My Reviews

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp,
12 Function Rechargeable Pressure Sensitive Mini Tongue Vibrator (Squeezy Blue Tongue)

Squeezy Peezy

The features on this toy are a little hard to describe as they’re not the norm, so bear with me.

The basics - it’s got 12 patterns (only one constant, but we’ll come back to that in a minute), it’s a firm silicone with a little bit of squidge to it so not too hard, the tip of the tongue is 3" in circumference and has 1.5" of insertable length, it says it charges in 2 hours, lasts for an hour on high and 1.5 hours on low (all of which stacks up with my experience so far). It’s also submersible, but our bathroom does not lend itself well to such shenanigans so I only know that from the box. It’s a very rumbly little toy, and when the higher power is activated it has got a bit of a growl to it. It’s not the quietest of toys, but it’s certainly no chainsaw. It’s also got a little push pin on the base to reinflate the bulb if you need it.

The features - the most obvious one is the pressure sensitive bulb. Put simply, it’s great. Give it a little squeeze and it’ll add a little extra power, or go all-out and give a big squeeze and it’ll really ramp up that motor to almost unbearable levels. Having the ability to control the intensity on a whim is a fantastic feature, and allows you to really tailor the experience much more than scrolling through pre-set patterns. This is why it only needs one ‘constant’ setting as you can use the bulb to increase the intensity to whatever you fancy at any given time.

The other 11 patterns are really varied too, and 11 is a lot of patterns, especially as you can squeeze the bulb any time you like and mix it up that way. No two times will ever be the same with such free-range controls. Sometimes it’s difficult to time the squeezes along with the highs and lows of the patterns, but it does add an element of randomness and surprise no matter when you press it.

It has three buttons, one to turn it on, one to scroll through the patterns, and a ‘lock’ button. I initially thought this was a travel lock but it is not. It’s actually another feature that allows you to squeeze the bulb to just the right intensity and then locks it at that level. This can also be used in addition to patterns, so even more scope for variety.

Another thing I overlooked at first is that you don’t need to press the pattern button at all. Simply switch it on and if you squeeze the bulb it’ll start running the motor with no need to set a pattern. You can use this manually for some ‘choose-your-own-adventure’ play, or use it with the lock feature to keep it at a particular intensity and it’ll pulsate around that level until you switch on a pattern, or switch off the lock. Absolutely genius.

We found that the best way to hold it your us was with the tongue facing upwards to angle it against the clitoris, and this gave some really good, broad coverage. Mrs Chimp wasn’t sure if that was from the surface of the toy itself or from the strong travel-through vibrations, but either way she was very happy with it.

It’s also small enough to use with another toy or during PIV sex for double stimulation.

I have had so much fun with this already, and I cannot see myself getting bored of it any time soon. And I’m pretty sure Mrs Chimp feels the same too.

(Missing Review: back up copy)

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp,
INYA Rechargeable Extra Powerful Ribbed Rabbit Vibrator

Pucker Up Buttercup

We really liked the look of the ribbed texture of the INYA Ripple as well as the ‘puckered lips’ style rabbit ears/antenna, and having ‘extra powerful’ in the title certainly helped seal the deal.

It’s a little slimmer than Mrs Chimp is used to, but there’s quite a bit of lateral movement to the shaft when it starts vibrating so it covers a much wider area than you’d think. It’s very firm at the bulbous end of the shaft too so you can really feel the ribbing. It does get a lot more flexible towards the handle, so adjusting the ‘fit’ of where you want the rabbit section to be is quite manageable.

I know all rabbits don’t fit everybody equally, but Mrs Chimp found the antenna coming off the ribbed bullet rabbit section a great shape to glide up and under her hood. And adding a swirling wrist action rather than a typical thrust gave her some great clitoral coverage.

The bullet the antenna is attached to is also a nice firm, ribbed texture and vibrates well, but I think because the antenna worked so well the bullet wasn’t in the best position for greatest effect. Depending on anatomy it’s possible to move it up a bit, ignore the antenna, and just have the bullet as the clitoral stimulation.

It’s nice and powerful too, very rumbly. Noise-wise I think I’d class it as ‘low-medium’, but it was easily drowned out by our dehumidifier (which I realise isn’t everyone’s idea of ‘boudoir romantic’).

I was a little confused by the buttons initially as there’s only two, one with a power symbol and one with a wave pattern. It turned out that once it’s turned on the power button is then used to scroll though the rabbit settings and the wave button controls the shaft.

The patterns are good and varied (3 constant, the rest mixed) and appear to be the same for both the ears and the shaft - though as they’re operated independently you can mix and match.

It also has a coloured light on the bottom that seems to indicate what pattern/setting the shaft is on. As you can control the ears and shaft separately the colour doesn’t seem to factor in what pattern/setting the ears are on, so perhaps it’s meant to visually help you know what the bit you can’t see is up to at any given button press.

It doesn’t say how long it takes to charge, nor how long it runs for, but I plugged it in for a couple of hours and the indicator light had stopped flashing when I went to fetch it, so at least it’s not complete guesswork. It’s lasted a couple of sessions on the one charge, which is pretty good. I rarely leave our toys to run completely down as I like to be prepared, so as long as it doesn’t run out halfway through the first session then I’m happy.

We do like the more unusual toys and are often let down by them not living up to the advertising/our over-excited expectations, but this has been one of the success stories. Great texture, fun patterns, strong vibrations, and that antenna is excellent. We’re very pleased with it.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: The ribbing, the power, and the ‘puckered lips’ antenna

Cons: We wouldn’t mind trying a fatter one, mainly out of curiousity

Bottom Line: An unusual shape that adds something different to our rabbit collection

(Missing Review: back-up copy)

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp,
Lovehoney Tongue Tickler 7 Function Finger Vibrator

Needs More Power

We’ve never tried a finger vibrator before but we were impressed with how sleek this one looks compared to a lot of the others. The silicone is a vibrant matt pink and very smooth, while the tongue itself has a firm, bobbled texture on the underside. It has a nice mix of patterns for a toy this size (2 constant, 5 variable) and is also waterproof. The finger loop is also very stretchy and seems pretty strong. I actually managed to get a couple of fingers in at the same time to test it out, and while it wasn’t exactly comfortable it didn’t rip apart, so that’s a plus.

When I was the one wearing it to use on Mrs Chimp I found it an incredibly intimate toy. I could slide my own vibrator-clad finger up and around her clitoris and then the textured tongue would follow up behind it creating a really nice double caressing sensation. It has a wide surface area as well so it is was easy not to miss any of the important bits.

It’s very flexible so you can’t easily press down to add more pressure without using a second hand, but if it’s held too tightly it doesn’t let the tongue vibrate as much so we found it best (and easier) to leave it to it. When I turned it on and held it in my hand I could see the tip of the tongue moving quite a bit, but this didn’t seem to translate well when it was in physical contact with something. Unfortunately it looked like it was going to be more powerful than it actually turned out to be.

