Just wanting a few tips and some advice from all you seasoned lovers of anal.
My new partner is quite into it, whereas in the past when I've tried it, I've completely panicked, cried and yelled at the guy to get off me!
I let my new partner talk me into it, and actually found it slightly enjoyable, even though it did hurt, and I was a bit sore the day after.
It is something I want to enjoy more of, yet (and I know it may be slightly irrational!) I'm scared of there being some unpleasant accidents (well, it is an exit hole!) and I want it to be more pleasure than pain.
Relax, relax relax really, takes some practice but you'll get there, but it is really important that you stop if its hurting like you described, if your not totally relaxed and clenching at the wrong times and not lubed up properly this will tear an untrained bottom from the start and you will have a nasty experience.
Also like lickmadick says, take it slow and gradually build up to bigger sizes of toys etc. I would start with a tapered plug if i were you, they are very smooth and this way if you clench when starting out, providing you havn't gone past the taper, it will just come out, (if you clench on something as a beginner that doesnt slide in and out easily trust me it can cause a horrible pain) its a muscle plain and simple and muscles need strenching and loosening (relaxing) before a workout.
A good tip i heard once and have done it a few times myself and found it quite useful is, to have a little play, try to relax and then clench your anus for a minute or a little longer if you can, its almost like you relax by default, lol,,. Also if you are using a douche before you have sex, just try pushing like you would when on the loo when you start inserting toys etc, this is another way to defeat the involuntary clenching as you are taking over the muscles and doing the opposite to what your mind wants to do (thats where the practice comes in), dont be scared of anything coming out when you push a little because you've douched.
If you start out properly every session you can have lots of fun with anal, but just take your time, there is no rush. enjoy yourself.x
thanks everyone, I'm starting to wonder why I was so worried in the first place! I think I'll definitley try a tapered toy, that sounds like a really good idea. I know I need to relax more! Think I just needed reassurance that it is possible to relax! Thanks everyone :)
No problems Daisymae, if you worry you wont relax at all so definately dont do that (no need anyway, you'll be fine), see how you get on and if you have anymore problems or things you want to ask, there is a lot of experience on this site full of amazing people so just ask. take care. (and your time) x
This is a really good podcast to listen to http://www.nerdist.com/2011/10/sex-nerd-sandra-10-booty-basics/ :)
I found it really helped me at first, especially with feeling confident, cos it's actually pretty hard to have any embarrassing accidents as long as you eat reasonably well, have a listen!
Apparently having an orgasm before hand also relaxes your body so I'd recommend that :) haven't tried it myself yet but will do! Also, plenty of lube, take it slow - if anal is rushed then it may hurt, and build it up by using toys and fingers in your anus to loosen the muscles. Good luck!
ok, the usual 'slow and lots of lube' is covered, but something that helped me understand what I was doing the first time me and an ex had anal sex is I read "there are two sphincters in your anus".
So basically, the first one might give way nice and easy so he thinks he's good to go, but the second one might not be ready and so it hurts you.
that's obviously very simplified, but have a read up and you might realise you've been rushing it
ok, the usual 'slow and lots of lube' is covered, but something that helped me understand what I was doing the first time me and an ex had anal sex is I read "there are two sphincters in your anus".
So basically, the first one might give way nice and easy so he thinks he's good to go, but the second one might not be ready and so it hurts you.
that's obviously very simplified, but have a read up and you might realise you've been rushing it
Hi everyone, Scarab9 you are totally right in what you said, there are two sphincters, i'm sorry i didn't think to mention this.
Once you have relaxed the outer sphincter enough and are confident with a tapered plug that you are in control, i think start then with a slim dildo (preferably one with some flex, maybe just personal but i dont really like totally stiff dildos for anal) and go shallow at first , you will start to know your own body and feel your way so dont be scared. If it feels good then go a little deeper, the slight (and it is only slight) pushing i mentioned also will help get past (so to speak) the second sphincter.
Its been said a million times but relaxation and lube are the key for you and patients from your partner. but also look up the best positions for you to be in to relax, when starting out this makes a big difference, as far as i'm aware, the missionary position is still the best for most beginners. I dont know if the ladies on here can shed any light on this one but when i have anal sex and my cock is touched my sphincter just clenches straight away, once i'm totally relaxed and have been going a while it doesn't happen, but as i say i dont know if this is the same for women, if it is however i would say just start out by concentrating on your anus.
PS, sounds silly but dont frown when first having anal sex, i think a lot of people do this because they expect it to hurt, you see it in a lot of porn actually. If you smile lots and have fun with it you will relax a lot more. Also try having a nice long soak in the bath beforehand.
My partner really enjoys this too and I've only done it a handful of times. I wasn't relaxed at all so it did hurt. He wants to try it again though after a bit more foreplay and relaxation. Might be a silly question, but whats the best lube to buy? We had one especially for anal but i think i'd like something a bit more slippery lol x
remember to take it slow... really slow. by this I mean that you may not even have sex the first few times!
start with having a nice warm bath, and relax. then massages around the area, legs - whatever it takes to get you relaxed.
we first started out by simply inserting the tip of the finger and gently massaging the anus in small circular movements for a period of time to encourage the muscles to get used to somethng being there and relaxing round them instead of closing up. Remember you're trying to condition your brain and body into something its not used or designed to do (something entering from this way) so will take time. Try rimming as well as this helps relax. If your partner is happy to put his dick there, then he should be happy to put his tongue there too!
Eventually we introduced small and slim toys and built this up over months.
Anal sex should NOT hurt if your totally relaxed and willing .
try changing the material of the toys and the lube if you experience burning. We use glass toys as theyre smooth and non-reactive in any way - and then use a normal water based lube. beware though that glass is very rigid (so very unforgiving in terms of flexibility). I jave also found rubber toys to be great - I do not get on well with silicone.
As much as it's frustrating, it's even more important to take your time and above all relax and enjoy.
One onther thing I have found is using a vibrator, and the vibes somehow help me relax and can push things in more easily.
My partner really enjoys this too and I've only done it a handful of times. I wasn't relaxed at all so it did hurt. He wants to try it again though after a bit more foreplay and relaxation. Might be a silly question, but whats the best lube to buy? We had one especially for anal but i think i'd like something a bit more slippery lol x
I recommend Liquid Sassy and Durex 2 in 1. Maximus also has very good reviews but some people have a reaction to it so it irritates and stings. De-seneitizing lubes should be avoided imho