I was wondering do you think it is important to know your partners sexual history? As i think yes but when i asked my bf who, what, when and how many he said all that stuff doesn't really matter so i left it but am now really curious!
What do you think and any good ways of bringing it up?
i dont think it really matters hear and now is what matters. for eg i had a bad relationship b4 my wife and she was allways asking differend things about it and it keeped reminding me of her which is not good.
but everone is different
headsouth wrote:
I guess it depends what you want to get out of it, everyone has a right to privacy to a given extent, but if there's anything negative which could affect you and you would benefit from knowing about then it's only responsible to be open about it. In general though it shouldreally be something that people should be able to be open about. Would it affect you if he'd been with 100 other women? or none?
No and i know that he is not a player and that he has had other relationships but just curious really as in my other relationships it was something that we just talked about!
I think how many is a perfectly acceptable question. I understand that he might not want to go into a lot of detail about it as he could feel awkward x
headsouth wrote:
Pinkilious wrote:
headsouth wrote:
I guess it depends what you want to get out of it, everyone has a right to privacy to a given extent, but if there's anything negative which could affect you and you would benefit from knowing about then it's only responsible to be open about it. In general though it shouldreally be something that people should be able to be open about. Would it affect you if he'd been with 100 other women? or none?
No and i know that he is not a player and that he has had other relationships but just curious really as in my other relationships it was something that we just talked about!
I thought it was spelt "playa"? External Media
I guess you can use the arguments that get used for CCTV and ID cards - if you've got nothing to hide, why hide it? but they are more complex reasons than crude logic, and if people don't want to then I guess that should be respected to a given extent. I certainly don't feel that comfortable talking about it with my partner, but that's largely the personalities we have than for any nefarious reasons
thanks for the spelling correction you are so kind!!
Wizzie86 wrote:
I think how many is a perfectly acceptable question. I understand that he might not want to go into a lot of detail about it as he could feel awkward x
Ok and if he asks it back do you tell the truth or tell a white lie? lol
I think it is easier to be honest. Saves it all coming out later, which it usually does x
You can always do ''more/less than ten/20/100" etc x
True i like this option "more than 1" lol!
Lol. Daft thing x
personally if they arent gonna spill the beans im assuming there something they dont want you to know... a healthy relationship is built on trust and communication, but also if i found out my missus had slept with 100000000 men and 50% of that was at once, i would probably change my mind of how i feel about her. so its a tough one my love. xxxxxxxxxxxxx LKS
I would like to know, if he was cagey about telling me anything i'd be suspicious but thats just me i'm a paranoid freak when it comes to relationships. I try to hide it but I am posessed by the green eyed demon.
Luckily OH has been open with me as I have with him. I think as long as you know he's healthy and not gonna pass on any sexual nasties to you courtesy of his ex's, you don't really need to worry. But I do think if there is nothing to hide, whats the problem? Ooooh maybe he's a virgin and doesn't want to say! Unlikely, but possible - it would certainly be a relief if it was that and he hasn't slept with X amount of women.
If he asks back tell the truth. Always always stick to the truth. In everything. Because it has a way of coming out sooner or later - I speak from experience.
I think numbers are less important than whether they're healthy but I guess numbers might be a reasonable barometer of whether they're likely to have caught anything.
I think you have a right to know if a would-be bedfellow has been tested and the outcome of those tests. A person who's previously engaged in any high risk activities should also tell you e.g. iv drugs, unprotected anal sex, slept with/been a prostitute etc.
Honestry and openess is always the best way to go, sets a good precedent for other aspects of a relationship too.
xxKPxx
If my OH asked i would tell him but he never has and in a way i'm glad! It's in the past and i would rather he didn't know! I agree you have a right to know if you want to but i'm lucky he doesn't
I think every relationship needs a bit of privacy. We have no go topics! For example I'm not allowed to read his poetry notebook but he's told me where he keeps it. I won't look because I respect his privacy.
As has been said, he should tell you if he's putting you at risk with any nasties and should get tested and let you know the results if he wants unprotected sex but his detailed history is his business and it's up to him whether or not he tells you.
Adx
headsouth wrote:
I guess it depends what you want to get out of it, everyone has a right to privacy to a given extent, but if there's anything negative which could affect you and you would benefit from knowing about then it's only responsible to be open about it. In general though it shouldreally be something that people should be able to be open about. Would it affect you if he'd been with 100 other women? or none?
I agree with this bloke.External Media
You might not want to know if a partner once got fisted by 6 different people in Magaluf and the chances of STDs in this case would be fairly low. However you might be interested in that time a partner got ejaculated on by 2 different men in a sex club. Of course the easy way to avoid mentioning both if it will upset a partner is to get checked out.
I also think you should be open about it, one of the few reasons I can think of not to be is embarrassment and you shouldn't really be made to feel embarrassed by a partner.
Hey thanks for the comments i know he is clean so its not that i am just a curious person i think and would like to know! Think it just lets you in that little bit more but i will take your advice and leave it and you never know it may just come up!
i have asked every boyfriend i have had, how many partners they have had and have always got a answear.
i dont want to know what they got up to or where they did things or anything like that, but i do feel that it is good to know how many partners someone has had.
i dont see a problem in asking about this and giving an answear to just the number they have been with, but i can see why a partner will not want to tell you the ins and outs and im not to sure why anyone would really want to know about that.
Dxx
The only thing that matters to me is that they have good sexual health, to me, the past is the past and I'm not bothered about it at all. I think you can get an idea of whether or not they are a shagabout from conversations and if I got that impression I may well think differently.
I have been asked before and again I don't think it's overly relevant, so I just tend to say "Enough to know what to do"..... haha!
I do understand why people ask and why they want to know tho, it's just not a thing for me really.
Argh I hadn't thought of that perspective AA, so yes I agree it would be important to know about any past significant relationships or bad situations that may affect them mentally, if that's the right word?
Like my ex had had an horrific time with his ex-wife which affected his ability to trust which caused issues at first but once we had spoken about it, it made it slightly easier.
My comments over not being overly bothered related to sexual partners in numeric form....
