Is there something wrong wih me?

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Ok here we go - NERVOUS!

My OH is very quick to cum when we have sex. I mean really quick 30-40 secs maybe, probably less. Sometimes when he is really trying it can be up to a minute but i hate that because i can just tell he's not ejoying himself as much and there is sooo much tension in the room when he has to try hard not to cum.

Now here is my issue (apart from the obvious) when i give him a BJ or handjob he doesn't cum anywhere near as quickly. Now seriously is there something wrong with me. Am i too big down there so he doesn't enjoy it and just wants to cum asap or is it just a premature ejack situation and i am not very good at BJ's and handjob's. But then how can we have a premature stiuation if it doesn't affect everything we do? I just keep questoning myself and the issue over and over again in my head becaus i can't figure it out.

I have asked him about it in the most gentle way i could but he does not talk! When i bring it up then we have tension the next time we have sex because i feel weird and i can tell he feels weird. I asked if it was me and of course he said no but he wouldn't say yes. I watch the sex inspectors and have seen them tell men to do the thing with the towel and the start and stop and he has seen and heard all this. I dont think he has done any of them as it hasn't been making a diiference if he has. So im stuck i don't know what to do.

Please men / women give me some tips to help, I just can't do this anymore. I feel so depressed :'(

2

Please do not be upset, I do not think you are doing anything wrong.

I cum pretty quickly when inside my oh, and like you she can give me manual stimulation for ages (hours even). I like both, the quick and slow and I suspect your OH does too.

3

BBM Makes a good point, talking about cumming quickly is going to be difficult for both of you but experimenting and making the most of what goes on before he goes off sounds like great fun. :)

4

CNL....I would definitely say you are not too big down there...maybe you are just tight and the friction and the heat is all too much to stop him cumming. Believe me this is not a bad thing and much better than being the proverbial bucket and there being no friction.

I think all men at times will cum quicker than the lady would like but I find if I have cum earlier in the day or night, I will naturally then last longer.

Maybe (and I am sure he won't complain) a quick handjob or blow job in the morning will prime him for longer later. Get him to show you how he plays with himself so you can help with his Hand jobs

Don't worry there is nothing wrong with you or I am sure him

Just relax and don't make it an issue and then you can have fun together without thinking about it

5

Firstly, relax about it!

So many men suffer from ejaculation problems! One of my partners could come within 5 minutes inside me, but could never come during oral or handjobs... Another couldn't come inside me even after an hour, but would come quickly with oral or handjobs. At first, like you, I worried something was wrong. I thought "I must be loose down there" or "I must be doing this in a way that they don't like"... But it wasn't true!

Have you slept with other men? Because if they could come just fine, it can't be your fault, right? And if not, it is highly unlikely that you're loose down below at all!

Now it's not his fault, but he needs to talk to you about it if he wants a happy, healthy sexual relationship. After you're done with a session, try holding him tight and kissing him and bringing the topic up gently. Make sure he knowsthat you aren't teasing him or angry at him, but rather want to help him. You could also try taking things into your own hands, rather literally. When giving him manual stimulation of any kind, perhaps try holding off his orgasms on your own. If you have the cash to splash, try one of these:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=13190 They're supposed to be brilliant for the purpose!

If not, there are lots of other things you could try. Take a look at Lh's range of cock rings, made to help him maintain an erection, and can make him last longer!

There are also various "delay" solutions such as this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=821...

And if you're still worried about it being your fault, I suggest kegel exercisers http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/better-sex-for-her/kegel-exercisers-balls/. They're fantastic for tightening you up! There are also various creams on the market, like this: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=14140

Really though, don't worry! When he feels comfortable talking about it, he will, and it's not your fault! If it carries on for a long time, it may do to get him down the doctors... Gentle encouragement should do it slowly! If he's feeling stressed, try a sensual massage or a nice bath, let him relax... And make sure you have time when you're having sex! No "someone will be here in 15 minutes" sessions!

Good luck! x

6

Thanks for all the tips guys!

I feel really bad talking about it "behind his back" so to speak but he won't talk. Also he is just so great, He does realise there is a problem and i have pretty much become addicted to lovehoney the past few weeks and have bought sooo many products to help our sex life and he is open to try them all. We have been together 8 tears and married 4 so i know its normal for here to be a slump.