I tried all the patterns, holding both lightly and firmly, as well using it when Mrs Chimp was aroused/even more aroused and sadly it just wasn’t enough to get close to an orgasm. It was pleasant, but I really wish I could’ve cranked it up a couple of notches. Even when we used it on our nipples it wasn’t a ‘must-have’. It was nice but not arousing.

I wouldn’t say that Mrs Chimp is a power-queen but we do normally use the regular sized toys, so perhaps this was never going to be a toy for us. It’s a shame as I really liked the extra intimacy that this design provided.

Pros: Looks nice, very intimate, good selection of patterns, and is comfortable to wear.

Cons: Not powerful enough.

Bottom Line: It’s got everything going for it, apart from the power.

(Missing Review: back-up copy)

Linked Review: Lovehoney Gee Whizz

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp,
Lovehoney Black and Purple Stripe Stockings with Bows

Hocus Pocus

First off, Mrs Chimp is 5’ 6", size 14, with a 30" inner leg and 23" circumference thighs.

Whether you’re buying these as part of a costume or to add an extra bit of fun to a lingerie set these stockings certainly look the part. Their stripes are decently spaced and a mix of a bright, fun shade of purple, and a good, opaque black. The bows on the front (or back, depending on how you choose to wear them) are a nice size, and are stitched on quite securely.

Unfortunately, size-wise they aren’t the best fit for Mrs Chimp. They’re an inch or so shorter than the Lovehoney ones we’ve had before, and they’re quite pinchy tight around the thighs.

The stripes aren’t as crisp as we’d like, but I think having to stretch them that bit further made this more noticeable. They were also quite difficult to attach to the suspenders, but again I think this was down to them being on the small side. The top band is a little thicker than some others but clipping the suspenders on when they weren’t being worn was really easy, so if they were a better fit I think they’d attach just fine.

We normally buy the base-size stockings, but maybe this time we should have gone with the plus-size.

(Missing Review: back-up copy)

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 14 Jan 2019
Womanizer Premium Smart Silence Clitoral Stimulator Black

Premium versus Classic

There’s already a lot of really fantastic and in-depth reviews on here detailing what’s in the box and what does what so I thought I’d concentrate on some of the special features that make the Premium premium. We’re in the rather special position of having tried both the Premium and the Classic so if you’re mulling over whether or not to spend the extra money on the Premium version let me chuck in my two-pence worth.

Firstly I will say that we loved our Classic so there really isn’t a bad choice. The core functions and feeling are the same and both are ergonomic and comfortable to hold so both will do the job just fine, but we did wonder if we’d missed out by not getting the Premium in the first place. So, let’s see what the extra £50 gets you…

I’d say the top extra is the Smart Silence function. It’s a really clever addition that uses a little sensor under the nozzle to detect whether it’s in contact with skin or not and only starts chugging away if it can tell you’re there. The suction style toys work in a different way than traditional vibrators and so the noise they make is quite different too, and though they’re often touted as being quieter than your average vibe they can still make quite a bit of noise when not in direct contact. When the Classic is properly in place it makes a soft ‘puttering’ sound that gets a bit louder on the higher settings, but when it’s just being held in a hand before/after/between use it can be quite loud and a little disconcerting if you’re trying to be stealth. With the Smart Silence feature of the Premium the unit only springs into life when it’s in place so it cuts out all of that unnecessary loudness and it really makes a difference. It even helps reduce the ‘slurping’ noise that can happen when the nozzle of the other models isn’t quite in the right place. This feature really is as fantastic as it sounds.

The next best extra in our opinion is the Autopilot. Mrs Chimp does not have the willpower to stop herself from turning it up so will often finish a lot sooner than she perhaps intended. With the Autopilot engaged it allows her to start gentle and prolong the fun for a much longer period, which she says gives her a much more satisfying experience. It took a little trial and error to ‘tune’ it to her preferred pattern but once she’d cracked it it opened up the toy for a whole new style of play. There are still times when she wants a quick fix so will use it without, but the option is always there for when she wants a more leisurely play time.

The Premium also has a wider range of intensities than the Classic. The Classic has a decent 8 power settings, but the Premium has 12 - and they’ve not just tagged 4 extra-powerful options on at the top end. The highest setting is more powerful than the Classic’s but the Premium also has a few more gentle ones at the bottom end too, which come in especially handy when using the Autopilot function. As I alluded to earlier, Mrs Chimp can often be finished before she’s even realised she’s started with this type of toy so anything that can extend the fun is a plus for us. And more range at the lower end is perfect as the super high levels can be a little over-powering. In fact even the lower settings can be deceptively strong.

There are also a few smaller additions that are both nice and useful. The Premium is slightly larger than the Classic which we find a bit more comfortable to hold, as well as easier to use ‘hands-free’. And there’s a battery level indicator which I love and wish all toys would include (it’s a simple strip of 3 lights on the handle end which double up as the strength indicators on Autopilot). The Premium is also silicone all over whereas the Classic has a plastic casing, so the Premium does feel a bit more swish and tactile.

The one minor point I would say that works in the Classic’s favour is that the buttons on the black Premium are a little hard to pick out in the dark. It’s only a minor quibble as they’re very well laid out and you’d soon be able to find them solely by touch, so it’s by no means a true flaw.

There’s nothing the Classic has that the Premium doesn’t, so it’s all comes down to the optional extras. Personally, if it is a choice between the Classic or the Premium, I think that the extra features are worth paying that extra bit of money for.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Smart Silence, Autopilot, extra lower and higher intensities, and the battery indicator.

Cons: Nothing. Love it.

Bottom Line: The extra features make this a really swish, versatile toy.

Linked Review: Womanizer Classic

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp,
Lovehoney Gee Whizz 7 Function G-Spot Finger Vibrator

Bought it for the Sleeve

Having tried the Tongue Tickler finger vibrator from the same range I already knew when I bought this that the bullet it comes with is underpowered, but this wasn’t an issue for us as I wanted it specifically to repurpose its silicone sleeve as another unofficial attachment for our We-Vibe Tango. At full price this would have been a bit of a decadent purchase just to chop it up for parts but I managed to get it for a knockdown price in the sale so it was more than reasonable.

This is an unusual review as it’s more about how I’ve used the sleeve along with the Tango rather than this toy in its own right, but I’m hoping it’ll still be useful to somebody.

The Tango is longer than the bullet that it comes with so it does stick out the back, but it’s not too ridiculous. The finger loop for this one is on top of the sleeve so if you have smaller hands/shorter fingers you may find that it sits too close to your palm if you have your finger in the loop, but I tend to ignore the loop and just hold it by the body. I also found holding it this way made it a lot easier to manoeuvre and get the placement right, though it does make it less of a finger vibrator and more of a regular bullet.

