Id tell them he done it with a toy, they need to know all the facts n dont worry theyve seen n heard everything 100s of times before plus if you tell them different to the fact shoukd anything happen to you or anyoned else its not possible for it to be used as prove in a police case. Naming him on paper maybe advised although would all be confidential
I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you. I have to say I had some concerns about this guy after the dp incident. He seems to take things too far and this last incident was definitely assault. Glad you have ditched him.
As far as the gum clinic appointment goes, I personally would tell it exactly as it was. It is much easier to stick to the truth. I would also give his name on the assault form, as I fear he may go on to do this with other women and it would be helpful in that case to have a paper trail. I would take a female friend with you for support.
Good luck on Monday. I am fairly sure the bleeding will have stopped by then but please still go and get yourself checked over. Will be thinking of you xx
You tell them exactly how ithappened...or if you need to refer back to it later , you could be challenged on the facts.
Do not be fooled into thinking that just because this time he only used a toy and not his cock it can't be a sexual assault....it is. I have read some of your other threads and I am afraid there is a theme running through them..he expects you to go full on with vvv girthy ..no prep...no work up...no lube...and you end up getting quite hurt and upset about it.
Anything that is used to penetrate another is a sexual act.. If it used regardless to the fact you ask for it to stop...it hurts ...don't do that...he crosses the line of consent to non consent.
Don't put it off cause your body will be doing its best to repair the damage( to which it sounds you truly have) and so your evidence gets less.
If you still have the said toys..I would take them too.
BTW...just because they are called " toys" don't fall into the view they are innocent... They are for exploring to have fun...but they still can be miss used...like in your case.
My ex used to do things like this without any work up...so it used to really hurt... And I kept thinking Im married...I have to accept it.NO!
Any sexual encounter without consent is an assault.
Keep him well away... Fi d some space before diving in next time..and any future partner go sloe at your pace. Even if you end up experimenting later... Your pace is the way.
Would you expect to do the splits without any training...warm up...exercises to limber you up..not to mention a lot of practice to get you closer to it each day?no you wouldn't. You would seriously hurt if you tried to do that right away.
This is no different. I am sure my fellow posters here will agree..we might have used similar toys...but we all work on it slowly..mutually..and consensually. Even the bdsm lot....they have stop words which are important to adhere to...even though they are into a bit of pain/ bondage etc....the key is they have a stop phrase or signal that both respect.
Our hugs and hearts are here... Do not feel ashamed to stand up and be heard. You are doing the right thing...xxx
You tell them exactly how ithappened...or if you need to refer back to it later , you could be challenged on the facts.
Do not be fooled into thinking that just because this time he only used a toy and not his cock it can't be a sexual assault....it is. I have read some of your other threads and I am afraid there is a theme running through them..he expects you to go full on with vvv girthy ..no prep...no work up...no lube...and you end up getting quite hurt and upset about it.
Anything that is used to penetrate another is a sexual act.. If it used regardless to the fact you ask for it to stop...it hurts ...don't do that...he crosses the line of consent to non consent.
Don't put it off cause your body will be doing its best to repair the damage( to which it sounds you truly have) and so your evidence gets less.
If you still have the said toys..I would take them too.
BTW...just because they are called " toys" don't fall into the view they are innocent... They are for exploring to have fun...but they still can be miss used...like in your case.
My ex used to do things like this without any work up...so it used to really hurt... And I kept thinking Im married...I have to accept it.NO!
Any sexual encounter without consent is an assault.
Keep him well away... Fi d some space before diving in next time..and any future partner go sloe at your pace. Even if you end up experimenting later... Your pace is the way.
Would you expect to do the splits without any training...warm up...exercises to limber you up..not to mention a lot of practice to get you closer to it each day?no you wouldn't. You would seriously hurt if you tried to do that right away.
This is no different. I am sure my fellow posters here will agree..we might have used similar toys...but we all work on it slowly..mutually..and consensually. Even the bdsm lot....they have stop words which are important to adhere to...even though they are into a bit of pain/ bondage etc....the key is they have a stop phrase or signal that both respect.
Our hugs and hearts are here... Do not feel ashamed to stand up and be heard. You are doing the right thing...xxx
Yes tell them it was a toy, and larger than you have used previously. Let them know what you have told us, that you told him to stop as soon as it was uncomfortable but he kept going regardless. Also try and jot down any details while its still fresh in your mind, such as when you noticed the bleeding, how bad the pain was, any discomfort you feel and if youve taken any painkillers. That way it can all be recorded.
also note down when you rang in just incase you ever need the details in the future. I agree to giving his name. Even if you decide you dont want anything to do with him, he could in the future do it to another girl and then if she wishes to report it then there will be proof that he has done it before.
