Lasting TOO long?

Have you thought about focusing on the journey rather than the end destination?

Why not use some time to focus purely on him, talk about anything that he may want to try that’s not been considered before, test a few ideas to find out what does work and then incorporate into regular fun.

Some people need particular triggers in order to orgasm, be that direct clit stimulation in the case of women to prostrate play in men. Everyone is different and over time some can get desensitised to repetitive behaviour or stimulation. Plus new activities can be exciting and provide the additional stimulus required. There’s a favourite saying of mine. ‘Nothing changes if nothing changes’.

Worse case scenario you’ll be able to identify what definitely doesn’t work and avoid it. And it’s always fun trying out new ideas. Good luck! :wink:


@SpookyB I guess that’s why when I suggested porn, it wasn’t a shot. I get off on the visual side of sex. Watching my OH masturbate or toy herself would make me immediately cum…immediately! Even when I am on top I can get carried away watching the tits move and watching her pull on her nipples as she gets so wet that I wasn’t even close then I am the first one to cum!
I love watching her blow me as well but just seeing it happen is too much and when she is trying to “catch me up” to her cumming, I literally “blow” right past!

Add some visual stuff, turn on the lights, make him watch you play with yourself and see if t doesn’t help… Frustration is no fun and like @Rob36 says maybe a wholesale change needs to happen…

Good luck - remember that “A hard man is good to find!”


@SpookyB - to the best of your knowledge, does he have the same difficulty when masturbating on his own, or does it only turn up when it’s the two of you doing The Deed. If the latter, then (while I’m no expert) I’d say that he has got some sort of buried mental block going on. If you can afford it, it might be worth considering going to a sex therapist with this. Maybe even hypnotherapy?


To the best of my knowledge, yes he does have that same issue just by himself.

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Just a suggestion but have a look at the male chastity threads. If you take control of his orgasm and only allow them infrequently, when it does happen he will not take long at all.

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Stick a finger up his bum (consent gained first of course). Usually makes a guy cum pretty fast :laughing:


Read this


When I was at university and flat sharing with two mates one of them did say that he had a long session with a girl and couldn’t cum which we thought was a bit odd and found out it happened to him a few times.

He even said he had to fake an orgasm sometimes to bring it to a close.

He’s got a wife and child now obviously he did cum eventually or maybe found a winning technique with her.

My wife orgasms very quickly and I can too but normally try to make it last as long as possible but once she’s cumed 1-3 times I normally orgasm a few minutes afterwards. Sometimes we cum at the same time.

My wife would consider 10-15 minutes of penetration a long time. Think she would prefer 5 to 7 minutes I would prefer closer to 15 minutes of penetration.

We always do a good amount of foreplay or massage before hand so it’s not like wham bam thank you bam.

Not sure if it would be your think but sometimes my wife wears a butt plug which makes her feel a bit tighter. It feels a bit like she’s having double penetration and mentally it feels kinky turn on to me so normally makes me cum quicker so that might help your OH… Good luck.

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Yes a bit of a lubed finger up his bum should help! It feels dirty wrong and great at the same time so during penetration when my wife plays with my nipples, balls or anus always helps get me there quicker.

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My boyfriend has been on a SSRI for anxiety for just over a year and goes for ages now and very rarely finishes himself, whether together or on his own. It not really too long for us as now I can get as much as I need where before it was usually over a bit too quickly for me so for us this is actually a benefit.


This thread has me baffled, my partner and I can be at it for hours :exploding_head:

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That made me laugh @JoCat !
I wonder how @SpookyB and her man are getting on???
@Rob36 is on the same page as me. My wife and I like to play for a long time (with long breaks between usually) and I do everything I can to avoid having an orgasm! whilst making sure she has about three before I eventually pop.
They say the biggest sex organ is between the ears - that’s totally true for me.
@SpookyB - if you guys are still having the problem, maybe arrange a playdate (when you have time - sounds difficult) and give each other massages, and tell him he’s NOT ALLOWED to come!
If I chase it, it runs away. i.e. if I focus on the goal of having an orgasm, I don’t enjoy myself, and I find it hard to come.
Whenever I try the other way - to just enjoy the pleasure - and make it last longer - that’s when I really tune in and have a great time. Same for both me and my wife.
I think we prefer having sex to having orgasms - if that makes sense.
I like the play, the fun, the giggles, the intimacy and the turn on.
Also - if I masturbate a lot, and take that energy away from our relationship, I’m not available for my wife, so I have to resist so I can stay present for my partner.
Hope you guys are working it out - and having fun trying!