Mrs Chimp has always found the Tango’s plastic skin too unforgiving on her delicate areas so having a softer silicone cover is great for us. This particular sleeve has the slightly studded texture on the bulb end which is a nice change. We did find that it felt more pronounced with a bit of gentle movement as you don’t really get to feel the studs if it’s left in place.

I’m fairness out of the two we did prefer the Tongue Tickler sleeve of the other one as its flickering tongue action was brilliant when amped up by the Tango, but this one is still pretty good and it’s nice to have the variety.

Unfortunately, judging the toy by itself, it’s not brilliant, but with a jolt of extra power these finger vibrators really come into their own.

Pros: That is possible to use the silicone sleeve on our other (stronger) bullet vibrators

Cons: The bullet it comes with is rather ineffective

Bottom Line: While the toy is weak the sleeve is a great add-on to our Tango.

(Missing Review: back-up copy)

Linked Review: Lovehoney Tongue Tickler

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp,
California Dreaming San Francisco Sweetheart Rechargeable Stroking Rabbit Vibrator

Hello, Sweetheart

Before I get into the review proper I’ll mention that the self-healing silicone charging port is incredibly subtle on this toy, so if you’re flicking through the reviews tearing your hair out looking for how to charge the bloody thing you simply slide the charger jack into the little pinprick indentation underneath ‘Calexotics’ on the back of the handle and you’re ready to hook it up to a USB port.

It also comes with the travel lock activated so if you’ve skipped that bit in the instructions you need to hold the top button down for 3 seconds and you’ll then be able to use the other two buttons as normal (the button lights do flash briefly to let you know the lock has been activated/deactivated but they’re not the brightest so you may not notice them).

Anyhoo, to the review…

We’re big fans of toys with extra gadgets and features that provide something a little different to the usual vibrator experience so we were very excited to get our hands on this colourful little chap. Not only does it have the stroking motion at the tip of the shaft but the rabbit section itself is also a flickering tongue style rather than the traditional double ears or bulb shape that are common to most rabbits.

The Basics -

I really like the look of this vibrator. It’s very bright without being neon and the metallic-style detailing is also a nice touch that makes it look a bit swisher than it would without it. The silicone feels as smooth as it looks and it doesn’t seem to have any drag to it either. It boasts an impressive 2.5 hours battery life on low speed from a single 2.5 hour charge, though this reduces to 45 minutes run-time on high speed (which is still plenty for us). It’s also waterproof, has a memory chip, and a travel lock too which are all useful functions but not ones we actually use that much.

The Features -

The rabbit section has 3 constant speeds plus 7 quite varied patterns, and there’s also 3 speeds for the come-hither tip (though no vibrations). These two sections are independently controlled using the middle and bottom buttons, with the top button being a kill switch that turns off both features instantly (as well as being the travel lock button as mentioned above). If you want to stop just one feature then you can hold that particular button down for 3 seconds to turn it off, though it’s much easier to use the kill switch and simply turn the one you want back on again as the memory function will remember what setting you were on.

It isn’t a particularly noisy toy either, easily muffled by a duvet and a closed door, though the come-hither motion does sound a tad mechanical as these type of gadget add-ons often do. It’s not loud but if you’ve not used this kind of alternative function before the whirring sound may catch you by surprise.

The rabbit has quite a kick to it. Mrs Chimp loved the flicker action but position is everything as it can get a little much if it’s cranked up high and catches you in the wrong place. The stroking speeds are at good increments and the come-hither movement itself is a decent size (about 2 inches of the tip) so it gives quite a pronounced sensation.

Position –

As with all rabbits position is key and Mrs Chimp loved this toy when it was positioned right for her. She found having the stroking tip only just inside gave her the most stimulation from that section, and luckily this also put the rabbit in about the right place too. The added bonus from this placement was a nice rocking motion of the rabbit against her clit, so in effect the whole toy was being used to stroke rather than just the insertable portion. However, whenever she gets excited she feels the urge to have more of the shaft too and that’s when it doesn’t fit her quite as well. Her main gripe with it was that the rabbit section isn’t as flexible in use as it first appears so if she wants it in further there’s an element of hand gymnastics and strong thumbs to move the rabbit around otherwise she finds it can get a bit pinchy.

We do love a good gadget, and this one has a lot going for it, but it’s perhaps not for a beginner. For the discerning rabbit collector I think this toy has some really good features.

Pros: Loved the flickering tongue and stroking tip when in the right position

Cons: Not a perfect fit. Wished it could have been a little more flexible.

Bottom Line: Perhaps not one for a beginner, but if it fits it’s great.

(Missing Review: back-up copy)

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp,
Lovehoney Late Night Liaison Wine Lace Babydoll Set

Sultry and Elegant

Mrs Chimp is a size 14/36B, 5’ 6" with a 32-inch waist and 39-inch hips, and this babydoll fit her beautifully. As it’s a one-size item it has two adjustable straps at the back which make it really easy to shorten or lengthen as required, and the elasticated band at the bottom of the lacework is also really stretchy and comfortable. On Mrs Chimp it sits quite high on her thigh which makes for a very flirty hemline without looking noticeably short.

She did find putting it on a little confusing the first few times with the extra neck straps (comparing it to a cat’s cradle at one point), but this was more amusing than frustrating. The deep V of the neckline is more than worth the minor hassle as it not only draws attention to her breasts but also accentuates the length of her neck, making for a very elegant look.

The lacework also looks lovely and it’s very soft, and continuing the lace under the bust gives it a nice longline-bra look that makes it stand out from other babydolls we’ve purchased in the past. She didn’t feel the bust was that supportive but I couldn’t tell by looking at it so it didn’t ruin the look for us at all.

And the colour is fantastic. The deep wine shade looks very sultry and provocative. Some babydolls can be quite cutesy but I thought this one looked very sophisticated and wouldn’t look out of place if Mrs Chimp was either the ‘ravisher’ or the ‘ravishee’.

Normally when we buy these sets the pants are a write-off but we were pleasantly surprised that these ones not only fit but were quite comfortable too. They’re a little low riding but they still cover up plenty, and as they’re crotchless they can be kept on throughout. They aren’t as comfy as the babydoll itself though so you might not want to keep them on all night.

I hand-wash all our lingerie with the ‘baby shampoo and pat dry’ technique which sounds more work than it is but it’s actually really easy, especially with babydolls like this one. It’s very quick to wash and drys really fast too.

This is a very comfortable piece of lingerie that looks both elegant and sultry.

