Me and my lover (friend with benefits) had huge disagreement last night about using me using a vibe during our time together to get myself off. Basically it ended up as total... catastrophy. He told me I would turn any man off by using vibe to get myself off during sex for clitoral stimulation. And that I should use his penis instead.
How do you feel about it? Would you mind if your partner used vibe during sex? Or you would not mind?
I am honestly surprised, as he never had any objections before and now this...
He's probably having a mini tantrum because the human penis isn't a sexual swiss army knife. Perhaps just have a chat with him, or use your vibe on him to make him a part of it?
I like all sorts. I like usin toys during sex and I also enjoy it without them. It's just another way of getting sensation, who cares how you get it?
hello. without meaning any disrespect to him but i dont think his opinion can be said for majority of men. i love it when my OH uses toys during sex, i often get her to. whatever helps her cum is good. i think pixieking is right, just having a tantrum. dont take any notice, carry on with the vibe
hello. without meaning any disrespect to him but i dont think his opinion can be said for majority of men. i love it when my OH uses toys during sex, i often get her to. whatever helps her cum is good. i think pixieking is right, just having a tantrum. dont take any notice, carry on with the vibe
I have to agree with dkelly, me and my OH use toys all the time. I think it spices things up for each other, my OH likes me to watch her using her vibrator and i find this a huge turn on. Dont know how anyone could be turned off to be honest but hey each to their own!!!
If you enjoy it then thats the main thing, dont let it put you off using toys.
He's feeling insecure so he's thrown his toys out the pram - and in order to feel better about himself tried to cut you with insults like "no man will like that" which is wrong. It's *his* issue. Not yours. If he's worth the effort, teach him how great sex toys can be and help him open his mind. If not - use it as a notification that this is how he deals with feeling insecure and he isn't very open minded.
Likely tantrum... I actually used it few times with him - and even on him (its small bullet, nothing what can make him jealous of the size), but yesterday... I have to admit I am hurt and also wondering how to approach him now. I do care for him, even with his faults.
So I guess try to talk to him? And try to find out why it happened? I was totally shocked.
I don't mind. I'd much more prefer to be the person vibing my partner rather than her doing it herself though, so i can still be involved with her happiness.
I've had a sexual partner that took an incredibly long time to orgasm (half an hour of intense play) and I never managed to make her orgasm through intercourse. But she was always happy for me to play with her or use toys on her afterwards until she came.
I never felt bad about it as she never seemed to have an issue with the discrepency in orgasm times. As longas she let me stay involved until she was happy, I was happy.
I guess I have no problems as long as I still have control over a partners orgasm in some way, and that I bring that sensation.
He's feeling insecure so he's thrown his toys out the pram - and in order to feel better about himself tried to cut you with insults like "no man will like that" which is wrong. It's *his* issue. Not yours. If he's worth the effort, teach him how great sex toys can be and help him open his mind. If not - use it as a notification that this is how he deals with feeling insecure and he isn't very open minded.
Adx
I'm with this.
I can understand his worries if the subject has never been approached sensitively but a 'point', if there is one in sex is to enjoy it and make it as pleasurable as possible, not stroke your partner's ego.
He's feeling insecure so he's thrown his toys out the pram - and in order to feel better about himself tried to cut you with insults like "no man will like that" which is wrong. It's *his* issue.
Thats the strange thing... I used the vibe with him before, but last night it went all so wrong... I am stunned, not sure why this happened and yes, my confidence is down still right now.
P.s tell him your vibe cant give you a cuddle
That is very true. Nor a kiss, or hold me in the night, or when I am not feeling completely all right.
to be frank, i would not like it if during sex she just got out a toy and started using it, would make me feel like i failed.
Jusy my opinion tho
I do think a big thing is how you do it.
If you just whip something out and just cum a partner might feel a bit left out, I would because I like to enjoy and experience my partner's but I don't a problem with suggesting it or taking it out and asking 'do you mind?'.
to be frank, i would not like it if during sex she just got out a toy and started using it, would make me feel like i failed.
Jusy my opinion tho
He knows that I cannot get off by just being penatrated. So I need to get additional stimulation. unless he uses his fingers... toy is the best option for me. Had done it before, but last night it just... Made him completely mad.
to be frank, i would not like it if during sex she just got out a toy and started using it, would make me feel like i failed.
Jusy my opinion tho
But that's the man having an issue rather than the woman.
I can't orgasm from normal stimulation. I can't even make myself orgasm without a toy so it'd be unrealistic to expect my OH to manage. I use a toy to come almost every time and yes that means during sex too. I require constant, strong stimulation for a very long time. There's noway he can provide that without injuring himself so a vibrator is my way only way to orgasm and if I'm inviting someone to have sex with me then they either are happy with that, or don't have sex - simple!
All you can do is talk to him and find out what his problem is. Explain it's not going to change and he needs to come to terms with it. Tell him you find him attractive, but not when he's sulking. If he weren't satisfying you wouldn't just use toys, you'd not have sex full stop so he must be doing something right!
He knows that I cannot get off by just being penatrated. So I need to get additional stimulation. unless he uses his fingers... toy is the best option for me. Had done it before, but last night it just... Made him completely mad.
Alicia: looks like we are same in many respects. I also need longer time stimulation. Fingers can do it, but not always and it is less certain than a vibe.
I will have to talk to him, in few days, as he made it clear it would be best if we take some time off. I do find him attractive. I do care for him. But yesterday just hurt me badly... I think he wanted me to do it specifically in certain way with just his penis, which I dont think would work (not enough stimulation). He even dared to send me to watch porn to see that it may work! And told me I am just negative about my body! I really have to think if I want to continue being with him.
How about involving him with the vibe, handing it to him to use on you, maybe with you guiding him? Let him know that it really turns you on to have him and the vibe at the same time. It will probably turn him on too - I know it turns me on loads when we bring vibes into play :-)
Alicia: looks like we are same in many respects. I also need longer time stimulation. Fingers can do it, but not always and it is less certain than a vibe.
I will have to talk to him, in few days, as he made it clear it would be best if we take some time off. I do find him attractive. I do care for him. But yesterday just hurt me badly... I think he wanted me to do it specifically in certain way with just his penis, which I dont think would work (not enough stimulation). He even dared to send me to watch porn to see that it may work! And told me I am just negative about my body! I really have to think if I want to continue being with him.
Sounds like a complete jerk to me!
He had the nerve to tell you that he knows your body better than you do? Or worse still that pornography is a good place to start?
Whatever you do, whether you stay with him or not - don't back down. If he deserves sensitivity WandA is right use some tact. Though it doesn't sound like he deserves it to me. He completely avoided using any tact with you.