I did buy a cock ring knowing they were supose to make him last longer but to be honest i didn't see an improvment (he did say that he was just TOO turned on when he went in for it to make a difference) and i also found that he went soft immediatly after cumming I like it when he stays hard for a little while because then i still get to feel him for a while. I have ordered a "delay" lube but dont have much hope for that and also the minute i tell what it is for then i doubt he'll get hard let alone cum quickly, lol.

Like i say he knows there is a problem so he makes up for it by giving me head for like 1/2 before and using toys on me etc etc and dont get me wrong that is great and i love him for that but (oh god i feel bad) it's not what i want. I know most men wouldnt care about the woman and would just do whatever so i do feel bad for being ungrateful!

I just think he isnt a very sexual person. NW was saying about getting him to show me how he (sorry) "wanks" but he doesn't. I know that sounds strange and if anyother man told me he didn't do that i would not beleive him but I know my hubby doesn't. I'm a very sexual person and he knows that i would like him to do that and i have asked him to go and do it because that would turn me on knowing he was off doing that but he won't. I told him i was going to get him a tracey cox sex stroker thing (i explained what to do) and he just said "i don't have time for that" and "why would i want that, ive got you" oh and "why would i go to all that effort"

He also never makes noise during sex, like NEVER! I questioned it when we first got together but he thought it was weird that i was even questioning why he didnt make noise.

I really feel like everything is my fault and really i know it isnt and its probably just a premature thing paired with the fact that he is sexualy shy but i just really want some nice long sex. I love a quicky as much as the next person but just once in a while i'd like it nice and slow.

Thanks again guys

7

WOW that was alot! Sorry

8

That's what i said to him, you know that it might help.

I know it's weird right?!?! I mean he does but it is literally like once every 4-5 months. I have got it for him anyway because i think its just fear of something new. I'm going to give it to him for his birthday in a few weeks, i mean i'll use it on him the first time if he's nervous. I have heard it's good so hopefully once he has it he'll use it all the time because i'm thinking now that maybe the problem is because he never does wank so the minute he is near me that's it, he just can't hold off.

Do you think that might be it? Please say yes and it's not me, hahaha

9

Woah there, my OH doesn't masturbate either. I don't find that really abnormal. It means he is harder for me and comes more when we do have sex! Plus there are no problems, I don't think a man needs to masturbate to have good fulfilling sex!

Also the fact your husband is sexually shy could be a huge factor! My OH is quiet during sex too, and hides his face from me when he orgasms! I am beginning to find it quite endearing...

If he knows there is a problem but is shy, you just need to slowly work a discussion out of him. It can't be a bad thing if he's saying he's that turned on when entering you! He definitely wants you as much as ever! Naughty Weekend suggested a good idea actually... Try making him come before intercourse? Then you might find him lasting longer!

Anyway, I hope you get it sorted! Let us know! =) x

10

I'm not saying it can't be masturbation though! Different men and all that! A bit of masturbation training could do wonders for you! I think you using the stroker on him is a great idea. =)

11

Booties wrote:

Woah there, my OH doesn't masturbate either. I don't find that really abnormal. It means he is harder for me and comes more when we do have sex! Plus there are no problems, I don't think a man needs to masturbate to have good fulfilling sex!

Also the fact your husband is sexually shy could be a huge factor! My OH is quiet during sex too, and hides his face from me when he orgasms! I am beginning to find it quite endearing...

If he knows there is a problem but is shy, you just need to slowly work a discussion out of him. It can't be a bad thing if he's saying he's that turned on when entering you! He definitely wants you as much as ever! Naughty Weekend suggested a good idea actually... Try making him come before intercourse? Then you might find him lasting longer!

Anyway, I hope you get it sorted! Let us know! =) x

Well, thank you VERY much everything you just said made me feel alot better. He isn't alone, my OH and your OH sound very alike, i feel a little bit better now. External Media

Also, I didn't mean it was weird as in weird weird, haha just weird in that fact that i thought every man was out there flinging it whenever he could. Sorry if i offend you External Media.

