So with my ex I used to dress up in my sexiest corsets and babydolls, stockings and all. We even had a little secret- If he came home and I was wearing red lippy he knew that underneath I was wearing my sexiest kinkiest gear!
So my current OH doesnt seem interested at all. AT ALL!
I spent a fortune on sexy undies, basically paraded round in them waiting for a reaction and all I got was 'nice bra'. I replied saying I was glad he'd finally noticed, it had cost me enough, to which he basically said he couln't see the point, it would only be coming off anyway!
I havent fully dressed up sexy for him yet, as I really dont know if it will even interest him! And I don't want to feel humiliated if he isnt!
I'm seeing two, possibly three red flags in the language you've used here already. One is in the topic - 'OH hates'. To get from 'doesn't see the point' to 'hate' is a huge leap, probably unwarranted. If it is, then that leap is creating tension which simply does not need to be there.
Second is the background about the ex. Please don't bring that up with your new man. No one wants to hear that a new lover prefers an old one's way of doing things.
Third is the kind of expectation on your part. Harder to know what's going on with this from what you've written, but it's probably worth looking at. Not sure if it's frustration on your part because your assumptions about him didn't pan out. The language suggests a sense that he 'owes' you enthusiasm because of the money you spent. Be careful there if you talk with him about this.
I'm another one who doesn't 'see the point' of lingerie. I'll go along with it though if there's a point in it for a lover. It won't particularly turn me on, but the spark in his or her eyes will. Maybe your OH is similar?
Have you talked with him about what does get him going?
DaisyMae, or maybe you haven't found the lingerie that would actually turn him on. For my OH - stockings turn him on, bras - no, garters - no. So, it is a good idea to talk to him about it - ask him what he likes. If he likes you naked, maybe he would also like some of the crotchless bodystockings.
My OH doesn't see the point in lingerie either , but I don't care I want to feel sexy would be nice for them to appreciate it but if he doesn't he doesn't not gonna stop you wearing them .
Enjoy wearing them babe, enjoy being sexy and feeling sexy yeah he may perfer them on the bedroom floor but he's got to get them off you first xx
I think you are clearly wasted! Its great that you feel great in your finery - if he doesnt appreciate you looking your flirtiest best then he hasnt got a pulse!
Im not fence sitter - hence the opinion!
Red lips and your finest underneath? My absolute dream!
I think you are clearly wasted! Its great that you feel great in your finery - if he doesnt appreciate you looking your flirtiest best then he hasnt got a pulse!
My oh isn't too fussed either. He says nothing better than seeing me in a hoodie and slippers stating he has an imagination and men like to use them rather than having everything on show. He has issue with people like Rhianna lol.
I have gone downstairs in jeans and hoodie with stockings etc underneath - that created a reaction
Every man is different and maybe he's the "rather see you naked" type. Besides its always more fun when its completely unexpected. I dress down on my days off, I like being comfortable. No one is to know that under my loose fitting jeans tshirt and cardi I sometimes do the full stockings suspenders satin knickers and bra. I'm single. You know why I do it? For me. Eff everyone else it makes me feel sexy. I like it. I don't need someone else telling me I'm sexy.
I'm sorry you're not getting the reaction you were wanting but parading clearly isn't going to work with this guy. You'll be more likely to get a reaction sticking a loose hoody over it and climbing in his lap for a snog. Some men just aren't visual. Besides you like him for a reason just as much as I'm sure you had a bloody good reason for getting rid of the ex.
Rose Hip- Yeah my wording probably is a bit strong. I do tend to be quite dramatic! I don't think he hates it, but he doesnt seem to show any enthusiasm towards it at all.
As far as my ex goes, I know it might seem like I'm comparing them, and to a degree I am, but only to put the situation into context.
To be fair, I havent actually dressed up sexily since the underwear incident, saying it was pointless.
I think I should just do it and see how he reacts, at least I will know for definite whether it is something he could like.
Thanks guys, it does make me feel sexy, and to be fair that should be reason enough for me to dress up!
You know why I do it? For me. Eff everyone else it makes me feel sexy. I like it.
Well said! My wife originally only put on sexy lingerie as a treat for me but, over time, she realised that she enjoyed the look and feel of herself in it. Now she's taken to wearing it under "practical" clothes as a secret thrill for her (and for me too if she directs my eyes or fingers to the bump of a suspender clip concealed beneath her trousers!).
DaisyMae wrote:
I havent fully dressed up sexy for him yet, as I really dont know if it will even interest him! And I don't want to feel humiliated if he isnt!
In that case, don't do it for him -- do it for you! From what you've said, you already know that you look good in it, so you won't be humiliated. Tell your OH that you like to dress that way. I doubt that he'll object!
I don't see a huge problem in that dilemma really. My partner is pretty much the same. I personally love my lingerie and have quite a collection. The dressing up part, I reckon, is more for me than him. If he prefers me without it, then even better. It just reiterates that he loves ME, not me just trying to look sexy, if that makes sense.
Just because he's not bothered about the lingeries, doesn't make me any less interested in buying them- if anything I find it more of a little challenge. Which one of these beauties will get his pulse racing- type thing lol. They do anyways, but it'll always come off. Skin on skin contact is pretty much the best feeling for us.
