Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
A bit of roughness is actually really quite common, and many 'vanilla' relationships will try it at some point or another. But when it is with someone who you trust and is particularly good at it, it can be like a whole other level!
My first relationship with a man was a sub/Dom relationship. I even lost my virginity to him and loved every second of it! After that, I craved to be a sub, and bondage. But time has gone on since then and my 'kinks' and 'needs' don't need satisfying anymore and far more vanilla than I used to be.
Erotic Axphyxiation (holding the throat) is something that needs to be practiced safely, and I hope your partner knows what he is doing. I have been choked before in the past, by accident because the man (a different man to the guy I had the s/D relationship with) didn't know what he was doing, and seeing stars and coughing up is an instant turn off, putting me off altogether! There is technically no 'safe' way to do it, but if you enjoy it, always stick to hands and never use anything else around the neck. Generate some system so he will know if you find it a bit too much. I thought a safeword would be enough, but this guy held my throat so tightly, blocking all air, I couldn't speak or have him aware of the safeword! There was nothing malicious about it, just ill experienced and possibly porn influenced. So I'd reccomend a tapping system, like tapping on the arm means STOP.
Not trying to scare you at all, but just warning you that lack of experience can lead to disaster sometimes. Safety first.
But no, it is not unusual to enjoy it at all. ESPECIALLY when you have the right Dom to experience it and enjoy it with! :-)
My first experience was when I lost my virginity, and it took me by surprise then! I think when you first experience and enjoy it, it will always take you by surprise! A good thing though. ;-)
When I've experienced axphyxiation in the past my hands are the first to go, although this may be because my hands seem to have poor blood flow, though I'm not 100% certain it's just they are always the first part of my body to get cold etc. Tapping is a good idea, but if you're like me, maybe experiment tapping with a different part of the body, or making a certian sudden movement. I tend to find when I do experince it I have learned to switch off my panic responce a bit, it's still there for when things really get out of hand, but it's not there when first starting play in this manner. When my body started to adapt like this, because I was getting use to this kind of play, it was rather dangerous, as my responses where a bit unpredictable. Panic can be good sometimes to protect you, but other times it's not so good. I found when I panicked early on during play, there wasn't really any real threat to my body at these stages, until I started panicking because it would speed up my heart rate and shorten my oxygen supply quickier. Also the panick can also be dangerous at this stange because while at a later stage your limbs are a bit numb and floppy, at the early stages they have more oxygen and energy, so you may end up accidently whacking your partner. It may be something to take into account when you're still getting us to it. A lover and I found that having a timer on hand to time it so he only strangled me for short periods of time was handy.
I've only had it go wrong a few. One time I passout as the person continued for far too long, although during this time we didn't have a safe word or anything, and I was a tad foolish and wanted to keep going.
The other times is not the strangling going wrong, but the after effects. Generally I'd feel pretty heady afterwards, and a bit tripped out, this would often mean my head would flop backwards a bit if we where playing with me in an upright position, resulting in my head hitting the wall. So make sure you have pillows, and a comfortable place with space and distance away from the wall or a large head board.
I'm not really a sub, I'm probably what people would call a switch with a more active Dom side. I do enjoy pain, but only when I am able to control it. Even the above play I've done from time to time was done on my grounds and rules, just my partners consented to help me try them. I think the only real sub thing I do is restraints and blindfolds, which I enjoy on most levels, but even then a lot of the time I can get a little frustrated.
But there are many people who are submissive and enjoy pain. If you are enjoying it and are playing it safe, then there's no need to worry.