The only thing is, once he cums thats it. He cant cum again for a good 8-9 hours which i find really frustrating as once i start, i need to keep going and going External Media

12

blackburnmale wrote:

well if that pic is you then its no wonder he is having the problem he does External Media. On a more serious note, try it on him and keep the covers over him to start with, then maybe the next time without covers, then maybe get him to use it himself.

Use plenty of lube if he isnt used to wanking and put some inside the toy as well. Maybe while using it on him you can whisper acouple of things that pushes the right buttons with him - that might help him along as well.

This might sound a bit crazy, but I think if you wank a lot (my excuse is practice makes perfect) then this is bound to help 'staying power'...

That all sounds good, thank you BBM External Media

Starting to feel alot better after talking to all of you External Media

13

Great news that you are feeling better, I am sure we will all need the favour returned before too long! :)

If he rarely wanks and is shy then I would say there is a strong chance that being intimate with someone who seems to me to be deeply sexual is going to tip him over the edge.

Have you tried leaving the LH catalogue lying around? ;)

14

blackburnmale wrote:

don't mean this to sound pervy, but have you thought about maybe 'meeting' in a pub/club one night and either sorting him out then or taking him somwehere discreet outside? Maybe the thrill of something not so 'tried and tested' might do the trick?

Or ... maybe get an outfit from your wishlist and 'relax' him wearing that - I presume porn isnt an option?

**God I sound like I'm thinking about this a bit TO much** External Media

Hahaha, thank you for thinking about it too much External Media

Well we have two big plastic storage boxes in the wardrobe (you know the big ones i mean, right) full of stuff. About 30-40 outfits in one and the other is full of toys, lubes, whips, etc etc that we use to use nearly every night but it got so boring that we went back to basics but obviously because of recent problems i have got the boxes out again and have added alot more in the past few weeks from here. So we do try a different range of things. We have done it outside and in a pub External Media and it was ok but no more exciting then our usual sex really, i did wank him while he was driving (haha not safe) and he really liked that.

We do watch porn, quite abit but it doesnt seem to do much for us anymore. I'm really trying to do more stuff and be more inventive but i'm just not really getting any results.

Do you have an opinon on the fact that he doesn't make noise? Do you think it's because he is shy or maybe sex was seen as a sin or something growing up. I think that it's because he's not enjoying it and i'm ugly and stuff but i know i'm being silly because he must be enjoying it to cum right?

Any ideas on how I can get him making noise without him feeling on show or whatever? I like knowing that i'm pleasing him but i never do know External Media Oh god what a sad sex life i have, haha

15

Noon wrote:

Great news that you are feeling better, I am sure we will all need the favour returned before too long! :)

If he rarely wanks and is shy then I would say there is a strong chance that being intimate with someone who seems to me to be deeply sexual is going to tip him over the edge.

Have you tried leaving the LH catalogue lying around? ;)

I am feeling alot better, turned on now aswel which isn't good as he's at work til late,hahaha External Media

I dont have a catalogue yet but i'll try that one External Media

16

HAHAHAHA, just talking about sex i think has done it!

I am abit of a madam,the thing is they always look so gorgeous on the model but not so great on me. So i always feel abit uncomfortable but i soon get over it

Thank's for the help

17

CNL - I had this problem with an ex of mine, she was very inexperienced and therefore very very tight. We got around it by using a few toys every now and again (every other day or so) nothing intimidating, just a little more than fingers. Worked a treat :)

Hope all goes well for you :)

18

It sounds like you used to have a fantastic sex-life, and as this problem seems to be a new development, can you link it to anything that has happened in his/your life?

19

CullensNaughtyLamb wrote:


Any ideas on how I can get him making noise without him feeling on show or whatever? I like knowing that i'm pleasing him but i never do know External Media Oh god what a sad sex life i have, haha

You need to let go, be noisy, put music on, over exaggerate and make him feel uncomfortable if he stays silent. Kick him out of his comfort zone.

20

Hello CNL. Just been reading through your thread. A flashlight or stroker would definitely be a good option to try for your partner. He can take his time and concentrate at his own pace then and get to learn about
all the sensations and how to possibly block them out (mentally of course) in order to last longer. Just like all things in life, these things take practise and that can be fun! There's nothing wrong. . .its just life! SG