I have to say that the message you described seems like harmless flirty banter to me and wouldn't be unusual on my phone or my husband's. It always depends on the conext of the conversation and if it's usual for their friendship/relationship. with me I know I can be cheeky and flirty with some friends but not others; and when txting it's usually followed vy a 'lol', ha ha' or sarcastic comment.
I personally think the lack of trust and suspicion is the bigger issue here. me and my husband can both be cheeky witg our friends but I don't feel the urge to go through his phone. Although I have prevously been suspicous when he would hide his phone and snatch it off me If i picked it up. i did snoop anD my suspicions were confirmed.
i expect you now your own partner and your relationship to know weather or not this is usual or threatening behaviour. talking it through is the only way and dont be cornered into thinking you're to blame. trust, respect and honesty is something you both need to take responsibility for.
I have been there but have come out the other side too. I'm here if you want to talk.
Mrs A x
as usual I'm with fluffbags who always puts my thoughts to paper so eloquently!
Hi, thanks for all your responses. i always inteded to talk to him about it, i just needed a sounding board and i knew here was a good place for that.
My husband is laid back and not usually flirtatious is our social circles (however i have no idea at work)
i started by asking if he truely loved me. to which his reply was absolute. i was open with him and said i saw a text on his phone and that i was concerned at the content. he explained about it and who it was and why it had come about. i am wholely satisfied with the response. it turns out he is the man i always knew. he wasn't bothered that i looked at his messages either he even gave me the pass code and he thought i already knew it.
why i chose to look at his phone that day i can't honestly say other than oppotunity and general nosiness and maybe a bit of female intuition.
we had a good chat about how i was feeling etc etc. he assumed that everything was fine and promised to try and be more demonstrative with cuddles and compliments.
this is something i've not really needed before baby and now maybe i'm starting to feel a bit older and ageing and needing more reassurances.
this year we've had friends and colleagues and aquaitances split up so that maybe adding to my insecurities.
once again thanks
So glad you feel better about it all and got it sorted. xxxx
I have to say that there is obviously no trust in the relationship if you felt the need to look through his phone. I have my OH's password for his phone and he has mine and I never feel like I need to look through his phone and I'm pretty sure he doesn't feel the need to with mine either.
It is shitty that you had to read that text message and if I'd have been in that situation myself I'd have gone and questioned him about the matter straight away.
You definitely need to talk, I'd be so paranoid that it could have happened beforehand, texts are so easily deleted. >.<
Saucey21, glad it's all sorted for you, sometimes we all just need a little bit more reassurance in our lives xx
not meaning to hijack your post OP but what if you found the follwoing on your other half's phone :
"Good morning Sweetheart, I had a dream about you last night. I was watching you make love to XXXX. I didnt like seeing that in my dream but glad you were in it. Then I knew i needed to pee but didnt want to go cos then the dream would end and you would be gone"
This was sent first thing in the morning, to someone she has been in love with for 5 years but never had a relationship with. He has been in a relationship for 10 yrs and quite happily cheated with many women including my girlfriend (before we got together).
discuss!
Ummmm just jenson that was seriously annoy me.
Have you spoke to her?
Just Jenson wrote:
not meaning to hijack your post OP but what if you found the follwoing on your other half's phone :
"Good morning Sweetheart, I had a dream about you last night. I was watching you make love to XXXX. I didnt like seeing that in my dream but glad you were in it. Then I knew i needed to pee but didnt want to go cos then the dream would end and you would be gone"
This was sent first thing in the morning, to someone she has been in love with for 5 years but never had a relationship with. He has been in a relationship for 10 yrs and quite happily cheated with many women including my girlfriend (before we got together).
discuss!
I think I would of walked away the moment I realised my partner was in love with another. Although, we all say that, but when we love someone it is hard to admit that and walk away. That just....sucks. :( I dunno what to say but I would be gutted if it were me. x
Fluffbags wrote:
Just Jenson wrote:
not meaning to hijack your post OP but what if you found the follwoing on your other half's phone :
"Good morning Sweetheart, I had a dream about you last night. I was watching you make love to XXXX. I didnt like seeing that in my dream but glad you were in it. Then I knew i needed to pee but didnt want to go cos then the dream would end and you would be gone"
This was sent first thing in the morning, to someone she has been in love with for 5 years but never had a relationship with. He has been in a relationship for 10 yrs and quite happily cheated with many women including my girlfriend (before we got together).
discuss!
I think I would of walked away the moment I realised my partner was in love with another. Although, we all say that, but when we love someone it is hard to admit that and walk away. That just....sucks. :( I dunno what to say but I would be gutted if it were me. x
blonde vixen13 wrote:
Ummmm just jenson that was seriously annoy me.
Have you spoke to her?
This did come up on conversation after a few months of things building up. She said she didnt remember anyhting about this text. We ended up breaking up over it (there was other things too including a 3 page email she sent to him which she denies wrting/sending!)
Anyway we broke up, then got back to together because as you say it is hard to walk away. After we got back together, I then was made privy to a facebook conversation she had with a friend of hers saying how she lied to me about the whole thing so as not to hurt me.
Reading that hurt the most and now, although we are together and happy for the most of it, it still is eating me up inside from time to time.
Anyway, rant and agony aunt session over! Thanks for your repsonses - nice to get a 3rd party view on things
Your not the naughty one, he is. Have u spoken to him about it? X