(Missing Review: back-up copy)

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 09 Jun 2019
Desire Luxury Rechargeable G-Kiss G-Spot and Clitoral Vibrator

A little kiss and miss

We were drawn to this vibrator as we love toys with an unusual shape and we thought the dual stimulation/butterfly wings combo would be a lot of fun. We’ve tried quite a few rabbits in the past and the different clitoral stimulation offered by the wings of this toy was very intriguing.

Firstly I should mention that when we first opened it we did notice that everything in the case had an unusual factory smell that we’ve not experienced with any of our other silicone toys before which was a little off-putting, but airing it out overnight worked a treat so it wasn’t a significant problem in the end (I’ve still not pinpointed the exact culprit but I think it might have been the print of the instruction book fugging up the case).

For anyone that’s already tried a Desire toy before there won’t be too many surprises as this one comes in the signature Desire purple with a smooth but firm silicone skin, as well as its very own soft storage pouch (which you can leave the toy in to charge discreetly). It fits in really well with the rest of the range and the unusual shape also adds something special that’s not already covered by the other Desire styles we’ve tried.

It has 3 buttons for ease of use; a + and - to increase and decrease the intensity, and a centre button for changing between the modes. From a 100 minute charge you get a pretty decent 40 minutes run-time on low (which does decrease if you crank it up, but still more than enough for us).

Noise-wise it’s quite discreet, though if you have the internal on one pattern and the external on another the asymmetry can make it seem louder but it’s still easily muffled by a duvet and a closed door.

The dual motors do operate independently but you can’t control them independently so you have to rely on the pre-set combination modes. Mode 1 being the constant setting for both motors, and mode 2 and 3 being one motor without the other. The other 5 modes are a mix of the other patterns (a selection of 6 in total, including constant). As there’s only 5 pattern mode combinations you may find that you can’t get your favourite internal one combined with your favourite external one but I think they’ve picked a good mix to choose from so there’s a bit of something for everybody.

As there’s 12 intensities there’s quite a bit of variation to tailor the power to suit, but once again you have to increase the intensity for both motors simultaneously so you can’t have the internal on slow throbbing and the external on super-intense. It still works really well I just think that I may be a control freak who would love to fiddle about with all the different permutations, but I appreciate that having the pre-sets makes it much more user-friendly for the average Joe.

The vibrations are very good but I’d say that they’re not the most powerful/rumbliest we’ve experienced. They’re in line with the majority of the other Desire toys we’ve tried (apart from the bullet which is significantly more rumbly and powerful). Mrs Chimp likes that they’re a notch down from the super-powerful ones as this gives her a more leisurely and lengthy build up without being numbing.

Personal anatomy is key to most dual stimulation toys and we did find with this one that when Mrs Chimp had it just where she wanted it internally it left the butterfly wings quite far away from her clitoris. There isn’t any flexibility in the clitoral arm itself to move the wings any closer manually but you can adjust how you hold it/position it to get a fair approximation of a good fit. I think with a little more experimentation she could get it closer still, but so far the perfect position has eluded her.

Rocking it and sliding it in and up also seems to work well. The accidentally amazing thing about it for Mrs Chimp is that if she gets the internal arm perfectly positioned there’s enough space to use her Lelo Sona as well so she gets triple stimulation as the butterfly wings flutter against all the bits inbetween. This works extremely well when used with one of the asymmetrical pattern modes as there’s a lot going on down there which I think blew her mind a little bit. Add in a little bit of nipple play too and she didn’t know if she was coming or going. No, that’s not quite right, she definitely knew she was coming…

It’s a solid addition to the Desire stable, and we’ve had a lot of fun exploring how best to use it for us, though I admit we did think it would be easier to use straight out of the box.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: The fluttery wings and the range of intensities. Easy to use.

Cons: Not quite the perfect shape for us, would have preferred more control over the settings.

Bottom Line: Solid addition to the Desire range.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 05 Jul 2019
Mantric Rechargeable Rabbit Ears Clitoral Vibrator

Ear We Go

Mrs Chimp has a real soft spot for the Mantric brand, as their toys have a frequency and feel that she really enjoys. She was genuinely excited to see that they’d brought out a rabbit-ears style one as so often a traditional rabbit with the shaft can be a bit tricky to get everything just where you want it to be. With one that’s just the ears you can get all the nice sensations of the bouncy, two-pronged shape without having to readjust it every couple of minutes because the shaft has pulled you off target. This one also has an extra little nose nubbin too, but I’ll go into a bit more detail about that later.

For anyone who has yet to try a Mantric toy they have a smooth but firm silicone skin, they’re rechargeable and waterproof, they’re an understated muted red colour, they’re deliciously rumbly, and they’re (mostly) very quiet and discreet. They generally have 3 speeds and a selection of patterns (this one has 3 speeds and 4 patterns). Patterns aren’t normally Mrs Chimp’s cup of cha so she often sticks to the constant speeds, but she’s grown very fond of the ‘accelerating pulse’ mode and will often have a bazz on that before flipping back to a constant to finish.

The unique elements of this particular toy are the rabbit ears. I wasn’t sure before we got it how firm/stiff the ears would be but was pleased to discover that they’re very squidgy and flexible. There’s still a bit of firmness to them, so they don’t lollop around every which way, which is good as some of the softer ears on our other toys can get a bit tickly, and you lose some of the power. There’s also the little nubbin nose that I mentioned earlier, which is a great addition as it means you can either have the ears thrumming away or you can move it down a bit and have more direct stimulation from the nose.

It’s a little bigger than I first imagined, more hand-sized than bullet-sized, but this made it easier to hold. It is a little top-heavy so you do feel the weight of it more the longer you hold it.

There are some differences from the previous Mantric toys as it has no LED light panel (which will please some people as it’s been a bit of a marmite issue. Though we always found it quite fun), there’s no travel lock, and it has a minor change to a two button set-up rather than a single one (one button turns it on/off, and the other cycles through the speeds and patterns). Having a separate button for the power is good as there’s less chance of turning it off when you’re trying to change the setting. With 7 speeds and patterns having one button to cycle though them is not arduous in the slightest. And there’s no memory function either, so it will start on the lowest speed every time you switch it off and on again.

It’s very easy to use, and it’s incredibly quiet too. It’s great to use during sex as it’s small and maneuverable, but it’s also fantastic to use as part of a two-toy combo. That way you can use another favourite internal vibrator or dildo along with it to create your own deconstructed rabbit and get everything just the way you like it.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: The ears are a good firmness, and the power travels to them well.

Cons: A little top-heavy.

Bottom Line: Great addition to the Mantric range. Loved the possibilities of having just the rabbit ears.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 08 Jul 2019
Happy Rabbit LOVE Medium Silicone Zip Storage Case

I’m on the Case

I’m always on the lookout for new storage ideas for our ever-growing toy collection and so I was pleased to see another option to try. I’ve never had a silicone storage case before and I was a little unsure if I could store a silicone toy in it without using a separate satin toy bag, but Customer Care assured me that I could. So I have, and there’s been no adverse effects so far.

