My Reviews

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 13 Jan 2020
Seven 'til Midnight Red Floral Lace Quarter Cup Babydoll Set

Sexy and Comfortable

Mrs Chimp is a size 14/36B, 5’ 6" with a 32 inch waist and 39-inch hips (give or take a smidge for Christmas) and the Large was a good fit. Even the thong was usable, and they’re normally a write-off for Mrs Chimp with sets like these.

From the photos, I’d assumed the flowers in the lace were see-through, but they’re actually gold, which is a really nice feature. There’s also a little pendant between the cups which adds another bit of shimmer to the outfit too. It’s a very sexy piece, and the red and gold work really well together.

The underwired cups are supportive, but also very comfortable, and there are several adjustable straps at the back to help you tweak the fit too. Length-wise it’s quite high on the thigh, but this isn’t a bad thing at all. Mrs Chimp found the cut very flattering, especially with the fly-away back and the lace banding along the hem.

The heart-shaped back of the thong was a fun touch, and looked good for the short time it was on. It’s a straight thong rather than a crotchless one, but moving it to the side is easy enough (though Mrs Chimp prefers to slip them off as she finds it more comfortable that way).

I think our only tiny niggle is that the decorative straps at the top of the cups are a little slack, but nothing major. And for this brand’s size options Mrs Chimp is at the lower end of the bracket for the Large so it wasn’t entirely unexpected. Once we got going I personally didn’t give it a second thought.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: The gold flowers were a nice surprise, and the fit in general was very comfortable.

Cons: Minor niggle of the cup straps being a little slack.

Bottom Line: Good quality, nice decorative touches, and a good fit too.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 05 Feb 2020
We-Vibe Chorus App and Remote Controlled Couple’s Vibrator

You Won’t Be Able To Refrain

This is an incredible couple’s toy. There’s no two ways about it. It has got an equally incredible price tag, but geez, you certainly get a lot for it. It’s at least 4 toys rolled into one. There’s actually so much going on with it that it’s hard to know exactly where to start. Um. Let’s go with the basics -

The Toy:

It’s a smooth silicone with a ridged texture on the business side of each arm. Its vibrations are strong, and remarkably quiet too. We picked the Cosmic Pink one because, well, how could you not? It’s called ‘Cosmic Pink’. And it does have a nice glitzy sparkle about it. The toy is waterproof (though the remote only splashproof), it’s magnetic charging, and you get about 90 minutes runtime from a 2 hour charge. You can even cycle through the 10 modes using the single button on the top, though there’s no way of changing the intensity of each without the remote (but the first 4 modes are low/medium/high/ultra, so you sort of can).

It’s also got a couple of adjustable joints, which are excellent. I was initially a bit scared to click them in case I just snapped the toy in half, but once I figured it out it wasn’t nearly so nerve-wracking. And they really do make a difference too.

There are a few ways to control the toy, but the important thing to remember is that each one will deactivate the others. So, if you have Squeeze on then you can’t adjust the intensity manually, the same for Touch Sense, etc.

The Toy + Remote (manual):

First off, the remote is battery powered, which isn’t obvious at first. To get to it you flip the top of the remote up to find the CR2032 button battery nestled inside.

This control option makes it a regular remote controlled toy. The range on it is pretty decent. I buried it under a pile of jeans under the duvet, shut the door, and then tried to turn it on/off from different rooms of the house. I got as far as the backdoor before it started ignoring me. I also liked that it has both a forward and back arrow to make scrolling through the modes a lot easier. And you can also increase/decrease the intensities using the +/- buttons. It’s hard to tell exactly how many increments there are, but I’m sure there’s at least 10?

The Toy + Squeeze Remote:

You can also press a button and put the remote in Squeeze mode. This allows you to set a ‘base’ intensity and then you give the remote a squeeze and it’ll add an extra boost for as long as you hold it for. It’s quite a firm pad, but you can definitely tell when you’re pressing it. And while you can’t then change intensity like in manual mode, you can still flip through the different patterns.

The Toy + App:

The We-Connect app is my favourite toy app that we’ve used so far (Desire and Svakom being the other two). Its ‘Create-a-Vibe’ and Vibe Playlist functions are exactly what I want from an app like this. And the level of control it gives over what the toy does, how strong it is when it’s doing it, and how long it does it for, is excellent. It even lets you control each motor of a dual toy separately, so you can pretty much tailor it exactly how you want. It also has 3 extra vibe patterns to choose from (Bounce, Peak, and Cha Cha Cha).

I had a similar issue to a couple of the other reviewers where it was showing the battery at 0% all the time, but that seems to have fixed itself now.

The toy doesn’t connect to the app directly, but through the remote, so you have to keep it close by. This is supposed to help it have a much more secure and reliable connection. I’ve never had an issue with our app-toy connections so I can’t say how effective their new Ankerlink method is, but we’ve not had any serious issues with it. One time it wouldn’t connect, but I realised that was because the remote had lost its link to the toy, so after resetting that it worked perfectly again (I also make sure my phone screen never goes to sleep either, as that was an issue with another app-toy).

