Hi, my bf and I discussed this 'hot' topic recently. One of his many reasons to not have kids is we won't have time and privacy for our femdom stuff. Me personally is 50:50 at the momen. tFor those with kids, how do you deal with this?
He also thinks they're too many people on earth ;) Is adoption a good alternative?
Firstly I'd say take the femdom lifestyle completely out of the equation. Your sexlife & children should never cross paths. Even if you are living the lifestyle 24/7, that's something that needs to wait until the children are asleep. Privacy will be affected, as will everything, sleep, holidays, all your priorities... That's just part of the parcel. There's absolutely nothing wrong with not being ready for that, in fact recognising you're not ready is probably a good thing.
As for deciding whether to have children naturally, or whether to adopt, that's something you'd need to decide together.... right after you've discussed if your OH is actually ready for either! Good luck :)
As an adopted person, I'm slightly biased here. I think it is an incredibly wonderful, albeit challenging thing to do (depending on the child's background). I recommend looking theadoptionsocial.com if you are considering this route.
Can't force him to have kids if he doesn't want to have kids. Obviously you should be talking about it, but if he doesn't want to and you're 50/50, doesn't the answer somewhat write itself? You can try foster care.
Any priorities you may have now will, at least for a fair while go out of the window. Kids will take up a good portion of your own time. Plus sleepless nights, work and general tiredness will at some points play havoc with your sex life.
Sounds bad doesn't it?
I have way less sex now than I used to but seeing my 3 yr old daughter growing up is more than worth it!
I guess it all comes down to what you want in life and if you feel ready for kids.
Don't let anyone make you feel selfish for not wanting them.
Guess what I'm trying to say is that if you do have kids you will never be prepared for the changes it makes in your life. But the good easily outweigh the bad.
For us personally when the kids were young it didn't change a thing thanks to early bed times the only thing we did was keep everything under lock and key as inquisitive little hands get everywhere. Now they are older, eldest is 14, their bed time is hardly different to ours and you can't guarantee they're asleep when we go up! Obviously as you probably know that cuts down on all the prep time and play time and now after a couple of hours prep time our sessions can go on until 2am! This just about works for us now but we cant see how long we'll be able to keep it up especially as they get older they'll get wiser!
We have 2 kids. We have a very active sex life and have so many toys in our bedroom. We just ensure we do what we do when the kids are out of it asleep or at school or with our parents. Wew also enjoy weekends away so we can have definate privacy.
I had 3 kids aged, 4, 8 and 11 when I came into the relationship with Mr Spider...it wasn't and hasn't been easy - he'd never had kids and had lived alone for about 10 years so the invasion of me and mine hit him hard! He's been a great Dad though, and always done his best by them all...even looked after them alone whilst I was in hospital in an induced coma after brain surgery for a month and has done most of the upbringing since - they're now 21, 25 and 27 (only the 25-year-old man-child lives at home now)
I have to say - if you let them, kids will ruin your sex life! I don't honestly think your sex life can be a 'life-style' once you have rugrats.... You need to set aside time for yourselves - have set bedtimes and take advantage of the alone time when they're at school or out with buddies or grandparents. It's also awkward using noisy toys, or having even slightly noisy sex with teenagers in the next bedroom too - the buggers stay awake half the sodding night too!! My daughter and I have a very good relationship - she's 27 and we're more like buddies than Mum and daughter - we can talk about anything. She said as a teenager she knew we had toys - she heard them...found them in my drawer when she was looking for stuff to borrow..etc but she's glad she did as it made her aware and open to the use of toys in a good relationship... whereas some of her buddies always thought toys were only used in relationships where guys 'couldn't get it up'!
Hey - it doesn't get any easier when they've grown up - our 25-year-old man-child is still home, we're often having sex at night and hear him walking down the landing to the bathroom which is next to our room! or doing it when he comes home from the pub at night - he'll tap on the bedroom door to say 'hey' and let us know he's home lol
Adoption is an awesome thing to do - yes there are far too many people in the world! One downside to it...my buddy adopted a boy when he was 3 years old, his Mom was a druggy so he'd been taken away from her. When he became 18 he found her and has now cleared off to live with her and his blood bros n sisters... and has nothing to do with my buddy and her husband :( I'm sure this is a rare event, but thought I'd mention it as I'd never heard of this happening and it hadn't occurred to me it could!
If you're not both fully committed to having kids then don't have them!! Have children does totally change your life and your opportunities of privacy. But if you start a proper bedtime routine right from the start and stick to it then no reason you can't still have evenings to yourself to do whatever you want!!
Having kids is a blessing I've got six kids and wouldn't swap any of them for anything. I have four older kids and two little ones with my current OH. They are the most important thing in my life. Because of my work I missed out on much with my four older kids but now I'm the one staying at home as a full time parent looking after the two little ones. I absolutely love spending the time with them and to me if you don't feel you can offer commitment like this, then you shouldn't be thinking of having children. They're both in bed settled and asleep by 8 o'clock so we still have plenty of evening left for sex or whatever we wish to do. The only downside is after chasing around after little ones all day, I have to make sure I have enough energy left ha!!!
As a matter of interest, did you have any further thoughts on this? It is a subject that has to be considered seriously and not just for a casual flippant question on a forum?apasto wrote:
Hi, my bf and I discussed this 'hot' topic recently. One of his many reasons to not have kids is we won't have time and privacy for our femdom stuff. Me personally is 50:50 at the momen. tFor those with kids, how do you deal with this?
He also thinks they're too many people on earth ;) Is adoption a good alternative?
In regards to the FemDom side, it really depends on what you see FemDom as. As a Domme with a child there is still a strong part of my relationship that is FemDom with my partner, for example I'm in charge and give directions etc in child rearing and things. So a lot of the Psychology is still there. Now the physical is less. I often find when ones up fir it the other is too tired. So if the mental side is what you enjoy the most I doubt it'll change much, but the physical then expect a drop.