Man or toys?

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Ok. So I'm getting pretty frustrated recently.

The OH works long hours so is never up for sex as he's always tired. Whereas I have a really high sex drive, and could quite happily have it every day/night.

We don't spend alot of time together either because of work schedules and obviously 90% of the time when we do have sex it feels like he's not all in it, as if he's just doing it to keep me happy which is obviously a turn off.
I've tried speaking to him about it but he just says he's tired.

Our sex life used to be phenomenal! But recently it's just pretty much at a standstill. Ive even been using toys at the side of him recently while he just turns over and goes to sleep...Alsorts running around my head lol

Anyone any advice?

2

Just a good, open and real talk! Nothing is better than honest communication to see where you both are at.

Tell him that sex is really important priority to you and you would love to have more quality sex with him. It would make you as individuals and you as a couple better and stronger!

3

Secretheart90 wrote:

Ok. So I'm getting pretty frustrated recently.

The OH works long hours so is never up for sex as he's always tired. Whereas I have a really high sex drive, and could quite happily have it every day/night.

We don't spend alot of time together either because of work schedules and obviously 90% of the time when we do have sex it feels like he's not all in it, as if he's just doing it to keep me happy which is obviously a turn off.
I've tried speaking to him about it but he just says he's tired.

Our sex life used to be phenomenal! But recently it's just pretty much at a standstill. Ive even been using toys at the side of him recently while he just turns over and goes to sleep...Alsorts running around my head lol

Anyone any advice?

I could have posted this myself.

Have you spoken to him about what you're thinking, when you say all sorts running around my head, just be open and ask him about it. Tell him you feel it affecting your relationship, and what you can do to help him. Is there any way you can both take a few days off together, book in somewhere with a spa, get some R&R and see where it leads?

4

This is hard. I feel like for myself (maybe woman in general idk) especially. I feel more of a sense of closeness when the OH and i are having frequent sex. Like were on the same page, insync with eachother... When sex isnt as readily on the table i find myself feeling our relationship is more off balance. When this happens we just talk about it. I have no real groundshaking advice for you unfortunately. Just try your best to talk to him about the way that you are feeling. Good luck and i hope you guys come to a solution.

5

Thankyou for your reply guys xx
I spoke with him again tonight about it and he apologised for being tired, to which I hugged him and told him not to be silly. We're all tired. It's just important to make that time for each other, and not to have one feeling unwanted.
He agreed and we did end up having sex which was amazing btw lol
He said he doesn't want to have sex all the time because he doesn't want to get bored. Which upset me. So I asked is our sex life boring? And he said no but it will get boring if we do it all the time...
Hmm....
We have toys, he makes me cum ridiculously. And he tells me I do a lot for him too. I don't know what's going on...

6

Thanks winosaur. I know exactly what you mean.

7

"it will get boring if we do it all the time" sounds like a bit of an excuse. How do you know that? At least have a lot of sex to find out if your suspicions are true.

Tbf, he might just be tired and feel bad that he can't fulfill you 100% of the time because of the tiredness, so might just be buying some time between sex sessions.

Tell him it wouldn;t be boring to you and is there any way you could make it not boring to him? It might literally just be that he has a lower sex drive than you, in which case, compromise and acceptance is probably your best bet.

8

Thanks pop. I do think he feels bad that he cant fulfill my needs 100% with being tired. I could actually put money on that now you've said it.
I just want him to want me like he used to. I absolutely love him to bits and am so attracted to him its unreal. Never had that before.
We used to have the most amazing hard rough sex with or without toys and even the slightest touch or alluring look would set us off. We'd do it for hours to the point where we both looked as if we'd been rubbed down with baby oil we'd be that hot lol. I honestly could do him all night but he just can't anymore.
Just feel as if it's all one sided at the moment.

