How do you dealwith it?
You might need to expand a bit more, you being jealous of your partner or vice versa? Or third parties perhaps?
When your patrner talks to her ex i know its my problem sheās doing nothing wrong
I think you answered your own question āsheās doing nothing wrongā
Sheās with you, in life and work she will interact with lots of men, you just have to not think negative thoughts about her innocently being social.
Maybe easier said than done for a lot of people, but donāt let it cause anger and resentment.
Bury it deep down and bite my tongue, maybe even make a voodoo doll or two lol
Probably not the most healthiest way but I would recommend depending on the type of jealousy to tackle it head on and open up about it to discover what it is thatās making you jealous and if thereās any positive ways you can neutralise it as jealousy in itself is like a disease that will spread and consume you if you donāt keep it in check
I think Iām quite lucky in this sense, I actually enjoy my OH talking chatting even flirting with the opposite sex and even encourage it! Iām very comfortable in our relationship and know there would be nothing happening in the background. I enjoy the fact no matter what happens we always end up at home together. Maybe if itās an issue you have, try talking and explaining how you feel in certain situations if nothing else it should put your mind at rest.
AJStar started on the voodoo doll
Iām sure LH can help with the doll ā¦ā¦ the voodoo side of things would be up to you
to be honest in my early years not very well and now itās a case of what will be will be so not so arsed
Unfortunately never a simple answer to this, as ultimately as youāve said - sheās doing nothing wrong, so itās about whats going on for you.
Is this first relationship itās happened in?
Is it something specific about this specific Ex that is triggering?
Whats actually going on for you in terms of thoughts and feelings around it?
Is this it something talking with partner about?
No need to reply with answers, but stuff thatās worth thinking about to understand more for yourself. Its a pretty complex question youāve asked, and very little background or info around it.
For me in the past my jealousy came down to self-esteem and judgement of myself.
I wasnāt enough for me, therefor never likely to feel enough for someone that is special for me. I trusted them entirely, other than why the hell they were with me. Long story, to say the least.
I have 2 ex partners I am friends with, one is a very good friend. I have been with 1 person that simply could not accept we could remain as friends because that barrier had been crossed in the past.
Of course, Voodoo might be an option, not been down that route myself.
Havent got much self esteem thanks for your comment
It depends, I donāt really feel jealous as I am secure in my relationship and having crushes is a normal human thing. I would feel jealous if my OH was doing things behind my back. But the fact that he is open and honest about it, itās lovely to be included in the conversation and that he feels open enough to share that stuff with me.
I donāt find that I feel at all jealous in the topic of exās as I see them all as learning experiences. But I can understand why some people may become jealous.
I think if your partner makes you feel secure in the relationship then reminding yourself of that will help.
Firstly, jealousy is toxic and will eventually cause you to lose her if left to run rampant so itās important that itās addressed.
Itās not as simple as you have to live with it, thereās differences. Thereās controlling jealousy that leads you to check her phone and give her a hard time if she talks to other men but then thereās simply not being cool with her talking to her ex.
I guess for you i need more info. Why are you jealous?
How long ago and why did they split?
How long have you been together?
Has she / do you think she may cheat? With him?
Has the ex been on / off with her in the past and got back together with her in between other partners, so represents a continued threat in your mind?
In what capacity do they still speak? Are they colleagues? members of the same friendship groups? do they attend any of the same kind of social stuff / clubs that forces them together? Or do they just want to carry on being friends?
Do you think the ex wants her back and is waiting for his chance?
Does she see / speak to him alone or as part of a wider group / with you?
In general I think itās perfectly reasonable when in the early days of a relationship (past casual dating, but not yet āproperā serious) to ask a partner to back off from an ex to give you two some space to establish your relationship without them in the background.
An old friend of mine was my fwb / almost girlfriend at one point, for many years. I went back to her in between 3 or 4 girlfriends in our younger days.
When I broke up with an ex I went straight to her, then a month later met my now wife. She (the friend) backed off straight away and I didnāt really see much of her for over a year. When we were secure in our relationship, we saw more of the former fwb and they got to know each other (helped that she was in a relationship by then).
A few years later she was my ābest womanā when wife and I got married.
Iām not very jealous, but when my GF started flirting and hanging out with her ex constantly, I definitely felt it. Soā¦ I ended up starting a relationship with that exās wife! By the time she and I were head-over-heels for each other, GF had rekindled her old romance. We ended up joining our households, which is how I ended up with a husband and 4 female partners. Life is weird, but sometimes avoiding jealousy has benefits.
Great advice
Now thatās really thinking out of the box!
I now have a blow up voodoo doll hope he feels deflated
One for the things that helps me is labelling, which is something I learnt from a Headspace meditation. When I get a thought or feeling I say āthoughtā or āemotionā aloud.
And this reminds me that these experiences are temporary.