The Toy + Touch Sense:

Through the app you can also turn on the Touch Sense function, which uses sensors on the top of the toy to tell if someone is touching it. If it senses a touch it’ll change the vibrations depending on which of the three settings you’ve selected. I first used it just by stroking it while Mrs Chimp was wearing it, which I actually found surprisingly intimate. It worked well when in proper use too, though you may want to pay attention to position.

Downsides - not many. It’s not great as a wearable ‘out and about’ toy, as gravity is not its friend, but I can’t think of anything else? Maybe the remote not being rechargeable?

We love this toy. It’s the only couple’s toy we’ve had any success with during PIV. It’s pretty much hands-free, and it’s really comfortable in a whole host of positions (for both me and Mrs Chimp). And it’s got so many different options and ways to use it to choose from. Love it.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Most importantly, how comfortable it is (and then all the tech features).

Cons: If I had to pick something I’d say that the remote is battery-powered.

Bottom Line: Love this toy. Not had this much sex since our honeymoon.

Linked Reviews:
Desire Knicker App | We-Vibe Gala

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 10 Feb 2020
Lovehoney Gyr8tor Extra Powerful Rechargeable Gyrating Vibrator

Not as fun as it looks

We love trying out unusual and non-traditional toys, and this one really is something quite new. The gyrating function is very intriguing, and we were rather excited to give it a whirl.

The toy itself is a smooth silicone in quite a muted purple, it’s waterproof, and it has a travel lock (and oh boy, you definitely want a travel lock on this toy). A 150 minute charge gives around 60 minutes runtime (less on higher speeds). The shaft has 5 modes (2 speeds and 3 patterns), and the gyro function has 2 patterns with 5 intensities. A small warning/heads up, when you fire up the gyro there’s a 5 second delay before the motor kicks in and it starts with a bit of a jolt (the anticipation of this never gets old. Especially if it’s already inserted).

Unfortunately, the sad thing about this toy is that we felt it looked more fun gyrating away in your hand than it feels once it’s been inserted. Mrs Chimp could only really feel the gyrations around the entrance, when ideally she wants a bit more direct stimulation further in. She could feel the vibes of the shaft in there, which were quite pleasant, but they also weren’t as rumbly or as strong as she’d have liked. The gyrations aren’t unpleasant by any means, but they are a little ‘meh’. Using it with a good clit toy did make the whole thing a lot more fun, but in all honesty it was the clit toy doing most of the heavy-lifting.

We’ve used quite a few rotating/stroking/thrusting toys, and I think the good ones have all been easier to target than this one. It’s odd, because when you look at it in your hand it seems like it’ll be brilliant, but it just doesn’t seem to translate when in proper use.

There’s also a few awkward niggles that I would probably forgive if the toy had been more successful, but I’ll chip them in anyway for thoroughness: The noise is very distinctive. It’s not loud, but it has a whine to it that never really falls into the background. The handle end is understandably very weighty, so you have to hold it all the time otherwise it drops like a stone (which makes using a second clit toy a bit of a juggle). The handle gets very warm. And the buttons are too small.

Sadly it didn’t work for Mrs Chimp, so it’s hard to recommend, but it was definitely fun trying something so unconventional.

Overall Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Pros: It’s definitely innovative.

Cons: Wasn’t effective.

Bottom Line: Fun, but not nearly fun enough.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 19 May 2020
Lovehoney Cherish Me Ivory Satin Push-Up Bra Set

Innocent/Not Innocent

Mrs Chimp is a size 14/36B, 5’ 6" with a 32 inch waist and 39 inch hips (give or take a smidge for Lockdown), and we got the Large.

We really like the overall feel and look of this set. The colour is lovely, and really flattering. Mrs Chimp is normally a little wary of white lingerie as she’s a touch on the pale side already, but the Ivory colour worked really well and made her look virginal rather than corpselike.

The quality is really good too. Good stitching, nice lace detailing, and it’s not scratchy at all (always a plus). The bra is really comfortable. Mrs Chimp wore it to work for the entire day (she’s currently WFH, so that’s not quite as daring as it first sounds…) and she found it really comfy and supportive.

The bows on both the bra and pants are a nice touch, though (minor niggle) personally we think they’re a smidge too big and would prefer something a little smaller and more delicate. The pants do sit very high up. At first Mrs Chimp didn’t realise they were meant to be that high and was wondering why there was such a saggy gusset swinging between her legs, but she soon worked it out. The gusset contour is thinner than she’d like, more like the cut of a bodysuit one than regular pants, but I quite liked it. She seems to think it shows off too much muff. Like I say, I quite like it.

