Hi sugarboobies2232 I'm sorry that this has happened to you, it sounds like you are putting in 110% effort and he is just not bothered anymore. It sounds harsh but I would take a weeks break if it were me. You have tried talking but if nothing is coming of it and the intimacy has gone, then more practical action has to be taken. He needs to be shown how close he is to losing you. Good luck keep us updated!
sugarboobies2232 wrote:
Ebony58 wrote:
Hi there. I'm sorry to hear you have been going through such a tough time . It is frustrating when it feels like your needs are not being heard or met.
It sounds like having some space would do you both some good to think? What do you need? What do you want? What things you can compromise on and what things you can't. I agree with if things aren't working now just putting a ring on it won't make those problems disappear.
Is he the passive aggressive type? You said money he been tight, you live in his house and he had an account looking for fun and intimacy. Does he want things to end but doesn't want to come across as the bad guy? So by things not changing you get frustrated end things and then he not chucking you out.
Sometimes the best thing to do for yourself is all the most painful. Are you scared to leave because you love him? It is okay to love him but know being relationship isn't going to work. At the end of the day it takes more than love to make a relationship successful. Its hard work, communication, respect etc.
Whether you end up staying with him or not I hope you end up happy.
As I said in my last post, I'm well aware that putting a ring on it will NOT make problems disapear.
I do love him, and understand it takes more than love to make something work. I'm just not sure he does.
You may well be right. It sounds like you have done as much as possible. Keep your head held high. I'm sending you a hug.
PS every realtionship has its ups and downs. Give it all you got and see what happens my dear!
PS every realtionship has its ups and downs. Give it all you got and see what happens my dear!
Bless you guys! Thanks for the support. I feel like I'm giving as much as I can, I don't know what else I can give in all fairness x
Understand and I have been there too. A couple days away may help you refresh and gain perspective as well. A girls weekend or family visit may be in order. That is NOT a bad thing to take a bit of break if you need it right now sugarboobies2232. i tend to harbor feelings and get resentful over stuff he forgets about all the time. So vent to us if you need, but also realize that overall you need your needs met here long term.
Thanks . I'll see how things go the next couple of days then may head over to my parents for the weekend. We'll see. Thanks xx
I really hope you can sort this out .However if there is one person on here that has the drive ,commitment and determination on here ,then it's you.
Keep us all posted on your progress
Hugs xx
Thanks Mysteron. Always value your advice. Will keep you all updated x
Sending more hugs to get you through the week! x
as mention get away for a couple of days to clear your head.
Would he really not notice if you went to your parents? Well make him notice! There's a difference between being relaxed about a relationship and not giving a shit about a relationship. You really sound like you're giving it your all, and he doesn't seem to be giving you anything in return.
If you feel that space will help then leave the house for a week, two weeks... maybe even three! Make him miss you, make him want you, make him fight for you. And if he doesn't then I think you have your answer about where the relationship is going.
Sorry hun xxx
Hi Sugarboobies, just wondering if things are progressing in the right direction ?
Luv your avater picture by the way.x
mysteron wrote:
Hi Sugarboobies, just wondering if things are progressing in the right direction ?
Luv your avater picture by the way.x
Things are ok. They aren't spectacular, he's a little more affectionate but we still aren't having sex. He doesn't want to do any foreplay etc either. Not sure if he's masturbating, I haven't asked to be honest. I don't know what to say really, but thanks for your concerns.
And thankyou Mysteron! It's probably one of my favourite photos I have of myself aha!
Hugs I'm from a different view, in a sex less but loving marraige, ok the physical side has gone but after words, about 18 months ago, he shows me he cares. I'm hugged daily and thanked for chores cooking ect. Also treated lots once a month. I hope you sort things, try and have a break, he really does need to show appreciation.
sugarboobies2232 wrote:
mysteron wrote:
Hi Sugarboobies, just wondering if things are progressing in the right direction ?
