Hi everyone, me and my gf both 25 and 24 have both got ourselves in good places with decent jobs after uni and both have similar wages and we want to now work on our relationship, we have been together 8 month now and stay with each other every weekend. She has held off but has told me recently she loves me as I do her. We have been on a few holidays together and always have great weekends together. We never argue and always get on perfect.
We have chatted about moving in with each other and we'd both like this and feel we are at that stage now. I'd like advice on of 8 months is too soon? How long did you wait? Do you have any advice?
It's a case of what's right for you. Can you try living together for a few weeks, whilst still holding onto the other persons place? To see if it's gonna work? THen if it's not quite the right time, you both still have your own space to carry on as you were c:
I dunno. I'm objectively the worst person to comment: I agreed to move in with my partner five months before we were even in a relationship, and as such, ended up moving in with him just a month into the relationship >.>
I mean, it was clearly a good idea because 18 months on we're still happy and comfortable, but, I'd not recommend it to anyone else :')
We were friends first, then started seeing each other, he kept on his place for like 4 months but stayed at mine all time and then he moved in... We are together over 7 years now and engaged.. But like that's cause alot of things factored into the move... If something is meant to be why rush it... What will be will be.. Also and one big thing for me would be, have either of lived with someone before, living with each other completely changes things, people say u don't no someone till you lived with them and that is so true!! Whatever ye decide I wish ye happiness x
Time is largely irrelevant. From my own experience and that of friends, I've seen people move in after a few weeks and be happy while others have been together years first and its gone wrong a few weeks after. And every variation around that.
Cynically you could say v few relationships last (its just a statistical fact!) But its not reason not to try.
If you feel ready and you both want it then go for it!
We have spent a week or 2 living together now and then. And always stay with each other each weekend. And holiday with each other too.
I've never thought about living with each other changing things really, I'm not sure what could change or I could learn now but I guess I wouldn't understand until we do. Is there any examples people can give?
My fiance and I moved in together after 6 months, I was pregnat at 8 months & nearly 3 years later we're still going strong.
Just do what you both feel is good, rent a place together with both your names on the lease if you do decide to move in, that way one won't feel like it's all their responsibility.
I'd say 8 months is too soon, you describe a perfect relationship, such a thing doesn't exist, there will be things you argue about, because everyone is different. There's so much you don't know about eachother, being under the same roof constantly while you learn eachothers disgusting habits isn't the best option.
obviosly you know your relationship better than us though, you might be great
Picking her nose, leaving the toilet seat up, leaving pots, picking toe nails, leaving fridge door open, taking up the bathroom every morning, snoring, farting, texting mates constantly, on Facebook constantly. The little things that annoy you every so often that you put up with become constant.
We did it very slowly, I spent every weekend with him, then a month, then went away, then another month, then moved in. Gives you time to get used to habits. We're quite like you, we rarely argue, the only thing we argue over is food shopping. OH hates arguing and it gets him down everytime because he thinks perfect relationships, whereas I think we handle arguments really well.
We started living together after around 6 months. We're now married with children! Every single person is different, and every single relationship is different so whether someone moved in with their partner after 10 years or someone moved in after 2 weeks is totally different from your situation.
I know a couple that went on a date that was so brilliant they moved in together after a day and they're now married with children! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and that's just a risk you have to take.
It's all a learning curve, yeah there probably will be a few minor spats about who's doing what in the home, but as long as you work together and communicate with each other and be very very open with each other then it will work out. But again, people can date for years without living together and suddenly they break up, I've had past relationships that have been longer than yours, we haven't lived together but it just didn't work out.
With my husband (then boyfriend) it just seemed to be the right time and we wanted to live together, and it just worked for us. Don't compare yourself to anyone else and just do what you think is right, just go with the flow.
People have made a very good point. If you're gonna work you're gonna work, if you're not you're not. As long as you face everything as a team you'll be fine, and don't get annoyed about the little things
If you have any concerns, then pause and think why, if you have no good reasons why your concerned then this is the next logical step. Give it a go and see what happens, we all 'live and learn'
My husband and I moved in after about 2.5 months. Five years later we are married with two kids.
Moving in together will either make or break you. I dated a guy for three years and thought I loved him. We moved I together and after a few weeks I hated ever thing he done and every breath he took. After five months I kicked him out.