We did try this set out with stockings, but we don’t have any in the right colour at the minute so just used black. Mrs Chimp said that these clips are the easiest she’s used yet, which is a high compliment indeed as she’s normally faffing about for some time trying to clip herself in. The removable suspender straps are also brilliant. Super easy, and no fuss at all. And taking them off just makes the whole set look neater if you don’t plan on wearing stockings with it.

It’s also very easy to handwash, and quite quick to dry too considering the bra padding. Overall it’s a lovely two piece set, though for Mrs Chimp the bra is the standout item.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: Colour, comfort, removable garters, easy stocking clips.

Cons: Thin gusset.

Bottom Line: Lovely two piece set.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 23 Jun 2020
Lovehoney Flirty Plum Lace Shorts

Plum Choice

Mrs Chimp is a size 14 with a 32-inch waist and 39-inch hips (give or take a smidge for Lockdown) and we got these in the Large.

We have these in a few different colours and Mrs Chimp thinks they’re fantastic. They’re stretchy and comfortable enough to be worn all day, good quality, soft lace with a very pretty floral pattern, and they show a nice bit of bum too (very sexy). They’re also really easy to handwash, and really quick to dry.

The colour of this pair in particular is really nice as it’s in a more sophisticated palette than the previous versions. The others were really bright and fun (which is great), but it’s good to have a more elegant option. All in all a great pair of knickers.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Great colour, comfort and fit.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Comfortable and sexy. Great pair of knickers.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 11 Jul 2020
Lovehoney Sensual Glass Glow-in-the-Dark Dildo

Night Light

We have an extensive collection of glass dildos already, but who can turn down a glow in the dark one? Not us, that’s for sure.

I won’t go into all the benefits of glass as a sex toy material here, but if you’re a glass newbie you should definitely check out the LH Guide for the full lowdown.

This one is a nice size. It’s not as large or as long as some of the others we have, but it’s a good medium one. It’s not too thick or too slim, nor too short or long, and the wavy texture is very pleasant. The waves aren’t as pronounced as the LH Beaded Glass dildo (Mrs Chimp’s favourite), but they’re still noticeable in use.

The glow in the dark feature is brilliant. It is exactly as much fun as I hoped it would be. It’s definitely better if you can leave it out to charge somewhere sunny for an afternoon as that makes it really glitter, but even with a smallish charge it lights up nicely in a dark room (or under the duvet, if you’re down there). It doesn’t light up like a light sabre either, it’s more delicate than that. Like a little swarm of fireflies. This is the main draw to this toy, certainly for us anyway, and we think they’ve done a great job with it.

The only real downside I found with it was the crescent handle. I thought it was too small and awkward to hold properly. Maybe there’s a knack to it, but if so I’ve yet to work it out. It’s not bad enough to tank the whole toy, but I would’ve preferred a more traditional handle shape. Personally I think on this occasion they’ve sacrificed too much function for the sake of the aesthetics of getting a moon on a glow in the dark toy.

Overall though we think the glow in the dark element to it overrides any quibbles. Even with a sprawling collection such as ours this is the only one of its kind in there, and that’s quite something.

Oh, and it comes with its own velvety storage bag like all the other LH glassware. I forget how useful that is sometimes, but it’s always worth a mention.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: That it glows in the dark (obviously).

Cons: The handle is rather awkward.

Bottom Line: Nice medium sized dildo with a glow in the dark cherry on top.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 28 Jul 2020
Lovehoney Wild Desire Hot Pink Leopard Lace Bra Set

Jet Pink

Mrs Chimp is a size 14/36B, 5’ 6" with a 32-inch waist and 39-inch hips and this set fit beautifully. It’s really comfortable and stretchy, so even though it’s One-Size it felt like it was made for Mrs Chimp.

We think the colour is fantastic, and the criss-cross style on both the bra and pants is a very dynamic look. Both together give it a real vibrant and high-energy feel (I kept having heady visions of Jet from the 90s show Gladiators that I just couldn’t/didn’t want to shake).

Mrs Chimp did have the bra on the last hook of the band, so we’re not sure how well it’d fit someone with a wider back. And the cups are stretchy, with both underwire and a little side boning for support, but I don’t think they’d be great for people with really large breasts. However, for Mrs Chimp it was a perfect fit.

The pants sit really well too, with the stretchiness providing a bit of shape for Mrs Chimp rather than digging in and making a trussed up meat joint out of her. She’s normally a little wary of flesh poking out of cut-outs, but she didn’t have to worry about these (big thumbs up). We don’t think the back view is anywhere near as pretty as the front, but we really like the front view so we’re still very happy. And Mrs Chimp thought they were very comfy, especially for a G-string, and they have good muff coverage with the front triangle. She also really likes the scalloped detailing of the lace edges, and thought that was a nice touch.

Overall, we think it’s a very sexy and fun set that has a real active and energetic feel to it.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Vibrant, stretchy, comfortable.

Cons: Could’ve been prettier from the back.

