me and my partner (LDR) have a really good sex life. however, i never seem to get to enjoy much forplay. i understand when we firts see eachother after a long time he can be a bit gready so i dont really mind that. however, i would realy love more forplay before he greadily dives in so i find myself having to catch up on arousel levels whilst he's already in me.
i have told him i want him to play with me more before going in but he either forgets, is too gready or just isnt quite sure what to do.
we are already into BDSM and love spanking ect. but play and sex always seem to stay quite seperate. i love both but it would be nice if i got more forplay with my vanilla sex.
i would also love to get him to appreciate pritty lingerie but i always have to point out when i have pritty or special knickers on or he will just pull all my clothes off me in one go and miss them. i quite often dont get dressed when im with him but im not sure if babydolls and sexy nightwear would be practical as we both still live at home and anyway, he deosent let me sleep in clothes (says they feel funny when hugging me at night and i think he quite likes the easy access in the morning *Wink Wink")
anyone got any ideas or advice for how i could get him to give me more forplay (we are really open) or any toys/ lingerie that might help encourage more.
hope someone can help 'cos i dont want this to become a problem
If the mrs isn't feeling it, she doesn't let me in! She likes to make sure she has what she wants before sex, so maybe try and be a bit greedy and selfish. We introduced toys as a way of getting good foreplay
I can't see toys or lingerie sorting this out on their own, you're going to have to either talk to him directly or or do as J+J says and be selfish and wait for him to get the message.
This is not an ideal solution...how about letting him dive in straight away, and get rid of his frustration, but then ask him to take it a little slowly the next time around? Have some foreplay whilst he recovers/relaxes and then go again? Or take turns- he can go straight in if thats what he wants but next time its up to you- i.e. you want 30 minutes of foreplay so you set an alarm and you get it! This might help him understand why you want what you want, and could eventually lead to blending your two styles...
It probably doesn't need to be such a drastic divide as him being the sub, but you two being equal instead? If you've gotten too used to one of you always being in charge, maybe that could even be a novelty thing, taking turns, to show what you would like done, asking nicely rather than "giving orders"... and not in the sense of you both impatiently waiting for your turn, but rather seeing how much you can both turn each other on. Make it a competition, who can resist longer before one of you starts begging for it ;)
Perhaps, instead of asking for a rather generic "more foreplay", make what you want more specific, more realistic. If you want him to notice your nice undies, flash your knickers before you even get in the bedroom, or sit him down, not touching, while you start taking your clothes off very slowly (I'm not using the word striptease on purpose, this doesn't need to be a complete show but just a moment of visual rather than physical stimuli, you want to teach him your clothing consists of several layers) I guarantee they will get noticed, not because you told him to admire them, but, ironically because he cannot wait to rip that specific garment off you. If you want him to touch a certain bit of you or touch you in a certain way, you could ask him nicely - you said it yourself, sometimes he doesn't quite know what to do. No one will, until you tell them.
If it comes down to it though, you can always agree on certain signals to figure out you're both ready. Me and the OH usually undress each other rather than taking our own clothes off, and I simply don't remove his boxers until he has given me enough attention :) yes, every day is different and it doesn't apply to mornings if you sleep naked, but it's just a little way of controlling the situation every now and then without really taking the charge. TBH I'm not even sure if he's realised this is something I do on purpose...