Male ejaculation

Sex Tips & Talk
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Hi all!

Hope you are well. So I’ve consulted Google and as usual it’s useless

When I got together with my OH I remember he was never bothered about “finishing” and was always so focused on my pleasure, this was pretty alien to me but selfishly I quickly just took it for granted - when I’d had enough that was it too he’d happily just roll over and go to sleep, no helping hand or anything.

It kind of became something I just accepted and occasionally he did cum, but not often, and sometimes he’d say he orgasmed but didn’t cum.

He says he can cum easily when having a quick wank, but when there is the build up of foreplay and sex, it’s more difficult or impossible.

Obviously I’ve assured him and said it’s not essential to me, I only want to make sure he is okay and he is having a good time.

He admitted it is annoying sometimes - so I’ve done what I do best and started researching!

It could be something called “retrograde ejaculation” apparently where a man ejaculates but it goes back down the eurethra the wrong way and into the bladder… We’ve talked about it and I’m not sure it’s this, athough he has reported the “dry orgasm” there is also “death grip” syndrome where you’ve wanked too hard and lost some sensation… Again not sure it’s that as even some time of trying to help himself does not do the job.

Obviously it’s frustrating, for us both… Although strangely more me (I’ve asked if he has seen anyone or googled it, both was a no)

It does kind of take some of the fun out of it, great lasting power, but when you give a BJ or anything with no finale… It can go on forever…

A tad random for Monday afternoon, but I thought I’d see if you lovely people had any ideas, tips or similar experiences!

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Hey Sooze. Just wondering, does your OH masturbate everyday and ejaculate? I can imagine if he does, then that could probably be the reason why.

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Delayed ejaculation?..(DE)
I have experienced this with a partner…could go all night without ejaculation and a blow job could take a good 90 minutes to completion…said he enjoyed what we did and didn’t seem bothered if he didn’t finish. It did bother me though…but I didn’t tell him that as I didn’t want to make him feel inadequate…making it worse for him.
Does he take any ED medication? I know this can delay ejaculation.

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My boyfriend takes SSRI medication and one of the side effects has been that it takes him a long time to cum and sometimes he just cannot finish. This has been very positive for me as he can now go for ages where he used to cum very quickly but frustrating for him as it is hit or miss whether he gets his orgasm.

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My hubby takes anti depressants and has done for many many years. We’ve found that he can go for ages and not cum whereas other times he can cum very quickly.

We found out something last night that really helped him finish and that’s a butt plug.

I have been using them for a bit during sex but he had never tried. I made the suggestion that maybe he might like it and he agreed.

With the plug in place he was able to finish easily and he said it was the most intense orgasm he has ever had.

Xx

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I assume he masturbates most days (but I don’t make him keep a diary) no ED medication or antidepressants of any sort, no medication in fact.
He’s said maybe he thinks too much, but I’m not sure it’s even that, we’ve been together a long while now it’s not like we can be embarrassed in front of each other, just made me realise how uncommon it is when we’ve had lots of foreplay, sex then he is furiously there with hand and toy trying to make himself cum still.

We try toys, although he has not tried anal play yet he is a bit dubious so we’ll see how that one plays out.

It’s not lost on me that the “problems” are that he is too big and lasts too long lol

Well, Maybe he isn’t the problem, maybe its me!

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Sounds similar to my boyfriend although he’s not been taking them long. He’s thought about coming off them, but we do both enjoy him being able to go longer and have found, after consulting with the doctor, that using a vibrator on him (Hitachi) can usually get him to orgasm.

To the OP’s question we have found that even when he orgasms he doesn’t squirt much and this can dribble out sometime later so is somewhat delayed.

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@steph_mike Anti-depressants can have very odd side effects, can’t they… As long as you are both happy then that’s great and the longer sessions can definitely be fun :wink: x

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The classic “prescription” for this would be no masturbation for a month then start slow from there.

Would he/you be willing to try that?

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I would doubt you are the problem so please don’t absorb that pressure on to yourself.

There is probably a really good reason for what is happening and maybe if there is no outside factors that could be contributing/causing the issue it could be worth considering a doctor’s visit.