Bottom Line: Good fit, great colour, sexy and fun style.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 28 Jul 2020
Lovehoney Passion Flower Purple Babydoll Set

The Bold and the Beautiful

Mrs Chimp is a size 14/36B, 5’ 6" with a 32-inch waist and 39-inch hips, and she absolutely loved the way this set fit. Out of all the babydolls she’s had so far (and she’s got a fair few), this one gives her one of the nicest silhouettes. With it being One-Size it may be a case that Mrs Chimp lucked out with the sizing, but it’s got a lot of length in the adjustable shoulder and back straps to play around with. (Mrs Chimp has them set up about midway, so there’s plenty more give to them if you need it.)

The tapered shoulder straps create a very elegant deep-V neckline, and the scalloped edging and criss-cross detail are nice finishing touches too. The lower skirt section has a good opacity to it, so it obscures rather than covers, but it still glides over Mrs Chimp’s mummy tummy (which is her number one ‘must have’ in a babydoll).

The pants, which are normally rubbish on babydoll sets, are really comfy. They’ve got a very stretchy waistband, but I have to admit I’m not sure if One-Size will fit everyone? Mrs Chimp likes a pair with good muff coverage at the front, and she’s very happy with these. And as they’re not crotchless she’s taken to wearing them in the daytime too.

The pattern is a really bold, almost seventies floral. Mrs Chimp loved it straight from the packet. I wasn’t as convinced on first look, but it really does look great when it’s on. The mix of the cut, the colour and the bold design work really well together.

I think we’d describe it as nightwear lingerie, rather than just sex lingerie. If it wasn’t for the underwiring I think Mrs Chimp would happily wear it all night, sex or no sex.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Bold design, comfy pants, deep V neckline.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Really flattering set (with knickers that actually fit).

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 25 Aug 2020
Lovehoney Fantasy Sexy Secretary Top and Pinstripe Skirt Set

More Schoolgirl than Secretary

Firstly, be really careful to avoid getting the material of the top stuck to the skirt velcro. It catches easily, and can do some damage!

We don’t really indulge in role play, but we do like to play dress up every now and again, and so we thought we’d give this Secretary costume a whirl. Mrs Chimp is a size 14/36B, 5’ 6" with a 32-inch waist and 39-inch hips, and this set was a decent enough fit for a One-Size item.

I’ll start with the positives; the skirt material is good quality, it’s a nice weight and well made, and the pinstripe detail is suitably secretarial. The top is a nice stretchy mesh fabric, with lots of give to suit a variety of body shapes. It’s soft and comfortable, and felt very nice to wear. It doesn’t have any support though, so you may want to consider that when buying.

Now the not-so-positives…

Personally my first impressions of the skirt were that it looked more ‘schoolgirl with a pinstripe’ than secretary, and I’m afraid we don’t find the schoolgirl look that sexy. The fit of the skirt also wasn’t ideal for Mrs Chimp. It was wearable, but not without issues. If she wore it round her hips then a lot of the velcro is exposed (scratchy), and if she had it round her waist then it rode too high and exposed too much too soon (though adding in a suspender belt did make that look better).

And the velcro on the skirt is a particular bug bear. If you can get it to close neatly then it’s no big deal, but if you need to have it wider it leaves some of the strip exposed, which is scratchy on your partner’s skin, and catches at the top’s dangly ties. I don’t know. Maybe we were doing it wrong?

Once Mrs Chimp added in a bra, knickers, suspender belt and stockings she looked more the part. However, personally I thought the extras were sexier than the outfit. By the feel of it, it does seem good quality and well-made, but unfortunately it’s not the secretary style we were hoping for.

Overall Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Pros: Good quality material.

Cons: Not ‘secretary’ enough for us.

Bottom Line: Needed a lot of extras.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 21 Sep 2020
Lovehoney Bombshell Blue Lace Babydoll Set

Deep Blue

Mrs Chimp is a size 14/36B, 5’ 6" with a 32-inch waist and 39-inch hips, and we got this in the Large (12-14).

This is a really sexy set, and very comfortable to wear too. The colour is a deep, rich blue, and the style is very classy and sultry. There’s lots of stretch in the bust, which hugs Mrs Chimp’s chest very nicely, but with plenty of give for the larger chested. The crossed back adds a nice bit of extra support too.

The cut is very forgiving, and there’s lots of material to the skirt too. The lace on the top is very soft, and the skirt feels soft too (not silky soft, but still very smooth). It’s a really nice length for Mrs Chimp. It’s that ‘flirty short’ length that skims bum, but doesn’t look like a crop top. The pants are surprisingly good too (not crotchless, but easily moved to one side if you want to).

For a lot of babydolls I’ve been writing off the pants for quite some time, but this year’s have all been really good so far. They’re really pretty, decent muff coverage, and actually wearable. Bonus. The waistband is a little low at the front for Mrs Chimp, so will dig-in to a bit of tummy with extended wear, but are more than comfortable for an evening.

