thing for me is to not worry about it, just enjoy it and enjoy thinking about it. Not sure what else to suggest really, but good luck for the both of you!
WOW thanks everyone, your all so helpful! Well I tried talking to him a few times since his post and we were communicating quite well but the one thing that stuck out for me was that I thought it would take him a good 8-9hrs before he could cum again but he said an hour or two. So last night I said let's go and have a shower then we'll do stuff again a few hours later. I made it clear that if he didnt want to later or wasnt ready thenthat was fine just tell me. Well inever felt so shitty after sex ever. We had the shower and shower sex, (he came at about 9.15) everything was fine. We went downstairs and watched some tv and had a cuppa. About 11pm I'm getting anxious because I want to go up stairs but I don't want to pressure him into cumming again if he's not ready. So I said let's go up and he was all for it, so I go up. 12.25am he came up! He just sort of got in bed and said what we watching, I was like "WHAT?!?!?" this is what he does, he'll say he wants to and I'll go up and wait for him and when he finally does come up he acts like we didn't even have an arrangment to have sex. I was so upset, more because of the communication because I said if he couldn't or didn't want to to just tell me! Obviously I was still upset that I wasn't getting any mostly because I find it really hard to cum from penetration, I know most women do and so does the OH so why leave me hanging like "oh I've got mine, you just have to lump it" I was so upset I was crying my eyes out, he didn't say anything he just let me cry and then gt up and go downstairs to have a fag. I just don. Know what to do, it must be something wrong with me even if it is pe which wouldn't be my fault but the other stuff it must be because he doesn't love me or find me attractive anymore. I mean I was going to get all dressed up in my new school girl uniform for him after the shower and once we were upstairs and after the shower he was like "oh it's ok you can wear it another night, we'll just do other stuff tonight" (other stuff means licking me, me licking him me giving him a massage before we go for gold) plus I said to him that it would be good that he had already come because we woul be able to do more stuff and watch more porn and I could just touch him more because we wouldn't have to worry about him getting to excited and wanting to "just do it" and he was like well I don't know because you have to be turned on to keep it hard. I was so shocked that I couldn't say what I was screaming in my head "what so I don't turn you on enough to keep you hard" I mean it had been 2 hrs since he had cum, I just don't get it! :'(
Oh no :(
I really don't think you are doing anything wrong. There has been loads of good advice here so far, but not sure what to suggest next.
It does occur to me that your OH might tell a totally different version, not that I think your wrong - just that I wonder if his perception of what happened and why might be different.
i had this problem myself.wiyh my last g/f it was once aweek only and when we got down to it i lasted about 1minute.As we got into more it got better as i didn't get so over excited,but i had to hold back for awhile which is not easy in penetration .So an edging session(lazy wank,making it last longer was the answer)And getting an erection takes a while with a man at least an hour or so after sex it's nice to rest then haveanother try.But you don't need to have penetrive sex to enjoy the experience all the time