The bag itself is wipe-clean inside and out, and has a nice chunky zip with the potential to slip a padlock through to keep its contents private should you wish. It doesn’t come with a padlock but I’ve tried it with both the Lovehoney heart-shaped combination lock and the small Bondage Boutique one and they both work fine.

I did have a small brainfart at first when I didn’t overlap the two zips to create only one hole to slip the padlock through, but rather slipped the lock up through one and down through the other (which left a big gaping hole in the zip where you could clearly see everything inside). No worries though, I eventually remembered how it was supposed to work and, magically, it was just as secure and private as it should be.

It does have ‘Love, Love, Love’ embossed on the side, which doesn’t scream ‘sex toy case’, but it does make it look a bit more feminine. Mrs Chimp said she thought it looks like a regular makeup bag and wouldn’t look out of place on her dresser at all. Though personally, if I was taking a toy away on holiday, I think I’d prefer a plain black version (black zip, no slogan) so it looked more like a toiletries bag.

Size-wise it’s big enough to fit a Happy Rabbit G-spot toy, or something the size of a Mantric rechargeable wand, as well as a few extras. Though I’ve decided to use it more as a drawer organiser in the long-term to store all our little bullet toys in (in separate bags of course). I’m finding it really handy having a pouch to pop them in rather than have them wandering around loose in the bedside table. It’s made it much easier to find the toy I’m looking for, especially if I’m searching for one in a hurry as a battery died midway through. If I could I’d have a different colour for each of our toy types. I’m not sure if they plan on bringing out more colours, but I’d certainly buy them if they did.

I don’t think I’d go as far as to say I ‘Love, Love, Love’ it, as that seems a bit over the top for a toy case, but it is a really robust and practical storage solution, and quite spacious too.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Robust and spacious, wipe-clean, lockable.

Cons: Not entirely sure about the embossed slogan.

Bottom Line: Practical storage for home, and a discreet travel case if you’re going away.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 01 Aug 2019
Desire Luxury App Controlled Rechargeable Knicker Vibrator

Darling, I think we need to spend some time apart…

The Vibrator:

The vibrator itself is very similar to the Desire knicker vibrator with the handheld remote; it’s got a great battery run-time (2 hour charge for 2 hours play), 8 modes with 12 intensities, it’s waterproof, really easy to clean, and has similar power and patterns to a lot of the other Desire toys. It also comes with a soft storage pouch which is lockable (though doesn’t come with a padlock). It didn’t come with knickers, but using your own is much better as you’ll definitely know they’ll fit.

It’s an attractive looking toy that’s shaped bit like a bike saddle with a raised contour underneath, which is good for directing the power to the right places. It’s very smooth and sleek, and comes in the signature Desire purple, which we find very desirable. It’s also discreet and lightweight and very comfortable to wear. It’s easily held in place with a tight-ish pair of knickers, or a pair of jeans, and is good sitting or standing.

It can actually be used without the app if you’re desperate. You can click through the modes using the single button on the top of the toy, but there’s no way to adjust the intensity of each mode this way. They’re all set to ‘max’ though, so you can get by in a pinch.

Personally we didn’t find it ‘whisper-quiet’. At home or in the bedroom it’s absolutely fine and can easily be muffled by a duvet and a closed door, but if we were going to take it out and about I’d want a decent bit of background noise (more ‘busy pub’ than ‘quiet restaurant’). I could definitely hear Mrs Chimp’s crotch buzzing from a few feet away when we tested it out with the tv on.

The App:

Easy to download and set up. It’s functional and quite intuitive. It’s also got quite a low-key app icon which doesn’t blare out ‘sex toy app’ from your phone screen - and there’s nothing more innocuous than swiping on a smartphone, so controlling it in public would be super discreet. There are two main settings: Solo (local control using Bluetooth) and Partner (distance control using the internet).

Adding a partner is easy; simply type their Desire user name into the ‘Add Partner’ box and it’ll send them an invite to accept. And it’s also designed to have multiple partners, if you’re lucky enough to have more than one person to play with. Once you’re both buddied up you then gain access to the chat function, with video call, audio call, and gallery options - plus the ability to ‘control partner’. I immediately clicked on it and demanded a cup of tea be brought to me, but it turns out it’s to control the toy not the actual partner, so bear that in mind.

There’s also a disconnect button so you can regain control any time you want. The control screen is the same for both solo and partner. It’s a simple screen with a representation of the current pattern in graph form, with arrows left and right to scroll through the modes, and you swipe up and down to increase/decrease the intensity.

The modes aren’t looped so you have to swipe back through them once you reach the end (but the intensity stays the same while flipping between modes). I would have preferred the pattern names or numbers on there somewhere to make it easier to describe which one to select over the chat function (describing, ‘um, the jagged one. With slanted triangles. No. The other one. No. The other other one’ was a bit tricky).

We had no issue with it dropping connection from either local or distance control. It did seem to auto-disconnect if I left my phone on the side for a bit and let the screen go to sleep, but I changed my screen settings and that seemed to sort it out.

It also connected fine while in place too, the jeans didn’t seem to affect it at all, which was really convenient. I’d have like to be able to programme a few patterns and speeds into a sort of playlist, but failing that you can use the Favourites feature as a bit of a workaround. It only seems to allow saving a particular mode at a certain intensity, but if you save a few you can use them as a sort of ‘jump to’ function and mix it up a bit rather than having to skip through the other patterns while scrolling.

In Use:

Vibration-wise it fits in well with the rest of the Desire range. Mrs Chimp wouldn’t mind the vibes to be a little stronger, but she is more of a fan of the Mantric frequencies. It’s a great teasing and warm up toy, which is perfect if she’s in the bedroom and I’m downstairs with the intention of joining her before she’s finished.

Personally I think its main strength is the distance/partner control, which we both thought was a huge amount of fun and are currently thinking about all the new situations we’d like to try it out in.

If you’re looking for a long distance toy with the quality and reliability of a Desire toy then I’d certainly recommend this.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Good connection, great battery, very comfortable.

Cons: Would have liked more customisable options in the app.

Bottom Line: A good first entry into app-controlled toys and long-distance fun.

(We’ve tried a couple of app toys since, and I’d probably knock a star off this now to make space for giving the others the 5/5)

Linked Reviews: We-Vibe Chorus | We-Vibe Gala

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 09 Sep 2019
Lovehoney Beaded Sensual Glass Dildo 5 Inch

Battle of the Beads

We love glass dildos. Mrs Chimp finds the firmness and glide of them a real treat. I think this one takes our total up to 15 now, so you can probably tell we’re a bit glass greedy. Mrs Chimp’s absolute favourite is the curved Lovehoney 8 inch Beaded Glass dildo, so she was thrilled to get this new beaded one to see how it compared.