9

Secretheart90 wrote:

Thankyou for your reply guys xx
I spoke with him again tonight about it and he apologised for being tired, to which I hugged him and told him not to be silly. We're all tired. It's just important to make that time for each other, and not to have one feeling unwanted.
He agreed and we did end up having sex which was amazing btw lol
He said he doesn't want to have sex all the time because he doesn't want to get bored. Which upset me. So I asked is our sex life boring? And he said no but it will get boring if we do it all the time...
Hmm....
We have toys, he makes me cum ridiculously. And he tells me I do a lot for him too. I don't know what's going on...

Sounds like he's just a guy that doesn't want it all the time, they are out there! He's enjoying you and what you do to him so it's working. Maybe you shouldn't over think what he's said, if your sex life is good when you guys get it together then I don't see the issue. It sounds like quality sex too and not jusy quantity!

He pleasures you and you adore him, but the poor guy sounds swamped with stress which is making him so tired! I don't think anythings up, it's sad but life is so fast paced these days, it's easy to get caught up in it all, and we're not all built the same, things settle too. We stop shagging like rabbits after a while, passion turns into something deeper.

10

Yeah Ozz I get what you mean. Thanks for your reply x
I do get things calm down but it's just abit frustrating lol
He's the first man I've ever truly loved, connected with and adore with all my heart. Not that I've had many mind! (Lol)
My ex and I were together almost 7 years and we had a DD. But that was a very strange relationship thinking about it.
So this situation is a real first for me I guess, as I've never truly had these feelings. I fancy the pants off him lol so just worrying myself I guess x

11

Secretheart90 wrote:

Thankyou for your reply guys xx
I spoke with him again tonight about it and he apologised for being tired, to which I hugged him and told him not to be silly. We're all tired. It's just important to make that time for each other, and not to have one feeling unwanted.
He agreed and we did end up having sex which was amazing btw lol
He said he doesn't want to have sex all the time because he doesn't want to get bored. Which upset me. So I asked is our sex life boring? And he said no but it will get boring if we do it all the time...
Hmm....
We have toys, he makes me cum ridiculously. And he tells me I do a lot for him too. I don't know what's going on...

To me this is a poor excuse! How would you know you would get bored unless you try? This is so heartbreaking to read from your side. I can't offer any more help but trust me hun, I am in EXACTLY the same position with my guy as you are yours.

I've even thought if there is someone else in the picture many times, compared to how we used to be to how we are now. I honestly wouldn't be *That* surprised if something was going on with him. Do you suspect any of this with your guy?

12

Hey sugar xx
Sorry I really need to learn how to quote a reply because it just looks like jibberish when I do and never know where to start writing.

I'm sorry to hear you're un the same situation.. sucks doesn't it?

I haven't really suspected anything to that extent, but I know he has a lot of females on his Facebook, etc. And very pretty ones at that. It did cause issues and he removed most of them, he also deleted snapchat.

He works from 5am til 6pm ish Monday to Friday so defo wouldn't have time for a physical affair. But I have caught dirty messages to another female before, over the course of a couple of days, which he denied.

He also was addicted to a silly game on the phone for ages, which he spent a lot of money on, and had a chat app called line. He would talk to random people every spare minute he got, which he also got hooked on.
That did actually put a lot of strain on our relationship as he'd come home and be on that from 6pm til bed time then sleep so i felt hed rather be sat doing that than talking to me or even making love to me.

Thankfully both the game and chat has gone and he's getting better at communicating.... ish lol

How long have you been in this very crappy boat? X

13

Ha ha this sounds so familiar. I caught my guy on a webcam website, first of all he said he was looking at stuff we could try (I had expressed an interest in it) when I caught him on it first time. Second time, it was just the homepage, I questioned him about it and he said he over heard a couple of guys at work talking about it and he decided to look it up.

Third time, he logged out but didn't close the window. I clicked back a couple of times and discovered he actually had an account, for 8 years. He was on his way to work when I called him up and practically dumped him over the phone as he wouldn't give me his password for his account. He says he has deleted it but I will never know. I've discovered facebook messages (just to note, I do NOT know his passwords, don't ask for them, and don't search his phone) but he had left facebook open on the laptop and saw he had been messaging some girl asking for photos of this girls tits. Of course I couldn't leave it there, and scrolled all the way back through his conversation with her (over 1 years worth) and discovered this had been going on for some time. This was last July. He said it was all just an inside joke, they had been friends for over 10 years and used to work with eachother.

