I've had it with him!

Off-Topic Chat
42

Hiya guys,

Thanks for the suggestons once again. In regards to spending time together, his band practice is one of those occasions he enjoys spending time with his friends. I do go as often as I can to watch them play, which is something the other girlfriends don't.

I lost it with him the other night. We were sat on the sofa watching a film together and things were really, really lovely. I was hoping that we were going to have sex after he vaguley hinted at it. I was lounging in my pjs, (just a baggy tshirt) and we were laying on eachother. I got up and took my knickers off hoping it would lead to something. Long story short, it didn't. We had another huge row and basically I called it a day there an then before I went to work. We have since talked, not as much as I would hope as he was out until 11 last night, and is now working 3 night shifts. I won't really have much chance to talk to him all that much until Sunday. Trying to stay positive, without getting my hopes up too high.

Sorry for the rant once again, this is just where we are up to at this moment in time.

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sugarboobies2232 wrote:

Hiya guys,

Thanks for the suggestons once again. In regards to spending time together, his band practice is one of those occasions he enjoys spending time with his friends. I do go as often as I can to watch them play, which is something the other girlfriends don't.

I lost it with him the other night. We were sat on the sofa watching a film together and things were really, really lovely. I was hoping that we were going to have sex after he vaguley hinted at it. I was lounging in my pjs, (just a baggy tshirt) and we were laying on eachother. I got up and took my knickers off hoping it would lead to something. Long story short, it didn't. We had another huge row and basically I called it a day there an then before I went to work. We have since talked, not as much as I would hope as he was out until 11 last night, and is now working 3 night shifts. I won't really have much chance to talk to him all that much until Sunday. Trying to stay positive, without getting my hopes up too high.

Sorry for the rant once again, this is just where we are up to at this moment in time.

I know it's difficult for you but try and stay positive. If worse come to the worse at least nobody can accuse you of not trying .I really hope you both can work it out.x

44

Wanted to add.

just wondering if your guy as a varying sex drive. I have been monitoring on how I feel recently . On tuesday I felt like picking the Mrs up and carrying her off to the bedroom . Unfortaunately we had a parents evening to attend to so we went out for dinner after , so it never happened, but the intent was still there .

However today a couple of days later and I don't have any medical problems or medication and if my wife stripped off in front of me ,I still wouldn't be that interested in sex .For love and duty I would get her off manually or with a sex toy but thats as far as I would go.

So going back to your situation if my wife did that to me on the sofa then the above would apply. But every guy is different and maybe yours wouldn't have thought that way.

I don't know if thats something else that you could think about ?

45

my OH goes through phases like this all the time, he is a company director and even when the company is doing super well he's super stressed because its more work, when its not doing so well he's stressed because theres less money. there's literally nothing i can do to get his motor running. we havent even been to the strip club in months, these past few months fave been hell. I'm a student and i think he feels like he has to support the household and i cook and clean, but lately exams and coursework have been killing me and our house is a tip. so theres a little resent there, Im working on it but i know how hard it is for him atm.

do you think he could be stressed that you're earning less atm, as though he's having to do more than you? or could it be that he feels pressured to have sex?

I know that when i pester OH (which i do a lot) he wants it less, almost in defiance. maybe if you stop trying, but not let yourself go completely, he'll be more interested?

as far as proposal goes... i had a similar thing on our first anniversiary, he even took my ring measurement, we climbed a mountain and at the top was a ring box... with a ring. we both stood there awkwardly "what is it" "a ring" "what for" "our anniversiary" "BUT WHAT TYPE OF RING" "a promise ring" i climbed to the top of a mountain exhausted and was presented with a ring.. that wasn't an engagement ring, and then for the next few weeks was asked whether it was an engagement ring. -_- men think they're being super sweet, but can sometimes make you feel like crap, because we see signs and fit them to what we want.

I dont think there's anything WRONG with your relationship, he's just gone a bit stagnant, you could really do with a holiday, even just a weekend away, check those last minute holiday sites for a cheap deal. and stop fretting about sex and proposal, a watched phone never rings remember. if you try to think of it as showing him what he's missing, and that you're awesome and he should totally want you, he'll realise it himself lol

46

Thought I would update you all, thanks again everyone for suggestions. We have been talking this week while we have seen eachother about the situation, he had an overtime shift today and I wanted to talk to him last night while we had time together before we went out.