If there is one way of finding out if you are meant to be together it's living together. Just make sure you have a back up plan in case things go wrong because you will have to sign a tenancy for a house for 12+ months
If there's ANYTHING that causes even the slightest frustration, friction, annoyance now, it will do so much more if you live together. Her bedroom's a bit messy? That's gonna be YOUR bedroom soon! She doesn't cook? That's ok you like cooking....but every night? She's a morning person and you're not, but you'll force yourself up because it's good for you.....every morning?
While you may have spent a week or so in each other's pockets before, there'll be plenty of things not done that you normally would if the other weren't around because even in that time you're still focusing on each other as priority. When you live togethre that's just not possible.
May be you spend a lot of time when not with her on the xbox - is she going to moan when you do that, will you miss it if you stop? Does she secretly bite her toe nails then leave them everywhere? Does she only secretly clean before you go round and the rest of the time the place is filthy? Have you got a female friend who she doesn't really like so you don't mention you text her quite a lot? Does she have a love of TERRIBLE music but if you're not there plays it 24/7? All these things could get pretty exhausting to deal with!
But that's examples. No matter how good your relationship is there will be things that each of you do that when you live together will wind you up a lot at times.
That's not a bad thing though! That's normal! It's how you deal with them that's important. Can you find a balance that keeps you both happy while being understanding of the other's needs, habits, and that you need an hour when you get in from work to destress alone while she is always giddy and wants that hour together doing something?
It's pretty much impossible to know for sure that it's going to work out. The most important thing you can do now is ask yourself if you're being really truly honest with yourself and each other that you've both seen the real people you are, that you're not optimistically ignoring problems that actually should be addressed first, and that ou both do actually communicate properly and healthily (eg. one of you doesn't always just swallow your pride and apologise even if you're not wrong).
You've gotta try these things to find out, if you feel ready go for it. If it doesn't work it's gonna hurt like hell, but remember you had a great time while it lasted and you can always move on in time. And maybe it'll work out just great, and that's worth the risk :-)
Thanks everyone, there has been some good points. We never have any frustrations with each other to be honest. In terms of arguments I think as some people have said, it's how you deal with them. We never let anything progress to an argument, neither of us like them and would prefer to avoid. People do make mistakes but we wouldn't do anything intentionally to upset the other and we both no that, we know it's more of an over sight so we just make a joke at the time, tease the other a little and turn it into a bit of banter and fun, and have a laugh.
Me personally it really takes a lot for something to bug me, and she is the same. We compromise on things if we both want to do a certain thing we don't feel there needs to be any upset other things like that.
We are both very open about talking, we never ignore anything and immediately just talk about how we feel etc to us its the most logical approach and something we naturally do.
Make sure you discuss how to divide up finances and responsibilities beforehand so you know exactly what you expect from each other, even if you are both well off. And be aware that when you spend time together in short bursts it allows you to be on your best behaviour, so you're not getting the full picture of what it will be like to live with them. Even if you're together for several weeks you always know that you'll have a breather from them afterwards, so little annoyances might not seem as big of a deal.
You should also discuss whether marriage will ever be on the table. Moving in together can often give the impression that you're heading in that direction, but if you don't see that ever happening (or at least not for a long time) you should make it clear to your partner so they don't get the wrong idea and see living together as a pre-engagement.
Mrs CX of no! I'm sorry if that sounded that way! If it did it was badly written. Actually if much prefer to Cook, its one of the ways I like to show I care.! Definitely badly written if that's what it sounded like
Ah Mrs CX I've reread the thread. No, I was using some stereotypical moans as examples. That could easily be Curiousme being the man who doesn't cook, clean etc. Not a sexist thing at all
You should also discuss whether marriage will ever be on the table. Moving in together can often give the impression that you're heading in that direction, but if you don't see that ever happening (or at least not for a long time) you should make it clear to your partner so they don't get the wrong idea and see living together as a pre-engagement.
Very true. You may think by having the conversation you're moving too quick but you need to make sure you're both on the right track. We had the conversation very early but regularly talk about it too because the future is exciting, we've made a deal that he will propose to me before I Finnish uni in two years. Because he doesn't want to be married while I have to live away for uni. Then we have to get our life in order and get married, and when were financially stable and I've decided what's happening with work we can have one child..... But I'm still set on two. So twins it is!
you don't need to set deadlines, because you might feel pressured into something you don't want to do just yet, just discuss how both of you feel about marriage and children