Need advice, wife lost interest after menopause

I’m 67 and wife is 51. I love sex and we used to have sex every alternate days except Sunday. Wife menopause 3 years ago and is effecting our sex life. From 5 and gradually to once monthly. 8 months ago we stopped having sex altogether. So i started masturbating but it did not stop me from yearning for a real woman. Any advice and thank you.


Hi @Koi my wife and I are very much like yourself in that since her menopause sex has stopped however we still very much love each other. Have you sat and discussed this with the wife? Make sure she does not feel like you are blaming/attacking her about it and don’t pressurise her. Has she spoken to a doctor or considered HRT?

Hi @Koi Do you know if your wife masturbates alone?
As previously said, a very honest conversation is needed and maybe she might just like to wank you off and not have penetrative sex. You would both benefit from this but in different ways. You may find with slow encouragement her interest in sex may return?

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I’m just starting menopause but know it is very important to at least masturbate during this phase to stop vaginal atrophy from happening. If she is dry, Yes Moisturising lube is a vaginal moisturiser to try. Doing this may help to increase her libido in itself.


Thanks Steve19, we love each other dearly. We tried playing with toys, blind fold and almost anythings that we learnt from books to internet adult movies but nothing could arouse her. Sigh.

Thanks maz1965, she doesn’t. Throughout our 30 years of marriage never once she asked or wanted to be masturbated. We tried with toys 6 months ago but didn’t help. Our sex life was alright before her menopause.

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Thanks GoGirl12. We use that a lot for a month but she didn’t enjoy so we agreed to stop sex.

Sorry to hear that but it is very common. HRT should help, also menopause specialists (not sure if GPS can prescribe yet) can prescribe testosterone for women with low libido

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Menopause can be hard on both in a relationship and it’s usually a hurdle when communication can breakdown so I’d defo start by trying to keep open with each other about your urges and how your both coping/feeling, if not already doing so.
Has your wife considered trying some hormonal creams to see if it springs back some lust?
There’s been a few threads on here talking about menopause so maybe give them a look up for ideas :slightly_smiling_face:

I think you should try and see if HRT is an option. My wife will not consider HRT due to chances of Breast cancer which runs in the family. I also think I tried buying toys and lingerie but she was/is against these and feels I am presurising her. So be careful with that. @Koi

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Sorry to hear of your problems @Koi. I’m taking the approach of attacking the “yearning for a real woman” by exploring the alternative sensations available from a range of sex toys and thinking about where my happiness really comes from. :heartpulse:

There is a book by Tracey cox called - great sex starts at 50. There are good tips to try for ladies around the menopause age. If she is willing to read it I think it could help. It’s also good for the male to read it to. If she doesn’t enjoy reading then there is also the audio version.

One thing - she may be suffering from other symptoms of menopause. it could be that she needs help with these symptoms first before addressing the sex drive

Thank you. I woll check the thread.

Thanks again steve19. These 10 months period without sex us difficult to bring sex life back to the bed. She doesnt look forward to one but I’m yearning silently most of the time for sex.

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Thanks Serpentwand, i bought a couple of cock masturbors but I’m not happy using it. Sigh.

Thanks again GoGirl12. I will look that up.

I understand @Koi it’s the skin to skin contact that you miss and the closeness that it brings to the relationship… that masturbation just doesn’t give you.

Hopefully you both can talk about it…not in the bedroom…and see if that helps you both move forward.

Doctors are alot better with menopause now and maybe suggest she sees a Doctor if she’s suffering with symptoms…you could offer to go with her for support if she needs it. But be careful not to put pressure on her making her feel it’s for sex.

It’s really difficult when it was there and suddenly stops…I have that T-Shirt too.

Good Luck


@Koi you are not alone in feeling like this.
My sex life pretty much died 5 years ago and short of forcing myself on her,infidelity or divorce then I’m going to be spending the rest of my days “flying solo” as it were but it just isn’t the same. I long for female touch,closeness and intimacy are greatly missed and it’s slowly killing me.
All we can do is hope our respective partners have a turn round but for me i know that just isn’t going to happen. I love my wife but the lack of sex,intimacy and closeness is really starting to cause problems.
I hope it works out well for you.

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Depending on the type of BC that runs in her family, she might want to do more research on HRT. I had triple negative BC (stage 3) and after all the treatments I saw a hormone specialist. With her direction and my oncologists blessing I started testosterone cream. It is not systemic like with birth control or other HRT. It has made ALL the difference. I went from making myself be intimate a few times a year to wanting him multiple times per day (the other good thing about the cream is you can dial it back if needed). Good luck. It is a rough bump on the emotional road. My husband has put up with so much. You sound like a great guy as well for trying to work around her issue. Menopause is awful on so many levels.

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I discovered by happy coincidence that my medication wellbutrin, i use for depression and anxiety, well apparently its also used as a libido increaser in women. I had no idea and after several months of using it my sex drive has exploded and bringing alot of satisfaction into our marriage once again. I wish you luck! My husband just talked with me about this and I told him I’d work on it, but that still took months but he didn’t pressure me just talked with me a could of more times about it, with no pressure.

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