First off, this one is straight, which makes it a lot easier to use with another toy like a bullet or wand. It is a little shorter than the curved one, but that can be quite good as you get to the thicker bulbs at the handle end ‘quicker’. The tip bulb is a bit on the small side, but after that the bulbs bulk up nicely along the taper. They’re also slightly fatter and more squashed than the ones on the curved one too, which makes for a similar but slightly different feel. Even though it doesn’t have a curve, you can still angle it up (or down, or sideways, et cetera) like other straight dildos to direct it towards any spots of special interest. I think this may make it more of a versatile option than the curved one.

It also has a handle, which is actually really handy. I found it a lot easier to keep hold of while I was in charge of it, especially with slippy hands. And the pale purple colour is a nice change to the transparent ones that are the usual Lovehoney fare. It isn’t as vibrant a purple as I personally would have liked, but it’s quite pleasant. And, like all Lovehoney glass dildos, it came with its own velvety storage pouch to keep it in (and I do love a toy that comes with its own storage bag).

Mrs Chimp thoroughly enjoyed it, but I don’t think it will quite pip the larger curved Lovehoney beaded dildo for us. It has definitely earned itself a spot at the top table though, and we will certainly be using it a lot as its straightness makes it so much easier to use with a wand. Mrs Chimp did say that in an ideal world she’d make it slightly wider at the tip, and a smidge longer, but that’s to make it even better rather than to rescue a poorly shaped toy.

It would be perfect for anyone who doesn’t like curved dildos but still wants the beaded texture, and anyone who finds the 8 inch one simply too lengthy to enjoy the fatter bulbs towards the handle end.

All in all, a great dildo. And it’s different enough from the curved one to not feel like we’ve doubled up. Very happy to add it to our collection.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: Like that it’s straight. Handle very useful. Nice fat bulbs.

Cons: The tip bulb could be bigger, and I’d have liked a more punchy purple.

Bottom Line: Thought it was great. It’s going to get used quite a bit.

(Missing Review: back-up copy)

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 23 Sep 2019
Lovehoney 12 Nights of Seduction One Size Lingerie Gift Box

Six of one, half dozen of the other

I don’t want to give away the whole element of surprise so I won’t itemise the contents in detail, but I will give a few mini-spoilers - so don’t say you’ve not be warned.

I’m not normally one to comment on packaging, but as this is a gift box it’s more important than usual so deserves a mention. The first thing you notice is that it’s a really nice size. You feel like you’re getting a real armful of stuff. which is exactly what you want from a gift calendar. It’s definitely a step or twelve up presentation-wise from the usual plain cellophane envelopes Lovehoney lingerie normally comes in (though they are in there too, tucked away behind each door).

I tried to keep track of what was behind each door so I could say whether or not it was possible to have a door a day, but Mrs Chimp ripped through it like a fox through a bin bag, so that put a crimp in that. I did spot that there were a few smaller items in a few doors, so if you were going to do a door a day some days would be rather more nude than others.

Mrs Chimp is a size 14/36B, 5’ 6 with a 32-inch waist and 39-inch hips and all of the items fit her reasonably well. It’s tough to describe without giving it all away, but as they’re all one-size items there’s a degree of flexibility to everything. Some things were trickier than others (for instance, Mrs Chimp found the strappy knickers confusing), and some things she found fit her better than others, even after tweaking everything she could for a better fit.

(As a sneak-peek overview I will say that there are 5 bodystockings/suits, 1 babydoll, 1 bra and knicker set, 2 pairs of knickers, 2 pairs of stockings, and a set of nipple pasties, all in a mix of red and black.)

If you like bodystockings and figure-hugging underwear there’s a good chance you’ll like this set. Sadly, Mrs Chimp isn’t a fan of that sort of lingerie as it makes her feel a bit self-conscious. There were still a few bits that she enjoyed, but on the whole, it obviously would have been better if she’d have liked more of it.

Overall Rating: 7 out of 10 stars

Pros: The box is a great presentation piece.

Cons: Most of the items weren’t to our taste.

Bottom Line: Good collection if you like figure-hugging, stocking type items.

(Missing Review: back-up copy)

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 18 Oct 2019
Fifty Shades of Grey Relentless Vibrations Remote Bullet Vibrator

Great Remote Control Upgrade Mod

This has proved to be a real boon for our toy-box. Over the course of our Lovehoney-ing we’ve bought quite a few fun extras like silicone cock rings and finger vibrators which have all come with one of those diddy 1 or 3 speed battery bullets that are always woefully under-powered and pretty ineffective. It’s not that the toys are bad as such, they just need a significant power boost to be able to reach their full potential. I normally swop in the We-Vibe Tango, but with this little Relentless beauty I now have a really good remote control option too.

As a stand alone toy it’s pretty good. It’s got 6 speeds, 10 patterns, and it’s waterproof. It’s really light and easy to hold, and has a 45 minute runtime from a 120 minute charge (I actually got pretty close to this using it on the highest constant speed, which was a nice surprise). You do have to unscrew the cap to charge it though, so make sure you don’t lose that. The button on the bullet does need a long hard press to get it going, but after that the remote buttons are light and quick to click, which makes up for it. It also comes with a storage bag too, which is always a big plus in my book.

Frequency-wise it’s pretty rumbly. For comparison I’d say that if the Tango was a 10 then this is a solid 7. It does have a rounded tip, so it lacks the precision of a tapered end, but it’s still incredibly effective. And it’s very quiet as well. Easily muffled by a duvet, closed door, or even your hand. I have found that it feels rumblier if it’s in something, or held quite closely.

The patterns are varied, though I know they’re not everyone’s cup of tea. I quite like pattern 6 on this (if that’s worth anything to anyone). I also like that when you cycle through the patterns it keeps the next one at the chosen intensity, and if you turn it off by the remote it’ll start back at the constant vibration when you click it back on again, but still remembers you had it on high (for instance).

I should say that while the toy itself is rechargeable the remote is still battery operated (one of those coin-sized ones), which is a bit of a shame. However, the remote has a fantastic signal. I’ve tried it from several rooms away, as well as from downstairs, and it’s worked every time. I’ve even buried it under the duvet to see if that would outfox it, but it still worked perfectly. Genuinely impressed. You can use it without the remote, but the patterns are set to the lowest speed with no way of changing them, which isn’t ideal.

Personally I think this is an excellent toy for if you want to modify any under-powered silicone sleeves/toys you have knocking around. Got an interestingly textured cock ring that’s the perfect fit, but it came with a rubbish bullet? Then mod it with this and you’ve now got a remote controlled bad boy primed and ready to rumble. Same with finger vibrators. I’ve even popped it in my Thrust Masturbator too and now I can scroll through the vibe options without having to dig around looking for the power button at crucial moments. It’s a much, much smoother way to do it.

