living with the OH

Off-Topic Chat
1

I thought I'd look for some advice. I'm 25 my gf is 24 and it will be coming up to a year since we've been together. She has her own flat and I live there every weekend, and sometimes spend a week or even 2 living together during our holidays from work. We're passed the honey moon bit, but we are still really into each other and miss each other during the week. We just really like each other's company. We have talked and we're thinking about me moving out and living with her.

We always get on great, when there's any disagreement we just talk calmly and have a laugh and tease about it so never let it turn to an argument.

I was wondering what's the pro's and con's of living together? Is it worth it? At the year mark this should be about the right time and not too early?

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Me and my husband lived together in under a year. If it works it works, if it doesnt it doesn't.

Every single person is different so what happens with one couple won't happen with another. It's all about the individual people involved. If you think the time is right then just go for it.

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There is no right or wrong for this answer and everyone is individual =. If it feels right then go for it. If it doesnt, then discuss this with each other and see where you want to go with it and how you think you can get there.

One thing I will say though is that whoever moves in with who needs to make sure that they are made to feel welcome.

In your case she needs to knwo that it is now also going to be considered YOUR place too so in essence OUR place and not hers with you moving in.

This can be a very hard thing for some people to understand and then carry out, and even harder for the 'mover in'.

Hope it works out, and if it doesnt, its better to know sooner than later.

4

We are both certain it will work out. She did say when I move in it will be our place not hers, she likes that idea, and says she wants to share it.

It does feel very right, we both want it. I just like to properly think things through as to me it's a big decision. We both want a future together and see this as the first step into that leading onto others things

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What is really good is that you are both showing the maturity to discuss this and give it its due thought as opposed to blindly jump into it.

Really hope it works out for you both!

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Yeah, we have already said we're going to figure the finances and we just pay half each. We plan to sit down, very soon. Chores, we will just do everything together, even now on a weekend we wash together, I'll help her hover etc. If we do it together then we get to spend time after that together for some quality time. Also we have a laugh and make it more enjoyable doing things together. We are both very very similar, we like a clean tidy organized place and so just get on and do things as we go along

7

Congratulations.

My OH and I lived together for 7 years before we got a joint bank account. Make sure the two of you set your own guidelines on what it means to be living together and you both know it, then there will be less surprises.

My biggest surprise was feeling that he wasn't interested in me anymore, previously our time together had all been about each other and suddenly it seemed that he had all these other things to do that didn't involve me. They were always there, it is just that I wasn't there to see them.

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That's an interesting point I hadn't thought of, but then we are quite close and we speak a lot so usually know what we're both up to, when seeing friends etc etc. So uni already expect that. But after a day at work, later on we're both going to be there together after we've done everything we need sat on the sofa together, and we're going have tea together. For me and here too, I think it shows our level of commitment and how serious we are, actions mean more than words.

Do you guys enjoy living with your OH? You glad you are living together? Does it have its many perks?

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I would also like some help on how to bring up the subject. I'm 25 and still living at home while my OH has her own flat. I want to bring it up and say I'll be moving out in a few months but I don't know how to. I know that it will be taken the wrong way and an attempt to make me stay will happen. Advice please.

10

What's holding you back?

Who are you worried about bringing it up with?

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I live with my OH and we moved in with each a month after we got serious so all was quite quick.

Its been up and down and no matter what there is going to be a down side otherwise where's the fun in making up :)

I was very unsure as I have been previously burned by living with someone. But if you both are on the same team and know what you both want out of living with each other I find there is more pros than cons. we split the housewrok, shopping,bills etc and its usually fine . As i say there are cons :p

One thing me and my OH do is have one eve each where the home is ours for a while , ill have a girl night with friends or alone to do my nails etc . And he has an evening where he usually watches whatever on netflix or often he is doing bits and bobs for the wedding prep (ah yes we are getting married, sp moving in together has worked very well :)

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Well I have moved in with my boyfriend in the beginning of this year, after finishing the presential part of my master's degree, as it was in my home town. That's the only reason we haven't moved in earlier, and I honestly can't find any cons in doing so. I guess it all depends in your personal relationship.