Luv your avater picture by the way.x
Things are ok. They aren't spectacular, he's a little more affectionate but we still aren't having sex. He doesn't want to do any foreplay etc either. Not sure if he's masturbating, I haven't asked to be honest. I don't know what to say really, but thanks for your concerns.
And thankyou Mysteron! It's probably one of my favourite photos I have of myself aha!
Just wondering if you have tried to wear something sexy in the evening to provoke a response?
How are things going? Is he showing you any affection or love? Did you go to your parents? Hope things are looking up for you!
Sugarboobies2232, how is it going with the snoring? I know it might sound really off-topic, but I still believe there could be some link between the sleeping issue and your global couple satisfaction.
kittencub wrote:
Hugs I'm from a different view, in a sex less but loving marraige, ok the physical side has gone but after words, about 18 months ago, he shows me he cares. I'm hugged daily and thanked for chores cooking ect. Also treated lots once a month. I hope you sort things, try and have a break, he really does need to show appreciation.
We have a hug and we'll lay together on the sofa from time to time, and he spoons me at night. To be honest I don't really feel I get treated either, I know money isn't something we have heaps of at the moment. I thought perhaps the last few days would be a time and chance he would be able to be a bit more physical, but no. He worked overtime yesterday, and went straight out to play in his band so I didn't see him until he woke me up on the sofa at 11pm. I have been working today, and thought maybe tomorrow he might want to do something as he's off. Turns out as I get in from work he'll be going out for band practice, and won't be back until late. Then he's working 3 night shifts, I'm working a late Saturday so I won't really be able to spend that much time with him at all to be honest. It seems he is more interested in work and other things than me and I'm finding that hard to take.
Haven't been to parents yet as we've got a 12 week old puppy together and can't really leave him right now as OH is working. I'm starting to feel pretty resentful now towards my OH. I feel bad for being so demanding as I want more sex and more of a physical relationship like we used to have together, and now has been nearly 2 weeks since we last had sex.
Mysteron to answer your question, no, I haven't worn anything sexy. I ordered a new mini dress in the £10 sale which he even chose out himself over Christmas, I put it on when it was delivered and he just said it "looks good". Obviously hasn't had its desired effect. In all honesty, I don't want to even try going out of my way to wear anything sexy as if it doesn't have it's desired effect, I'll feel very awkward, stupid and silly.
I know it's a long way off, but I start uni the end of september. If things haven't picked up seriously by then, I'll move out and into halls and call it a day with him. I understand nothing will change overnight, but I'm not getting anything back at the moment. I'm hoping when the nicer weather comes round it will have some effect on him, but I don't want to stay in a relationship where I'm feeling this way.
Emergency Exit, the snoring is ok, it's been better but it's been worse. I've been sleeping abit heavier lately and I seem to sleep through it better, and plus he's using a mouth piece. It's not stopped it all together, but it's a bit more bearable.
Gosh guys sorry to spill my heart out to you all this way. I just feel so sick writing all of this and sad I am in the first place. Thanks for all your suggestions, but I'm welcoming any more you may have x
Just wondering if you have offered to go to his band practise as my Mrs used to do with me in the early days when I used to play bass guitar.?
Perhaps doing more activities together may help?
Just an idea.
mysteron wrote:
Just wondering if you have offered to go to his band practise as my Mrs used to do with me in the early days when I used to play bass guitar.?
Perhaps doing more activities together may help?
Just an idea.
This is a good suggestion Mysteron.
i agree that doing some activities together may help.
when my OH and I were living together for the first time, we tried a Jive dance class in the town where we lived...admittedly it wasn't for us, but then we started doing Pilates together and that worked well. We would also always eat together at the dining table so we at least spent some time together, and watch our favourite shows together on tv. We even went as far as reading a few books together and taking it in turns to read aloud!
Lately we've been going through some changes due to our baby arriving 10 months ago so there's a new dynamic to the relationship...we seem to be not doing as much together in the evenings, but in a way I have decided I need some me-time after being home with baby all day, so I've started going to an aerobics class one evening and a yoga class another evening. He is quite happy to stay in and potter about /watch tv.
just a case of finding what works for you...