On the whole, it’s just the kind of toy I’ve been looking for. It’s breathed some new life into some toys that really needed a wodge of extra power as well as a remote control function. It’s a big thumbs up from me.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Good rumbles, superb remote signal, really versatile.

Cons: Remote is still battery operated. Long charge time.

Bottom Line: A great way to upgrade some toys to add a remote control function.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 31 Oct 2019
Lovehoney Oh! Fantastic Foreplay Board Game

Game for a Laugh

We really enjoyed this board game. It is quite a gentle one that concentrates more on kissing and massage than anything too risqué, but we had a lot of fun with it. I don’t think we’d realised how efficient we’ve become at sex recently, and it was nice to slow everything down and let the game dictate the pace of our foreplay for a change.

The basic premise is to roll the die and move round the spiral board doing the actions on each square as you go. The number you’ve rolled also counts for how long you perform the action you’ve landed on. The first one to the middle gets to chose a sex-based Winner’s card. Simple. There’s a lot of different elements to this game; extra dice for rolling to decide what body part gets licked/kissed/sucked, some ‘expOH!sed’ cards that are a little like truth without the dare, bonus cards that you save to use outside of the game, and sexy action cards that level up the closer you get to the middle. It’s even got a tickler and a blindfold/restraint included.

Some of the game elements didn’t really add anything for us (like the ‘expOH!sed’ cards, as we pretty much know each other’s answers by now anyway), but the great thing about this game is that you can chop out any bits you don’t like and double down on the bits that you do. We dropped the ‘expOH!sed’ cards and swopped those squares out for another roll of the action dice for more kissing and stroking. Same for the action cards themselves; if you really don’t like one don’t be afraid to skip it and grab another. Obviously if you swop out every ‘read a card’ move and replace it with 1-6 minutes of neck kissing or nipple licking then the game will last a lot longer than the 45 minutes suggested on the box (but we didn’t mind that so much).

The board and pieces are all very good quality, and both the tickler and blindfold/restraint are really good too. The tickler is more like a big blusher brush than a feather one, but it’s very soft and tactile. It doesn’t include a timer though, so make sure you keep your phone handy.

If you have pretty well-established kinks then this game will be too tame for you, but if you’d like an extended bout of kissing, nuzzling and stroking to get yourself warmed up before the main event then this is just the game you’re looking for.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Nice board and pieces, and lots of elements to keep it varied.

Cons: Nothing that you can’t customise.

Bottom Line: Fun foreplay game that’s great for a protracted build up.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 04 Dec 2019
We-Vibe Gala Rechargeable Remote and App Control Clitoral Vibrator

Don’t Mind the Gap

First off, like some of the other reviewers, I did have a bit of trouble keeping the magnetic charger connected, but I found looping the charging lead through the gap between the ears really helped keep it in place. So, if you’re getting as irritated as I was, give that a go and see if it helps. Anyhoo, on to the review proper.

The Toy:

There are already a few reviews that go into speeds and charge times so I won’t rattle them off again. However, I do like that it can be controlled by using just the 3 buttons on the toy itself if you need to, so I don’t mind repeating that. You can even increase and decrease the intensity, which is great as some app-controlled toys are only set to either ‘low’ or ‘high’ with no function to change them without the app.

We liked the idea of this toy, especially with the ears having a motor in each, though we weren’t sure about the gap-size before we got it. Turns out Mrs Chimp quite likes it. It doesn’t provide the direct double-touch that she was first expecting, but the combination of the ‘touching-but-not-quite-touching’ along with some of the lower frequencies really did it for her. Though she does move it slightly left or right as the mood takes her if she feels she needs something a little more direct. There is some give to the ears allowing you to pincer them in a smidge, but this was a bit too hard to keep up for any significant length of time. I did wrap an elastic band around them as a bit of a trial, which sort of worked but was a bit pinchy on any stray pubes, so bear that in mind if you try it for yourself.

It’s not as full-on powerful as the Tango, but still has a very impressive range of frequencies. We also found it relatively quiet as well. The lower settings have a bit of a growl to them, but Mrs Chimp thinks they’re more than worth it.

The App:

The app is where this toy really comes to life. It’s super easy to download and use, and we had no issues with connectivity at all (either local or partner). I think the stand out features are the ability to control each prong motor independently, and the function that allows you to create your own pattern as well as set a vibe ‘playlist’ (including intensity, pattern, and duration). I would definitely have a play around with this last one when you’re not in the middle of a session as I got cocky and tried to DJ on the fly and ending up getting a bit muddled (though with a bit of practice it does get easier).

The controls are really easy, a lot of it can be done by swiping in different directions, and you can jump to different patterns from the current session page, which is really fluid. I did notice that if I changed the intensity of a preset pattern during a session it would reset to its default after about 10 or so seconds. I’m still a bit confused by this, but it’s easily side-stepped by creating a custom setting.

The ability to tailor-make your own pattern and intensity is fantastic. Mrs Chimp loves a really low frequency in one prong while the other dances from medium to high and back again. The asymmetry is a massive plus point for us. And if she adds in a really good G-spot vibrator too then that’s even better.

With some app-controlled toys the main bonus is long-distance use, but I found with this app it elevated the control functions into a different league. You really do have so much more direct input into what the toy does and how long it does it for. And this is brilliant whether you’re half a world away, or simply sat with the toy in your hand. I wish I could connect all our other toys to it.

Overall Rating: 9 out of 10 stars

Pros: The ability to control both motors independently.

Cons: The awkwardness of the magnetic charger.

Bottom Line: We loved creating our own patterns, especially having a different one in each motor simultaneously.

(Missing Review: back-up copy)

Linked Reviews:
Desire Knicker App | We-Vibe Chorus

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 04 Dec 2019
Lovehoney Play With Me: An Activity Book for Adults

Puzzle-tastic

This is a great cheeky gift for anyone who loves puzzles and wants to add a more sexy feel to the average compendium. I love puzzles, and I think the only improvement that could be made to a good wordsearch is to get naked and cuddle up in bed with Mrs Chimp while we both look for a Lazy Leg-Over.

The classics are all there, including wordsearches, dot-to-dots, crosswords and code-breakers, but all with a sex-based slant. Plus there are some fun extras that I’ve yet to find in Take a Break, like ‘Bondage Bingo’ (though don’t be perturbed, it’s quite a tame intro to bondage). There are also things like the ‘Would You Rather…’ and ‘Fantasy Feels’ quizzes, which can reveal a side of your partner that you may not have known how to ask about.

