If this has come out of the blue, maybe his tantrum had nothing to do with the vibe. If he really had a big problem with it, you'd have sensed it when you used it before, or he would surely have said something. So maybe the vibe is a red herring.
DId something happen to him yesterday and this was just the topic he chose to vent his anger on?
Oh and WandA *can* make me come without toys because he's figured out what works - requires stimulation on 3 fronts, clit, g spot and anal in order to get me there before he sprains his wrist.
Finger stim alone takes a very long time and his wrist won't last as long as I need.
But he's spent a lot of time getting to know me and accepted my need for toys for a quick and easy orgasm. We'd *never* have sex if he 1) expected me to come *every* time or 2) expected me to never use toys during sex.
Luckily, he knows I don't like to come all the time and that if I do want to, toys are more practical than the time and effort it'd take - it's hardly spontaneous without toys for us!
Adxx
Good point Yoko!
Adx
Laveila wrote:
Doug wrote:
to be frank, i would not like it if during sex she just got out a toy and started using it, would make me feel like i failed.
Jusy my opinion tho
He knows that I cannot get off by just being penatrated. So I need to get additional stimulation. unless he uses his fingers... toy is the best option for me. Had done it before, but last night it just... Made him completely mad.
well that kinda changes things then, and if he knew about it and was happy before, then hes a muppet
Yoko, I have no idea... I had deadline at uni yesterday and the time together was supposed to be my reward. And this is the outcome. I know he has some computer problems, which are slightly driving him crazy (he is unable to figure out what is wrong). And that he did not get much sleep last week. It may be possible, that he just was stressed, wanted to treat me and it went all... completely wrong. Have to admit I am slightly scared to approach the subject right now, but I know we will have to talk.
Alicia: nice, good WandA knows your body that well we may be able to find a way to get me there faster. But been together as lovers only for a month now (we have known each other for a year before that happened). Not saying I know my body completely, I am very sure it can surprise me still. but I know I am not as sensitive as some other women and the way he wanted me to get there would not work (100% sure of that, I need stronger stimulation).
Thanks all for listening and some advice. I hope I can make things right again.
Tell him to use some commonsense too.
If he wasn't pleasuring you how you wanted then why would you bother inviting him in your bedroom if you were satisfied with just a vibe.
Thats
WandA wrote:
Tell him to use some commonsense too.
If he wasn't pleasuring you how you wanted then why would you bother inviting him in your bedroom if you were satisfied with just a vibe.
That is a very good point. I was actually the one who seduced him in the beginning. He does please me, just have to accept that my body works in certain way. As much as I accepted that he does not like certain things, which I would enjoy, like anal. And I haven´t kicked him out, have I? Means I still want him as he is.
thats bull shit. to me he is just scard that it is the toy that is givin the plesure not him. my girlfriend is always usin vibs and i love her usin them.
My OH has not got a problem with me using vibes or any other sex toys in the bedroom, in fact he loves getting in on the action and says it's such a turn on to watch me helping myself to orgasm. He was the one to suggest using sex toys in the first place and I sometimes can not reach orgasm without some sort of stimulation whether it be clitoral or inside vibe. Fingers are good too but sometimes nails can hurt and they just don't do what I want them too whether it be soft and gentle or hard and fast.
I think your OH is just being a baby about it, maybe he's embarrassed by it or feels insignificant. Let me know how it turns out!
That's pretty unanimous that it's OK to use toys to help you orgasm. I'm male and I'd go along with that 100%. By not doing so he's also missing an awful lot of fun and horny mental stimulation. There, that's put it the nice way.
Now, shooting straight from the hip, he needs to grow up and get himself a sexual education!
This sounds like a complicated problem. Hmm. As an easy opinion, toys are great. Some guys are insulted by not being able to make their woman orgasm by sheer prowess of their super penis. Others live in the real world and just love to see their girl get off. Personally I love watching my wife play with her toys and have actually had her tie me up so i can watch but not touch.
I'm guessing you're FB or FwB probably knows he's not super-penis, but is frustrated by not being able to get you off on his own. I know, I've been there, when you're tired and stressed and depressed and can't figure out why you can't make things work you can get it into your head that you need to do it a certain way and can end up forcing things and making it all go badly wrong. I'm doubtless he didn't mean to get angry from what you've said, and although it might take a wee while for the both of you to get past this, I'd advise more time spent relaxing and talking to each other, even about stupid stuff if it's gonna bring you closer together and make you both more comfortable about things like that.
I'm sure he didn't mean those hurtful things he said and was probably just being overly defensive. I might well be wrong, but just have a careful think about things before you make any rash decisions.