Overall, a really flattering and lovely piece.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Colour, back straps, lace top.

Cons: Nothing significant.

Bottom Line: Overall, a really flattering and lovely piece.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 20 Sep 2020
MegsMenopause Blossom Lave Intimate Wash 150ml

Recommended

This one is all Mrs Chimp:

I was really pleased with the intimate wash. I’ve been perimenopausal for some years now, and to be honest I haven’t changed my skin care regime along with my changing body.

I really liked the look of the bottle, it looks rather nice on the side of the bath tub and it’s not obviously vag wash. The pump dispenser is great, two pumps is all you need. Easy to use in the shower, no fiddling with bottles trying to pour a bit out. It lathers up lovely and dispenses just the right amount, and as it’s so delicate you can give your bits a proper wash without worrying.

I was told years ago to only use water and no soap when washing as I was troubled with recurring thrush, and that was fine for many years, but I noticed with age I was starting to smell a bit different/stronger and this has really helped.

I’ve had no irritation since using this and I feel incredibly fresh throughout the day. The scent is delicate, but pleasant . It’s not the cheapest on the market, but I’ve been using it a couple of weeks now everyday and there’s still plenty left, so definitely worth the money in my eyes. I will certainly buy again.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Soft and gentle, but effective.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Really pleased with it.

(And this bottle lasted about 6 months)

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 19 Oct 2020
Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl Real-Feel Rabbit Vibrator

Squishy Big Boy

This is a great vibrator. The size, shape, and power are just perfect for Mrs Chimp. And the squishy texture feels amazing.

Rabbits can sometimes be tricky when it comes to fit, but we have an older model Happy Rabbit in a similar size/shape which is a firm favourite, so we had a good feeling about this one.

It is bigger than a lot of our other toys, so Mrs Chimp does have to warm up to it first, but she definitely thinks it’s worth it. The squishy texture is a lot more comfortable than firm silicone, and it feels really tactile and responsive to every thrust and squeeze.

The g-spot tip is really bulbous and squishy. It’s much softer than our old Happy Rabbit, which is great for comfort, but it may not be to everyone’s taste if you need firm g-spot stimulation. Mrs Chimp liked the squishiness of this one as it felt so filling, so it’s a plus in our book. The rabbit ears are medium-firm, and have a good thrum to them too. And the rabbit nose is an added bonus to get some extra vibes in extra places.

Mrs Chimp sticks to the speeds for both the ears and the shaft, but there are some patterns if patterns are your jam. 3 speeds on the ears (no patterns) doesn’t seem like a lot, but they’re more than enough for Mrs Chimp. Especially with the shaft going as well. The vibrations are nice and rumbly too, so they travel really well. It’s pretty all encompassing.

Noise-wise it’s not bad for the power. It can be a bit loud if it’s on but not in, but in use it’s easily covered with a duvet and some music. Easy buttons, easy charge, comes with a storage bag. We’ve got all good things to say about this toy. I think it’s fair to say that Mrs Chimp loves her new Squishy Big Boy.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Cons: Nothing.

Pros: The squish, the size, and the new tip.

Bottom Line: A fantastic upgrade to our old Happy Rabbit.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 01 Dec 2020
Zumio E Rechargeable SpiroTIP Clitoral Stimulator
Zumio X Rechargeable SpiroTIP Clitoral Stimulator

E versus X

We already have the Zumio X and Mrs Chimp loves how precise it is, and how different it feels compared to her other toys. So when the eliptical Zumio E came out she was very interested in giving that a whirl too.

Both models are lightweight, simple to use, and incredibly intense. The X moves in a circular pattern and the E an eliptical one, but to be honest they move so fast that it’s hard to spot the difference. They do feel very different in practice though.

The circular X has all the power concentrated at the tip of the stylus, which gives it tremendous focus, but only at the tip. Whereas the eliptical pattern of the new E seems to make the whole stylus quiver, meaning you can use much more of it at different angles. It’s also curved, so you can even lay it flat against your body and utilise the whole arc at the same time.

Technique is everything with these. Move it around, press firmer/softer, turn it up/down, tilt the toy at different angles - all these will change how the toy feels. They really are very versatile. The X is incredibly intense even on low, and Mrs Chimp can’t go to the sweet spot from a cold start as it’s just too much. She has to start from quite far out and work her way inwards. The E is a lot more forgiving, and Mrs Chimp can dive right in with that at the right angle.

They can both be really quick orgasms if you want them to be, though they’re also great for teasing/edging as you can move them around so easily. It’s tough to judge rumbly versus buzzy on a non-vibration toy, but I think we’d say that the E is rumblier than the X. The X sounds like it’s quite a high frequency, but pressing more firmly will make the sensations travel deeper and wider (and so feel more like a rumbly vibe), whereas the E has more of a growl to it, and seems to be deeper even if you press it lightly. But it’s a tricky one to be 100% accurate on as a lot depends on how you hold/tilt it, where you place it, and how hard you press.