It’s not a bumper book, but there’s enough in there to keep you going for a bit, and it’s a nice variety of puzzles and quizzes too. We’ve had quite a bit of fun with it, and we’ve still got about half left.

It’d be a perfect ice-breaker for anyone wanting to tentatively introduce Lovehoney into a relationship without having to leave a butt plug on the bed. It’s also a fun way to spend an evening or two naked with your puzzle partner, desperately trying to finish off Position Bingo before the cramp sets in.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Fun puzzles, interesting quizzes. Good quality paper.

Cons: We’ve finished it, and there’s not a weekly subscription.

Bottom Line: Don’t forget to stretch before trying Position Bingo.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 13 Jan 2020
Seven 'til Midnight Red Floral Lace Quarter Cup Babydoll Set

Sexy and Comfortable

Mrs Chimp is a size 14/36B, 5’ 6" with a 32 inch waist and 39-inch hips (give or take a smidge for Christmas) and the Large was a good fit. Even the thong was usable, and they’re normally a write-off for Mrs Chimp with sets like these.

From the photos, I’d assumed the flowers in the lace were see-through, but they’re actually gold, which is a really nice feature. There’s also a little pendant between the cups which adds another bit of shimmer to the outfit too. It’s a very sexy piece, and the red and gold work really well together.

The underwired cups are supportive, but also very comfortable, and there are several adjustable straps at the back to help you tweak the fit too. Length-wise it’s quite high on the thigh, but this isn’t a bad thing at all. Mrs Chimp found the cut very flattering, especially with the fly-away back and the lace banding along the hem.

The heart-shaped back of the thong was a fun touch, and looked good for the short time it was on. It’s a straight thong rather than a crotchless one, but moving it to the side is easy enough (though Mrs Chimp prefers to slip them off as she finds it more comfortable that way).

I think our only tiny niggle is that the decorative straps at the top of the cups are a little slack, but nothing major. And for this brand’s size options Mrs Chimp is at the lower end of the bracket for the Large so it wasn’t entirely unexpected. Once we got going I personally didn’t give it a second thought.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Pros: The gold flowers were a nice surprise, and the fit in general was very comfortable.

Cons: Minor niggle of the cup straps being a little slack.

Bottom Line: Good quality, nice decorative touches, and a good fit too.

[Ian_Chimp]

by @Ian_Chimp, 05 Feb 2020
We-Vibe Chorus App and Remote Controlled Couple’s Vibrator

You Won’t Be Able To Refrain

This is an incredible couple’s toy. There’s no two ways about it. It has got an equally incredible price tag, but geez, you certainly get a lot for it. It’s at least 4 toys rolled into one. There’s actually so much going on with it that it’s hard to know exactly where to start. Um. Let’s go with the basics -

The Toy:

It’s a smooth silicone with a ridged texture on the business side of each arm. Its vibrations are strong, and remarkably quiet too. We picked the Cosmic Pink one because, well, how could you not? It’s called ‘Cosmic Pink’. And it does have a nice glitzy sparkle about it. The toy is waterproof (though the remote only splashproof), it’s magnetic charging, and you get about 90 minutes runtime from a 2 hour charge. You can even cycle through the 10 modes using the single button on the top, though there’s no way of changing the intensity of each without the remote (but the first 4 modes are low/medium/high/ultra, so you sort of can).

It’s also got a couple of adjustable joints, which are excellent. I was initially a bit scared to click them in case I just snapped the toy in half, but once I figured it out it wasn’t nearly so nerve-wracking. And they really do make a difference too.

There are a few ways to control the toy, but the important thing to remember is that each one will deactivate the others. So, if you have Squeeze on then you can’t adjust the intensity manually, the same for Touch Sense, etc.

The Toy + Remote (manual):

First off, the remote is battery powered, which isn’t obvious at first. To get to it you flip the top of the remote up to find the CR2032 button battery nestled inside.

This control option makes it a regular remote controlled toy. The range on it is pretty decent. I buried it under a pile of jeans under the duvet, shut the door, and then tried to turn it on/off from different rooms of the house. I got as far as the backdoor before it started ignoring me. I also liked that it has both a forward and back arrow to make scrolling through the modes a lot easier. And you can also increase/decrease the intensities using the +/- buttons. It’s hard to tell exactly how many increments there are, but I’m sure there’s at least 10?

The Toy + Squeeze Remote:

You can also press a button and put the remote in Squeeze mode. This allows you to set a ‘base’ intensity and then you give the remote a squeeze and it’ll add an extra boost for as long as you hold it for. It’s quite a firm pad, but you can definitely tell when you’re pressing it. And while you can’t then change intensity like in manual mode, you can still flip through the different patterns.

The Toy + App:

The We-Connect app is my favourite toy app that we’ve used so far (Desire and Svakom being the other two). Its ‘Create-a-Vibe’ and Vibe Playlist functions are exactly what I want from an app like this. And the level of control it gives over what the toy does, how strong it is when it’s doing it, and how long it does it for, is excellent. It even lets you control each motor of a dual toy separately, so you can pretty much tailor it exactly how you want. It also has 3 extra vibe patterns to choose from (Bounce, Peak, and Cha Cha Cha).

I had a similar issue to a couple of the other reviewers where it was showing the battery at 0% all the time, but that seems to have fixed itself now.

The toy doesn’t connect to the app directly, but through the remote, so you have to keep it close by. This is supposed to help it have a much more secure and reliable connection. I’ve never had an issue with our app-toy connections so I can’t say how effective their new Ankerlink method is, but we’ve not had any serious issues with it. One time it wouldn’t connect, but I realised that was because the remote had lost its link to the toy, so after resetting that it worked perfectly again (I also make sure my phone screen never goes to sleep either, as that was an issue with another app-toy).

The Toy + Touch Sense:

Through the app you can also turn on the Touch Sense function, which uses sensors on the top of the toy to tell if someone is touching it. If it senses a touch it’ll change the vibrations depending on which of the three settings you’ve selected. I first used it just by stroking it while Mrs Chimp was wearing it, which I actually found surprisingly intimate. It worked well when in proper use too, though you may want to pay attention to position.

Downsides - not many. It’s not great as a wearable ‘out and about’ toy, as gravity is not its friend, but I can’t think of anything else? Maybe the remote not being rechargeable?

We love this toy. It’s the only couple’s toy we’ve had any success with during PIV. It’s pretty much hands-free, and it’s really comfortable in a whole host of positions (for both me and Mrs Chimp). And it’s got so many different options and ways to use it to choose from. Love it.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Pros: Most importantly, how comfortable it is (and then all the tech features).

Cons: If I had to pick something I’d say that the remote is battery-powered.

Bottom Line: Love this toy. Not had this much sex since our honeymoon.

Linked Reviews:
Desire Knicker App | We-Vibe Gala