As for approaching the subject, I'd probably ask him what was on his mind, what it was he was trying to do. You're gonna need to make him feel comfortable about answering you properly, cos by the sound of things he might well clam up or worse. Then you can tell him gently how you feel about whatever he was thinking about, can go with any fantasy he has ( so long as you're happy and comfortable to do so ). And the same goes in vice versa. He needs to understand your body can't magically climax when he wants it to, and that certain things are neccessary to help you get there. So hopefully you two can get your heads around things a little better and enjoy the sex you've both been dreaming of.
Sorry if this answer is weighted in the view of the guy, but I figured it was too easy to just say the guy's no good lols....there's good in everyone. Sometimes it just needs coaxing out a little. Hope it's a help anyways.
I think some of the replies are a bit harsh on the guy , maybe he'd just had a shit week ,he was ,tired stressed himself out ,money problems ? .and all he wanted was some nice love making with cuddles more important than orgasms. We all get in moods even women !
Double D
I think the reason people have said he's no good isn't because he's been insecure, but because he's lashed out (albeit verbally) for no reason and is acting like a child.
Personally, I don't think a person who behaves like that deserves "coaxing" but that's just me and I don't know what the bloke is like IRL so I wouldn't advise any rash decisions based on what forum users have said. I can only give my opinion on what we've been told by Laveila and my opinion is that he's acting like a child.
Being insecure is a different matter. Everyone gets insecure sometimes and in most cases I'd agree with you 100% but it's all about give and take and lashing out isn't acceptable regardless of how upset you are.
Adx
My post was more directed to evilasa.
To double D I'd reiterate, as far as I'm concerned, no amount of tiredness and stress warrants being down right nasty. It's unacceptable in my view.
If we all lashed out when we were tired we'd never have happy relationships with people.
Adx
david doe wrote:
I think some of the replies are a bit harsh on the guy , maybe he'd just had a shit week ,he was ,tired stressed himself out ,money problems ? .and all he wanted was some nice love making with cuddles more important than orgasms. We all get in moods even women !
Double D
Women? In a mood? Never! External Media
Totally agree though dude. Some of us guys need cuddles too haha!
Keep the vibrator - change the lover! How could any man get upset about this? The sole purpose of fucking is to give your partner pleasure - otherwise, you might just as well have a wank. If you get pleasure from this, he should happily go along with it.
Me and my OH often use toys, it can be fun and variety is good! I actually find it a real turn on when she uses a toy on herself so don't ever feel like other people won't like it. Your body knows what it likes and what feels good. As many people have said he's just insecure. If it's just friends with 'benefits' you don't need to worry atall, i'm not too clear how many benefits he holds if he's being like that?
Well, he might have been stressed, yes, and did not handle it well. I guess I will have to get to the bottom of things, but I believe he should also try to make things right as he has also part of the blame. I might have not handle it too well last night after what he said, as it was too much, but it is not just my fault.
But the problem now is... what he said was really hurting thing to say. And such comment can really really hurt badly. It took me some time to build self confidence about my body and sexuality. And now it is about 0 again-one reason I really needed to talk about what happened and decided that this may be a place to get it out. With that will come another problem - lack of mood and when it comes to sex I will likely be very tense and it will take some time before I am able to enjoy it again. Not to forget that somewhere deep may be a question - is this my fault. So I don´t think he is the only one who will need to be handled with care. Definitely don´t see any real intimacy anytime soon if we decide to get over what happened.
It's the reason I'm expressing especially harsh views (I'm usually a good voice of reason and try to see things from both sides but this is different) what he said was absolutely unacceptable and he needs to understand that. Whether he was upset or not, there's no excuse for the potential damage he's caused to your confidence and what makes him think he has the right to damage that!
He has to understand that he was wrong to respond in the way he did and realise the damage he's done. Me, I'd sit and write a letter explaining why you use a toy (not that he necessarily deserves that explaination ) and that as an independent and sexual woman you're not going to change that or feel bad or guilty for using them. There are more than enough men who are fine with it. You can go on to explain that his response was completely unacceptable (and explain the potential damage he's caused by being selfish and not stopping to think about your feelings on the matter) but you *do* enjoy him and sex with him and you'd like to sit down and talk about it.
If he shows understanding and remorse then give him a chance to talk. If he continues being selfish and pigheaded (and be prepared that if you were to write that letter and talk to him about that you're opening yourself up to that possibility) then he's clearly not the type of person who's ready to be in a mature relationship (be it committed/exclusive or just sexual and not committed).
Adx
You go Ad! I totally agree!
And may i add that not only are there plenty of men who are fine with it, there are also plenty of men who would enjoy it and join in or watch and find it arousing! It can be something positive and explored, not feared and rediculed.
