Rowan wrote:
Hey, sorry to post this on this topic again, just one particular question probably most targeted towards Adna or Lubyanka: one I hadn't anticipated becoming difficult, looking for something which will have a similar angle/ feel to being under him on the edge of the bed with legs round him with my knees about level with my shoulders. Thought the detail might help External Media It's a good one for me, works every time but twice in the last week it was used and my hips locked, at a high excitement point and muscle sort of went into spasm when I was moving legs down and straightening (with help). It's genuinely not intended as a complaint but a question due to relative inexperience; have only been sexually active since the very end of last winter, and yes I am 21, I haven't however had to deal with a full winter and during semester while living with my partner. Nor was I anywhere near as confident that way (I'm sure you've all felt that way at some point). Obviously had to stop the other night and I was angry at the way my body failed me at a most inconvenient juncture and felt guilty for needing to desist from similar joint excercises for a day of two.
There will I know be ways to work around things but am hoping you good people with your combined wisdom have any suggestions for a similar angle of penetration that will not have the undesirable results while producing the favourable experience that one has provided to this point. Thank you for the prior help and really I am sorry to bother you again with such a minor thing.
Hi Rowan - first things first, don't worry about the detail or asking for advice, Lubyanka is right, you should do whatever you can to make sex as enjoyable as possible and if that means asking others in similar situations then we are happy to help External Media Plus I've had to figure all things like this out by myself, I've been through the feeling guilty, feeling inadequate and feeling like a rubbish girlfriend because I didn't have anyone to give me advice or tell me that it was all ok. If I can help someone else to avoid the feeling crappy then that makes me happy!!
Because yes, your body mightn't be "normal" but who's is anyway? You shouldn't feel guilty about it, it is yours and it is still wonderful and so what if you need to make a few adaptations in order to get the best out of it, you can still get the best from it with a few changes!
Next I want to say well done for your confidence and willingness to learn!! I'm nearly 20 but have been having sex since (just) 16 and it's taken me years to have the comfortableness and confidence you have now so you should be proud External Media
Lubyanka gives good advice - warmth is important for joint issues, I have sex pretty much fully clothed in the winter hehe!! But then our room is FREEZING! If you can plan ahead put the heating on half an hour before you go to bed, or chuck a few hot water bottles in bed before you get in. I personally am a big advocate of planning, I know it's not that spontaneous but it really helps if you can get yourself "prepared"...and you can always make it a good thing by texting the OH through the day and making it something to anticipate!
Also in agreement with Lubyanka, don't push yourself, if your body says stop, stop! Have a little rest, move around, try a different position, if a change of position doesn't work then move on, don't worry, tell your OH he can finish him self off, or use your hand on him whilst he vibes you! Penetration isn't the be all and end all. Personally, I see any sexual act as "sex" so we have "sex" every day even if it's just giving him head! Then when my body feels upto it we can have penetrative sex External Media
Back to the actual question External Media hehe, feel free to ignore all the previous stuff, it's general things I have learnt that might be useful but if not, no worries!
Firstly - Lubyanka's suggestion of getting your OH to support your leg is good, BUT don't get him to hold your knee, that won't be good for your joints, get him to hold your thigh just above your knee - you shouldn't put pressure on bad joints (or any joints for that matter!).
Next, I find when my hips hurt in positions like that it's because my legs are hanging down too much, do you feel it could be this? Try putting something on either side of your OH that you can rest your legs on so that they are lifted to hip height or higher. Try stopping at points during sex and pulling your knees up towards your chest to take the pressure off your hips. Or maybe don't put your bum right on the edge, have the top of your legs on the bed too and put a pillow under the top of your legs, this should hold your legs up just enough to take the pressure off your hips.
Don't feel embarrassed to try new positions and ask your OH to experiment with you to see what works best for your body. And I personally, I really recommend trying to switch your perspectives such that any sexual activity is seen as sex, this is a massive help for me (although it took a while to get there and lots of positive discussions with the OH!), it means I don't feel guilty if sometimes I can have penetrative sex, because giving and receiving head is more comfortable for me so we can just do that instead!
This has turned into a bit of an essay, so I hope some of it is useful!! Let us know how things go (if you want to!) and if my advice doesn't answer your question, feel free to redirect me and I will try again hehe! I have a tendancy of going off on tangents!
Good luck!
Ax