On that note- don't be too disappointed by your partner's reaction, if anything, look at what he's really saying- he prefers you naturally and that you'll look appealing in anything, more so naked. =P
My guy isn't interested in lingerie either, but he loves knee socks. He prefers me naked! I used to feel a bit self-conscious about this as well, but really it's a compliment... he just wants me, not the stereotypical idea of "sexy"!
I spent a fortune on sexy undies, basically paraded round in them waiting for a reaction and all I got was 'nice bra'. I replied saying I was glad he'd finally noticed, it had cost me enough, to which he basically said he couln't see the point, it would only be coming off anyway!
I havent fully dressed up sexy for him yet, as I really dont know if it will even interest him! And I don't want to feel humiliated if he isnt!
Help! x
Sounds to me like he really liked the lingerie - he said he did !! He also suggested he liked it so much it would be coming off quickly... you and your sexy lingerie may drive him wild, but he's maybe not great at expressing that (many of us blokes are pretty primitive and poor communicators really...)
I'm sure you wouldn't but - don't mention the ex to him!! Not unless you want him to tell you want him to reminisce with you about what he and his ex got up to to turn each other on.. I can see why you told the forum though - gives us some context (and some handy ideas...)
Keep wearing the lingerie, or slowly and seductively remove it if you don't think he likes it... :-)
tried posting this several hours ago but my phone was not liking lovehoney today and the text box was being very odd!
I'd say the same as above, but can add a couple of points based on experiences friends have had that I've sort of helped them by being the person they talked to about it. They can be summed up by saying that it's obvious why you're upset - you're dressed up looking gorgeous and he doesn't seem interested! But it might not be as simple in his head.
1/ most men 'warm up' pretty damn quickly and are very visual, but not all. It may be that looking at you walk past in lingerie doesn't do anything for him but build up over a romantic flirty night and then surprise him and it might get more the result you're after.
2/ I might get stick for saying this and want to say straight off, I'm talking about SOME people and not generalising! Some women can react badly to their fellas overtly acting sexual and aroused towards them. It can sort of train the man to be a bit nervous of showing they're horny and get to the point where they don't really feel they are. It could be he doesn't feel comfortable showing that he's really thinking "I so want her right now...."
3/ lack of confidence. I know one couple where the lad was rather lacking in this area and so when his girlfriend would dress sexy and approach him it would make him rather nervous, and outwardly he'd react like he wasn't interested.
could be one or none of these. So to add a last bit, the best thing about women wearing lingerie for their fellas is that clear sign that they want you and are attracted to you. A lass who's obviously horny and wants you is an amazing thing to behold and it shows in their body language. If wearing lingerie makes you feel good, he's going to feel good.
You can either talk to him, or ask him what he does like, so you know what to buy before you spend lots of money.
I wouln't bring up your ex in the conversation. That will just cause multiple problems i'm not even going to get into.
All men are different. if he doesn't like lingerie then you just have to accept it rather than trying your best to make him like it.
I can understand that you are frustrated or feeling a little put down because when your OH doesn't show an interest in you when wearing lingerie and looking sexy, you might not feel sexy. You might feel that he isn't attracted to you. Which probably is not the case.
If you try to talk to him about him not liking lingerie be careful what you say. Don't make him feel bad about it. You need to understand not every man is like your ex and likes the same things. It almost sounds that you are comparing your OH to your ex. Which is not good!
If you love it and he's not too interested, or appears not to be, wear it for yourself and to get in the mood but cover it up (entirely or mostly) with ordinary clothes. I (the man) am the lingerie wearer in our partnership and since it doesn't automatically turn Mrs. P on, I usually keep it covered with a nightshirt or day clothes. If things stsrt getting interesting, sometime Mrs. P will comment on my undies; other times it comes right off. It's not an issue for either of us whatever happens. No reason why you can't be all ready to roll in, say, bra, stockings and suspender (no pants) under your nightie or whatever so you can arouse your partner before he even sees what you have on. If he's like most men, you'll be able to get on top and then he won't mind what the hell you may or may not be wearing! I mention being on top as not only is it good for penetrstion, etc, but it means he can play with your boobs while you're at it. Then you'll know how much he wants the bra off, and I guess by then you won't mind too much whether it's on or off. I like Mrs P. in her bra, but it still comes off as often as not.
Rose Hip- Yeah my wording probably is a bit strong. I do tend to be quite dramatic! I don't think he hates it, but he doesnt seem to show any enthusiasm towards it at all.
I think I should just do it and see how he reacts, at least I will know for definite whether it is something he could like.
could... should... definite... a bit of a rush too, it seems. Slow down, quine and give your man a chance. :-)
My suggestion is that you let this evolve. Maybe ask some low-key questions about what he finds sexy. if you do, make sure you listen to what he actually says (no dramatic exaggerations, ok? ) and BELIEVE him. Of course he might not think of anything till later or you might have to read it in his eyes and body language.
Take some time and get to know the way his mind works a little more. Don't discount it if he prefers naked - like Nymeria, shellyboo and fistinglover's posts say, that's a compliment to you. (I know you know this, but I suspect you might need to hear it again.) Or maybe there's something else which will open up new ways of being sexy for you. I still remember from a lover years ago the way an old, worn t-shirt fell over the curve of her hip and what it was like to slide my hand underneath....
) and BELIEVE him. Of course he might not think of anything till later or you might have to read it in his eyes and body language.