They boast being ‘vibration free’ and so no numbness, and this is true, but Mrs Chimp has overdone it with the X a couple of times and left herself feeling slightly tender. She hasn’t done that with the E as yet, but that may be more to do with her knowing her limits now rather than the toy behaving differently.

The E is noisier than the X, but not ridiculously so. The X is the quietest toy we own though, so pretty much anything else would be noisier. I’d say the E is still quieter than almost all our other vibes.

Another notable difference is that there are more ‘vibrations’ in the handle of the E. They’re not jackhammer style, but the X has zero handle vibrations (which makes it exceptional for anybody with carpal tunnel, etc) so worth noting.

The battery life has been pretty solid so far. It is a quick toy, so counting the number of sessions is a bit misleading, but Mrs Chimp is still on the first charge and she’s had quite a number of goes with it now. It has a dock for charging too, so no faffing with magnetics, and a hard plastic cover to store it/protect the stylus (the X came with a storage pouch as well, but the cover alone works fine). And it’s also an absolute doddle to clean.

It could do with a battery life indicator, and it’d be great if one toy could do both the X and E functions (with maybe a swoppable stylus), but all in all they’re both fantastic precision toys, with the new E being slightly ahead on Mrs Chimp’s personal scoreboard.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Curved stylus, felt rumblier, easier to use from a cold start.

Cons: It’s a shame there’s handle vibrations in this model.

Bottom Line: Great precision toy. Easy to use, lightweight, and very intense.

(The Zumio E looks smaller in a side-by-side photo comparison, but they are actually the same size)

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 21 Dec 2020
Fifty Shades of Grey Captivate Black and Silver Bra Set

Captivated

Mrs Chimp is a size 14/36B, 5’ 6" with a 32-inch waist and 39-inch hips, and we got this in the Large (12-14).

Sexy Bra Sets are Mrs Chimp’s thing at the moment, and when she finds a good one it gives her a real confident strut. This set is one of the good ones, and made Mrs Chimp feel very ‘in charge’. The only downside is that it’s a bit gappy on the bra, which isn’t ideal, but because of the padding it still looks quite sculpted. The fabric feels good quality, with a good weight to it too. And the mix of black and silver works really well.

We’re not particular fans of the FSOG books themselves, but we wouldn’t let the name detract from a nice bit of lingerie. It has a decadent feel to the lace, and the metallic elements have been done well. It’s really comfortable to wear too, and fits around the back well without pinching.

Unfortunately the cup sizes were too large for Mrs Chimp. Normally she would just tighten up the bra straps (due to the blanket ‘14-16’ of a lot of these sets this happens quite frequently, and they’re normally quite forgiving) but was unable to do this on this bra as it became too tight on her shoulders. I still thought it looked the part from my point of view, so visually no worries, but obviously Mrs Chimp would have prefered a better fit.

The pants are really lovely, and have some really nice details to them. The little metal add-ons elevate the design nicely, and the shaped lace that dips at the back is really sexy. They have great muff and tummy coverage (two of Mrs Chimp’s must haves), and they have nice long straps on the suspenders - which makes getting stockings on really easy. They’re also removable too if you’re not in a stocking mood. They’re not crotchless though, and we rarely like moving pants to the side as it often chafes at least one of us, so we didn’t find them as ‘smooth’ in use as some of the crotchless stuff we’ve had previously. Mrs Chimp does prefer the non-crotchless overall though, so it’s swings and roundabouts.

On a practical note, hand washing was easy, and it dried relatively quickly too. Really great product all in. Mrs Chimp just wished the bra felt like a better fit, or that she could buy the pants and bra in separate sizes.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Lovely metallic and lace detailing. Good muff and tummy coverage.

Cons: Bra was a bit gappy.

Bottom Line: Looks great, but do wish bra and pants could be bought separately.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 22 Jan 2021
Cato Rechargeable Pulsating G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator

Climax Button

This is quite a compact size rabbit but it really packs a punch (especially with its ‘go nuts’ climax button). It’s really easy to hold, the design is sleek, and the toy is inviting and not overwhelming.

The controls are simple to use once you familiarise yourself with how the buttons are arranged (though the climax button is easy to hit by accident. Bad thing? Not sure…). The central power button needs a long press to turn off, so no accidental power downs, and as well as the climax button there’s a button for each of the three motors (so you can tweak the settings to just how you like).

