We share the housework but I do most of it, we also share the child care, it's not that she won't do house work, but I don't like to sit down if there is stuff to take care of so I like to get everything out of the way, so she often complains I leave her no house work, the child is a joy to look after and sleeps through the whole night (we're so lucky!!) so we take it in turns generally, but normally we do things as a family.
Hi Jonny. I can think of one possible reason why she might be wary of wearing sexy underwear in front of you and it's because I had the same problem with my OH. It could be that she simply doesn't feel sexy or confident in front of you and actually feels self conscious. I wore sexy underwear and when I looked in the mirror I thought I looked nice but then when I wore it front of my man I was uber self conscious and would get under the covers as soon as I could feeling embarassed and unattractive.
May I ask you a personal question? Do you watch / look at porn or regularly make references to good looking women? For me, this was my problem. I knew he watched porn or looked at magazines with all these super slim women in hot underwear and I just didn't feel like I matched up. I was wondering if he was picturing them instead of me. I know now that this is ridiculous but female logic isn't always sound!
It's just an idea. Possibly way off the mark, but I thought I'd just say in case it's a possibility.
AD could be right. for a long time me and my other half operated a all truth all the time policy and although she would comment on good looking guys on the street and i was fine with that, she wasnt able to take me doing it. which is kinda a double standard but whatever. we both put that stupid idea to bed and its all cool now.
and if i think back she acted at times like your OH is, not totally but i see similarities
Well, I am very self conscious of my body, as I am not petite slim woman (but I do have far slimmer waist and just wider hips and bigger bottom) and in my country lot of people just consider everything above size 10 fat and above 14 you are just disgustingly fat and should not show yourself preferably in the public (and if you do in swimming suit people would comment on how you make them want to vomit). I think there is the tendency to be as slim as possible in our culture and if you dont fit it, then you can feel the judgement in many respects (and thats why women especially have eating disorders). I know a girl who was size 12 and she ended up with anorexia. I think AD may be right in this, but he may not be even telling her about beautiful slim porn stars, she could get the feeling she is not adecvate everywhere.
I have a similar issue with my OH - although I don't think she has EVER bought stockings/holdups etc before! I know she'd look fantastic in lingerie but when we go shopping she never really looks further than bra, knickers and MAYBE a night dress of some sort.
Really not sure how to suggest it subtly to her - I'm not sure whether its confidence, comfort, disinterest or just that she's genuinly not really considered going for something a bit more exciting..!
We are still young so there's time, but I feel the longer that we are together without her trying something more sexy in terms of lingerie, the less likely it seems she ever will ever want to.. :-s Help!
When out shopping for lingerie with your OH, head to the sexier range of lingerie, find one that is more sexy in your opinion (but not too slutty, you don't wanna scare her!) and ask "how do you feel about this one?" then look to her face for her immediate reaction. Tell her that you think she'd look beautiful in it. If she's amenable to it then you're on your way. Then in a while you can start bringing in "I think these hold ups would look great that new underwear we bought last week"
Give it a whirl :)
I have to say I love lingerie I think there's some lovely stuff out there, but unfortunately unless its bras and knickers, I don't care to much for it to wear it. Nothing I try seems to flatter my body, my oh would disagree and probably say I look great in everything but I have never suited the majority of things unless its a simple strappy thigh length chemise. ( nb: absolutely has to be thigh length!) I always take my underwear off and any lingerie if I have chosen to wear any before I get into bed, I find it too hot and uncomfortable to wear in bed, I always have, and prefer the soft sheets against my skin rather than a clingy piece of itchy material. Also as I mentioned it not suiting me, I do also feel a bit daft wearing it, and seeing as it never stays on long enough in the first place, then I see no point wasting my and money bothering with the hassle of putting it all on! I don't really do faff, just simple, easy and straightforward!
I would talk to your oh, there must be a reason, I'm sure it's not her confidence as you seem to compliment her enough for her to feel adequate enough and sexy, she may be just like me in respect to how she feels about it. From what I've read I wouldn't take it personally, the more you bring up the subject, the more she will shy away, although shopping for lingerie would be a good suggestion, with no pressure for her to get anything if there really isn't anything she likes the look of or thinks she won't be comfortable in, even offer to buy it for her if she sees something she likes (and if your budget can stretch, take her somewhere classy like agent provocateur, makje a day of it, pamper her if you like, take her to lunch). Or, if you know her taste well enough, why not buy her something simple but sexy and not too empahasising on any particular part and encourage her to wear it only in the bedroom, then she may feel more enthusiastic and confident to try something else. Why not even wrap it in a nice silk bow and with it put a new cute little bullet or something from her wishlist, and place it on her pillow with a note saying ' I saw this and thought of you', just because, and not necessarily for any reason. I'm a woman, and I wouldn't expect my oh to just buy me lingerie on occasions or for any special reason. In fact, I must guiltily admit, I spend more money on underwear than I do ordiary clothes!
Good luck.
xx
xx
Thanks everyone, I think Aliza is right. I think I need to find a way to get her to feel more relaxed talking about the whole thing. Having seen some of the responses, at least she wears them sometimes so we are making some progress, maybe the issue is not getting her to wear lingerie but in fact just getting her to talk about things...
well do you keep on at her about being in lingerie if you do then you could be making her feel like she always has to cover up to be in lingerie so she is going the opposite way trying to make you like her naked.
you should tell her that the lingerie enhances her body make her even more sexy, that she is sexy to you even if she is not wearing lingerie & that you would love to rolle play as her boss & she keep on the clothes she's worn to work.
prehaps she feels that you like what she wears more than you like her that she is a little insecure in sexy clothes & lingerie around you.