However, whatever you choose to do, I wish you both good luck. Being together with the one we love is great and party hard everyday :3

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Yeah I think it's a certain, we both no what we want.

I would also like some help on how to bring up the subject at my current home. I'm 25 and still living at home with family, while my OH has her own flat. I want to bring it up at home and say I'll be moving out in a few months but I don't know how to. I know that it will be taken the wrong way and an attempt to make me stay will happen. Advice please!

14

Umm, you're 25, right? You say "I'll be moving out in X amount of weeks" and let that be that. The onlt way any attempt to get you to stay can cause a problem is if you let it.

I was 19 when I left home. The OH bought us a house and I just packed up and moved out. My folks wanted me to stay because I was so young and we'd only been together a year to the day but I (possibly naively) considered myself an adult and I did what I felt was right for me. It's your life, take charge ![](upload://h7LJ67OOrR57VDYrj5ZEwwHAfLG.gif)

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I imagine your parents will be glad lol you're a grown man just tell them you're moving out and you appreciate everything they've done over the years

16

Yeah, I live with my dad because my mum passed away when I was young, I have a brother and sister there too. I know I'll be told you'll save more here for a mortgage in the future etc because comments have been made before, and I haven't even brought it up yet! Even if I do have to pay out a bit more, there's sometimes more to life than a few extra pennies. I'm still going to be saving, and looking at her bills I'll be paying out roughly the same anyway.

But as said, I'm a grown man and I just need to say its time to move out now.

17

You probably would save more money living at home but if you save you'll get enough for a mortgage when you're ready. Just bear in mind her bills will go up when you move in

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They will, she is very good at them things and we have considered that. Her flat is cheaper in rent though because it was unfinished and she bought everything for it, unlike my current place.

19

I'm always wary pf threads like this, because usually if you have to ask, the answer is no. But you're asking sensible questions, so all's good!

You seem super mature about this and you appear to have already talked it out pretty well with your lady. I like the fact you say 'live together' at weekends, rather than stop over. It seems more.... long term and as if it will work.

At the end of the day, you're 25, and big enough to make your own choices. If it seems right, go for it. If it's not working after a while, you can go home: it's not like you'd be giving up your own place, so if there were any issues, you'll still have a safety net.

And yeah, whilst you'll save more living with your dad, you'll have shit all clue what to do with it once you do leave! It's pretty daunting getting all the life responsibilities, so the fact you can do that by moving in with someone in an established household re: bills, rent, utilities is great.
i know for a fact if I hadn't done that, and had tried to go it alone, I'd have falled flat on my arse!

Again with the ''you're 25''- you aren't going to live with your parents forever. If it makes them feel better, once you've got your shit together, set up a savings account with a standing order for a little bit that you can spare each week. You end up with a hefty rainy day/mortgage fund without even thinking about it. I did it off a students income, and used it to get my house now c: But yeah, you aren't gonna be a million miles away, same person, maturity, yadda yadda. You're a grown up :P

As everyone else has said, if it feels right to you both, that's the main thing.
I agreed to live with my partner 5 months before we entered into a relationship, and so moved in one week after we started dating.... Even the craziest things can work, because we're still in honeymoon mode a year and a half down the line.

I wish you the best of luck hon :)

20

That's a great post.

I do actually have a standing order now and put x amount away each week.

Yeah, its different stopping over and living there, and it's definitely the latter. We do the chores together, her place is my place and we get on amazing.

I also agree that if you need to ask then there must be doubt so probably not the best idea. The reason I ask though is because I know it's what I want and what she wants. I have no doubts at all. But it is a big decision, and my last step is asking from others with experience who may mention things I haven't considered.