It is smaller than a lot of our other rabbits, but this does help out with maneuverability. The flat pulsating head of the shaft fits Mrs Chimp really well when inserted, and almost guides itself into just the right position, but when it’s there the rabbit ears are unfortunately nowhere near the right spot. Rabbits are notoriously tricky to match perfectly to everyone’s anatomy though, so this isn’t entirely unexpected. The rabbit head is quite stiff, so there’s no flexibility to adapt position that way, but the vibrations on the rabbit head travel well and give enough power to tackle the job (even if you’re using the back of the bunny). However, because of its smaller stature, it can be maneuvered around very easily so you can slide it up, down and around to make sure your completely covered. And it feels great with a bit of movement, so that actually ended up working in its favour (for Mrs Chimp at least)

The pulsator has a deep rumbling sensation to it even on the lowest settings, and it gives off some great sensations. The vibrations don’t feel as powerful without the pulsator, so without it I’d say it’s quite a medium toy vibration-wise. Mrs Chimp couldn’t feel it ‘pulsating’ as such, just the deep rumbles, but she could tell the difference when it wasn’t on. She really enjoyed the sensations, but the next day when she went to use it again she was a bit sensitive, so it may be possible to over-do it.

The climax button is a great touch. When you’re getting really heated (or just ‘by accident’) press the one button and it turns everything up to max power, and it’s pretty intense. I had a lot of fun with that (and I think Mrs Chimp did too).

It’s not too noisy, and sounds well-muffled under our winter duvet. It’s also easy to clean, though we would have liked a storage bag. The battery lasted a pretty decent amount of time, though the higher you have all the motors going the more power it will guzzle.

All in all, a really fun toy, even though it didn’t fit Mrs Chimp perfectly. She still really enjoyed using it, and will definitely use it again.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: Pulsation function was the main draw, but absolutely loved the ‘go nuts’ button.

Cons: No storage bag

Bottom Line: Lots of fun. Rumbly and sleek.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 03 Mar 2021
Lora DiCarlo Carezza Rechargeable Tapping Clitoral Stimulator

Tappity Tap-Tap

We can’t turn down unusual toys. If we see it, we want it. And so this one, with its tappity-tapping, had to be had.

It’s a really interesting toy, and one we’ve not experienced anything like before. Mrs Chimp is still on the fence on whether she likes her clit tapped or not, but new sensations like these can take some time to become accustomed to. She has used this toy all the way to orgasm (with a little extra help from a glass dildo), so there’s definitely something to it.

First impressions:

It’s a great shape that feels good in your hand, and it feels well-made too. Mrs Chimp really liked the grey colour as she doesn’t have many of those in her collection. The storage bag is a nice one too, it’s yellow and very Scandi and modern looking.

The toy itself is incredibly simple to use. There’s a big power button out of the way on the back, and the up and down buttons on the bottom, and that’s everything. The power button also resets the intensity to 1 if you give it a quick press after you’ve cranked it up, which is pretty useful. It has a big range of intensities too, going from a slow tap-tap, to a ‘bat out of hell’ flurry of speed right at the top.

It is a mechanical toy, rather than a traditional vibrator, so the sound can be a bit off putting. For anyone that hasn’t used a more mechanical toy before (think stroking or thrusting, etc) they can be a bit whirry, and this can take some getting used to as it’s not normally a sound associated with sexy time.

It has a magnetic charger, and I know some people find these fiddly, but I don’t have any issues with them. I popped this one onto the connectors, left the toy in its storage bag, and it stayed there for as long as I needed.

In use:

The lowest settings with the intermittent tapping really aren’t for Mrs Chimp. She was rather bored by the slow tap, but when she got about half way through the intensities it got fast enough to tickle her tuppence. It does still feel very much like someone is tapping your clit while on the medium intensities, but if you go up to super fast it starts to lose some of that unique feeling and it blurs into more of a regular, rumbly, vibration feeling. However, on high it is very loud (like you’d put a load of mini towels in a tiny washing machine), so if these are the only settings you end up enjoying then you may get a similar, and much quieter, experience with a traditional rumbly vibe. So, the higher up the levels you go the less it feels like tapping, and it gets progressively louder too.

You can direct the ‘tapper’ with some intent, but not enough to be able to class it as precise. It feels good to move it around though, so you don’t have to keep it in one place to get something from it. It’s also really easy to clean too, and the battery has lasted a decent amount of time so far (we don’t use it super high though, so I’m sure that helps).

We’re still exploring the possibilities of adding a new sensation to the mix, but initial results seem promising. So if you’re interested to find out whether you like a good clit-tapping then I think this may be the toy for you.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: Interesting sensation, nice design and colour.

Cons: Really loud, and the sensation won’t be for everyone.

Bottom Line: Good toy, well made, but really loud. An unusual sensation, but not necessarily a ‘must have’.

(Update: Mrs Chimp is still not enthused with clit-tapping )

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 15 Mar 2021
Lovehoney Jewel Satin White Cami Set

Shorts too small

Mrs Chimp is a size 14/36B, 5’ 6" with a 32" waist and 39" hips.

(This one is by Mrs Chimp:)

This is a lovely shorty set. The material has a really nice weight to it, and the stitching looks qood quality too. The satin isn’t shiny as such, but has a lovely matte sheen to it, and it feels really soft and luxurious against my skin. It has a really attractive deep V neck to the top, offset with a wide delicate lace. The back straps look thin, but they’re sturdy, and also adjustable. I really like the halter neck style, and find it really flattering. The top has a great length to it, and has a bit of an A-line shape, which skims over my tummy and hips.

