Let's talk about ex

I’ve been with my partner 8 years ( 3 married) and whilst I had a semi adventurous sex life prior, I was my partners first. Initially he rarely questioned my previous relationships but knew I had a boyfriend when we met. Just recently he has started to ask me more about my previous sexual experiences and says it’s a turn on to think of me being with other guys. I know we all have our back catalogue’s but very conscious of the fine line between curiosity and jealousy. Is this something you have shared with a partner and how much is healthy to share in a secure relationship…?

5 Likes

I personally would not discuss past sexual encounters with a new partner, as well I would not ask her about hers.
Some men do get turned on by imagining their partner with another Male, maybe that’s the case here. I would air on caution if you do tell him anything as sometimes, as you mentioned, jealousy can creep in.

2 Likes

My Husband has always said he wouldn’t want to know any details of my previous sexual experiences.
However I have been with guys in the past who loved to hear all the gory details.
Tread careful but if he is into it why not!

2 Likes

@Mrs.John I know it’s a personal preference as I’ve had other bf’s who’ve been keen to know. Thinking back there are certain things that are best not shared…

2 Likes

It’s safer to tell us than it is to tell him… and I encourage the stories! Your secrets are safe with us!

4 Likes

Have mentioned past relationships, but was mainly about how they’ve effected us. Was mainly her and how ex’s really knocked her confidence and self esteem.
Those are only just returning (even after us being together 9 years) and only really starting to gain sexual confidence in the past year, so absolutely no way would mention previous

1 Like

@valbowski77 there are a few toe curlers :rofl:

My OH had boyfriends before me, but i don’t care what she did with them. I met a few over the years, and it was fine, cos i’m not the jealous or suspicious type. She attended one’s funeral recently and i was fine with it.

3 Likes

I actually never had any ex’s. My wife was the first one I was ever with sexually… she also was the first girl I ever really kissed!

Her on the other hand, not such a saint…! LOL It doesn’t bother me and I do know some of her previous boyfriends as we hung out in the same social circles when we were younger. I’m just glad she chose me and I think she always thinks I am lying when I tell her she was my first in many different ways.

Seems like a pretty cool gift to give now especially when being sexually active at a young age was such a peer pressure “easy button”.

4 Likes

We’ve known each other since 1997, got together in 2007 and married in 2010. I felt that I’ll tell him what I’ve been through, cos I had my guard up, I wouldn’t let him near me, touch me, see me naked, absolutely nothing, I wouldn’t even let him see me in my PJs, it was that bad, I had no trust, Cos my past relationships were very abusive mentally and physically, so anything sexual I tried my hardest to stay away from anything to do with it, but sometimes they would take it by force. My hubby now, I loved him as soon as I see him in school. It took me a very long time to trust him, and believe him when he says that he loves me no matter what, he doesn’t find me repulsive, disgusting take the piss out of me, make me feel worthless, that I’m nothing, no one else will have me cos of how I look. When we first started to have sex it would be in the missionary position, under the covers and lights off, but over time he’s given me that confidence in myself, now it’s plenty of lingerie, toys and our sex life I love, BDSM. Hubbys the first one I’ve done anything sexual with, I count sex in that too cos it’s the first time that I’ve consented to it. He’s my everything I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s literally my knight in shining armour :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

2 Likes

Ditto!

1 Like

That’s exactly it @valbowski77. For me, I was more nervous being with him for his first time. He’ll never know important that was for me. I’m sure for other guys, I was a number in a list of conquests!

2 Likes

Sorry to hear that @Dirty-Wife . Every girl deserves the choice and the chance to give that gift when and how she wants. It breaks my heart to hear this as I have a 10-year old daughter who deserves the best in life. I can’t take away what was done to your but rest assured that you are better than any of those things that happened to you… and I will fight like hell to make sure my little girl gets the best start I can give her, whether she understands it or not.

We are all proud of you!

1 Like

Thank you :kissing_heart: that means a lot
Our daughter is 13 and feel the same, just want to give her the best we can, and our sons too

2 Likes

I think it can be quite hot when done as part of play, and there’s lots of people into it. I think the main thing is having biiiiig trust in your relationship though, as without this, as you say, it just turns into jealousy and can then get brought up later on, which obviously isn’t healthy! It’s a difficult one and hard to judge but can be fun if you’re both into it :blush:

1 Like

@SexInTheCity it’s a quandary as he is keen to know and it is a turn on thinking back however there are a few encounters I will never share with him! The fine line is the thing holding me back

3 Likes

Over the first few years, it pretty much all came out. I know who they were, what they did, when, the works, and him mine. I guess writing the blog has involved more detail too, but I’m more turned on than jealous.

3 Likes

Been married for many many years, wife knows of a few names but that is about it. Never shown any interest in knowing more and I’m the same about her former boyfriends.

2 Likes

Not asked any of them directly what they did with previous partners or how many…just what’s come out in conversation…

There are other things I’d want to know if they affected my sexual health and would be upset if they hid the fact they had children and it came out later on down the line.

3 Likes

Minefield…. :boom::bomb::bomb::firecracker::firecracker:

3 Likes