Fast forward to November, I think this is when his sex drive started to drop. He says it is due to stress, but meanwhile mine has never been higher. I've become alot more confident in myself, and instead of even trying to keep up, nothing. I took some time off over Christmas (didn't have to) to be with him more and what I was hoping for is for us to be at it constantly, and to not be able to keep our hands off eachother. Exactly the opposite happened, we maybe had sex a few times over the festivities. It was our 2 year aniversary yesterday, and I feel less desired than ever. I can't even remember the last time he kissed me which was more than a peck. Of course I would like sex now, but I want everything else that comes along with it.

I really don't know what to suggest, as I don't know what to do with my own situation really. I've tried talking about it, he gets his act together for maybe a few days and then slips back into how he was before.

I know how you feel about him wanting to do other things other than be with you. As I say, I took off a lot of time over Christmas to be with him more and enjoy eachother's company but to be honest I would have rather have gone to work instead of feeling this way.

So to answer your question, I would say if I'm truthfully honest it would be from last July, lol!

14

Secretheart90 wrote:

Ok. So I'm getting pretty frustrated recently.

The OH works long hours so is never up for sex as he's always tired. Whereas I have a really high sex drive, and could quite happily have it every day/night.

We don't spend alot of time together either because of work schedules and obviously 90% of the time when we do have sex it feels like he's not all in it, as if he's just doing it to keep me happy which is obviously a turn off.
I've tried speaking to him about it but he just says he's tired.

Our sex life used to be phenomenal! But recently it's just pretty much at a standstill. Ive even been using toys at the side of him recently while he just turns over and goes to sleep...Alsorts running around my head lol

Anyone any advice?

Why dont you have a nice little weekend break away so you and him can both relax and take all your toys with you?

No idea how he falls asleep with you using toys next to him,if my mrs done that my hands would be all over her!

15

sugarboobies2232 wrote:

Ha ha this sounds so familiar. I caught my guy on a webcam website, first of all he said he was looking at stuff we could try (I had expressed an interest in it) when I caught him on it first time. Second time, it was just the homepage, I questioned him about it and he said he over heard a couple of guys at work talking about it and he decided to look it up.

Third time, he logged out but didn't close the window. I clicked back a couple of times and discovered he actually had an account, for 8 years. He was on his way to work when I called him up and practically dumped him over the phone as he wouldn't give me his password for his account. He says he has deleted it but I will never know. I've discovered facebook messages (just to note, I do NOT know his passwords, don't ask for them, and don't search his phone) but he had left facebook open on the laptop and saw he had been messaging some girl asking for photos of this girls tits. Of course I couldn't leave it there, and scrolled all the way back through his conversation with her (over 1 years worth) and discovered this had been going on for some time. This was last July. He said it was all just an inside joke, they had been friends for over 10 years and used to work with eachother.

Fast forward to November, I think this is when his sex drive started to drop. He says it is due to stress, but meanwhile mine has never been higher. I've become alot more confident in myself, and instead of even trying to keep up, nothing. I took some time off over Christmas (didn't have to) to be with him more and what I was hoping for is for us to be at it constantly, and to not be able to keep our hands off eachother. Exactly the opposite happened, we maybe had sex a few times over the festivities. It was our 2 year aniversary yesterday, and I feel less desired than ever. I can't even remember the last time he kissed me which was more than a peck. Of course I would like sex now, but I want everything else that comes along with it.

I really don't know what to suggest, as I don't know what to do with my own situation really. I've tried talking about it, he gets his act together for maybe a few days and then slips back into how he was before.

I know how you feel about him wanting to do other things other than be with you. As I say, I took off a lot of time over Christmas to be with him more and enjoy eachother's company but to be honest I would have rather have gone to work instead of feeling this way.

So to answer your question, I would say if I'm truthfully honest it would be from last July, lol!