The shorts are really short, but have that lovely lace detail around the legs. Unfortunately there wasn’t much give in the waist, and although the top was a perfect fit the shorts were way too tight. I measured them stretched out and they have a maximum stretch of 41 inches to the waist, which you may think isn’t a big deal, but if you’ve got a bit of a pearshape like me you’re going to struggle to pull them up past your bum and hips.

Great looking set, and the top is lovely. It’s easy to hand wash, and quick to dry. It just needs more fabric and elastication to the shorts.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: Material feels nice, and the matte sheen looks classy.

Cons: Shorts are too small.

Bottom Line: Nice set, though let down by the sizing of the shorts.

[Ian_Chimp]

I think that’s me for now. Seems I lost about 18 out of 56 in all. I’ll have a root around for more back-ups.

As I’m the author of the topic, it’s let me bazz a boatload in in a row, but other people may be limited to just 3 before they need someone else to post. I’ll try and keep an eye on it and provide a little ‘break post’ if needed.

[Peitho]

by @Peitho , 16th Oct 2020
Bondage Boutique Double Metal Bondage Clip

Review for the Equine Requirements

Now, full disclosure, I did not buy this for my own personal use… I bought this for my horse. My partner and I have a pretty good collection of bondage gear and it’s been put through it’s paces but it’s mostly from Lovehoney, it’s high quality and none of the clips are in need of replacing.

My horse, however, is not the most careful with his rugs and the top clip across the chest had broken on his most beloved wardrobe favourite. I saw this clip and thought that it might be just the thing; it was also on offer at the time so definitely worth a punt.

When it arrived, it seemed pretty robust. The total length from end to end is 10cm, which as it turns out, is perfect for my equine’s needs. There is no stiffness or catching in the mechanism and it seems well made and sturdy. One of the other reviews mentions that it’s possible to reach the clip to escape from cuffs. Luckily, with him not possessing fingers or thumbs this is not a problem we have to combat.

My horse has been using this 24/7 (excluding exercise time) for the last couple of weeks. The clip has been put through it’s paces and has survived rolling, rubbing, wriggling, mud baths and flat out hooning around the field with his mates and is still going strong. Full marks Bondage Boutique - A sturdy product!

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Seems up to the sizeable job required.

Cons: Nothing.

Bottom Line: Sturdy enough to keep 17 hands of rampaging equine securely clothed.

Added to review: Photo of clip still going strong after continuous use for 6 months here

[Peitho]

by @Peitho , 22th July 2020
Mantric Rechargeable Rabbit Vibrator

Perfection thy name is Mantric Rechargeable Rabbit

Amazing!!! Bought on offer but actually great value and well worth the full asking price.

The mantric toys come in lovely simple brown boxes that don’t in any way scream sex toy at you and while most of my smaller toys have little bags that they live in I have kept the box for this so I can keep the charger cable with it separated by the foam padding. I like the box very much.

Charging is simple, plug it in and it lights up flashing to tell you it is charging and changes to a constant glow when fully charged which is a very helpful feature. It also holds it’s charge well giving you a few separate sessions before needing to plug in again.

This is my favourite go to vibrator for a bit of solo time of everything in our collection. I actually purchased this two years ago after getting the mantric G-spot vibrator on a deal of the day offer earlier and being so impressed that I then had to get this too.

The silicone is so soft and velvet smooth and there is bend and flexibility with resistance along both arms up until the firm but still silicone softened heads. The shaft is also wide enough and curved to give perfect placement G-spot stimulation. Both heads have very effective strong but not buzzy vibrations. For me personally the middle strength, constant vibration is the winner and always my go to for a fast guaranteed orgasm but there are plenty of others to choose from.

It is a beautiful toy to both touch and look at, frankly you could leave it on your mantel piece and most people would think it’s a piece of modern art! The different lights correspond to different strengths and patterns so it is also very sensual both colour and shape wise, red is the lightest constant vibration, blue the middle strength, green the strongest and additional colours exist for the patterns. It has the advantage that some of the patterns also have throbbing on one arm and constant or wave patterns on the other do you can have a different G-spot stimulation compared to clitoral if you wish.

In use, it is light but very robust and completely waterproof. I think it is the flexibility in the arms of this rabbit that make it feel more like a real partner, a feeling that you can grind into it and really hit the right spots while keeping the hand holding it still that make this the top choice out many other dildos, vibrators and rabbits for me. The G-spot and clitoral stimulation points are also perfect and for me the clean round head of the clitoral arm beats buzzy rabbit ears any day.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Styling, firm flexibility, deep vibrations, packaging, everything!

Cons: Absolutely nothing.

Bottom Line: The paragon of my entire collection.