You should be fine to take a friend for support, a female friend would be ideal. Depending on how it goes they might want to have a word with you in private but thats just incase they feel that you are holding something back because you dont want your friend to hear. But having someone with you for support is a good idea and a good way to take your mind off it while you are there!
I just want to say well done for calling the clinic and arranging to go in. Speaking for myself its so easy to advise people to see a doctor but i know actually going yourself is pretty damn hard! x
Sweetheart glad to hear you're feeling better. I can only echo what everyone else has said. Please report this. With his name. And also report the other DP incident as well. It sounds like he's really into causing pain rather than pleasure. My hubby is keen to try out larger toys, but we're going super slow. Have got to 8 inches, but I have also had two babies!
Reporting him may well help you deal with it better. I was sexually abused as a child and only reported it to the police this year. It does help, honestly. It may also help if he tries this with anyone else.
I'm sure you can take a friend with you for support to any appointments.
Oh, by the way, if you have a few friends to help, try and shove a traffic cone up HIS arse without lube, and see how he likes it!
Be gentle to yourself, honey. Big hugs xx
Omg! Hun hope your okay? I think you should go see your GP hun.
Btw if you told him no and he still continue to do it thats abuse and sexual abuse at that! I hope you don't see him again and kick his ass to curb! You don't need people like that in your life!
Definitely go to the police and have him reported hun. Xx
Lots of good advice here.
I'm so glad that you've made an apointment it's a step in the right direction. They will give you some direction in which way to procede on this nightmare.
No one deserves to be used and abused like that,
Pamper yourself this weekend girl get some chocs, and try and relax.
Hugs & xxxx
Yes, tell them it was with a toy. I agree you should tell them exactly what happened, you will most definitely not be judged, they are there to look after your health.
he doesn't sound like a very nice person at all, even giving you hassle for posting on here previously, better off without that hassle.
Hopefully this experience will have more of a positive effect on you as person, than a negative. I had experiences in my teenage years an ex boyfriend put a lot of pressure on me to have sex (& try few different things) that I wasn't necessarily comfortable with, it left me feeling like I was only good use for sex and nothing else. Took me several years to come to the realisation, myself, that I was definitely worth more than that and be a stronger person, learning to stand my ground.
Everyone here has your best interests at heart. Whilst generally the community here is open to various things-unconsentual sexual assault is clearly not one of them.
I've just seen this I am appalled beyond word's glad he's ex now what worries me is his future partners dry penetration is not fun wether with toys or not, I hated sex with ex lube was put on clinically his idea of foreplay. I hope you have healed don't be embarrassed docs have seen it all ,hugs lots of them.
There is no point lying. Doctors know immediately and it reduces your credibility with regard to the rest of the horrible story.
You can and should take a friend.
Hope it is ok.
yeah thats what i meant it's just saying 'a toy' caused it.... :|
Theses professional see rape etc cases on a daily bases n have seen all sorts, they need to know in order to treat you accordingly ... they will never judge you but if you withhold this info I feel that this would stop you becoming evidence should it evdr need to be .. youve already done the hard bit youve started processed thats ever so brave... I think your being brilliant!!!
MissBrownEyes92 wrote:
yeah thats what i meant it's just saying 'a toy' caused it.... :|
Im not sure what you mean, but they wont take it any less seriously because it was a sex toy that was used rather than a household object. The fact is that he couldve used any object against your will and hurt you, but it just happened to be a sex toy.
I agree with PPs, just because it was a sex toy doesn't make it less serious than if it were his hands or penis, or a random object. In some ways it's worse because it was so large, it has more potential to hurt you and cause you injury.
I've seen sex toys on here which look more like weapons or torture devices IMO (and I'm not talking about bondage gear!), so please don't feel embarrassed about admitting it was a toy. They've probably heard everything before, and as others have said just because it's a 'toy' doesn't mean it's always harmless and enjoyable, especially without your consent.
Ok, thank you everyone.. Thank you for reassuring me. I was so insecure about it. Im nervous for tomorrow but im gonna just go and get it done with!
Actually so grateful to you all!
Hope it goes as well as possible. It won't be fun but you will feel better once it is over.
The more I think about it the more I think you should name him too. It would be horrible to think that he will do similar stuff to whoever he is with.
Take care.
Take care sweetie
Good luck for tomorrow babes. Thinking of you.x