I have been in my relationship for 14 years now and although our sex life is as great as day one, I want to try all sorts of new and (to me) exciting things e.g. Bondage,spanking, role play etc but my OH is not as adventurous and I think I have reached the limit on what she will do. I'm happy to keep things the same for the sake of our relationship but I'm still holding back my desire for more. How would/do you manage the situation?
I'll be following this thread. Hoping to take notes!
My O. H is not as adventurous as me.
He's very Vanilla where as I've tried & got a taste for other flavours. 😉
My O. H is a lovely kind caring man but I worry about our sexual relationship as I'm feeling sexually frustrated.
How can you hold back your wants /needs? Do you not feel unsatisfied?
The only advice I can offer is to talk to your partner about it. One of the best ways of communicating is calmly and out of the bedroom. Over a meal perhaps and away from other distractions. There are online questionnaires that you can both do and compare notes. Sometimes you just have to accept that there will be things that you can't agree on and will never do. Porn can be a great outlet for this as well as fantasising whilst playing solo.
You could take it in turns to do new things so neither of you feel like you are missing out. Sometimes things that you really want to try don't turn out to match what's in your head and visa versa.
It can take a long time to find a place you are both comfortable at, with lots of laughs along the way. It is meant to be fun after all. X
Lil_Red_Kinkyboots wrote:
The only advice I can offer is to talk to your partner about it. One of the best ways of communicating is calmly and out of the bedroom. Over a meal perhaps and away from other distractions. There are online questionnaires that you can both do and compare notes. Sometimes you just have to accept that there will be things that you can't agree on and will never do. Porn can be a great outlet for this as well as fantasising whilst playing solo.
You could take it in turns to do new things so neither of you feel like you are missing out. Sometimes things that you really want to try don't turn out to match what's in your head and visa versa.
It can take a long time to find a place you are both comfortable at, with lots of laughs along the way. It is meant to be fun after all. X
+1 and I'll add, is your OH suffering from depresssion? And if so are they on meds for this? If they are taking meds full stop you need to check if there are side-effects that surpress libido. A simply google search will take you to forums where you can get users perspective on how drugs effect them.
What we have is great but my glass is always half empty yes I'm unsatisfied but I respect our relationship to much to let it be a problem.
Full respect to you for that. The only thing you can do is talk to your oh. Say that you respect the relationship and would never put pressure on anything happening that your oh is not comfortable with but you would like the opportunity to find if there is a compromise.Alwaysonmymind wrote:
What we have is great but my glass is always half empty yes I'm unsatisfied but I respect our relationship to much to let it be a problem.
Alwaysonmymind wrote:
What we have is great but my glass is always half empty yes I'm unsatisfied but I respect our relationship to much to let it be a problem.
Great starting point.
Sounds to me that talking not going to be an issue, going softly into the things you want to try is probably your best option. Your OH needs to be assured that its not that something is lacking, more that you want to expand your boundaries.
I admire you for your selflessness.
Depression ain't the issue as we have spoke about this before,it's just that she isn't interested in trying more adventurous things. My issue with it is the constant desire to want to try things never goes away. I respect my partners wishes and I love her just the same but I still need a full glass. I will try looking for those online survey things will be good to try on date night could be beneficial or good laugh
My only slight concern is that you say on your profile that you are "willing to try anything with or without your partner".
I am assuming from your posts above that this does not mean you are thinking of going elsewhere.
If you are talking 'toys', then a conversation along the lines of - "I understand and accept you do not wish to try this with me, but I need you to understand and accept that I need to satisfy my curiosity".
It appears you are both open in your communication and therefore I think this would not be unreasonable.
Good luck xxx
Like the others have said communication is the key.We like roleplaying but we didnt suddenly decide to do one, one night.We talked sbout it over a meal and then went shopping for costumes and tgen I devised the scenarios and then we acted them out. A sex survey is a good way of finding out your matches and dislikes. Another way is perhaps to play sn adult board game such as Manogomy.
I don't know if anyone has mentioned it but you could have mismatched sex drives with hers perhaps being lower than yours. .It not end of the world though and perhaps you may need to do more coaxing if that is the case ,which is something I have to do .On saying that mine is lower than my OHs at the moment.as its me who has been declining sex of late. But it is a situation of which you just may need to manage .Good luck.
I have a higher libido to my OH too, I'm very fortunate he enjoys me sleeping with another person so I have a casual gf too (she's more of a friend though really, we just occasionally use our toys together).
I am horny more often than he is, so I use my toys and go solo, which he is totally happy with. I'm always honest with him about it, so it doesn't negatively impact our relationship in any way.
Could you ask your OH if she's comfortable with you using toys on your own? I can't see there being a problem, and you need to look after your own needs too. She might then start to want to explore what you're doing, or come and join you! And if not, then you're not harming anyone by having some 'me time'
Have patience Alwaysonmymind...
My good lady rejected toys for quite a while, almost twenty years in fact, but the breakthrough came after I was scolded for trying the old Pifco massager on her over her knick's and getting a don't do that! She grabbed it and used it on me, but found that I liked it, and that must have made her curious...
A year or so later I was working away and bought her a standard white plastic vibrator home at the start of a Bank Holiday weekend. I had told her I got it on the phone, so it wasn't a surprise. First night home and she asked for a look at it and after I 'stroked it around' for a few seconds said 'well, turn it on then'... Without going into too much detail, she was on the third set of batteries by the end of that weekend...
Our toybox now includes not only battery powered vibrator, dildo's and lubes, but a mains power wand and her absolute 'get me my machine' favourite - her Eroscillator Top Deluxe...
Persevere mate, curiosity might well be the key, but bear in mind, if she gets to like toys - there will be no turning back... Personally, I just luv toy-time...
You've mentioned bondage, spanking and roleplay specifically which are things that are not easy to indulge in your own outside of porn. Are you more interested in being the dominant partner or the submissive partner? Or perhaps you would be a switch?
Have you done much research into BDSM?
Communication is def important. You need to understand her concerns and she needs to understand what you like about it and why it excites you.
BDSM is more about trust than anything else and nobody is ever truly out of control or hurt so long as there are limits and safety words in place. With the right framework in place she may be open to trying some things e.g. cuffs with quick release so you are restrained but can easily get out.
Fifty shades painted BDSM so badly that she probably doesn't have a very good understanding of what it means. Sunstone is a comic book which is way better as an introduction.
Also, what sort of things is she into? Does she use toys? Have you tried blindfolds etc?
Would you be willing to try anything you asked of her?
The sex toy Collection has increased 100% in the last year but I want to try lots of different things as I'm curious to know what I'm missing.
I may be not missing anything but I still need to know for myself and her.
BDSM as a whole may be to far into one area but light bondage as the one thing we try that week maybe just enough to say yes we have tryed that.
My OH is meeting me in the middle to a point and I'm happy with that but the need and want to take what we have and really turn up the feel good is killing me.
She said when we first got together that anal was a No No but after 13 year we tryed it (drunk) and although the first time did not go well she then requested about 2 week later and now it is part of our sex life.
So who knows,in another 13 year we could write our own fifty shades like novel called 26year later lol.
My OH isn't as adventurous. It's just how it is. At the start I tried pushing and slowly easing him into stuff I wanted to do but it was quite exhausting for both. Now I just follow his lead and it's exciting when he leads us forward a bit