:( sounds like you two could maybe with a little revamp on trust? is it just the sex side of stuff? I don't want to stir, but would he sort himself out if you did something drastic? since july is quite a while, you dont deserve to be feeling like this :(

do you feel like maybe you've changed a little since the whole facebook messages and webcam thing? because 8 years account and over a year of messages basically is the whole of your relationship this has occurred. do you think you maybe feel a little clingy, through insecurity because of that stuff? and his lack of reassurance is bringing you down and bringing your confidence down?

I don't want to put words in your mouth, and I might be completely over-arching, but I just wanted to say you seem so lovely and really don't deserve to feel undesired :(

16

It comes in waves. I trust people until I have a reason not to, I believe he is more honest now with things like that. It's not just the sex that is an issue, it's the intimacy we don't have which is really really bothering me. He will hug me etc but I just don't feel his heart is in it. When I discovered his profile on this particular page, he said he wanted chat and intimacy (even though he most likely wrote that when he made his account 8 years ago) and confronted him about it. We had a huge argument and I packed loads of my stuff up and headed home. I turned round half way and headed back home because I thought we had something too special to just bin off.

I don't feel insecure, if anything the complete opposite. I've gained a lot more confidence in myself since, having had a tough year (losing my job amongst other things) but I feel better in myself, I just wish I got the affection from him. It all seems one sided from my part.

I've regretted the drive home since. I wish I just carried on driving back to my parents to see where things would have gone. I just don't know what to do. I want more affection and intimacy but I feel all I do is nag him about it.

Sorry to hijack SecretHeart's thread!

17

Horny 24/7
Again. I need to learn to quote haha

Maybe that could be something. It's his birthday 2 weeks on Sunday so could book the place we first spent the night together and hopefully that could trigger something off maybe?

I've made a massive effort tonight though and we've had great sex. We both bathed and while he was in the bath I dried off and slipped into my body stocking in the bedroom (that I've had for months and just never found the right time to wear it). He didn't know I had it.

I also lit the strawberry LH lickable candle and got the bag of toys out. He was pleased lol. Im still sat in it actually. Hes making food and im waiting for round 2 lol :)

18

Sugar. Don't be silly lovely xx

I wanted people to jump on this thread and share their own experiences, troubles and advice x
Sex and relationships isn't always straightforward and perfect.
If it was we wouldn't need toys lmao xx

19

Secretheart90 wrote:

Horny 24/7
Again. I need to learn to quote haha

Maybe that could be something. It's his birthday 2 weeks on Sunday so could book the place we first spent the night together and hopefully that could trigger something off maybe?

I've made a massive effort tonight though and we've had great sex. We both bathed and while he was in the bath I dried off and slipped into my body stocking in the bedroom (that I've had for months and just never found the right time to wear it). He didn't know I had it.

I also lit the strawberry LH lickable candle and got the bag of toys out. He was pleased lol. Im still sat in it actually. Hes making food and im waiting for round 2 lol :)

Yeah,that would be nice!

Lucky boy ![](upload://h7LJ67OOrR57VDYrj5ZEwwHAfLG.gif)

The quote button is in the blue bar where it tells you the time of you posted,look to the right on that bar and you will see Quote this post and Post a reply.Just click on Quote this post ![](upload://lJMrTcqgi5lI1FOpb07OYOcv2YF.gif)

20

Secretheart90 wrote:

Sugar. Don't be silly lovely xx

I wanted people to jump on this thread and share their own experiences, troubles and advice x
Sex and relationships isn't always straightforward and perfect.
If it was we wouldn't need toys lmao xx

Sounds like you guys had a great time! I'm happy for you!

Just out of curiosity, is there an age gap with you both? My OH is 10 years older than me and it's his birthday next month. I think this could be partly the issue, different hormone levels. It's a shame though because when we got together it was as if we couldn't keep our hands off eacother. It makes me upset just typing this out to be honest. As for round 2, he cant handle it or recover quick enough. My tango isn't cutting it either!

So, is round 2 on the cards for sure?!