So as it turns out, as it always has been, it's money that is stressing him out. We are not financially connected at all and he likes it that way, we have our own way of dealing with money in the relationship and we both thought it worked ok, however. I won't go into details, but he was very honest with me yesteday afternoon. Long story short, we had a lodger live with us who was his best friend, he stayed a year longer than was planned, and he moved out very quickly and didn't pay any rent but didn't tell my partner he wasn't going to not pay him, so ofcourse he spent accordingly and when he was suddenly £250 a month down, it had repercussions. Now I've put 2 and 2 together, things started getting strange when this happened last year. I knew he didn't pay rent, but this caused him huge problems over Christmas which is when he got funny with me because I was home and took the time off. I told him I thought it was because he was seeing someone else and while I was home he couldn't go off out, he was mortified I thought this but after everything I've told him, he can see why I'm feeling the way I do.

As for his sex drive, the stress of the last few months have caused problems with him. He said he lost all of his confidence in himself and had very low self esteem, and wanted desperately to be able to fullfill my needs, but as Mysteron said, the urge was simply not there and nothing I could have done could have made him want sex, and he said he was relieved when I was tired at night. One thing that he now acknowledges and can see what has been upsetting me, is that he doesn't tell me things and doesn't make effort anymore. He said he has always found me very attractive, and wants nothing more than a life with me but doens't talk about his feelings as he presumed I already knew, which I didn't. I've noticed a huge change the last few days with us, and the chat last night did us the world of good. He looked like he had a huge weight lifted from his shoulders and he felt so relieved to talk with me about things, as did I. On his way home yesterday morning after his night shift, he got me some chocolates and flowers and is insisting he takes me out for dinner for valentines.

We talked about lots of things within our relationship, but I think we've now hit a turning point. He doesn't want me to ever feel like that again about us, and now it's only onwards and upwards.

As for the sex, we had sex friday morning, and again yesterday morning too. I'm so so so relieved and happy, and so is he. I went out last night to watch him play in his band, and he was happy I went along to see him. I always go when I can as I honestly love the stuff they do, and he was really happy I went along too.

Sorry for such a long post, I just now feel so happy I could burst. Thanks again all xx

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Very happy you've sorted things Sugarboobies, hopefully now he can talk about what's bothering him and you can work through it together. I think sometimes men struggle to admit when things are getting on top of them, it's the whole "alpha-male I can cope with everything" scenario.
At least you know it's nothing you've done, sounds like he loves you and wants to make your relationship work. x

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missyO wrote:

Very happy you've sorted things Sugarboobies, hopefully now he can talk about what's bothering him and you can work through it together. I think sometimes men struggle to admit when things are getting on top of them, it's the whole "alpha-male I can cope with everything" scenario.
At least you know it's nothing you've done, sounds like he loves you and wants to make your relationship work. x

+1...so glad you're both feeling happier.....huge hugs xx

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Thanks all :)

I think it is a pride thing with him, he is so used to dealing with things on his own, even over 2 years into our relationship he still feels like he has had to deal with things on his own. So relieved it's nothing I've done, and we can work through his problems together rather than facing them on his own.I'm glad he knows how I feel too, we are both on the same page with everything.

Honestly cant tell you all how much better I feel. One step at a time with everything, and can't wait for him to come home and see him.

Thankyou all again for your suggestions, feel like we are both finally working on our relationship.

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Bingo ! I had a talk with my Mrs (hope you don't mind) and she agreed with what I thought .

We think instead of spending less time together like some of the others had suggested in a temporary situation , we think the opposite.

We think you need more quality time together outside the house .I know money is a worry but a simple thing like a sandwich in a cafe or pub isn't going to cost the earth and it gets both of you together to start talking again in positive ways .

That's why I opposed of your idea of cancelling the Valentines meal as I think it would do both of you a world of good despite the cost.

We also think when time and money permits is to get yourselves a night away somewhere even if it just in your local town.

Good luck x

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Glad to hear you've worked things out Sugarboobies!

Sounds like a typical bloke though...bottling up his problems...

you may have to remind him from time to time to open up to you if he's having issues with money or self-esteem. And massage his ego, but other than that, things sound very positive 😀

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Thanks both :) yes, typical bloke bottling things up, it's something he doesn't want to do again, as he's never been like that before.

Can't thank you enough for the advice. We were our old selves last night when he got in, laughing and joking all night and fell asleep spooning, so glad I kept at it. X

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TBH I never had any doubts. It was clear that you loved your guy very much and he loved you but like my brother he doesn't show it and bottles his problems up , probably in his way shielding you from them. But that is a little thing perhaps you may want to address with him to share his problems as my Mrs fouind when she was facing redundancy it does help.

Glad you botth are now on the right track again .