Whatever it is I really hope you guys get it sorted xxx

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@beblue They definitely seem to do some strange things, don’t know if it is the same for females. He is actually looking at lasting longer and not needing to masturbate as often as quite positive at the moment so all is good.

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Sorry to jump in but I can say yes it is the same for females that take anti depressants too. I have been on these in the past and it can take me ages to come even though it’s right there but it’s as though something is stopping me from teetering over the edge. It’s a common side effect with a lot of antidepressants and is very frustrating. Other half says its OK just as long as I’m enjoying it, but he doesn’t understand that sometimes its important for us women to be able to finish too especially as I don’t orgasm from penetration alone. He is very considerate though and patient and doesn’t usually mind or moan if he’s down there a while

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@Sooze86 I would be inclined to believe that “thinking too much” may well be a contributing factor.

I too focus on my partner enjoying themselves and trying to ensure they arrive at least once before I even contemplate it. Sometimes this doesn’t work and I struggle to hold off, other times I can go for hours without orgasm and happily call a halt to proceedings. There seems to be little pattern to it except for the extreme concentration I exert trying to make sure my partner is happy and coming first - and preferably second, third, etc. There is certainly no apparent correlation I can see to masturbation frequency.

Please do not think you’re the problem; neither of you are.

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In America they can advertise prescription drugs on TV, but they have to list the possible side effects. I saw an ad for an anti-depressant and the list included loss of libido, erectile dysfunction, impotence and a whole lot of other unpleasant things, so the mess may be a big contributing factor. Maybe you could see your doctor again and see if there’s a different anti-depressant he could try?

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@Sooze86 I suffered from a lack of sensitivity for a while before being with my OH, a combination of too much masturbation, and performing the act dry without lube was the culprit. However, after needing to be circumcised, and resting the member for 6 weeks I found the damage to be undone! In my totally unprofessional opinion I would maybe have him take a break from himself for a little while, and see how that goes. I also have heard family members who have found the same issue with having far too hot baths/showers so maybe this could be an issue?

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Not that you have to go down the cage route, but in the last 3 months completely abstaining from masturbation, I find my penis far more sensitive when it comes to any action from Mrs Sen, whether that is being teased by her hand, her mouth or actual PIV sex, the sensations are similar (that I can remember) to my very early days of sex, where it all seemed so new and exciting.

If he can go for a period of about 7 days without masturbating, you may find he gets back the ability to enjoy the sensations for what they are and not as a means to an orgasm.

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First I wanted to say that I give anyone props who is willing to perform longer than 15-20min. I personally don’t enjoy much longer than 10-15 min. By that point I’m either finished or I’m starting to feel rubbed raw and I’m happy to pick it up at the next session.

I always felt bad because for whatever reason I just did not receive pleasure from my first GF when she went down on me.

I can’t say that she did anything bad or wrong, it just didn’t feel good and often didn’t stimulate me. If you want to know one of the worst feelings in the world, it’s going soft in your SO’s mouth and seeing the tears in her eyes when she thinks she’s not doing it for you.

Which I guess techinically her oral performance was not, but I absolutely did not think any less of her, and I was not disappointed in her, and I wasn’t selfishly “wishing she’d figure out a proper blow technique already so I can finish for once”.

But I get how she would feel bad. To make it worse I went soft a couple times. We eventually quit trying just because I hated how it would make her feel like s##t and then I’d feel like s##t for making her feel that way.

Also sucked because I couldn’t offer any tips. I’m hetero, and I also can’t bend over far enough to orally service myself so I had zero pointers. I thought I just couldn’t enjoy BJs which was disappointing. The relationship lasted about 8 months in total, and ended for reasons not at all related to sex. She was an awesome person though. Nothing bad to say about her. We were just at different places and wanted different things at the time.

My current OH, who claimed to be sexually inexperienced when we got together (not virgin, just not a sexual pro in technique), does some crazy stuff with her tongue and I’ve finished many times. I honestly don’t know how she does what she does. I almost feel like she has a toy that she sneaks inside her mouth when I’m not looking because I have my eyes closed in pleasure.

Typically I can imagine what she’s doing with her tongue but many times I’m like, “No way a human tongue can create this sensation.” I asked her about her technique but she says can’t really describe it.

Oh well. I just enjoy it.

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It’s not just antidepressants, opioid painkillers have that effect too